Belly Trojan

one hour later.

The stars are shining brightly, the moon is shining brightly, the candles are flickering, and the breeze is intoxicating...the shadows of the trees are dancing in the flower garden, and no one else disturbs them.

Ling Yanzhi stood on the top of the building shivering, watching the wind blow out Fan Shu's candle 13 times.

"..."

Fan Shu was sweating profusely: "Just wait a little longer, wait a little longer, it will be fine soon!"

Ling Yanzhi suppressed a smile, feeling uncomfortable: "...Can you think about it carefully, I already understand what you mean, can we just treat this candle as lit? Don't toss about it."

Fan Shu stiffened his neck, still insisting needlessly: "Then how can I do it? I want..."

Ling Yanzhi looked at him leisurely. "what do you want?"

He was a little embarrassed, there were no flowers or grass, and he couldn't even light a candle.He kicked the stones on the ground with his toes, like an innocent boy: "I want to ask you out. But we can't leave this building for the time being, so we have to come to the top of the building for a walk."

"..." Ling Yanzhi was speechless, the moonlight was very clear, and the wind was also whispering, it sounded very romantic to walk together, if there was some candlelight, maybe it would be even more swaying.

However, they were not the young people who were dating on the first day, the kind who were infinitely curious about each other; besides, there was nothing on the roof, and they had walked around three times, but they were a bit of a sign of catching a cold.

However, looking back and thinking about it, they did not have a serious date.It is true that after the blind date, there were two meetings similar to the "meeting before marriage", such as having a meal to enhance understanding, communicating with each other about personal situations, and discussing some specific arrangements after marriage. However, that does not seem to be considered "dating" ", it seems that two businessmen are discussing the contract.It's hard to say, because we both see each other well, there are no problems in communication, and we don't have much conflict with each other, so every time it ends like "I wish you a happy cooperation".

Today seems to be different, the candle looks stupid, but the person who is helpless in front of the candle and scratches his hair in frustration looks cute.

"Forget it, I still have three hours of mandatory rest time. Are you sure you want to go, then let's go."

The two silently circled the roof, one circle clockwise, one circle counterclockwise.

Ling Yanzhi glanced at him: "...Is this just a date? Why don't you say something?"

Fan Shu was also a little discouraged, his heart was beating drums, he was up and down, it was not that he had nothing to talk about, they had experienced too much together these days, and they had a lot to bear.He also has hundreds of questions and mysteries in his heart.But if those questions are raised, it will eventually turn into a cold "talk about work"; and some questions may be asked, and the answers must not be what he wants to know.It may be good for both of them to maintain a tacit understanding in a hazy state.

"I don't want to talk about work with you, but I always feel that I have to go there as soon as I open my mouth." Fan Shu said slowly.

Ling Yanzhi didn't follow his words, he looked very relaxed, the moonlight shone lightly on his face, "Why are you so heavy? Instead of talking about work, you can talk about Fengyue."

"I don't really have a romantic atmosphere," Fan Shu was very embarrassed, rubbing his nose resignedly, "It's obviously windy and moony, so why doesn't it feel right? The acting in the TV series is quite nasty, but it's not. So what happened..." He sighed, seeing Ling Yanzhi trembling with his arms folded, he felt distressed, "Forget it, go back, it's rare for you to be forced to rest, so don't freeze, go to sleep for a while."

Ling Yanzhi ignored him: "That can't be done. I've already come, and you fooled me with a candle, isn't it a waste of time." He blinked, "Well, I'll give you a chance to ask three questions. It’s similar to truth or dare. Don’t ask about work, it’s invalid.”

"...Do you want me to ask?" Fan Shu was stunned. "I feel that you may not want to ask some questions. Besides, it's been a long time. It's natural that you don't want to talk about it. It's all private..."

Ling Yanzhi was so weak that he didn't even bother to curse out loud: "It's business, I'm here to chat with you, either you have something wrong or I have something wrong... You potato and melon seed, do I want to write 'I'll go over here' all over my face?" It’s sad and miserable. My ex was trashy and disgusting. It created a heavy psychological shadow on me. I may never want to say it for the rest of my life. You’d better not ask, because once you ask, I might not be able to restrain myself and say it all.’ Such a label , will you be reluctant to ask?"

