[Now] I want to hold your hand tightly

Desperately trying to keep time, time still slipped away silently between the fingers.Xu Haoran's spirit was getting worse and worse. During the day, Zhou Jisheng would come to the inpatient department to take care of Xu Haoran from time to time.One day, on the way to the inpatient department with Zhou Jisheng, Xiao Sun asked a question that had been hidden in his heart for a long time.

"Doctor Zhou, is that your lover?"

Zhou Jisheng nodded and continued walking towards the inpatient department without stopping.

In mid-July, when the weather was getting hotter and hotter, Zhou Jisheng walked into Xu Haoran's ward, sweating profusely, with a watermelon in his arms.The person lying on the bed reading a book saw Zhou Jisheng in a white coat approaching him with a watermelon weighing several kilograms in his arms. Xu Haoran put down the book he was reading, picked up the mobile phone left by the bedside, and shook Zhou Jisheng, who was slightly embarrassed. The appearance was photographed.

"Hey, don't take pictures like this!" Zhou Jisheng was holding a watermelon in his arms and it was too late to stop Xu Haoran. Xu's mother sat by Xu Haoran's bed and watched the two children play funny, showing a smile that she hadn't shown for a long time.

"Hao Ran, if you want to take pictures, you should also take pictures of Xiao Zhou seeing patients. How handsome Xiao Zhou was at that time." Seemingly influenced by the children, Xu's mother also joked with Zhou Jisheng.

Zhou Jisheng was even more embarrassed this time. He put the watermelon on the ground, wiped off the sweat from his forehead, approached Xu Haoran and asked shamelessly: "Haoran, do I look handsome in a white coat?"

When they were together with Xu Haoran, the two of them had an agreement not to ask each other about their work. Naturally, Xu Haoran never went to the hospital to look for Zhou Jisheng, let alone Zhou Jisheng's appearance in a white coat.During these days in the hospital, Zhou Jisheng would come to see Xu Haoran when he was at work. Zhou Jisheng didn't have time to change, so he came in a white coat.The first time Xu Haoran saw Zhou Jisheng walking over in a white coat, he stared intently at Zhou Jisheng from head to toe for a long time, until Zhou Jisheng was almost embarrassed, so Xu Haoran looked away and said with a smile: " I finally understand why people call you 'angels in white'."

Zhou Jisheng raised his eyebrows quietly, and corrected Xu Haoran: "'Angel in white' refers to the nurse."

Xu Haoran tilted his head to look at the gentle man standing in the sun, and shook his head gently: "Isn't Cupid a boy?"

"That's okay too?"

"Okay." Xu Haoran actually nodded seriously.

Recently, Zhou Jisheng has become more and more shameless. Apart from the sweet words that come out of his mouth from time to time, he would even confess his love in front of Xu's mother or Zhou's parents. time.This time too, when Xu's mother was present, she even asked himself if he was handsome. Xu Haoran wondered if he answered Zhou Jisheng "very handsome", would he say "That's why you love me" cheekily.

"In my eyes, Zhou Jisheng is Zhou Jisheng, no matter how handsome you are, you are still Zhou Jisheng." Xu Haoran said.

Although Xu Haoran didn't answer his question directly, Zhou Jisheng's words were quite useful to Zhou Jisheng. Zhou Jisheng turned his head and winked at Xu's mother: "Auntie, he said I'm handsome!"

Xu's mother smiled from ear to ear, but she looked at her son lying on the bed who was getting more and more haggard, and her smile gradually disappeared.

"Hey, Xiao Zhou, you are the most handsome." Xu's mother felt sad, but still forced a smile to meet Zhou Jisheng.

Zhou Jisheng knew Mother Xu's mood, he stopped joking with Xu Haoran, picked up the watermelon that had just been placed on the ground and said that he was going to cut the watermelon.

Xu's mother hurriedly stopped Zhou Jisheng: "I'll go, you accompany Haoran for me." Saying that, Xu's mother embraced the watermelon in Zhou Jisheng's arms, nodded to Zhou Jisheng, and put the watermelon in her arms. Zhou Jisheng stayed in the ward.

"Thank you." After his mother left, Xu Haoran thanked Zhou Jisheng.

Zhou Jisheng shook his head, sat beside Xu Haoran's bed, and straightened the bangs on Xu Haoran's forehead: "President Chen came to check you in the morning, right?"

Xu Haoran nodded. Zhou Jisheng had always respected Dean Chen. Xu Haoran didn't understand at the beginning. These days, seeing Dean Chen would come to check his physical condition every morning and evening. Seeing Dean Chen's seriousness, Xu Haoran finally understood Zhou Ji. Why do students always say that Dean Chen is a respectable old man.

"Jisheng, how is your thesis going?" During Dean Chen's early consultation, a young doctor following Dean Chen inadvertently brought up the Washington seminar, although Dean Chen stopped the young doctor in time. What the doctor said, but Xu Haoran still heard a little bit.

Zhou Jisheng was taken aback, seeing Xu Haoran looking at him with concern, Zhou Jisheng smiled and shook his head: "I won't go."

"Why, you gave up once last year, do you want to give up this year?" Xu Haoran anxiously stood up, exhausted at this moment, he fell heavily back on the hospital bed, struggling to get up again.

