door of eternal life

[The text of this chapter: After a trial, the earnest words, the long talks that tried to clear the clouds and see the sun, touched his heart time and time again.I don't know the true face of Lushan Mountain, just because I am in this mountain.What decision will he make. 】

Two months after being discharged from the hospital, Qing moved back to her apartment.On weekends, Zilan's family came to visit their parents. Seeing that Qing was not here, they called Qing and told Qing that he would go and see him later.

Seeing Qing, Zilan felt a little relieved. Qing's mental state and complexion were much better than when he was just discharged from the hospital. Although his body was still a little thin, he was not as skinny as before, so he asked Qing: "How did you eat for lunch?"

Qing said: "Bin and Kuo were both here just now, and Bin cooked the meal. They heard that you were coming, so they went to their own business."

"I'm a tiger. As soon as I come, they leave."

"Sister, you are not so narrow-minded. I let them go. They each have their own work to deal with. Being with me every day is a waste of time and delays things."

"Then how do you eat your usual meals?" Zilan knew that Qing didn't know how to cook, and usually ordered takeaway, but after recovering from a serious illness, eating is not a trivial matter. In fact, she knew that Kuo and Bin would take care of Qing. Diet, she just wanted to know how Yu did it.

"Basically, they are delivered by Kuo. Three meals a day, if Bin comes, it will be made by Bin. Don't worry, I won't be hungry." Qing smiled.

Zilan felt a burst of emotion in his heart. Kuo and Bin were the only ones who often came to accompany Qing and worried about Qing's daily diet, and it was fine if there was no Yu.She made a special trip to find Qing this time, in fact, she planned to have an important conversation with Qing, she could no longer just sit and watch Qing struggling desperately in the mire but unable to get out.Since Qing was in the car accident, although she has seen the subtle changes in Qing's attitude towards Yu, she is not sure that she can do Qing's work well. She understands Qing's personality very well, and only Qing can handle Qing's ideological work. Only when Qing figured it out, things will change completely. What she can do is to guide Qing, and at the same time, give Qing a powerful medicine, so that Qing can discover and think about problems step by step.She knew that once Qing clearly understood the crux of the problem, Qing's decision would never be sloppy.

"Bin is a really nice man. He looks good, he's tall, and he can cook well." Zilan said thoughtfully.

"Sister, Bin is already married! Besides, isn't Brother Hao Ze not good?" Qing looked at Zi Lan helplessly, and said with a smile.

Zi Lan glared at Qing: "I didn't mean that. Hao Ze is the best in my heart. What I mean is that Bin is married. As a friend, I still have so much affection for you. I don't know if Kuo got married. Will I still treat you like this now?"

"Kuo married? Why?" Qing blurted out in surprise.

Zilan glanced at Qing, made an unbelievable expression, and said with a smile: "Why, Kuo is going to get married sooner or later. Besides, he is over 30 now."

"Kuo told you that he was going to get married?" Qing asked closely.

Zilan saw that Qing's hands were clenched involuntarily. Although his whole body language was calm, his eyes were clearly full of tension, as if he was afraid of losing something. She felt more confident and shook her head. Said: "He didn't say it, but he has to take this step sooner or later. Now that the boss is not young and his career is stable, his parents must have urged him long ago."

Qing lost her sense of "oh" and didn't speak any more. She kept opening her palms, clenched them tightly, opened them again, and clenched them again.

Zilan decided to strike while the iron was hot, and to prescribe more serious medicine, she changed the subject: "From the time you came back from an accident to the time you recovered from this operation, how many times has Yu visited you?"

"Ah?" Qing didn't realize it all at once, and then said, "Not a few times, we rarely meet."

"Qing, you know better than me how Yu's been doing during this time. You fell from the mountain, in the cold winter months, and fell into the water for more than 20 minutes. At one point, your heart stopped beating and two ribs were broken. This situation Next, he can’t even go to see you or stay with you. He should know what you wanted to see him most at that time, right? But he didn’t even dare to mention it. This time, you just finished such a major operation. He also lost 2000ml of blood. In that state, he even took Shan Min to the hospital. Has he considered your feelings? And he didn’t even dare to offer to guard you overnight and take care of you for a day. Qing , you can't see these, don't you feel a little bit disappointed?"

