aftershock

Jiang Yuan actually had a nickname when he was very young, "Yuanyuan", but no one knows it now. It is said that it was because he was born very round, with big round eyes and a small round body.

Hearing someone calling "Yuanyuan", Jiang Yuan automatically followed. The familiar house, the familiar small garden, the low fence door was pushed open, and Jiang Yuan saw his extremely short legs stepping step by step on the stone paved on the lawn. Jumping up and down, the little person jumped up and down for a while, then looked up at the room, with some doubts and worries in his big eyes.

My mother always hides and cries recently, not only her eyes, but her white and fat face is also red. Although she always wants to hide and secretly grieve, Jiang Yuan actually knows that something has changed a lot, and it should be very serious. It’s a big change, because even the uncle driver is not very punctual to pick him up after school, and the place where he lives with his mother has always been crowded with people, both men and women. At first they brought gifts and would praise themselves for being cute, but after a few days, they changed their appearance and became talking loudly, like arguing. Jiang Yuan was very scared and worried that his mother would be alone. Being bullied, but his mother always locks him in the yard and doesn't let him in.

He waited for a long time at the school gate again that day.

The driver uncle did not come, but my mother came.

In the late sunset, Jiang Qing took the little boy slowly to the bus stop for a ride home, as if she couldn't bear to let the immature and pure eyes be stained with uneasiness prematurely, Jiang Qing squatted down in front of him , grabbed the child's two small hands, opened his bloodshot eyes, and said as gently as possible, "Yuanyuan, uncle is gone."

Jiang Yuan heard the little child ask his mother what it means to leave.Mom turned her head away, her lips squirmed a lot, but she still couldn't hold back the tears.

"Yuanyuan, I'm gone, which means I won't see you again until a long, long, long time."

The little Jiang Yuan seems to understand, but is very well-behaved.He followed his mother through a street with broken traffic lights. There was a bus stop not far across the street. They would wait for a No. 112 bus at this bus stop. The bus stopped seven times to get home.These little Jiang Yuan knew that his mother had told him many times to prevent him from finding a home, but his mother still came to pick him up every day recently.

Today should be the same as yesterday. My mother just said that I can eat sweet rice cakes when I go home today, if, if the traffic light is not broken.

But the traffic lights were broken, and a huge out-of-control mud truck rushed over. Among the scattered crowd, this car hit the target with precision like a toad looking for food. It didn't hurt like this when she was thrown out. When Xiao Jiangyuan got up crying and touched his scraped knee, his mother was no longer moving. He was terrified. The red liquid like blood soon flowed on the road. Xiao Jiangyuan Already forgot to cry, someone in the crowd pulled him up, someone spoke to him, he struggled to open his little short hand, and rushed to find his mother.

He was afraid that his mother would leave too.I'm afraid that my mother will become someone I can only see after a long, long, long time.

He doesn't want to be without his mother.

He forgot who picked him up, who took him away, and where he went.After that scene, he is locked up by people who don't remember their faces or recognize them.

He was thrown into the abandoned cabin in a rotting wooden barrel with a strong smell of alcohol.

His clothes were dirty, and his white socks were stained with red and black, sticky.In this wooden barrel, Xiao Jiangyuan couldn't lie flat and could only sit curled up with his legs crossed. He didn't feel that the time was very long, he just felt that it was too dark, too dark.He felt that his mother was about to leave, and he would never see his mother, but he was also about to die. This was the first time in his young life that he knew what death was.

It's not gone, it's dead.

My uncle died, my mother seemed to be dead, and I seemed to be dying too. It turned out that it would not be a long, long, long time before they could meet again.

Jiang Yuan stood silently on the shore. He knew that there was a missing memory in his childhood. Although it was 20 years late, it was still cruelly familiar. And the resistance to everything that bound him started from here.

Jiang Yuan saw the red and blue police lights flashing alternately, and saw many people in uniforms rummaging through the cabins. He found that he couldn't open his mouth to point out to them where the child and his little self were.

Then he saw Liang Ji, Liang Ji when he was young, Liang Ji was anxiously arguing with the police who couldn't rescue him, his eyes were red with anger, Jiang Yuan looked at him, laughed and cried.

He knew Liang Ji would find it.

He will find the child whose entire childhood was ruined, he will find himself who lost the world, he will hug him and take care of him, he will ask the best doctor to cure his high fever, and he will give him a brother, uncle, and Dad's home.

