door of eternal life

[Text of this chapter: Dying in pain is not eternal life, but the end, and love is the real door to eternal life.I want to become time to live with you. 】

Their happiness, stability, and steadfastness came to an abrupt end on a follow-up visit result.

Qing's stomach cancer recurred and rapidly deteriorated.Within a month, Qing began to develop anemia, weight loss, retrosternal pain, and progressive dysphagia.Professor Lu looked at the pairs of expectant and anxious eyes surrounding him, looked at Kuo, who was in shape, and sighed to the sky: "It's exhausting!"

I don't believe it.He couldn't believe it!After two years of high-relapse period after the operation, Qingdu passed through safely, so how could it deteriorate so quickly now!There must be something wrong, yes, it must be, Qing’s disease cannot relapse, and Qing’s disease cannot recur... He searched for relevant information on the Internet day and night, and mobilized all his friends, domestic, Overseas, I found all the connections I could find, and sent Qing's condition to dozens of medical experts I contacted, including doctors from Germany, the United States, the United Kingdom, and France.When all the answers flew like snowflakes and ignited his faint hope, and cut off all his hope ruthlessly and cruelly like a frost sword, he was completely desperate...

He held Qing in his arms day and night, hoping to use his own body temperature to warm Qing's body, use his own heartbeat to drive Qing's heart, and use his own kiss to give Qing the strength to persevere. He kept begging in his heart, begging the almighty Creator to share the rest of his life equally with Qing, so that he and Qing could go through the journey of life together... However, Qing continued to weaken day by day, seeming to be so frivolous and transparent , about to melt into the air.

Many times, when everyone came to visit Qing, Zilan cried bitterly and stopped the visitor from the door of the ward. Everyone just looked in through the glass window on the door, and always saw Qing lying in Kuo's arms. , with a pale complexion and weak breath, talked to Kuo intermittently, or said nothing, and fell asleep quietly, with tears streaming down his face.No one had the heart to bother them anymore. Qing's family, Kuo's family, and their good friends were all guarding the door of the ward, sitting or standing silently, letting tears fall silently, waiting, waiting in despair The moment came, the moment when Qing no longer felt pain.

When that moment came, Yu was on his way back from a business trip and hadn't arrived yet.

A bleak autumn rainy day, a misty world of wind and rain.

In front of the tombstone, everyone was dressed in black, with a white silk flower pinned to their chest, standing in the rain, no one opened an umbrella, no one spoke, just bowed quietly.

Bin put a photo album in front of the tombstone, bowed deeply, and did not straighten up for a long time.When he raised his head again and silently looked at the three words "Yunziqing" written in white on the black background, his lips trembled uncontrollably, and he turned and left slowly, with the rapid and fine rain hitting his face On the ground, it quickly slid down again, unable to tell whether it was rain or tears.

I feel that the autumn window is endless, and the wind and rain can help the desolation.

Yu suddenly trembled and knelt down on the ground, crying bitterly.At this moment, there are no relatives, no friends, no colleagues, no customers, no money, no reputation, no status, no heaven, no earth, no universe, and no time. In that vast space, there are only him and Qing, just Green is no longer fresh.Only at this moment did he realize that since his mother died of illness, the reason why he has been able to work hard and survive, and even work hard to marry and have children with a woman he does not love, to build a formally complete family, to He got everything he wanted and worked hard until today, all because the youth in his heart is still living in this world, can talk, laugh, and even have a cold war with him, embarrassing him, no matter who he is It doesn't matter whether he is with Qing or not, even if he is thousands of miles away and it is difficult to meet him, even if in the end Qing doesn't want him, annoys him, hates him, it doesn't matter, as long as he knows that Qing is still alive in this world.As long as Qing is still alive, his heart will have a home, and Qing is the only home he really wants in his heart.

Now and now, there is a long sky of green and dark above, and waves of Lushui below, the sky is long and the road is far away, and the soul flies away, and it is difficult for the dream soul to not reach Guanshan!

Sauvignon Blanc ah --, heartbreaking!

Shan Min looked at Yu strangely, and her doubts all along gradually became clear in her heart.She turned and left.

Kuo always stood kneeling in front of the tombstone, lowered his head, and said nothing, no one could see his expression.In the silent autumn rain, only a silent back is left for people, like a statue.

Zilan looked at Kuo, but she didn't go over. She grabbed the parents who wanted to go forward to comfort him, looked at the affectionate back and said, "Qing must also want Kuo to stay with him for a while."

People left in twos and threes.

Zilan was holding a paper crane tightly in her hand, which was given to her by Qing when she was dying. At that time, Qing said: "Sister, wait until I leave." Gone like this, really gone, until today, when she looked at the cold tombstone, she had to believe that Qing would never come back.She opened the paper crane, and there was a ring inside, and she recognized that it was the ring Qing had worn on her finger many years ago.On the paper is Qing's handwriting, a poem he transcribed.

"If one day he comes back [Maurice Maeterlinck]

If one day he comes back, how should I tell him?

Just say that I have been waiting for him, because of him I got seriously ill...

What if he doesn't recognize me and keeps questioning me?

You talk to him like a sister, he may feel very sad...

If he asked me where you are, how should I answer?

Give him my ring, no further answer...

If he must know, why is there no one in the house?

Show him: the extinguished lamp, and the open door...

If he still wants to ask, about my expression at the moment of dying?