Qing seemed to have been hit hard in the chest by Zilan's fist, and he said vaguely, "He...is busy."

Zilan went on to say, "Are everyone else idle?" She knew that Qing knew exactly who the "others" were referring to. They also had their own companies and businesses, and they were also developing like a raging fire. Why did Kuo have time? Come to accompany Qing?Not only did he have time to accompany and take care of Qing in the hospital, but even when Qing first started traveling, Kuo put down everything in his hands and followed and cared for her all the way.

"He...is inconvenient." Qing instinctively erected an invisible shield, trying to cover Zilan's words, he quickly searched for suitable words in his mind, this is the material for making shields, but now he I think his vocabulary is so poor.

Zilan asked urgently, "What's the inconvenience?"

"He said... for fear of arousing suspicion." Qing looked up at Zilan, "Sister, you know, he doesn't want to affect his family."

"Heh!" Zilan sneered, "Going to see you can affect his family? How cautious is he?"

"Because," Qing hesitated for a moment, he really didn't want to recall that scene, and said with difficulty, "Last time on my birthday, he said he invited me to dinner, but he didn't tell me beforehand that his whole family was also eating together. I was a little impulsive in the restaurant, ignored them, and just left... They must have been quite embarrassed at the time."

Zilan shook her head: "It's still the same, Qing, did he consider your feelings before he did these things?"

Qing didn't speak, he couldn't refute, how much he wished to say "yes", but he couldn't find the "yes" he used to.

Zilan was also silent, and after a while, she spoke again: "You can't have both, but he wants to have both, to have them all."

"He didn't want me to stay with him like this for the rest of my life. He said he wanted me to find someone to marry." Qing muttered, his voice was extremely low, and he didn't know whether his defense was convincing or not.

"Qing, love is selfish. Would you like others to share Yu's love with you? No! Facing a person you love deeply, you want to monopolize it, but why did Yu say such a thing? You Is it his burden? Your current situation threatens his family, reputation and status? If this is the case, you will be even? In your relationship, it is no longer he who failed you?"

Qing Momo, he also hated Yu for saying that at the time, as if he was a thing, and Yu could give him to anyone casually without thinking about whether he would be happy or not.

"Since he is afraid that your presence will affect his family, why did he take his wife to the hospital to see you? Don't you feel conflicted?" Zilan continued.

"He later told me that it was his... his wife repeatedly asked for it. The incident on that birthday made Shan suspicious. He always wanted to have his own family. Sister, you also know that he lost his mother since he was a child and lived in the What kind of family environment, what kind of injuries he has suffered, he has always longed to have his own home, a complete family. So... under any circumstances, as long as there is a little way, he doesn't want to affect his family." Qing was a little anxious, he didn't want to say words like "his wife" or "Shan Min" from his mouth, it was like a thorn on his tongue, and when he said it, he would feel some pain. It hurt a little, he simply replaced it with a "single".

"Does any of this include you?" Zilan felt a slight pain in his heart when he heard that Qing's pronunciation was a bit blurred when he said the words "wife" and "san".

Qing shook hands tightly: "It should be." But she laughed and refuted herself disdainfully in her heart, what should I mean?In fact it is.But why didn't he dare to admit it directly?

"Is this little way to hurt you? In this world, no one has the right to justly hurt others just because he has been hurt, and in the name of love, let alone someone who loves himself. Zilan paused for a moment, then said heavily, "Qing, no one has such power."

"Maybe he wants a complete family too much, but I can't give it to him." Qing said, but she was asking herself in her heart, Yun Ziqing, do you really accept such a reason?Have you approved it?

"Since he wants a real family so much, and yearns for the warmth of a family so much, then he shouldn't have provoked you back then. From losing his mother to going to college, his experience has made him more mature and complicated than you. He's so smart, doesn't he know what he wants?"

