I hate the world

It seems that I have met more people, and they all have your temperament.

I helplessly looked at Ding Jin who woke up, "Do you still want to listen to my explanation?"

The person on the opposite side cast a look indifferently, the upturned eyes were black, and a slanted eyebrow. "No, I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore."

My heart shrank for a moment, really, just for a moment.The hand that was about to reach out was retracted, "Then, goodbye."

Ding Jin just watched that person leave like this, even the last lock of black hair disappeared at the door, he still looked in that direction fixedly, as if there was some beautiful scenery in the prosperous age there.

"Flowers are neither flowers nor mist, neither obsession nor adult." Ding Jin slowly said a sentence, raised his head, and did not let any emotion turn into tears.

I thought everyone was the same at first, but after experiencing this, it turns out that they must also have their own things.

I raised my hand to hail a TAXI, and I hurried home.

In the bright living room, Shang Xianrou, who was completely sunk in the sofa, looked coldly at Xiao Shen who entered the door, "Hey, look who's back?!"

I went straight upstairs, but she grabbed my sleeve, "What else do you want?"

Shang Xianrou smiled sarcasticly, "Xiao Shen, don't talk like I'm a villain, don't even look at how they left you one by one, and now I'm the only one left. Feels good, doesn't it?"

"Childish." I flicked her sleeves and walked into my room.

The layout here is still the same as when Ding Jin was there. I claim that I have never changed a single bit of myself for others, but as time goes by, the same seems to be another kind of change.

Sitting on the bed silently, he sank in immediately, like a prey caught.The difference is that I didn't panic at all. Habits are not a terrible thing. It is only when there are no habits to learn that people feel at a loss.Spreading his hands on the bed, he slowly fell down on his back, showing a capital herringbone.

The ceiling is covered with all kinds of photos, Ding Jin's, me and Ding Jin's, stuck firmly, I don't know if I wake up in the middle of the night, I will be scared by myself and his smiling face.But I don't have any desire to touch it.

Next week is coming soon.The entire Shangjing was dominated by the matter of Xiao Shen's marriage.So much so that a small piece of news under the newspaper has been covered up.

By the time I tried to find out again, it was already three days after the wedding.

"What? Jiang An is dead?" I looked at my assistant Chen Kai in shock, and even forgot to ask why Ding Jin appeared here.

Sadness flashed across Chen Kai's eyes, "Yes, he had a car accident on the Shangjing Expressway three days ago and died on the spot."

I don't know what to say, the shock in my chest, the helplessness, and the guilt surged up for a while.I've met too many deaths, but each one was one I tried so hard to avoid.

"He," I said only one word, and then telepathically looked at Ding Jin behind Chen Kai, and great sadness enveloped me.

Ding Jin was standing there, but in just a few days, he had already lost so much weight that the clothes that used to fit him looked baggy.He looked up at me, and I looked up at him.

We seem to be separated by the Chu-Han River boundary, obviously only one step away, but we can no longer go out.

"Come to his funeral." Ding Jin stood upright, his black eyes were clear, he handed over something, but turned around and put it on the coffee table. "I think you should know about Jiang An." When he said this, his eyes were filled with nothingness.

I still stretched out my outstretched hand, paused halfway, and picked up the small box.

"Okay, I'll go." I replied solemnly, turning my tongue, "How are you doing?"

Ding Jin didn't answer, "Then I'll go first." The footsteps were very light, as if there was nothing.

I was stunned for a while, then glanced at Chen Kai, "Why don't you leave?"

Chen Kai patted me on the shoulder, "I can do it myself."

By the time I arrived at Jiang An's funeral, it was already very late.That evening, it was still raining lightly, falling on people, and it was gloomy for no reason.

I took the umbrella and moved it to the person. I don’t know if it was because I stood there for a long time, but the person seemed to be soaked all over, and the tips of his hair were dripping with water.

I held Ding Jin's hand, it was really cold, "Why don't you open an umbrella?" There are so many things I want to say, but I can't make a sentence.

Ding Jin was hit hard by the successive accidents, he didn't move, his pale lips moved, "I feel bad."

The senses of the past few days rushed towards me, and I couldn't control the trembling of my whole body. What is the most beautiful word in the world? At this moment, I must say without hesitation, it is the sentence that Ding Jin said to me " I'm uncomfortable."

I hugged him, regardless of other people's eyes, regardless of Ding Jin's struggle. "You're tired and need a rest."

Ding Jin was taken into the car in silence, and I wiped it for him with a clean cloth.I rub it carefully and carefully.The small earlobe under the wet hair tempted me to kiss.I couldn't help biting the temptation, and looked at the familiar trembling of the person below me, "Let's make up, shall we?"

The face was completely exposed, and the voice regained some vitality, with self-mockery and sarcasm, "What face do I have to reconcile with you?"

I didn't care, just followed his lips and kissed him, as fierce as drinking poison to quench thirst, as if I wanted to kiss him all over the rest of my life.

"Jin Jin, Jin Jin," I yelled his name indiscriminately, pulling his clothes impatiently with both hands, and gently leaning into my body.

