my bamboo horse rider

The car was parked near the neighborhood where Qin Beichen lived. Qin Beichen pulled Tang Jin out of the car, who had one command and one movement. Seeing that he was really in a bad mood, he simply carried him on his back.

Tang Jin's head was so messed up that he couldn't process the messages sent back from his eyes to his brain. He could see everything in front of him clearly, but he didn't really see anything.

Not far away, passers-by were arguing with the stall owner. He saw a complete picture of the stall, passers-by, and stall owner, and vaguely heard them talking fiercely, but it was just "seeing", his head was like It is that there is no extra memory to process these messages, and it is impossible to form the conclusion of "there are people arguing there".He was absent-minded and had no room to care.

Until it was picked up by Qin Beichen.

He subconsciously hugged Qin Beichen's neck tightly, and then realized that what he was leaning on was Qin Beichen's shoulders that had been thickened secretly where he didn't see it.

He had some sudden grievances, maybe it can’t be said that they came out of nowhere. He has been struggling with this for a long time, so he still has a little unreasonable anger. These bad emotions completely messed up his messy head. Got the paste.

Tang Jin was acting on instinct now, he buried his face deeply into Qin Beichen's side neck, his cheek was pressed against Qin Beichen's cool skin, he could feel Qin Beichen's carotid artery beating gently and powerfully.

Such intimacy happened between them without any unnaturalness.

Even though Tang Jin considers himself Qin Beichen's secret lover, in fact, at this point in time when he still doesn't know love_love, he subconsciously gets close to Qin Beichen and doesn't have distracting thoughts about Qin Beichen, all because, They have long loved each other as much as they love themselves.

In the summer when they were 14 years old, their caring and over-reliance on each other made them get used to seeing each other and themselves as one, regardless of you and me.More like real family than friends.

Tang Jin felt a little better.

There was a little space in the memory of his head, which made Tang Jin suddenly think of the composition he wrote.

He always thought that he saved Qin Beichen, but in fact it was not just that, in the end it was Qin Beichen who saved him.According to Ms. Zou, he didn't even remember clearly that he was rescued by Qin Beichen.

Why didn't you remember clearly?The reason is obvious.Shortly thereafter, he bumped his head and had memory confusion.

He already knew that because of his mother's request, he didn't want to make his mother so sad, so he deliberately forgot the truth of hitting his head.

But!Why didn't he even remember clearly that Qin Beichen saved him?

He thought, could it be that I was scared because I didn't want to face this matter, or even worse, because I didn't want to face the allegedly fierce Qin Beichen, so I was so cowardly that I subconsciously chose to forget?

Tang Jin, who was in a negative state, suddenly felt unforgivable towards himself.

He blamed himself further, thinking that Qin Beichen was only 14 years old at that time, no matter how calm he was at that time, he must have been scared in his heart, right?But what did you do?He forgot about Qin Beichen, and even told Qin Beichen that he didn't know him...

At that time, standing at the door of his house, what would Qin Beichen feel when he heard what he said and saw the door closed?

Why did Qin Beichen transfer schools?

Why no contact for three years?

At that time, did Qin Beichen hate him?

The more Tang Jin thought about it, the more his eyes turned red. He subconsciously wanted to get closer to Qin Beichen for comfort, but then he thought of the unforgivable bad things that the wheelchair man did. The wheelchair man is gay, he likes Qin Beichen, and he also... Tang Jin As if burned by this thought, he wanted to leave Qin Beichen almost immediately, so that Qin Beichen would not be polluted by disgusting things.

However, just not holding Qin Beichen's neck anymore made him feel so sad that he was about to die.

"Don't move."

Qin Beichen patted Tang Jin's thigh, and taught in a calm tone.

Tang Jin's mind became even more confused, he thought he should stay away from Qin Beichen...but he was too sad, he didn't want to leave Qin Beichen at all, and even wanted to be closer to Qin Beichen selfishly.

Qin Beichen felt that Tang Jin hugged his neck suddenly, not that Tang Jin didn't hug him tightly before, but tighter, like a child who was afraid of falling off his back and falling to the ground.