Fan Shu touched his nose, and couldn't help but laugh: "Then you will answer any questions?"

"If you don't want to answer, I will choose the big adventure."

They sat down along the edge of the roof, with the moonlight on their bodies and their feet dangling in the air. Although the candles were useless, the two bottles of canned rum prepared in advance were still useful.Fan Shu opened the buckle and gulped it down in one gulp. The wine burned in his chest. The scorching temperature made his lips tremble slightly, and the pleasure rushed from his stomach to his tongue.He stretched out his arms to embrace Ling Yanzhi, and let him approach him. He moved his arms from his neck down to his back, with his palms touching his waistline. Ling Yanzhi could clearly feel the scalding heat in his palms, as if they were going to burn the two of them.

The self-made chrysalis suddenly became nervous, thinking, what questions will he ask me?Am I really ready to answer?Could it be that those parts of me that I already feel normal and can handle with equanimity seem incomprehensible to him at all?There are also those "black history" reported by the media, although I don't care about it—or, I can already pretend to be "not concerned", but... what would Fan Shu think?Does he feel like every time he's ready, he pushes his boundaries again and again?

Thinking about it this way, Ling Yanzhi couldn't help but "sit upright" in his arms, as if he was about to face a big test.I'm not a nice person, he thought nervously, but I want love too, is that too extravagant to ask?

But compared with him, even Fan Shu's ears were red, like a piece of sweet potato that was really roasted on the fire.He stammered and said very embarrassedly: "Won't you be angry if I ask you anything?"

Ling Yanzhi originally wanted to deny it directly, but he hesitated for a while, and said: "... I won't be angry if you don't give me sympathy needlessly, or scold me like everyone else."

That stupid Potato didn't seem to understand what he meant at all. "Then, then..." Fan Shu mustered up his courage, as if this question had really troubled him for a long time, "There are a lot of gossip news now... I have no other intentions! I really saw it by accident... "

"Do you wear women's clothing because you like it, or for some other reason?"

Ling Yanzhi almost choked: "..." He raised his head abruptly, staring at the man in front of him with wide eyes in disbelief. "...You're going to ask this?"

"No...it's okay if you don't want to say it, just pretend I didn't ask."

"No... I know that's weird. But I thought you'd ask a sharper question."

"A sharper question?"

"For example—for example, your ex. Haven't you met Shaoyang Bing? You don't have anything to ask?"

Fan Shu frowned: "Why should I discuss another man at this moment? He is not worth my time."

For some reason, Ling Yanzhi felt better.

"So, you want to know what it's like to wear women's clothing?"

"...Don't laugh, I don't know, don't be ashamed to ask..." Fan Shu couldn't help laughing, and the two heads gradually pillowed together.

"Did you see the photo posted by someone on the Internet?" Ling Yanzhi thought for a while and asked softly, "What does it look like? Is it good-looking?"

"Uh, of course it looks good... When I was very young, I felt like I was still in school? There was a picture wearing a cheongsam... At that time, I had short hair... I made a hairstyle, which was quite complicated..."

"Ah, that's the photo taken at that time. It's not bad. It's not ashamed to release that photo." Ling Yanzhi breathed out, "At that time, I looked the most like my sister. Later, her shoulders grew, and her I can't fit in the skirt."

"...photograph?"

"Ah, I was very proud of my appearance at that time, and I was very famous in the university town at that time... I wanted to take some photos to commemorate, so I went to take them. I also know that if I grow up, I will definitely not be able to maintain this appearance. It’s the best time to record it, so I took a lot of sets in one go.”

"You really like your sister."

"She raised me up, she is my only relative."

"So, is it to commemorate her that you like to wear women's clothing?"

Ling Yanzhi laughed: "It can't be said that there is no such influence at all... But I don't want to find such a high-sounding reason for myself. To be honest, I really enjoy this feeling. It may be difficult for others to understand. Simply put Well, what is 'women's clothing'? Women have it too - it should be said that most of it is very everyday, very masculine, or very unisex clothes. I am living on the dole and have no money to buy new clothes, but the body keeps growing, so I can only keep wearing the clothes left by my sister, and even patch some of them together. At that time, I went out like this every day, and there was no shortage of ridicule and contempt. It’s not because I’m wearing women’s clothing, but because I’m thin and shabby, poor, malnourished, and easy to bully.”