Tell him I am smiling because I am afraid he will be sad. "

Zilan's eyes, which were already red and swollen from crying, opened the gate of tears again, gushing like a spring.Qing, how smart you are, and how much you have seen through human nature!Do you believe that Yu's heart will eventually "come back" and return to your original love?Yes, Qing, you are right, just today, he "come back".Yu, do you know what kind of person you hurt in this life?He once loved you so deeply and deeply, but you hurt him so deeply and deeply.Qing's illness has been going on for so many years, and it has lingered to such a result. Yu, do you dare to say that you have no responsibility for it?If the treatment was done in time, how could it have developed to the point where it took his life today.If you hadn't cut off his desire to live back then, how could he have allowed the disease to develop!But at the last moment, he was still worried about you, afraid that you would be sad, he wanted you to know that he forgave you, he didn't hate you, and he was afraid that I would have discord with you, and wanted me to treat you kindly like a sister You...Since it is Qing's wish, I will do it, I will treat you like a sister treats a younger brother, but this does not mean that I forgive you...Yes, Qing did smile at the last moment, but not For you, but because he was in Kuo's arms at that time.Yu, you will never meet someone who loves you more than Qing once in your life!

She walked up to Yu, put the ring and the piece of paper into Yu's hand, looked at Yu with tears streaming down her face, and said, "This letter is from Qing. I think I should let you see it." Then Go to the family in the distance.

Yu held the page of paper with trembling hands, tears kept blurring the handwriting, looking at the ring, Qingnian's smile appeared in front of his eyes again, like a gorgeous and beautiful flower.

His hands trembled more violently, and he carefully put the letter and ring into the inner pocket on his chest, covering them tightly with his hands.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry, Qing..." He stood up staggeringly, fell, and stood up again, "Qing, I'm sorry..." He muttered, staggered, fell again, stood up again...staggered away up.

Kuo knelt and stood for a long time, so long that he could no longer feel his legs, he slowly took out a medical record from the pocket of his windbreaker, lit it with a lighter, and placed it in front of the tombstone.

Seeing the fire burning more and more vigorously in the drizzle, he said softly: "Qing, this is the medical record that you said was forgotten in the Sixth Hospital many years ago. I wanted to find it for you later. At that time, The medical records are spread out in my hands, can you imagine how complicated and painful my mood is? I really want to rush over and ask you, who made you love so deeply, and who hurt you so much Desperate. But I dare not ask! Although you never said it, I already knew. It was when you were hospitalized in a car accident that I accidentally opened the message he sent you, and then I deleted the message. Don't be angry, there are only two things I kept from you. If I could, I really wanted to beat him up. Since you want to keep this secret in the end, I will do it in front of you today. , Burn this medical record, I will continue to keep this secret, and will not mention it to him.

It's all over, isn't it?Thank you for braking the moment you rushed to the cliff, thank you for choosing me in the end.I will take your love and your share of life to live a good life and take good care of my parents, elder brothers and sisters, as well as the children.

I know you will miss me, I will come to see you when I have time, accompany you, talk to you, although I can't come every day, but I will definitely come every week.If you need to go out of town for some urgent matter and you can't come back, just wait patiently for me for two days, and I will come to see you as soon as I come back. Don't worry then, huh?my young master. "

The medical records were gradually burned out, the ashes were wetted by the drizzle, and a scarlet spark flashed brightly for a while and then dimmed.

Kuo stood up slowly and with difficulty, turned around, turned around again, and said, "Qing, you must wait for me."

He didn't cry anymore.

Fear of crying for the disabled years.

【end】

A year later, on the anniversary of Qing's death, I came to see Qing as usual.

There is a photo album in front of the tombstone, covered with a thin layer of dust, it seems that Bin put it here two days ago.There was also a bouquet of withered white roses, with withered petals falling around and scattered by the wind.Every time he came to visit Qing, he always saw a bouquet of withered or fresh white roses, but he never saw the person who gave them the flowers.

"Adults have learned badly. God is testing them. You haven't been tested yet. You should live according to your children's ideas."

This is what Zilan insisted on engraving on Qing's tombstone.Kuo sat silently, with cigarette butts piled up under his feet.For the past year, Qing's words have always rang in his ears, and Qing's face always appeared in front of his eyes, as if Qing had never left his side.

"John Milton once wrote in "Paradise Lost": For those who believe, death is the door to eternal life. I used to think so, and I tried to get rid of pain in this way. But later , wide, because of you, I understand that for me, death in pain is not eternal life, but the end, and love is the real door to eternal life.

Hating someone will not last long, as time goes by, hate will slowly disappear, the hated person will be forgotten, but love will not die with time, when you love someone, this person is Will live forever in your love, fresh and moving.

Kuo, leave this world with your love, I am not afraid, I am not alone, because I can stay in your heart and walk with you in the future life, live in your spirit and thought, be missed by you, forever You will not be forgotten, this is eternal life.

It's a pity that I understood it too late and wasted so many years of time.I really hope to live a few more years and be with you longer. "

"Kao, do you know, that time when I fell off the cliff, why did I step on the brakes at the last moment when I was rushing towards the cliff?...Because I suddenly saw you in front of my eyes, and saw that winter vacation, you Riding a bicycle and driving me in the snow, at that time, you smiled and turned around and shouted to me: 'Qing! Hold me tight, don't fall!'”

"Don't cry, Kuo." Qing said softly, lying in his arms at the end, "I want to become time and live with you. Then... your time will be all about me."

Kuo extinguished the cigarette in his hand on the bluestone board, gathered the cigarette butts on the ground, and cleaned them up.Qing once asked him to smoke less, and he could listen to Qing for everything, but he couldn't do this. Without cigarettes, he didn't know how to get through the time when he couldn't see Qing.

He stood up, smiled and said, "Qing, just let me smoke, huh?"

Turning around and walking away, he saw a figure not far away quickly hiding behind a tree, the white bouquet in his hand was faintly revealed, he didn't go over, he recognized that figure, it was Yu.

——End of text——