Then came warm tears, and low puppy whimpers.

Qin Beichen grasped Tang Jin's knee tightly with one hand, rubbed the puppy's soft hair with the other hand, and gropedly stuffed the right earphone hanging around his neck into the puppy's right ear.

Sound-isolating headphones instantly block out all noise from the outside world.

Tang Jin hid his head deeper in Qin Beichen's neck, and the live concert of his favorite band came from the earphone.

The lead singer of the boyish voice was singing his favorite song.

The lyrics are like this: Excited to break the chrysalis, break through the impulse of new life... I am happy and sad about my life, I give up my freedom for you, and I want to be around you...

Tang Jin thought, he likes Qin Beichen.

He likes Qin Beichen, more than this band, more than everything in the world.

Tang Jin was carried on Qin Beichen's back, and in the scorching hot July sun, Qin Beichen's neck was wet from crying embarrassingly.

For the first time, Tang Jin realized the worry about liking someone.

When Qin Beichen put him on the sofa, he felt sad. When Qin Beichen went into the bathroom to wash his face, he worried whether he would be hated. When Qin Beichen came out with a hot towel to wipe his face, he was both happy and embarrassed. .

Qin Beichen sat down on the small sofa in the corner, and he felt a little sad that he didn't sit with him.

Being easily influenced by other people's words and deeds may be a terrible experience, but because this person is Qin Beichen, Tang Jin doesn't feel terrible at all.

However, when the mood was calm and the whole afternoon's experience was vivid in his mind, Tang Jin's mood became depressed again. Tang Jin hung his head, and didn't even know whether he should stay at Qin Beichen's house or not.

"do not be sad."

Qin Beichen comforted calmly.

Tang Jin slowly raised his head to look at Qin Beichen who was still calm, with clear doubts in his eyes.

Qin Beichen thought for a while and added, "It's normal to be sad, but there's no need to be so sad all the time. Don't think too much about it."

Tang Jin slid off the sofa and sat on the carpet. For some reason, this made him feel more at ease. He stared at the glass coffee table in front of him, bit his lip, and asked softly, "Am I timid and useless?"

"Absolutely not."

Qin Beichen answered quickly, with a cold but firm tone.

Tang Jin didn't feel comforted, he just felt that Qin Beichen was too good and believed in him too much, but he wasn't worth it, Qin Beichen didn't know yet...

So his eyes gradually turned red again, and a small pool of tears gathered on the lower eyelid, which filled there dangerously and might fall down in a minute.

"Obviously it is," Tang Jin gritted his teeth and said, "I was scared, so I took the opportunity to forget you. I dare not remember clearly! Just remember that I saved you, and I saved you and I deliberately forgot! So you Hate me, ignore me..."

Speaking these words, Tang Jin was as desperate as a death row prisoner waiting to be sentenced. This despair was not only afraid of Qin Beichen's reaction, but also deeply disappointed in himself.

When I am desperate and afraid, I want to close my eyes, but I feel that this is too cowardly, so I open my eyes wide instead.

He heard a light laugh, he heard it right, it was a laugh.

Tang Jin looked at Qin Beichen in disbelief.

"What are you thinking?"

Saying so helplessly, Qin Beichen also sat down on the carpet.

Tang Jin didn't believe it, and said sadly: "But, maybe, it's like this!"

Qin Beichen denied, "That's not the case."

Qin Beichen paused for a moment, as if choosing words, and then continued: "That day, when I brought you back to your home, you cried miserably, and you didn't let me go at all at first, because you were afraid that I would be taken away. Seeing you like this, Auntie got agitated and said some angry things, which made you worry about me even more. After that, although I went back to live in my own house, you have to go with me everywhere except after school, that is When you heard the fire police car driving past the school, you were so frightened that you grabbed me, and nothing I said was of any use."

"You are afraid because you want to protect me. As for what you forget because of your injury, how could it be up to you to decide? Even if you forgot what you wanted to forget by coincidence, it can't be attributed to it. Take a step back and say, If you deliberately want to forget, it is also because you want to protect me."