"Before...you were still too young, thinking that as long as you have love, nothing else is important." Qing recalled that he was not like this back then, and why is he not like this now, when it comes to love, he always puts it first of.

Zilan sighed deeply, looked at Qing, and said after a while: "Qing, do you still remember the movie "Destruction of the Empire" we watched together before?"

Qing nodded.

"Do you remember what the protagonist said at the end of the film?"

Qing looked up at the purple sand cup in front of him, which was specially customized for him by Kuo, and said softly, "Even young people can also discover the truth."

"Yes. Therefore, you can't find any reason for Yu's mistakes. If you make a mistake, you are wrong. Moreover, he shouldn't have come to you after he got married. Now, he hurts more than just you."

"He said...he loves me." Qing Yue said in a softer and weaker voice. He didn't know what he wanted to express and what he wanted to prove. Didn't he always loathe and resist such a role?Like a dirty underground lover.

"I love you, but I have caused you so much hurt and so much pain. He has tortured you, has he ever said sorry to you? Has he ever comforted you and thanked you for your silent dedication? I guess No?" Zi Lan stared at Qing.

Qing didn't say anything, yes, Yu hasn't said a word of apology to him so far, instead she accused him like that because of his birthday.Yu, how do you want me to argue for you.

"He takes everything he does for granted, because he has no mother since he was a child, because he suffered too much when he was young, because he longs to have a family, and because you can't stand beside him openly, are you You can’t see the existence of light! Therefore, he thinks that your dedication and forbearance are due. If you want to be with him, you have to bear these pains, and he thinks that your dedication and forbearance are all voluntary, not What he imposed on you was not caused by him." Zi Lan stopped, then sighed and said, "Qing, do you still remember what you said to me after I broke up with Liu Cheng?"

Qing looked at her and nodded. At that time, the relationship between him and Yu was still unknown. How could he think of today? If he had known this, then maybe...

Zilan also nodded: "You told me at the time: He is not your master, and you are not his appendage. You are two equal people. But Yu made his choice, his attitude towards life and outlook on life completely different. It is imposed on you, thinking that you should accept it, and endure even the pain. He seems to be your master, and you unknowingly regard yourself as his appendage. You think he is very He loves you, but in fact, his love for you has thousands of prerequisites, his family, his reputation, his status, his wealth, each of which is much more important than you."

Seeing that Qing's face gradually turned pale, Zilan continued to speak cruelly: "It is undeniable, leaving aside emotional matters, objectively speaking, Yu is a very good man, smart, strong, talented, and respects his elders. , I am even more filial and filial to our parents. I was also proud of having a younger brother like him, and felt sorry for his situation when he was a child. At that time, no one in our family cared for him. Maybe you once loved However, from many years ago until now, he has only shown his selfishness and cowardice in dealing with matters related to you. "

Qing stared fixedly at the front, without saying a word, Zilan's words spread the things that he didn't want to think about directly in front of his eyes. Unbearable.

Zilan sighed and asked Qing again: "Do you know why I broke up with Liucheng back then?"

Qing turned her face away, looked at Zilan strangely, and opened her mouth to ask, "Why?"

Zilan sneered and said, "Because when Liu Cheng and I were together, they pursued Yu at the same time. I used to look down on Liu Cheng's behavior of stepping on two boats, but now I despise Yu even more. At least Liu Cheng dared to tell me clearly that he is I like Yu, even if Yu ignores him, he is willing to break up with me. But what about Yu? Does he dare? He dares to tell Shan Min that he loves you, can he not separate from you? He dare not, not only dare not, He would rather hurt you than let you cooperate with him in acting, to cover up his selfishness and greed.

Now, Qing, you love him wrong.You are so smart, you know what Yu did wrong, why do you always find reasons and excuses for his mistakes?You always emphasize the injury he suffered when he was a child, and the impact this injury had on his heart and character. Don't you have any sympathy in your feelings for Yu?Is it all love?Isn't there love for love's sake? "

Qing was speechless, his sister's words made him feel as if he had emptied the stool all of a sudden, and fell heavily on the ground.love for love's sake...

