I hate the world

I hate smoking, but that doesn't stop me from liking the smell.

When Hu Yun and her partner walked out of the school gate, what they saw was such a beautiful scene.

Xiao Shen leaned on the big black back with one foot, and the other landed on the ground, supporting it loosely. The black windbreaker was swept down, revealing the coveted collarbone under the V-neck.Hair was messy and had hairspray on it.He holds a cigarette between the index finger and middle finger of his left hand, and sometimes puts it under his nose to sniff, but often frowns.With a stature of [-], there is only indescribable beauty and charm on him.

All the people who passed by him were completely out of shape.The whole journey was floating, and Hu Yun was no exception. It took him a while to recover after walking out of the school gate, and he stopped quickly and took a few photos in Xiaoshen's direction.

"It's so unfortunate to be so beautiful!" Hu Yun sighed, why is she so unfortunate, just look at the people around her.

Xiao Shen made a phone call, Xiao Shen seemed to be angry, and Xiao Shen left.

Seeing the big black Mercedes speeding away, Hu Yun realized belatedly, did Xiao Shen come to wait for someone?And this person is still from our school?

This is incredible!The next day, the whole school was discussing the matter.

Jiang An's buddy at the next table poked him on the arm, "Hey, don't sleep in our dormitory today, two elders will squeeze me to death on the same bed."

Jiang An rolled his eyes at him, "Chen Jun, today you begged me to sleep and I didn't sleep." Up until now, my whole body was sore, and I still spent the whole night on the desk under the bed in the second half of the night.

"Sleep or not? I want to sleep too!" The person in front turned around, "Let's go to bed first, let's talk about whether he sleeps well or not."

Jiang An and Chen Jun lowered their heads at the same time, those who were reading were reading, and those who were looking at their mobile phones were looking at their mobile phones.

Good days and beautiful days, no regrets about life or death.

【Come home today, I'll be waiting for you forever——Love you, Xiao Shen】

The mobile phone on the table lit up, Jiang An glanced at it, covered it up in fright, and took it under the desk like a thief.

Speechless for a while, Jiang An's heart was full of emotions. It would be a lie to say that he was not moved. He rubbed the line of words on the screen, and suddenly remembered an event a long time ago.

At that time, Xiao Shen was already famous, and Jiang An was just an ordinary high school student about to take the college entrance examination.When Xiao Shen was enshrined in the gods last winter, Jiang An saw him kissing another man in the car for the first time.It was very forceful and rhythmic, so Xiao Shen turned around and ran away.Then he had a fever for a whole week, but Xiao Shen only called one call, but he didn't answer it.

At that time, Jiang An hadn't thought about breaking up, so he chose to remain silent.

The first time Jiang An knew about his sexual orientation was in the freshman year of high school, yes, when he met Xiao Shen.To put it in a very cliche way: I don't know whether I like men or women, I only know that the person I love happens to be a man.

There is no confession, no vigorous deeds, they are together.Jiang An knew that Xiao Shen had a lot of partners in that kind of relationship before, but after they got married, Xiao Shen never did it again.

If I'm not the first, I'm going to be the last.he thought to himself.

The second time Jiang An found out about Xiao Shen's cheating, he was not silent.He cried in front of them, crying desperately and helplessly, like a prince who lost his husband, "Xiao Shen! Xiao Shen, you said you love me."

Yes, Xiao Shen has said I love you many times, and every time Jiang An feels at ease, thinking that the sky is only so blue and the earth is only so big.

But for the third time, Jiang An was numb. He looked at the men messing around on the bed, and just looked at them like this.

At that time, Xiao Shen also said that I love you, and you are the only one I love, but Jiang An didn't understand why loving me means hurting me?Just sleeping with another man?Is it a compromise over and over again?

"I don't understand, why do you think I will tolerate you again and again?" Jiang An roared.

Xiao Shen's eyes seemed to be filled with sadness at that time, he said, "I can't control myself either. What can I do? It's not something I can't do if I don't want to."

Jiang An couldn't believe that Xiao Shen could say such a thing, what does it mean to be unable to control oneself.As long as it is an individual, it is impossible not to control oneself!It's impossible to keep saying that you love him but can't control your lower body!Unless Xiao Shen didn't love him as much as he imagined!

At that moment, Jiang An chose to leave.But letting go doesn't seem to be that painful anymore.