"Later, I don't know where the trend came from. It may be because of the need for propaganda, and the primitive desire/desire can't be suppressed. The authorities want people to 'not forget the fundamentals of human nature' and start to promote the romance of 'love between men and women'. Not only did the old romance films of the past broadcast on a large scale, but the newly filmed stories also had male actors disguised as women to act... The most famous of them is "Transformation of Love", have you seen it? It tells about the male lead The pure love story of dressing himself up as a girl, and finally the true love moved the heavens and earth, and he really responded to his request, turned him into a woman and gave birth to three children... Although the shooting techniques and content are very low I was young, but it had a great influence on the student level at that time, so since then it has really become popular to play "women". 'Women' are proud."

Fan Shu was silent.Because he studied in a military academy, the management is still very strict, but under such circumstances, the students are paired up in private, and even the instructors have their own "women", and the students who have a good relationship with them are called "sister-in-law". There are endless things.He doesn't show his mountains and rivers, and he doesn't get lost in the mix, and there are many people who have confessed to him.It's not because I really like him - but if there is no corresponding 'backer', students who are at the bottom and classified as 'women' will have a hard time living.

Ling Yanzhi's survival predicament at that time can be imagined.He has been malnourished all year round, has a thin stature, and has no family to support him. Coupled with his feminine appearance, he is a sure-fire candidate for a 'woman'.Fan Shu subconsciously wanted to say something comforting, but couldn't find the corresponding words, so the person involved sneered:

"Don't, don't look at me with that sympathetic look, it's not like that. In this wave of 'women' facilitation, compared with other unlucky people, my experience was a complete turnaround. When you light up, you know that the best opportunity has come."

"I found that what they yearn for, despise, yearn for, belittle, despise, and wish to move, it turns out to be such a simple matter, as long as I have a little equipment, I can completely control their desires. "

All you need is bright clothes, bright red lips, short and revealing skirts, and sharp and hurtful heels, and the rich and indelible colors will become a spark, instantly attacking and detonating the repression buried in the genes. The bombs of desire, without seeing the original makeup and carefully painted style, make them stare dumbfounded, bow their heads, be jealous, and compete with each other.And this armor-like skirt, the eyeliner with calculated arcs, and the whitewash that completely covered himself gave a weak young man infinite confidence and sense of security. "Do you know 'battle makeup'? Many tribal people paint exaggerated stripes and patterns on their faces, hoping that there will be blessings from gods and demons to help them defeat the enemy. I feel the same way when I dress up as a woman: I don't It’s me again, but it’s like a possession of some kind of soul, a powerful, confident, and beautiful person who doesn’t have to fear and hate those vicious and weak people, and can truly ignore other people’s eyes, insults, prying and cursing—truly 'queen'."

"If it's Ling Yanzhi, he's always covered in wounds and thorns all over his body, holding the book tightly and curling up viciously, running away from the crowd's ridicule and all kinds of malicious eyes; but if it's the 'QUEEN' In the case of 'rouge', you can raise your head and show your body generously, respond to every vicious and mocking sight with a smile, know that the end of those people's viciousness is a humble ****, and even use them with some mercy, Just give some insignificant 'rewards'."

"Many people will sympathize with those who are forced to become 'women'. How to put it, for me, there is nothing wrong with becoming a 'woman', but it is a more important turning point in life. Think about it, I was the only one People are very unlucky, easy to be bullied and squeezed out. Suddenly there are a lot of "sick and sympathetic" companions inexplicably; but in this environment, I can stand out like a fish in water and stand out without the slightest psychological pressure. Sometimes I think about it. I have to thank that stupid TV series. Looking back now, the time when I was a 'QUEEN' is the best memory of my teenage years."

Fan Shu was silent, so he hugged the person in his arms tightly and rubbed the side of his shoulder lightly.Ling Yanzhi's words were frivolous, as if he had really seen through the past and could no longer affect him.But it shouldn’t be like this, beauty shouldn’t be a kind of armor or a tool, or a means to cover up the truth; what’s more, he doesn’t need to cover up at all, even if there is no red dress and red lips, no labels of 'woman' and 'QUEEN', Beauty is still beauty, and beauty is still beauty.

