pen pal

19. When I was a teenager, I read Li Qingzhao's words: "The wind lives in the dust, the fragrance of the flowers is gone, and I am tired of combing my hair day and night."Things are people, but things don't matter. If you want to speak, tears will flow first.Although I think the words are good words, and the sadness is really sad, but after all, I don’t have to empathize with it, so I just recite it as ordinary poems.

It was only after many years that I realized that not only are good words, but every sentence is written with blood and tears.

I can't go back to the past, Zhou Ruxin is a little dazed, the person in front of me is the Qingqing who has been communicating with her for two years, that is her best time, a youthful and hopeful life, no matter how hard it looks to others , I really don't feel hard when I am in the game, I just feel that every day is full of expectations.

Arrange your own study plan on the notepad day by day, calculate the total score of each test, see which subject has improved or regressed, which subject should spend more time, and predict carefully Keeping track of the distance between your score and the admission score of your ideal middle school, step by step you will steadily move towards your planned future.

Now, I seem to be busy every day. In the eyes of others, it may not be a fulfilling life. Only I know that my heart is desolate. To live is to live, and to do what I have to do, but I will never plan for the future or look forward to it. The end result after all the hard work.

An older colleague in the same subject group said directly: "Xiao Zhou, everything is fine, but he doesn't live like a young man at all."

Colleagues in the office also like to gossip in their free time. Young people talk about their dating partners, older people talk about their children, and more often they talk about family issues, disputes between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and sister-in-law's anger.Zhou Ruxin almost never participates in these small talk because she doesn't know what she can say

what.When colleagues complained about how their parents arbitrarily affect their own lives, God knows how envious she is that others can see their parents when they return home.

When colleagues are worried that the old man is sick and needs to spend and the wages will not rise, what Zhou Ru thinks is "what do I need so much money for, no matter how much money I earn, my father can't use a penny."

Of course, some people would ask about family and marriage. Zhou Ruxin just smiled and said that she was married, and then said no more.Anyway, this is not considered cheating. I am indeed married, but I got divorced soon.

Everything in life is nothing but self-knowledge.

Zhou Ruxin doesn't know how to be Xianglin's wife, no matter how sad the story is, only the person involved understands the pain, and no amount of comfort from others is just scratching the surface. Besides, Zhou Ruxin always remembers that sentence well said, in this world, all the sadness that can be expressed Nothing.

There are some pains that I can't even express.

Over the years, Zhou Ruxin has been living alone like this, doing what she should do, not fighting or grabbing on weekdays, and because of her sense of responsibility, she never lags behind in every class she teaches, so she also earns the support of her colleagues and leaders. praise.

The words I read when I was young are really wise and famous: "The sea is tolerant to all rivers and rivers, and it is great to be tolerant. If you stand on a wall, you can be strong if you don't have desires." Because you have no desires and desires, you can be yourself with peace of mind.

"Suqing, when I was in junior high school, I was very eager to go to a good high school. When I was in No. [-] middle school, I was very eager to be admitted to the ideal university. When I really went to college, I always thought about how to do it in the future. Better to find a better old age for my father. You said, how can he just let go of everything like this?"

Lin Suqing looked at the person in front of her: "Ru Xin, cry if you want to, you don't need to bear it in front of me."

Zhou Ruxin didn't cry. Over the years, how many times she woke up crying in her dreams, but she didn't want to cry in the daytime.

What's more, the person on the other side really loves me so much, so why make the other person worry more?

Zhou Ruxin smiled: "Suqing, I'm fine, really, I've accepted all this for so many years. Don't worry about me."

Seemingly remembering something, Zhou Ruxin asked, "Suqing, do you believe in fate?"

Lin Suqing didn't understand why Zhou Ruxin suddenly asked this question, but this question is really difficult to answer. After reaching a certain age, the view of life is no longer as simple as it was when I was young. Fate is really hard to explain. ah.

Zhou Ruxin drank the juice quietly while waiting for Lin Suqing's answer.

"Ru Xin, I believe that there is a god of destiny in this world, but I also want to believe that everything we encounter is the best arrangement of fate."

Is it the best arrangement?Zhou Ruxin smiled wryly, Lin Suqing felt really distressed looking at it.

For a while, neither of them spoke, and there was silence in the small private room.

Who said that when our heart is so sad that we can't bear it, let's listen to music, listen to a sad song, and cry bitterly.Or, or go to a suitable place and yell out the sadness in your heart. There must be an outlet for emotions.

Lin Suqing worried that Zhou Ruxin would suffer from depression sooner or later if she continued like this.

After a moment of silence, Lin Suqing asked: "Ru Xin, are you tired? How about we go to sing at night?"

Do you sing?What a distant memory, the little me was by my father's side, listening to my father singing country tunes while working, I always felt that my father sang so beautifully.The little Zhou Ruxin also hummed slowly, but most of the time she was out of tune, but her father never minded, always looked at her with a smile, his eyes full of pride, as if hearing the most beautiful singing in the world .