Jiang Yuan turned and left relieved.

He went to see Gu Lu, oh no, Gu Haiyin, the Gu Haiyin that Liang Ji gave him.

For a child, the continuous mental trauma and continuous high fever are enough to destroy all his consciousness, and he is probably lucky to be alive.

Not only is Jiang Yuan alive, but he is also alive very well. He still has a childlike and innocent brain, and he can easily accept the subconscious guidance given by the top experts recruited by Liang Ji. During his half-dream and half-awake state, he hides all the cruel scenes like hypnosis. Deliberately turning the memory into an overlong dream.

Not long after he woke up, Liang Ji sent Gu Haiyin over.

Liang Ji was afraid that he would be alone, and always worried that he would be harmed by the outside world if he integrated into the big environment alone. He carefully protected Jiang Yuan like a fragile egg.

He asked Jiang Yuan if he wanted a little brother.

Jiang Yuan didn't want to, he wanted a little sister.But Gu Haiyin, Xiao Hai, he is a little brother.

That was the first time they met.

He is so thin, his beautiful eyes are like calm sea water, without emotion.His hair is very beautiful, not so black, like a deep dark brown, reminiscent of the sweetness of chocolate.

Xiao Jiangyuan really wanted to reach out and touch it, so he asked him, "Can I touch your hair."

Gu Haiyin looked at him, shook his head cheerfully, then Jiang Yuan saw Liang Ji squatting down among them, and after turning his head to look at Gu Haiyin, he smiled and said to Jiang Yuan, "Yes."

So Jiang Yuan stretched out his hand and gently touched Gu Haiyin's smooth and soft hair, Jiang Yuan liked him, he liked him right from the first meeting, he was dignified like a little prince in a fairy tale, also like a beautiful little princess, and he was also a little brother.

He really wants to protect this little prince, little princess, little brother.

But Gu Haiyin is not as sweet as his hair, Gu Haiyin's eyes don't show hate or repulsion, but she doesn't like to talk to him either.

He has a big gemstone, the color is like his eyes, Xiao Jiangyuan thinks it is very beautiful, but Gu Haiyin doesn't like to let him touch it.President Jiang Yuan asked him intentionally, "Are your eyes blue, or green, or blue-green?" In fact, these three colors are not alike. His eyes are more mellow than blue, deeper than green but less than black, and more mellow than green. Blue-green, and lighter shades of gray.Like the sea, a very deep sea, a sea where a dugong is willing to stay.

Gu Haiyin is so quiet, what she likes most is sitting on the door frame and drawing.Jiang Yuan's only pleasure is to follow him and call him "Xiao Hai, Xiao Hai."

After chasing him for a long time, Xiao Hai would occasionally stop and look back at him silently, as if waiting for him.

Later, Xiaohai grew up and stopped running very far. When Jiang Yuan didn't call him, he would stop and wait by himself. This kind of gentle illusion made Jiang Yuan silently feel that he also liked him.This instigation of self-confidence made him feel more and more privileged with Xiaohai, and he was gradually unwilling to be separated from him.

They watched Tigger together, and Xiaoxin and Meiya who didn't like green peppers. Whenever Jiang Yuan laughed, he could always see Gu Lu's clear eyes, looking at himself seriously, obviously calm, but always Feel like smiling.

When Jiang Yuan was very hot-blooded in the second year of middle school, he also thought that he was a knight, and his mission was to protect his little princess Hai Yin.

Hai Yin's big gem is very fake, but it is very conspicuous.

When Jiang Yuan first learned to play basketball, the classmates who played with him always said that Gu Haiyin around him was annoying, petty and out of gregarious, and not talkative.

Jiang Yuan threw away the ball angrily and beat him up. He won that time because he also has money. No, he has Liang Ji. Whoever dares to hit him, Liang Ji will... ask the teacher to beat him back. .You have to call the parents, and you have to make an apology. Everyone in the school knows that Jiang Yuan is a treasure, a bully, and he is not easy to deal with.

So he succeeded in being like Gu Haiyin, becoming an outcast person, so that they can always be together, like a small world of two people, um, Gu Haiyin's small world, although most of the time he still looks like he is besieged by enemy troops, A lonely knight who can't stand out from the encirclement, a little lonely.