[I love you, Jiang An, my love for you is different, your creaking nest can't bear my itch]

【Jiang An, how can you not see my love? I love you so much and want to be silent in the sea of ​​smoke】

【Have you seen the first rays of sunshine in the morning? Every pore is screaming that I love you】

……

Flipping through the nasty text messages from the past when he was in love, Jiang An took a deep breath, lingered on the delete button for a long time, but stopped.

【I will come back——Jiang An】

Waiting for get out of class to end, Jiang An hurried out of the school gate after this class.My heart is still filled with endless expectations.So much so that the whole person jumped up.

So when he got back to his apartment, he walked softly through the unlocked door.Seeing Xiao Shen who was laughing and talking unconsciously on the sofa, his whole body became stiff.

"I told you, An An will definitely come back to me, I just need to say a few good words. This time you lost again, alas, keep the blue and white porcelain you just photographed for me."

I finished the phone call with a smile, and when I turned around, I saw Jiang An with a pale face, "An, An An, why did you come back so early?"

Jiang An suddenly collapsed, "Xiao Shen! I will only believe you if I see a fucking ghost!"

Crying, the world is crying.

Why do you do this to me.Jiang An couldn't breathe for a while, and suddenly his heart beat hard, and he couldn't bear it and fell down.The last thing I saw was Xiao Shen coming to help him in a panic.

I just want to love someone well, and then he loves me too.Why is it so difficult?It is already very difficult for two men to be together, so is it extremely difficult to defend one's own territory for the other?Do two men make you feel that you don't have to be as responsible as between men and women?

After all, you just don't love me.Even if what you say is true.

Jiang An woke up in the hospital without saying a word.

I stood at the door there, looking at him. I must be looking very sloppy now.When his assistant Akai came in, he heard Xiao Shen say softly

"What to do, I'm going to lose him."

Akai helplessly cast a glance at that person, but in just one day, Xiao Shen seemed to have aged ten years, his expression was no longer as relaxed as before, and he was full of regret.

"I knew it would happen, what did you do in the first place!" Akai spat at him.

Yeah, why would I do it if I knew it was going to happen?I can obviously love him alone.I really love him, but at the same time I like a lot of people.

Who said love can be selfish?Who says love can't be selfish?It's just that there is no clear precedent.

Enough, until now, am I still apologizing for myself?But am I obliged to him?It's only three years, one person has too many three years, let alone so many three years of others.

Jiang An looked at Xiao Shen, who looked familiar outside the door, and smiled in relief.

Three years later, I am in a quiet town in western China.It's very dry there, full of wind and sand.The water is not good, it is mixed with mud, and I am getting used to everything else.

There is no one around.

"Brother Ah Shen!" It was a neighbor's younger sister next door. Her parents had both gone to work in the city, and she and her grandma were the only ones staying at home.

I have seen many left-behind children on TV and in news reports.But none of them came close to being real... Appropriate?

They don't know what the outside world is like. Only the village head has a TV here.Not knowing desire does not mean that there is no desire. If they go deep one day, they will definitely be swept away.

Material suffering is suffering, and they also miss their parents, but seeing each other for a short time makes this miss more cherished.From the moment of consciousness, they are deprived of certain unnecessary senses.

Compared with the outside, it seems that this place is more suitable for penance cultivation. Once you have been in contact with those people, you will not want to come here to suffer, and of course I am no exception.

I came here to find someone. I searched for a year, and found it, but suddenly it didn't make any sense.I live here.

Everyone's life is fixed, who is not suffering?It's not easy for everyone, you don't need to tell each other's life, you are not God, nor the chosen one.Maybe, and you don't have to yell, because it's usually game over if you can't do anything.

Since I'm here, I shouldn't live like this.

【Shush softly God is not here】

The little sister next door, Xiaomei, ran to my side, holding a letter in her hand. After I thanked her, I took it and looked down to see the familiar font on the envelope.

"It turns out that you have already gone back, that's good." I threw the letter from the city into the burning pit, and the flames instantly swallowed it.

I did not open this letter, the world needs secrets.Just let it stay forever.

Oh, yes.When I met you that day, I think it was such a sunny day.

"Don't look at me, look at the sky"

"What's so beautiful about the sky, look at me"

"Yes, I love you. Otherwise, I wouldn't have the idea of ​​being a couple forever."

OK, that's enough.