The No.15 Years of Loving the Actor

"Who are you? What are you doing?"

"...I'm taking a shower."

"How do you wash in cold water?"

"..."

"Your door is open, remember to close it."

"..."

Zhao Yiran looked at the haggard self in the mirror, and smiled self-deprecatingly.

Chinese New Year is coming soon.

On New Year's Eve, Zhao Yiran returned to the city alone, and stayed in front of Fang Zhen's tomb all afternoon.Kneeling in front of Fang Zhen's tomb, he said softly, "Aunt Fang, I will accompany you to celebrate the New Year."

"Look at me, don't I look very frustrated and depressed now? When I first came in, the security guards questioned me for a long time. They seemed to regard me as a thief."

He smiled softly, "I have been severely punished for hurting you, and I have nothing now, so can I get a little forgiveness from you for what I am like now? Just a little, just a little."

"Aunt Fang, I'm really tired."

In the twilight, the lights of thousands of families in the distance are reunited with the family, and there are laughter and laughter everywhere. Nearby, he is alone and lonely, with eyes full of confusion and no idea where he is going.

Years later, Zhao Yiran looked at the extra 3 yuan in his passbook, and felt at least a little comforted.

Since he met Qin Yin in the bar, he never saw him again.Well, it's not right to say that, at least he can see him on TV and mobile phone every day.

In this way, the days passed in the day after day of hardships and unattainable luxury.Zhao Yiran walks in the bottom of the city with a pale face and a panicked soul every day, but he still dreams of getting the dazzling star that everyone is looking at.

He thought he would persevere even if it was difficult, but soon encountered something that completely broke him down.

In late April, Zhao Yiran was working in front of the cash register of a convenience store when he overheard the conversation of two checkout girls.

"Have you read today's entertainment headlines?"

"Huh? Didn't read it, what's the matter?"

"Qin Yin is in a relationship!"

"What?! Impossible, he hasn't been popular for long, yet he dares to fall in love."

"Really! The paparazzi have taken pictures. If you don't believe me, take a look." The girl gave the mobile phone in her hand to her companion.

"Such an intimate hug, did you make a mistake?! Who is this woman?"

"You don't even know about her, the popular little flower, Chen Sisi, won an award a few days ago."

"Whoever she is, how can Qin Yin fall in love!"

Zhao Yiran's hand stopped suddenly, he accepted the money with a normal expression, and picked up the phone directly regardless of the danger of being deducted from his salary by the store manager.You don't need to search deliberately, just click on the webpage and the first news that pops up is the report of Qin Yin's love.

His pupils shrank instantly, and he stared at the photo.The two people in the photo embrace each other tightly like all lovers in love. The photo was taken with Qin Yin's back turned, and only his back and the girl's pretty face can be photographed. The sweet smile on her face is very clear.

He quickly browsed the report, saying that not only did he take photos, but the paparazzi found that Chen Sisi stayed in Qin Yin's apartment all night and did not return, which confirmed the news of their relationship.

Zhao Yiran didn't have the courage to look any further, he stuffed his phone into his pocket, put his hands on the cash register, his expression was ugly.The store manager thought he was not feeling well, and felt embarrassed to scold him for playing with his mobile phone at work, so he had to turn a blind eye and pretend he didn't see it.

Zhao Yiran was dazed and in a trance, he made the wrong money and paid back several times, the store manager had no choice but to let him off the morning shift.He walked out of the convenience store and sat down directly on the stairs with few people nearby, staring blankly at the gray wall in front of him.

Is Qin Yin really in love?

Thinking of that photo, Zhao Yiran's heart really hurts, it hurts so much that his internal organs are all pulled together.

After thinking for a long time, he still called Chu Cheng and asked him for Qin Yin's phone number.Ever since Qin Yin broke ties with the Qin family, she changed her mobile phone number and came to City B by herself, and never contacted her former friends again.This number was also found by Chu Cheng himself based on his relationship.

The same is true for Zhao Yiran, he also declined his friend's kindness and followed Qin Yin here.He suffered a lot during this period and he never asked his friends for help, nor did he contact them.

He knew that as long as he opened his mouth, those friends would definitely try their best to help him, and he didn't want to do that.He already owed a life, and he didn't want to owe most of his friends because he couldn't pay it back.

But this time he can't help it. If he doesn't find Qin Yin again, he will really go crazy.

Chu Cheng was very excited when he received his call, and choked up at the end.Zhao Yiran felt warm in his heart, but also very ashamed, feeling that he was a little too much.

He took the phone number Chu Cheng gave him and called Qin Yin.The phone rang several times but no one answered it until the seventh time, Qin Yin seemed to be unable to bear his harassment and finally answered the phone.

On the other end of the phone, he said coldly, "Hi, who is it?" He didn't know it was Zhao Yiran, because Zhao Yiran also changed his phone number.