One day, Gu Haiyin's big gem was finally robbed. This time, Xiao Jiangyuan couldn't beat him, and was repaired badly. It was the first time he realized the saying "In the face of absolute power, any skill is useless", let alone Jiang Yuan didn't have fart skills.While being beaten, he thought, fortunately, it wasn't his Hai Yin who was beaten.His little princess Haiyin has such a beautiful face and is so thin, she cannot be beaten.

He returned home with injuries all over his head and body, and what was important was that he exchanged Gu Haiyin's big gemstone.

That day was his happiest day. It was the first time that Hein took the initiative to show his kindness to him and secretly came to see his wound. He always thought that Hein didn't know what he had exchanged for that big gemstone.

However, Heine knew it.

That day he accidentally knocked over the water glass and soaked a piece of paper laid by Hai Yin, and a small longevity lock appeared on it. The longevity lock was exactly the same as Jiang Yuan's, and it was drawn by Hai Yin. He knew of.

Seeing this painting, Jiang Yuan also closed his eyes, and smiled faintly with the self he saw. He wanted to touch this fool's soft hair.want to tell him:

Gems are real.

The longevity lock is also true.

The gemstone later turned into a butterfly and became his too, but the longevity lock given by his mother disappeared, and his life seemed to be short.

Such a young Hai Yin grew up slowly, attracting Jiang Yuan's eyes.Another day, when Jiang Yuan was walking behind him and reached out to his shadow, Heine turned around and took his hand when he was enjoying himself playing hand-holding game.

This day, in Jiang Yuan's eyes, became the first day they officially got together. There were no proclamational words, no youthful promises, and no special plots. So let nature take its course, naturally, they were together like this up.From now on, his Xiaohai will wait for him when he plays, prepare warm water for him, supervise his homework, accept his hug, and allow Jiang Yuan to sleep on the same bed with him.

When they were 17 years old, they made each other a real man. On that day, Gu Haiyin was extremely gentle.

He made Jiang Yuan obsessed with the warmth of hugs like an addiction, and he has a lover ever since.

His lover, who is so good that it makes people look sideways, seems to be a little off guard, and it is easy to catch up. Even when he is sleeping, he wants to hold him firmly in his hand, to touch him, hold him, feel the body temperature, Only when you feel your breathing can you fall asleep at ease.The dream of having Heine by my side is sweet.

The picture is too beautiful, as far away as the light and shadow left by the end of last century, I can't bear to look at it more, Jiang Yuan doesn't know if he is floating, following Gu Haiyin's every move on the time axis like God's vision.

The way Xiaohai smiled at him, the way Xiaohai hugged him, the way Xiaohai was angry.In the end, Xiao Hai turned into a grown-up Gu Lv, with cold eyes, standing on the roof and asking him to jump into the pool and swim in.

Jiang Yuan's faint smile slowly condensed on his face, and there was some sadness and tolerance diluted by the good old dreams in his eyes.

They should never have seen each other.

I just want to see him, I want to see him, before the uncontrollable death comes, I still want to see him in the end.

Like a tsunami, like an aftershock, those thoughts of his force majeure made him willing to accept the tornado-like baptism even though he knew it would be a disaster scene, and he couldn't help himself.

But Jiang Yuan knew he was wrong, when he asked Gu Lv if he liked being young.

When he was standing beside Gu Lv dripping with water, shivering with cold in Gu Lv's eyes, he failed to understand in time.

The Jiang Yuan in time, he didn't wait for his Xiaohai, and he didn't survive another encounter in the darkness where dreams no longer hypnotize him, he has already left.

This Xiao Hai perfectly possesses the Xiao Hai that Jiang Yuan had imagined in his mind when Gu Haiyin grows up, the Jiang Yuan he was waiting for, he couldn't wait anymore.

They shouldn't see each other again, as mother said, they will meet after a long, long, long time.

It turns out that liking and loving are both sinful. Love is a sin without knowing it, and hate is a sin without knowing it.

Jiang Yuan's head ached sharply, and the incomparably real feeling of being out of breath made his chest tight, but his body was so heavy that he couldn't lift his hands, and he couldn't even open his mouth.

The random thoughts took him here and there, across the ocean, and the only scene he didn't want to see again in this life finally reappeared.

Jiang Yuan had to think desperately, it seemed that his illness really couldn't get better.

The feeling of wanting to die, if you think about it too much, it will be addictive.

In this familiar room, he saw Jiang Qing who was exhausted.

