I heard that you are the number one assassin in Tiandu

A few simple words hide the sadness that seems to never end.

Min Qiu was surprised. He never imagined that this landlord who was drunk and had sex and "showed off", who seemed to be dazzled by hormones and adrenaline, would actually say such delicate words.

He asked carefully: "Why don't you understand? For example?"

The landlord was only sad for a moment, and then returned to laughing and joking: "Hey, I just said it casually, not to say that you don't understand! Teacher H, you must not take it to heart!"

Not knowing if he was influenced by that sentence, Min Qiu vaguely felt that the landlord was not as happy as he expressed in his words.

Min Qiu casually searched the pharmacology of several common HIV blocking drugs provided by the domestic Center for Disease Control and Prevention. It is not difficult to see that these drugs have great side effects on the human body.

How could a person who was wearing leather pants to attract bees and butterflies a few days ago, throw up, develop rashes, and lose hair every day, still be able to laugh from the bottom of his heart?

Min Qiu: "I didn't take it to heart. If you want to talk, just talk about it. Don't you want to chat with someone?"

"Hahahaha, it's nothing." The landlord said, "If no one asks, I will almost forget it."

Min Qiu: "Just say something and you still remember."

"Haha, okay, let me talk about it casually, Mr. H, take a look at it casually. It probably started when I was in junior high school, when I was 13 or 14 years old. At that time, I found that I especially liked watching boys of the same age. The interest far surpasses the interest in girls.” The host said, “Later, I went to a technical secondary school—hey, I am laughing at you. I didn’t study well, so I went to a technical secondary school at the most. At that time, we lived on campus, and there was a student in our dormitory The boy is tall and good-looking, and I like playing with him very much."

In order to distinguish the "playing" of clubbing just mentioned, the host added: "The 'playing' I mentioned is the most common kind, playing among classmates, eating together, attending classes, etc. I have never done it before. A little too much."

"However, I was only 15 or 6 years old at that time, and I was still in the developmental stage. I was young, and I was not very good at controlling my body. Slowly he noticed it.” The host recalled, “Then one day, he asked me if I was gay and if I liked him. I was so excited that I cried on the spot. I thought he meant the same thing to me, so I said Yes, I like you, I like boys. There are only two of us in the dormitory. I want to open my arms and hug him. I swear, I just want to hug him. I am satisfied after just hugging him. A lot of classmates came out, they all heard what I said, and then came up together to scold me and beat me."

Min Qiu couldn't help asking: "Did they hit you?!"

Although he is often beaten by his father and brother, these two kinds of "beating" are still different-what he receives at home is just the extreme education method of his family who want him to be better and smarter. It hurts, but I never feel resentment in my heart, and sometimes I worry about whether his father hurts his hand; but what this landlord suffered was real discrimination and malicious beating, which was a double blow to psychology and physiology.

His thoughts wanted to diverge several times, and he interrupted by shaking his head abruptly, strictly prohibiting himself from imagining the scene that happened to Joaquin.

"Yeah, hit me, pushed me to the ground, and kicked me hard." Just the words "push" and "kick" are enough to be dazzling, but the modal particle of the host seems to be very gentle , "People who lived more than ten years ago treated homosexuals like this, you can't imagine it. How can I beat five or six boys by myself? Even if I keep holding my head, I'm still beaten to the point of being dazed by them , I can’t count how many times I’ve been hit. In the end, the boy I like took out some stinky socks that others had soaked in water for several days from the washbasin on the balcony, stuffed them into my mouth, and wrapped them with tape. They stuck my mouth to prevent me from spitting it out, wrapped many loops around my hands, kicked me under the bed, and shouted for people to come and see me in the hallway, called a few teachers, and told the counselors and grades The director, said I was gay, said I was disgusting, and molested him... Later I was expelled, and the file said that I violated school rules and gathered to fight. Oh, by the way, before the teacher came, some people I didn’t know also came in and beat me , took a broom and a mop stick, poked it under the bed, picked up the shoes on the ground and threw them on my face."

The temperature of the air conditioner was turned on too low, and Min Qiu felt cold all over.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have asked." He blamed himself.

This kind of experience, let alone a 15 or 6-year-old child, even if it is any adult, it is a nightmare that will never go away.

However, time has passed for a long time, and he can do nothing but comfort him palely, "Those are all in the past and won't happen again."

"Well, I know it's all over." The forum's chat tools are simple and there are no icon emoticons. The host sent a simple symbolic smile ":)" to show that he didn't mind, "I stopped studying after I dropped out. In the society, I met a lot of people. I thought that I would be very happy to find the same kind of people to fall in love with, but soon I found that I couldn’t bring myself to like them. It has been like this for several years, and one day, I finally found the reason, I seem to only like the look of 'him' - I don't know if you can understand? It's not that I'm cheap, it's that I really can't help it, I'm sure I don't like that person, even if it's him Standing in front of me now, I don’t like it at all, and I’m still scared, but I just like his 16-year-old face, I like anyone who looks like him back then, I just want to Cuddle and sleep with them."