Zilan put her hands on Qing's cold hands, the coldness made her feel pain again, she said softly: "Qing, you used to be so arrogant, you never stooped to please anyone, let alone You won't let others throw your dignity on the ground to insult and trample on it, but now, in front of Yu, are you still you? Where did you throw yourself? Won't you go find it?"

Qing closed her eyes.

Zilan looked at Qing quietly, and after a while, she continued to say: "Qing, I admire Kuo very much, I appreciate his daring to love, his love is bright, and his love is upright. Although he doesn't say it, he never Concealing my feelings for you. In the past few months, through your accident and illness, even I can see that for you, Kuo doesn’t care about any gain or loss for himself, and he can give up everything. Think about yourself, don’t you feel sorry for Kuo? Is it really just friendship? When you get along with him, the feeling between you is so gentle, natural, delicate, and beautiful. When I look at you, it is like looking at two lovers who love each other and care for each other. The feeling of fit between them seems to have gone through many years of grinding and precipitation, and has been silently engraved into each other's lives. And is it like this between you and Yu? You always have to cooperate with him, You have been deliberately shaping a you that goes against your heart, to cater to and please Yu, but in front of Kuo, you are the real you, and you can truly show your temperament, without any cover-up, relaxed, comfortable, and happy. Now , When you were with Yu, did you ever feel the same ease? Can you deny the special place Kuo holds in your heart? If you think Kuo is just a friend, do you still have friends as special as Kuo? A friend who weighs as much as he weighs?"

Qing slowly opened her eyes, looked at Zilan's questioning eyes, lowered her eyes again, and shook her head gently.He couldn't deny that he had already noticed that between him and Kuo, no matter how long they hadn't seen each other, no matter what had happened, there was a tacit understanding between each other, and they would be so natural, so natural, without a trace, just like Flowers will bloom in spring, snow will fall in winter, and the four seasons will reincarnate... He never has to hide himself in front of Kuo, he is always relaxed, and even does whatever he wants.

Seeing Qing's thoughtful expression, Zilan slowed down and said, "You and Yu live in the same era, the same society, and face the same pressure, why can you do it while he can't. Why Kuo can do it, but Yu can't."

Qing was thinking, yes, why?Exactly why...

Zilan looked at Qing deeply, gritted his teeth secretly, and said: "Say one thousand, say ten thousand, Qing, if Yu really loves you so much, you are more important to him than anything else, just like Kuo If he loves you so much, then he shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place. But the reality is that he put all his desires for the world, material things, and fame and status before you, and put you last. If necessary , he can push you away, and if he can push you away once, he can push you away the second time and the third time, can't he?"

Qing was speechless.

Zilan looked at Qing, her younger brother, who was still as simple and innocent as a child, and it was this simplicity and innocence that caused him to suffer so much pain.Now, Qing, where do you go, what choice do you make, and whether you can clearly understand which side your emotional balance is on.And the reason why she dared to be so sure about Qing's feelings, even more sure than Qing herself, was not only because she saw and heard all kinds of things between Kuo and Qing with her own eyes, but also because she was convinced that Kuo had feelings for Qing. She is still not sure about Qing's love, but what made her finally confirm the direction of Qing's feelings was the two words she asked Qing in Qing's ear when she returned to the ward after the operation.She knew whether Qing was still fully awake at that time, and the answers Qing gave her were all in his subconscious, or deep in his heart, which were the purest and most genuine wishes, but they were buried too deep by him. He didn't even notice it himself.So she took advantage of the opportunity at that time to test Qing.

At that time, she asked Qing: "Qing, who do you most want to see now? My sister will call him over for you."

Qing just opened his eyes and didn't speak.

She also said, "It's because I want to see Kuo the most."

Qing opened his eyes again and nodded slightly.