Jiang Qing, Jiang Qing.It sounds like a kind and gentle name, but she is, Zeng.

Her hands are warm and soft, she smiles gently and kindly, she reads comic books to lull him to sleep, and pretends to teach him harshly that a liar must swallow a thousand silver needles.

Jiang Yuan, wearing a hat, was sitting cross-legged on the window sill of the ward. Jiang Qing left on this day, and at that time he was lying beside her, not daring to raise his head, but he was counting in his heart.

179.

As he counted to 179, the machine beeped a peaceful siren, a bit loud.

At that time, he couldn't understand why others thought it was good to live in such pain, but he could also understand why Jiang Qing had to die.

Her distorted face was like a brand in Jiang Yuan's heart. His first thought was that he was going to die in the future, and he didn't want to die like this.

Jiang Qing pinched the back of his hand into a mess, and Jiang Yuan felt it. For a long time, he didn't know whether Jiang Qing used such force because she hated him, was angry with him, or simply vented her pain.

Liang Ji and the others always thought they were sad, but Jiang Yuan didn't, he hated.This time, it was Jiang Qing who wanted to leave, it was Jiang Qing who didn't want him anymore.

He tried to stay motionless on the bed where Jiang Qing lay, of course it wasn't just sleeping. He learned to cover his face with a towel like Jiang Qing did, but he didn't succeed. If you have strength in your hands, you will not succeed.

But he can't cut his wrists, Liang Ji will find out if he cuts his wrists, and Liang Ji will find a bunch of psychiatrists to play games with him in turn, he is actually more like a psychiatrist than a psychiatrist, most of the time he is not a patient at all, just kidding Even the doctor would laugh along with me.

Those drugs made him almost bald, and he lost a lot of hair every day, which made Jiang Yuan habitually pull his hair. He was responsible for strictly monitoring the hair of those who refused to firmly guard the territory every day, and they were not allowed to have a little bit of hair. The rebellious heart can't be kept if it can be torn off, but later his behavior was discovered by Liang Ji. Liang Ji felt that his behavior was not good, so he cut off his hair. The long-time bald man became even more depressed.

Liang Ji always felt that he missed Jiang Qing very much, probably in the last period, Jiang Yuan was too clingy to her, which gave Liang Ji the illusion that he was on vacation every afternoon and came back to accompany Jiang Yuan, which is funny to say.

Liang Ji played match [-] games with him.

Playing match [-] games, he used up his hearts, Liang Ji would buy them for him, until he was sleepy and sleepy, Liang Ji would not leave, Jiang Yuan likes to hear the sound of pencils "rustling" when he draws pictures, he likes him The sound of "da da da" when working on the computer next to it is reassuring and hypnotic.

He clings to Liang Ji for a long time, like a mentally retarded person, when Liang Ji is not around, he will feel his empty nose sore, he ignores Gu Zhengzhong, loses his temper with him, and shuts him out.

He was still hiding in the door and listening to Liang Ji comforting Gu Zhengzhong in a low voice, "He just misses his mother."

Jiang Yuan doubted himself again.

He hated Jiang Qing, he didn't want her, and what he wanted to do most was to die, but Liang Ji disagreed.

The brown glass jar that Liang Ji gave him was a weapon, like the Dinghaishenzhen, which gave him a strange sense of peace and composure. He obviously didn't want to admit it, but he felt wronged. He seemed to return to the time when he was five years old and just started school overnight. In [-], Jiang Qing sent him to kindergarten for the first time, and waved to him when she said goodbye to him at the school gate for the first time, "Goodbye, my dear, mom will pick you up soon."

He sat on the window sill holding the jar in his arms, and finally realized that Jiang Qing would not come to pick him up.

She didn't say goodbye this time, she won't come to pick him up soon, and she didn't say goodbye to Xiao Yuan, she should never see him again.

Jiang Yuan pinched his leg habitually, but there was no pain. It turned out that he was still in a dream, ah, in a dream, it was better in the dream, everything was fine. He was really afraid that he would find that brown glass jar when he woke up. , It was really broken, and Jiang Qing really didn't want him to find any traces.

He is also afraid of being sad, afraid of being alive, he will be sad.

What Jiang Yuan desperately needs is this kind of tranquility. It is best to be as if he is dead. Otherwise, at every point in his life, he will always think, "I am not such a bad person, why do I live like this."

will be unwilling.