Min Qiu: "..."

"I told you before, Mr. H, I often go out to play, but I rarely sleep with people," the host said, "If I have a date, it must be because I met someone who looks like him. I and those When people do it, they like to turn on the lights, face to face, and see them on me... Hey, I forgot that you are a straight man, do you dislike this? I won’t say I dislike it, sorry.”

Min Qiu: "It's okay, I'm not disgusted."

If even this level of written description was disgusting, Min Qiu would not come to this forum many times.

He can probably understand the kind of mood described by the host. People have regrets about certain experiences, so they have the obsession to reproduce yesterday and change history. Wanting to go back to before the plunge—it was because that person had personally hurt the host, so he wanted to find someone similar to him to have sex with him, to paralyze himself in a short period of time, to fantasize that everything started with a confession, and that person accepted him, And became like him.

But how can there be a person in the world who is exactly the same as another person more than ten years ago?After the passion is over, he may soon be able to detect the difference between the person in front of him and "that person", so he must change to another person, look for the shadow of that person again, and convince himself to have a dream again.

The wound in his adolescence was too severe, and it couldn't heal completely after so many years... Maybe he couldn't heal and scab over his whole life.

Host: “Sometimes I meet students from nearby universities who come out to earn pocket money, and I’m happy to give them more money after I’m done, because they’re very similar in age to him, and they’re clean, but they still have to spend my money. Money, listen to me, so I feel very happy, and the money is worth it... Hey, I really shouldn’t have drunk so much wine that day and went to the bathroom by myself. The doctor in the hospital prescribed medicine for me and asked me how my financial situation was. There are 1800 double drugs, 3200 and 4000 triple drugs. I am afraid of death. The more I think about it, the more I feel that the man in black looks like a carrier, so I took 4000. Look, if I hadn’t been fucked by him that day , with this 4000 yuan, I can find two college students."

"..." Min Qiu, who is also a college student, inexplicably felt that he had been put on a price tag, "Take your medicine well!"

Host: "Hey, just kidding, I'm afraid you will be bored, and fell asleep while talking. I ate a meal from morning to night today, and I vomited it all out, Mr. H, thanks to you Talk to me for a while, I don't feel so bad in my stomach now."

"Is there no one to talk to you?" Min Qiu felt sour when he heard it, and asked, "Where are your family members? What do you do?"

"Family?" The landlord seemed surprised, and sent several question marks, "I'm already gay, how can there be any family? I was kicked out by my family a long time ago, and now I live by myself. I'm lucky. Fortunately, my family runs a gas station and has some money. My old man knows that I am worthless, and he doesn't want to see me, and he doesn't want me to die, so he will pay me living expenses every month."

Min Qiu: "..."

The host said so much about his youthful experience and family situation, and he trusted him very much. Min Qiu felt that he should not just read it like an indifferent bystander.

He said: "Just a little bit, is there a problem with your life style? I know some gays, and their lives are very regular. Have you ever used the mobile app Landi? I think you can download it and have a look at them. "

The host: "Oh, that. Mr. H, don't think I'm not humble when you say that - let me tell you the truth, it's all leftovers from my playing, not only Landi, but also several similar software. I got tired of it before."

Min Qiu: "..."

"Send a few good-looking photos, write some text on it, and make the homepage beautiful, isn't it just for dating? What's the 'local circle', why do you circle it together? Isn't it recruiting people to come out to play' group '?" The host showed Min Qiu the way with the driver's license of the old driver, "There are really reliable gays, and it's not uncommon for people to play these software. Don't look at our forum... oh, it's our forum, Although it looks chaotic, everyone can say whatever is in their hearts. Those who play mobile phone software are restricted by vocabulary and cannot speak too bluntly. In fact, what they think in their hearts is the same as ours. The more people there are, the more fake they live, I just like to soak in this broken forum because I have seen too many fake people."

Min Qiu: "...that's it."

If the words are rough and the rationale is not rough, who will live under the camera all the time?Even film and television stars have a difference between before and after the camera.Behind those photos that seem to be everywhere, what kind of carefully calculated poses are there?

Thinking about it this way, Hua Xiaojin, who never takes pictures and posts on Moments, looks consistent, sincere and cute.

Landlord: "I downloaded one."

Min Qiu: "...Didn't you say that you got tired of it!"

Host: "Yeah, if I can still go out, I won't watch it. It's because I can't go out with this appearance, so I come here to relieve my boredom."

Min Qiu: "...Well, let's see if there's nothing to do, it's okay to pass the time."

Host: "Looking at other people's moods, I often feel very empathetic. Mr. H, do you know why there are so many discussions about our feelings and personal life on the Internet with this group? It's not because we like to bring out our own lives Showing it to others, I don’t want others to pay attention to us. It’s really...the feeling that no one can talk about it. It’s too uncomfortable. Think about it, if you are in love, you can tell your family and friends, What about us? There is almost no one to talk to. No one to talk to if you are happy, and no one to talk to if you are unhappy. It is too lonely, so I can only chatter online. Discrimination in general forums is very serious. When you hear that you are gay, immediately A group of people came out and scolded me, and they thought I was dirty their place even if they poured water. Only this forum can talk with confidence, and everyone understands what they say. Otherwise, you think I don’t know this forum? Look at this The frame, this chat tool, is a style from more than ten years ago."