After elementary school, Zhou Ruxin would always start singing when she was about to get home after school, because she knew that the singing was a kind of notification, telling her father that she was home from school.

After going to middle school, because the school was far away from home, I had to go out very early every day. At that time, it was often before dawn, and my father was worried that she would go alone, so he always accompanied her for half of the way to school. Turn around and go back to work.

For the rest of the journey, Zhou Ruxin likes to sing loudly the various little songs her father taught her, because she knows that the singing can be spread far, far away, and the father who returns home will know that she went to school safely. .

In my memory, every time she came home singing, her father liked to touch her head with a smile and say, "Oh, my little speaker is back."

During the holidays, Zhou Ruxin habitually sang loudly while busy at home. Her father would sometimes half-truth and half-fake her for being too loud. Yes, it's so deserted."

So dependent on each other year after year, father, how can you be willing to leave me alone like that to suffer in this world.

Seeing Lin Suqing looking at her expectantly, Zhou Ruxin replied: "I'm not very tired. Anyway, tomorrow is Sunday. If Suqing likes it, I will risk my life to be with you."

So I didn't eat here anymore, Lin Suqing chose a KTV with a buffet dinner and booked a mini room.

Zhou Ruxin seldom comes to such a place. Very occasionally, colleagues will make an appointment to sing together, but Zhou Ruxin seldom sings. In fact, most of the female colleagues like to be mistresses. Zhou Ruxin, is that the outstanding audience.

She doesn't like to go to noisy places, and always feels that she is dissociated in that atmosphere. To put it hypocritically, it is "the crown is covered with flowers, and the people are alone and haggard".It's hard to have fun with your colleagues, but it's not good to be alone, so it's better not to go.

However, she doesn't mind coming with Lin Suqing.

One amazing thing is that she found that when she was with Lin Suqing, even if the two of them didn't speak, they didn't feel embarrassed.

Zhou Ru thought, is it because Su Qing's eyes are too warm?

When they arrived at the designated place, Lin Suqing took Zhou Ruxin to pick up the buffet. I have to say that Zhou Ruxin is really easy to take care of. Lin Suqing watched her take something from each plate, but she hesitated when choosing a drink. After a while, I actually chose canned beer.

Zhou Ruxin is not ignorant of Lin Suqing's intentions, so why not drink a little and let yourself indulge, anyway, it is in front of Suqing.

The two of them sang a few songs intermittently while eating. Su Qing's singing voice was very pleasant. Zhou Ruxin especially liked listening to her singing Leslie Cheung's songs. The mellow contralto made people feel a little drunk. Well, maybe it was because of the beer. ?

Seeing Zhou Ruxin drinking slowly and non-stop, Lin Suqing didn't intend to stop her.

Over the years, how has Ru Xin been alone in all her sorrows?Lin Suqing has never experienced the feeling of looking forward to the future with joy but losing all sustenance in an instant. As for the pain of losing a loved one, it is difficult to empathize with her parents because both her parents are still alive. The meaning of Zhou Ruxin's parents to her is really different from that of Zhou Ruxin's father to her.

Maybe, Lin Suqing looked at Zhou Ruxin's dazed eyes because of drinking, and thought, maybe, if she lost Zhou Ruxin at this moment, no, how could she lose it?Yeah, how can you lose it?After so many years of searching, how can she lose it today?At that moment, Lin Suqing suddenly understood Zhou Ruxin's pain back then.

Lin Suqing discovered that Zhou Ruxin sang so well, maybe she grew up in the countryside?Maybe it's the training of lung capacity as a teacher for so many years?In short, Zhou Ruxin has a long breath, and the slow song is particularly mellow and long.

She sang the song "Red Bean Song" in Dream of Red Mansions so softly and long, with lingering lingering notes, Lin Suqing really wanted to conjure up a bouquet of flowers and present it to her.

However, as she drank more and more wine, the songs Zhou Ruxin sang became more and more sad, songs from that era.

That night, the last song Zhou Ruxin sang was "Wine Dried If You Sell Nothing". When the prelude started, Zhou Ruxin was already crying silently.

When she began to sing line by line, Lin Suqing's heart was almost broken. How much nostalgia is needed to sing such a song so painfully.

Obviously bringing Zhou Ruxin here is to hope that she can vent it, but when Zhou Ruxin really started to cry, Lin Suqing found that she couldn't bear it, she couldn't bear her pain, but what could she do?Can't do anything, she was absent in those sad years.

If time could really go back, Lin Suqing hoped that she could at least be by Zhou Ruxin's side during those years.It's just that there are never ifs in this world.

Zhou Ruxin's last memory of that night is Lin Suqing's warm embrace when she fell down crying.

The author has something to say:

"Wine Dried If You Sell Nothing", the theme song of the movie "Hitch the Wrong Car", I really shed tears every time I listen to it.