Zhou Jisheng stopped Xu Haoran from moving, he looked at Xu Haoran distressedly: "Don't move around, I have already agreed with Dean Chen, I will not go to Washington, I will always be with you."

"Is it worth being with someone who is dying? You gave up once because of me, and no one will give up such a good opportunity because of someone who is dying?" Xu Haoran persuaded Zhou Jisheng unwillingly. Last year Zhou Jisheng suddenly He came back from Washington because of Xu Haoran. If Xu Haoran hadn't rejected Zhou Jisheng at that time, Zhou Jisheng would not have come back suddenly.This time, he didn't want to delay Zhou Jisheng again.

"What nonsense are you talking about!" The gentle man suddenly yelled, why did Xu Haoran drive him away from his side at this time.

"I won't leave you, I will always be with you, so, please, hold my hand tightly and don't let go, okay?" Tears fell on Xu Haoran's face, Xu Haoran raised his head to Zhou Ji Bright red eyes.Xu Haoran raised the corners of his mouth and smiled, as if he was laughing at himself, why he was always born in the midst of blessings and didn't know how to be blessed, Zhou Jisheng could give up anything for him, but he tried to push Zhou Jisheng away from his side again and again.

"Jisheng, I want to eat your cooking." Xu Haoran suddenly said to Zhou Jisheng.

Zhou Jisheng was stunned for a moment, then nodded immediately: "Okay."

"Can I order food?" Xu Haoran asked.

"Don't make it too difficult. My cooking skills are just starting, and I still need you to teach me more."

"Okay, just home-cooked food, the ones we often eat."

Mother Xu leaned against the outside of the ward holding the cut watermelon and cried silently. When Dean Chen came in the morning, he told Mother Xu that Xu Haoran could no longer eat and could only rely on nutrient solution to maintain life. Use it, it's time to turn back the sky.

On the afternoon of August [-]rd, Xiao Sun hurriedly knocked on the door of Zhou Jisheng's clinic, and then the door opened in response. Zhou Jisheng, who had just returned from Xu Haoran's ward with black eyes, saw Xiao Sun and Zhou Jisheng ran to the inpatient department without even thinking about it.When Xiao Sun came back to his senses, Zhou Jisheng was almost at the end of the aisle.

"Doctor Zhou, Dean Chen has already gone..."

Xiao Sun's unfinished words and the ringing of the elevator bell echoed in the long corridor.

"Stomach hemorrhage, shock for a while..." Dean Chen opened the patient's eyelids to check for any abnormalities in the pupils, while arranging other doctors to prepare medical equipment.

"Dean, the patient vomited blood..."

Dean Chen's expression was still calm. As a doctor, he couldn't panic at this time, but in this situation, no matter how calm Dean Chen was, even if Hua Tuo was alive, he would be helpless.

Xu's mother outside the ward was crying helplessly, and Zhou's mother was with Xu's mother, tears kept falling.

"Auntie, mom...how is Haoran?" Xu Haoran's ward was on the seventh floor, and Zhou Jisheng ran up in one breath. Before he could catch his breath, Zhou Jisheng asked the two mothers guarding outside the ward.

Xu's mother cried so much that she couldn't speak. Zhou's mother tried to calm herself down. She could only tell Zhou Jisheng the situation in the simplest words, and she was afraid that she would not be able to continue talking.

"Jisheng, Haoran..."

"Sorry to bother you," Mother Zhou said, when the door of the ward was opened by Dean Chen. Dean Chen's face was serious. He didn't want to disturb the patient's family, but he couldn't do it now, "Jisheng... Go in and have a last look at him." After Dean Chen said this painfully, he silently made way for Zhou Jisheng and the others.

"Haoran..." Xu's mother rushed to Xu Haoran's bedside, the blood that Xu Haoran spat out remained on the quilt, Xu's mother wiped away the tears from the corners of Xu Haoran's eyes with trembling hands, she clearly heard Xu Haoran saying to her Saying "I'm sorry", Mother Xu burst into tears, this is her child, her proudest child, and now she is going to lose Xu Haoran.

Zhou Jisheng stood at the head of Xu Haoran's bed, his face had lost any expression, he didn't know what kind of expression he should use to face Xu Haoran who was about to part with him forever.The person lying on the hospital bed used to be so proud and healthy, that was the person he wanted to love for the rest of his life, why Xu Haoran's life was so short, while his life was so long.

"Jisheng, Haoran is calling you." Mother Xu held her son's hand and said to the man her son loved.

Zhou Jisheng raised his voice and took a step, then he stopped, staring blankly at his lover who had been looking at him, Xu Haoran was wearing an oxygen mask, his weak voice could not reach Zhou Jisheng's ears, but Zhou Jisheng Judging from Xu Haoran's mouth shape, what Xu Haoran wants to say to him.

Xu Haoran exhausted all his strength and raised his hand towards Zhou Jisheng: "I...don't...want...leave...you..."

Zhou Jisheng was drowned by grief like a huge wave. He stretched out his hand and grabbed the only hand beside him that could lead him out of the abyss, but that hand suddenly fell down and fell into the abyss.

"Hao Ran...please hold my hand tightly, don't let go..."

There was an instant silence between heaven and earth.

The last ray of sunset in the sky casts a soft halo on the forever sleeping person, like a sleeping angel.