He was lonely, and Min Qiu sympathized with him, but he had nothing to do. He could only provide some common sense and precautions for treating fungal infections as best he could, hoping that his moss would recover soon.

And people who are sick have this kind of mentality - if a doctor tells him the precautions once, he may miss the key point, or forget the details, causing confusion, but if many people tell him the same, the patient will The key point of the doctor's order can be found.

"That's right, that's what the doctor told me." After listening to it, the landlord looked carefully at the shopping website, and found a link to send to Min Qiu, "Mr. H, look, I'm wearing this One, can’t this one work? The material is also very thin!”

"No, this is made of chemical fiber." Min Qiu clicked on the link and said, "And why are you wearing such fancy underwear? Is there an electric effect? ​​You can search for pure cotton underwear and find 100% cotton underwear. By the way, buy light-colored ones, otherwise some dyes may also irritate the skin."

The landlord sent another one: "Is this kind okay?"

Min Qiu: "Well, this kind is made of pure cotton. Buy a few more and change it every day. If you just started taking medicine, it's best not to use a pair of underwear for more than a month. When you go out, you should wear beach shorts. Big pants, don’t wear too thick, airtight outer pants, which are not easy to wash thoroughly, and can also cause cross-infection of fungi. After washing, hang them in the sun for full exposure to sterilize.”

This host has probably been gay for a long time, and he is very concerned about his clothes, choosing a few large pants of different colors; Min Qiu felt that his life was too miserable after hearing his experience, and couldn't bear to touch his face. He also helped to choose for a long time and provided some suggestions.

The next morning Min Qiu almost got up late again, and Joaquin used all his hands and feet to drag him out of the bed with great effort.

The elevator was still crowded, and everyone rushed to the last shift before the long holiday.Min Qiu put his hands on Huajin's side to help him separate the space, and by the way, he looked down at the long jeans he was wearing today, and he couldn't help but think of the discussion with the landlord a few hours ago-jeans are made of cotton. The easiest to hide dirt and inconvenient to thoroughly sterilize.

He couldn't help asking, "Are you hot in these pants?"

Joaquin bit his lip: "Fortunately, it's not hot."

But that little face was obviously flushed, and he could tell that he was so hot that he was about to evaporate on the spot.

Min Qiu didn't get enough sleep when he got up early in the morning, and he was already in a bad mood, and he felt a little irritated by Shang Huajin's habit of gritting his teeth and opening his eyes and telling nonsense.

"It's hot, what are you doing in such long pants?" In public, he didn't want to say the words "moss" and "heat rash", but he felt that the two of them were together all day, so it should be a little There is a tacit understanding, needless to say, Tou Joaquin should also understand what he means, "What are you wearing inside? Is it the ones I bought for you last time?"

After "those", he omitted the word "underpants" to avoid misunderstanding.

Joaquin couldn't understand: "What 'those'?"

"What else?" Min Qiu was dissatisfied with his slow response and lowered the average IQ of the team, so he had to lower his head and leaned closer to his ear, "Underwear."

Joaquin suddenly raised his head to look at him, the capillaries in his eyes were suddenly congested, red as if he was about to cry, in the end he didn't say anything, just stared for a moment, then nodded silently with his downcast eyes.

This little Gay really likes to add drama to himself.Min Qiu thought confusedly, but he was just asking if he was wearing pure cotton underwear, and it was not a secret, so why did it look like Zhaojun was out of the fortress?

Joaquin's room was not very sunny, although the ventilation was good, but there was not enough sunlight. The clothes could be dried that day only because of the hot weather, which had nothing to do with the sun, and the sterilizing effect of ultraviolet rays was greatly reduced.

In order to prevent problems before they happen, Min Qiu sincerely leaned forward and suggested in his ear: "After washing next time, take it to my room to dry."

——He really hopes that Joaquin can always be as healthy and beautiful as he is now, and don't suffer from those weird and unspeakable ailments, which can make people suffer even if they don't want to die.

Unexpectedly, Joaquin didn't know what was good or bad, but when he heard it, he stared back fiercely, as if Min Qiu was an enemy who wanted to snatch his underwear for himself.

"It's not that I want to steal it from you. If I do, I won't be able to wear it." Min Qiu couldn't help laughing, teasing him, "It's so small."

However, after saying that, Joaquin's face did not soften a bit, but stared at him even tighter, and he didn't even have time to blink.

The two stared at each other. Because they were too close, Min Qiu couldn't judge Joaquin's mental state. He felt that there was a faint smell of gunpowder in such a confrontation?

It made him very nervous.

"Don't look at me like that, I really don't want you. Or..." He felt tired after his neck was lowered for a long time, he straightened up and moved a few times, then bent down and asked kindly, "I'll give you another How many do you buy?"