However, Ling Yanzhi seemed to be much more relaxed, as if he had never thought that he would say all these words like beans in a bamboo tube.He wriggled around, trying to loosen himself from the steel-like arms, but his slender neck leaned back on ALPHA's shoulders, looking for a suitable depression to rest comfortably on. "Why, the real secret of the women's clothing boss doesn't have any heartache or tears, isn't it particularly boring?"

Fan Shu didn't want to disturb his good mood, so he followed his words: "Then why didn't you wear it later? I haven't seen you wearing it since getting married..."

"Wear it for you alone? You are so beautiful! Do you know how much effort it takes to dress up once? What good do you do me, I have to work hard to dress up for you?"

"Then... what about Shaoyang Bing? Can he do it?"

Ling Yanzhi killed him coldly, and couldn't laugh or cry for a while, "What's the matter, you just agreed not to talk about him? Isn't it worth your time?"

"Am I talking about him?" Fan Shu straightened his neck, gesticulating with both hands, "I'm just making an analogy."

"Don't be jealous, who hasn't been stupid when they were young, how many people have they missed? Haven't you? I don't believe it."

"Am I such a narrow-minded person? Who said that you can ask three questions? I'm not jealous, but a legitimate exercise of the right to ask questions. No, you can ask me three questions later."

"Okay—you have to ask yourself." Ling Yanzhi rolled his eyes, "It's none of my business to be sore for a while."

But where to start?It's not that he has no feelings for Shao, but looking back at this age, all infatuation seems as ridiculous as playing a house.How could I be so easily deceived by this sanctimonious guy?But if you think about it carefully, it doesn't seem to be called "cheating". From Shaoyang Bing's point of view, you can tell from his calm performance after the reunion. He probably doesn't feel that he has done anything excessive.

young--.Youth is slender and thorny ankles, exuberant and anxious hormones, inflated excess of self and excessive longing for the future.At that time, it is easy to feel that you have won, and it is easy to feel bored: in the boring primitive competition of male creatures, as long as you don't put your body sovereignty in a particularly important position that cannot be claimed, then Finding balance is really easy.Although he is marginalized, he is still a male in the final analysis, and the behavior of marking possessions engraved in his genes is still understandable.

But, but ah, no matter how many times I experience forced or consensual sex-acts, what I still don't understand is that even if there is pleasure/feeling, even if it is status symbol, it is really worth so much Energy, so much time, so much longing and desire?He expends energy, spends time, imagines all this as some kind of physical experiment, and fails again and again.The kind that my sister said, the kind shown in the TV series, the joy from the heart, the blend of supreme happiness, the willing dedication and the admiration that tastes the essence, do they really exist?Is it an illusory illusion or a carefully crafted fairy tale, or is it that only women can feel this kind of emotion?So no matter how much 'woman' I play, I still can't feel it?

A face, another face, another face.Either sincere, or flattering, or twisted and perverted, or full of lust.Round eyes, hanging eyes, corner eyes, sagging skin, layers upon layers, huge acne, bulging sacs, swollen sacs, choking bad breath, foul smell.Of course, it's not like I haven't encountered lean muscles, smooth skin, and a handsome face.However, in the final analysis, the desire of the person who draws the picture and the flesh of the person who is given are nothing more than needles and pricks, and the overturning pattern is nothing more than shaking and shaking.He pondered under the heavy suppression, suppressed muffled hums and the splashing of sweat beads, where is the so-called special existence?

When he met Shaoyang Bing, he thought he had found the answer.

This person is not here for his body.Just based on this (although it will be naive and ridiculous in the future), it was enough to make myself, who was struggling to deal with it among several men, very grateful, as if I had found a... a harbor to rely on and communicate with.

And they have the same majors, the same interests, the same pursuits... There are always countless things to say when they get together.Shaoyang Bing is traditional and conservative in communication, a type that Ling Yanzhi has never seen before, and it also makes him feel novel and curious: when you tease him, he turns red and hides; before touching him, he speaks first It's a pledge of eternal love.Due to their identities at the time, they couldn't make it public publicly, so the relationship became a bit like "tasting the forbidden fruit", which required many people and eyes to be hidden, and many lies to be woven.Looking back now, I can't really tell whether it was because of the excitement of 'love', or this kind of hide-and-seek-like disguise game was more exciting, or both.