"Xiao Shen." Ding Jin's pale face was flushed, and he tried his best to break free, "How can there be such a brazen person like you in the world!"

The tone of his voice suddenly rose, showing the sound of crying. Ding Jin collapsed on the sofa with his eyes closed, looked at the man above him, and shouted, "An'an died for you! Died for you! Do you know that?! "

why should i knowI do not want to know.I stopped what I was doing and lost all my strength, "I know, I've read the letter he wrote to me, it's in that little box."

There was a bewildering silence, the small compartment was full of silence, suffocating silence.

"I'm sorry." I wiped my face hard and held him in my arms, "One last time." I should go.

Ding Jin didn't make a sound, he stayed quietly in the man's chest, the pleasant breath came to his face, carrying the long-lost safety, almost made him fall asleep.

I got out of the car without saying goodbye, and I knew that the man looking at me through the window must be the one who was dying of pain five years ago.

Damn it, it always brings sadness to the people around me.But kindness to strangers seems to be innate.

I went back to that lifeless home again.The gate is open and no dogs are kept because of delicate allergies.There are no plants, because the owner is too lazy to take care of them.The house was clean, as if no one lived there.

The box on the coffee table is still there, and the lid has been opened, revealing a thick stack of letters inside, all of which are unsent, unsigned, but recognizable at a glance.

"Xiao Shen:

Today marks the first year since leaving you.The goldfish died, and the cactus was knocked down and fell to the ground. I didn't pick it up.Who in this world wants to die more than me?Why should I save them.You were crazy when I met you, but you saved me.I'm human again, and you're sick of me.You and my brother are together, it's like I'm a third party intervening, and you have taken up all the reasons in the world.I hate you!but,

I think of my birthday in the first year of high school, you celebrated my birthday for the first time, we blew out candles and made wishes together.Your face is hidden in the darkness, but I can see it clearly. I am used to seeing you.We kiss and make love naturally.How happy we are on the balcony, in the living room, in the kitchen!Oh no, maybe I am happy alone!I have never seen a trace of happiness on your face. Your smile is always hidden behind great sadness, as if you will cry immediately after laughing.I never asked you why, but I don't think I'll get an answer if I ask.You see, we never understood each other.

But only superficial people can understand themselves. We could go on like this, but I vaguely know the final answer, but I dare not think about it or prove it.Although later you broke this illusion with your own hands.Beautiful things are usually made to be broken, not to mention that you don't think it's beautiful.Wake up from the dream, you let go, it's that simple.But every night I see the scene of that day.Later, I kept thinking how great it would have been if I had kept you at that time, how great it would have been if I could not have cared about those things at the time, but in the end, all I had left was the wish that it would be great if you looked at me at that time.

All night long, all I think about is you. Have you ever thought of me, even the slightest thought?I don't know how long I can love you, you..."

The last note was already wet with tears, but it was vaguely recognizable, "Would you still want me to love you?"

The most recent one was the night before Jiang An's car accident.

"Xiao Shen:

You are getting married.what do I do. "The handwriting is strong on the back of the paper, full of grievances and unwillingness.

I didn't take a closer look at the things that have passed away and aroused emotions. No matter how touching the words are, they won't change much, they just increase the emotion.Am I going to be nice to him because he loves me?Even if we have been in love, but the moment of truth is enough.Or do you think one person's love is great enough to pierce another's heart?

As soon as Shang Xianrou opened the door, he saw Xiao Shen with a wry smile on the corner of his mouth, holding a white letter paper in one hand, his eyes were full of pain.He seems to have gone to Jiang An's funeral today, right?Shang Xianrou lost the interest to speak, and ran upstairs without saying a word.

"Xianrou, I've had enough." I twitched the corners of my mouth and looked up at her.

Shang Xianrou stopped walking up the stairs, turned around and looked back at him, her voice was calm and emotionless, "I have succeeded in surrogacy."

"Damn it", I clenched my fist and hit the coffee table bitterly, making a futile bang.Blame yourself for your incompetence, hate your own bondage.In addition to love, I have more important things, the incense passed down from generation to generation, I cannot give up.

Although I am in the gutter, I still long for those bright eyes.

Nine months later, my baby was born.It's a son who looks a lot like me, and he can vaguely recognize his handsome appearance in the future.In the ancestral hall at home, I knelt all night, "Father, I will not let you down, let the family down. I did it." For this reason, what is it if I lose my love?

Life has always been divided into primary and secondary. Everyone has their own responsibilities or missions. Only on the basis of completing these can they pursue other things they want.

Three years later, I broke up with Shang Xianrou peacefully.

On the night of New Year's Eve, I went to see Ding Jin.It was still snowing heavily, almost burying the entire capital of Shangjing.Snow-white and snow-white, covering all the filth of the world.

Ding Jin and I walked on the road next to his house, walking on the road next to his house. The lights on the side of the road flickered on and off. I suddenly smiled, "Even the lights are so handsome."

Ding Jin looked at Xiao Shen's handsome profile and smiled, gently and without impurities. "Yeah, you go back to Mars,"

I stood still and looked into his eyes, black and white as always, "I still owe you an explanation."

Ding Jin smiled, like the most suitable smile in the world, "I know."