Hearing Qin Beichen tell these things that he didn't remember, Tang Jin quickly recovered from despair, and the dog stared at Qin Beichen brightly.

Qin Beichen paused slightly, and continued: "So, when you lost your memory, although I guessed that you may have suffered a head injury. But I think, maybe this is an opportunity."

Tang Jin's face changed suddenly: "...the opportunity? What opportunity?"

Qin Beichen met his gaze and said calmly, "I thought at the time, maybe it would be better for us to separate."

"What is better?" Tang Jin immediately became more serious, like a volcano that could erupt at any time, "Who is better for? Why is it better? 'We separate', how could it be 'better'!"

"I..." Seeing his reaction like this, Qin Beichen said "I", but couldn't continue.

Tang Jin was anxious and angry, kneeling beside Qin Beichen: "Speak up!"

"Sugar candy."

Qin Beichen called him in a comforting tone, but it was useless, so Qin Beichen did not try to persuade Tang Jin to calm down first, but explained seriously: "At that time, your dependence on each other and I had reached a rather extreme point. In fact, although the relationship status of your parents has caused relatively serious family problems, such family problems are not uncommon. Many children have experienced their parents quarreling or even divorce. At that stage, they must be emotionally affected. After the injury, whether it can heal itself or not, most people will get through this stage.

"During this process, these children may or may not have been accompanied by elders and friends. Even if there is, that kind of companionship must be incomplete, because the elders have their own families and lives, and it is impossible to be with them 24 hours a day. Accompanying cannot replace the peace of mind that parents bring to children. It is even more impossible for friends of the same age to accompany them 24 hours a day, and because of age and experience, friends usually cannot fully understand the pain of children who have experienced all this, and there will always be Let this child down all the time, even more alone.

"However, regardless of emotional trauma, the loneliness experienced at this stage is actually an inevitable experience of human growth, and these children just experienced it in advance. Because even children with happy families must experience this at some point. This kind of loneliness is rooted in the fact that people cannot fully understand each other. Through this loneliness, children can recognize the boundaries of interpersonal communication, that is, the social distance between people. As they grow older, this This social distance becomes clearer.

"For example, if a child is having a good time together and doesn't want to go home, he will ask if he can stay at a friend's house. He will not consider whether it is convenient for the party or whether the parent of the other party will be willing. All the child thinks is 'I and The kid had a great time, I don’t want to go home now’. If the child’s request is rejected, the next time he comes up with this kind of thought, he will not mention it casually, but will first consider whether the other party is right. I won't agree."

Having said that, Qin Beichen looked at Tang Jin, and then continued: "Under the circumstances at that time, your parents could no longer be trusted by you, and you would not feel at ease by their side. As for me, despite the different family circumstances, I I can indeed understand you. Coupled with the special experience of that summer vacation, we unknowingly regard each other as family members, and even surpass our parents in importance."

"From the perspective of society, this kind of dependence is deformed, too strong, and not long-lasting. The root cause of the problem lies with me. You always say that I can't make mistakes, but not making mistakes is wrong in itself. I didn't Let you down, and I don't want to let you down. If I don't leave, then, I assume without shame, it may be increasingly difficult for you to accept your parents' emotional flaws in their treatment of you. After all, a person who has almost no feelings Treating his only friend, and a couple with their own ghosts treating their son, the former must be more dedicated than the latter, but the relationship of the former is deformed. Of course, I am not as selfless as I said, leaving You make me calmer... Can you understand me when I say this?"

Tang Jin's anger was extinguished, but what was replaced was not calm, but fear hanging over the abyss.

He couldn't help but shake Qin Beichen's hand, looked at Qin Beichen with worried eyes, and said hurriedly in a tone that was very different from usual: "I understand what's been said before, I don't care, I don't care about those, If you don't believe me, we can talk slowly. But tell me first, what does it mean to have almost no emotion? Why do you say that about yourself?"

The author has something to say: *Qin Qin listened to Tangtang's live version of Mayday's "Swallowtail Butterfly", which can be regarded as Qin Qin's confession song to Tangtang

*Continue to codeword