Shaoyang Bing does not insist on his body, but he is very "controlling" in other aspects.He will strictly monitor Ling Yanzhi's travel time, class time, experiment time, and even the time spent eating and sleeping, and even the time spent going out to meet other men. To him, it is like a fine watch, accurate to the minute.How is today compared to yesterday, and how was yesterday compared to the day before yesterday? Once it is out of the norm, it will be easily slapped, cold war or punished.

At first it was just eating and sleeping.Ling Yanzhi is not a particularly self-disciplined person, especially after living alone without family supervision for a long time, he has already formed a self-centered living habit.If he is distracted by other things, or studies too much academically, or copes with surprise exams, etc., he will forget to eat, sleep less, or even stay awake.Shaoyang Bing supervised him very carefully. At the beginning, he always reminded him carefully, and even bought medicine. If he repeatedly forgot, or did not take the medicine, or took the medicine but did not report to him, he would become more and more serious. Get angry, reprimand severely, even threaten to break up.Ling Yanzhi didn't feel that there was nothing wrong with it, but was very grateful to have such a person who took care of him meticulously like a family member. He dreamed of it and was so moved that he accepted everything.Eat, take medicine, drink water, read a book, when to go to bed, when to get up, where is the person, everything is in detail.Until one time, because I was temporarily transferred to participate in a national-level confidential experimental project, I was too tired after completing dozens of hours of work. I forgot to send a message after the end, and I didn’t care that my phone was out of battery. Ten hours later, after waking up, he found dozens of missed calls and hundreds of messages on his phone—all from Shaoyang Bing; he was so worried that he almost called the police, and asked all the teachers in the school who knew him well. My classmate, after getting the address of his city, came by car overnight. He didn't know the address of the hotel where he was staying. After checking out several key project laboratories, he asked about the nearby hotels one by one.When Ling Yanzhi rushed downstairs in a hurry, he scolded him severely: "Do you know how worried others are?"If I can't find you an hour later, I really want to call the police! '

'You didn't take the medicine last time, and you didn't answer my questions!Do you know how many people I searched to find your address here?Do you know what they all think of me?Who am I to be you, they are afraid of those guys who are jealous of you, who will tell me the truth? '

'I'm afraid you'll be like last time, fainted from stomach pain and no one knows what to do!Why don't you know how to take good care of yourself, why do you have to worry about me for you? '

After venting, he hugged him tightly again, like an iron chain imprisoning him, the strength was so great that he would break apart the bones and embed them in; at the time, he didn't realize anything was wrong, on the contrary, he felt flattered Happiness: Seeing his dusty appearance and blue-black eye sockets, I was so moved that I couldn’t be more moved. I felt a warm current in my heart, so sweet that my gums tingled, and my heart beat to the wrong beat. I thought I had finally found and experienced the turbulent The true meaning of unrestrained, irrepressible emotion.

So, after that, this invisible control became more and more strict, like boiling a frog in warm water, increasing the size little by little.

First, you have to report your courses and academic progress, and then you have to recount the process of talking with other people. The conversations in chat software and mobile phones must be monitored, and then even the time allocation must be reported in detail. There is no secret between the two in the research of the confidentiality agreement, and all papers and materials must be shared.Dealing with other suitors is no longer a secret, but he also needs to know every word he said, where he was touched, and what step he asked to do.

When he reacted, Ling Yanzhi felt that he was going to suffocate; but on the other hand, he felt that this was the embodiment of the other party's feelings, and it was also a part that he had never experienced; Convince yourself first—maybe it’s a bit harsh, but it’s evidence that he really cares about me.I should cherish it. If I miss it, where can I find someone who cares about me like this?

The more you hypnotize yourself in this way, the more afraid you are of losing the other party, the more you listen to what you say and watch the words, for fear that you will accidentally touch the scales and make him unhappy; you walk on thin ice all day long, like sitting in a cage, sacrificing yourself while being trapped by yourself. The meticulous sacrifice was very moving.

It seemed to be a strange circle like a biting snake, the lingering body gradually converged, and finally wrapped around his neck.

This feeling of drowning and suffocating all the time... Could it be the so-called 'love'?So how can "love" persist, so as not to eventually die?