Zhao Yiran was flustered that he didn't come, coughed and said softly: "It's me."

There was a sudden silence, and Zhao Yiran knew that he recognized his own voice.

After a moment of silence, Qin Yin's tone remained unchanged, "What's the matter?"

Zhao Yiran subconsciously ignored his cold tone, gripped the phone tightly, and tried to be relaxed and said, "I just want to ask you how are you?"

There was silence for a while, and then said directly: "Zhao Yiran, you shouldn't be like this."

Zhao Yiran's breath was stagnant, and he forced a calm smile and said, "Okay, since you don't like it, I won't do it again next time. I just want to ask you a question."

"what?"

Zhao Yiran's palms were covered with sweat, and his voice trembled: "Well, are you really in love?"

This time there was a long silence, Zhao Yiran's whole body was stiff, and the uneasiness in his heart came in waves like waves.He heard Qin Yin chuckle lightly, the laughter was so sarcastic, "It's none of your business."

Sadly, Zhao Yiran found that he was actually relieved at that moment. He just wanted to speak when he heard Qin Yin say cleanly: "Yes, I'm in love."

Zhao Yiran's mind froze, his pupils dilated unbelievably, and the hand holding the phone was so hard that his veins were exposed.He heard his own voice as if it was squeezed out of his throat, it was difficult to hear, "Actually, I really won't pester you, you don't have to say such things."

"Zhao Yiran, you think highly of yourself. I fell in love not because of you."

"But do you like her?!" Zhao Yiran tried to make himself more imposing, but his voice still choked up uncontrollably.

Qin Yin didn't speak.

"Are you talking?! Why are you pretending to be dumb?"

"I like it, why don't I like it!" Qin Yin's tone became severe as if he was irritated by Zhao Yiran's tone.

"Who are you lying to? How could you like her?"

Qin Yin seemed to sigh, "That's all I said, I don't know what you're still messing around with."

Zhao Yiran suddenly felt that he had nothing to say, the weather was very cold, his fingers were frozen stiff, but his back was covered in cold sweat.His eyes darkened, as if he was about to faint.

Fuck, what is the reason for his suffering for the past six months?He always thought that as long as he persisted, one day Qin Yin would be willing to look back.But now it's good, he's with someone else, he's in love with someone else, how can he persist like this!

Thinking that Qin Yin would no longer have a place for himself, that he would hug and kiss another person, hold hands and smile, and do those sweet things they used to do together, Zhao Yiran was so painful that he couldn't breathe.

He was gasping for breath, his head was about to explode, the pain was about to crush him.

After a long silence, he smiled and said, "Since this is the case, I have nothing to say."

"But I don't want to wish you happiness." He hung up the phone without saying anything, his eyes were red with anger.It's a pity that the body is really weak and can only slide slowly to the ground.

Sitting on the ground, Zhao Yiran's eyes were unfocused, and suddenly he slammed the phone viciously against the opposite wall.The sound of the phone hitting the wall was sharp and clear in the dead environment.He hugged his knees with his hands, looked up at the sky and smiled miserably.

It's boring, it's boring to live.

……

It was raining lightly, and Zhao Yiran walked slowly in the cemetery alone with a black umbrella. Before passing each tombstone, he would carefully look at the photo of the owner of the tombstone, imagining what the photo would look like after his death.

No matter how much love, hate, or hatred, life is just a handful of ashes in the end, buried in the dust forever.

He drove to Fang Zhen's tombstone with ease, put the flowers in his arms respectfully in front of her, closed his umbrella, and knelt down in front of the tombstone.

The fine raindrops fell on his body, and he smiled lightly at the tombstone, "Aunt Fang, what should I do?"

"I'm not hot-blooded or passionate. I'm the most cowardly and humble. Those who say that even if I live alone are bullshit to me. Qin Yin is too important to me. Qin Yin doesn't love me anymore. I can't work harder to live. I can feel that I have started to rot, and what I spit out is the stale air of the dead."

"I'll go to you soon and apologize to your face."

He stared at the rain-soaked tombstone in a daze, tears streaming down his eyes.The tears that should have been shed countless times when I was bullied and fell into disappointment and pain finally fell at this moment.

It was like a switch, Zhao Yiran's tears gushed out like a bank, and mixed with the rain, they swam on his pale face.He cried and said softly: "It's really uncomfortable, why is my life so bad."

"There's nothing left. I used to have less feelings, but now I don't have any more." He muttered to himself, totally illogical.He cried and said, telling his grievances to the tombstone that could never respond.

Her body was soaked, her hair stuck to her forehead, and her eyes were covered by wet bangs.He leaned his head on the cold tombstone, his eyes were red and swollen, and he was so exhausted from crying that he couldn't speak.