polar and extreme love

It was empty and dark, and Gu Ziyuan knew that he was trying so hard, but he was just paralyzing himself—there were two people in this room a month ago, eating breakfast together, leaning on the sofa to watch a football game, and sitting in the bedroom together. Having sex by the floor-to-ceiling windows... And now, he will spend more than half a year in loneliness alone, and a huge loneliness surges over and completely envelops him.Although I have been in love with Hou Kang for seven years, in recent years, that person has become more and more like a hidden lover who has disappeared. Gu Ziyuan spent very little time with him in a year. Hou Kang is not above the sea, Just on the way to the sea.

A few days ago, Gu Ziyuan made an impulsive request to break up, but Hou Kang disagreed, and after that, he didn't have the courage to face this problem again—he couldn't really make a decision, he was uncomfortable, but he couldn't bear it. .

He really understands that love is not just about companionship, but he also knows that love can't just be accompanied by a pitiful amount, which is as pitiful as alms.

Dilemma.

Bored, he counted with his fingers. They have played together since he was a little boy, and they have never been separated. He didn't expect that when he was a little older, he would go all the way. Involuntarily.

And when did this state start?After careful study, it should be after going to college.

It was an era when railways hadn't been greatly accelerated. There were no convenient high-speed trains all over the country today. The fastest train from Beijing to Yantai would take [-] hours.

Since the start of school, Gu Ziyuan has been counting the holidays on the calendar-May [-]st, [-]th, or occasionally when there is no experimental class on Friday, he will buy a hard sleeper train ticket and go south.Hou Kang went to a military academy, and he had to ask for leave to register before he could leave the school on weekends, and there was a six-hour access control time limit, so Gu Ziyuan had to take the initiative to find Hou Kang.

Every meeting is also very simple. Gu Ziyuan went out of the train station and waited for him near Houkang School. After the two met, they walked around the city together, either to see the sea or eat. The time always passed quickly. Quickly, it didn't seem like he had stayed for long, and it was time for Hou Kang to report back to school.

"Don't take such a long drive next time, it's very hard, wait for me to find you."

"But how can you ask for leave? I don't care. Anyway, there are many holidays."

Gu Ziyuan smiled and showed his big white teeth, and Hou Kang habitually touched his head to comfort him. Gu Ziyuan always felt that he was smoothing the fur of a small animal, but he also enjoyed it.

After Hou Kang left, Gu Ziyuan lived in a nearby hotel by himself and felt in his pocket. He didn't know when there was an extra 500 yuan in it. He knew it must belong to Hou Kangsai.Gu Ziyuan never wanted it, but the boy kept insisting - "Why are you being polite to me, I've already made money".

But it seems impossible to refute.

The next day, he will play around in the cities around Yantai, eat seafood again, and then return to Beijing by train.After more than a year, Gu Ziyuan visited almost all the attractions there.

So, when he returned to Beijing and lay down on the big bed in the dormitory, he occasionally asked himself why he always went so far to Yantai to find Hou Kang?But after much deliberation, it seems that he can't think of a very accurate answer. He can't tell. It can be summed up as a habit-he has always had Hou Kang in his childhood environment, but now he hasn't seen him for a few months. Humans are not very clear in their hearts, as if a piece is missing.

This is a very magical feeling, and it is difficult for Gu Ziyuan to describe it clearly.

In the past year, the longest time the two have spent together is only the winter vacation.Hou Kang's school will go to sea for an internship in the summer vacation, and it has always been his dream to put on a military uniform and board a big ship, so he always wants to share his excitement with others.

Gu Ziyuan is his audience. When he heard Hou Kang talk about those days floating on the sea, the kind that was not involved in secrets, he would feel that it was far away and unreal, until he saw the photo Hou Kang gave him——that look He is really handsome. Under the uniform, he is as tall and straight as a poplar.

Gu Ziyuan had to admit that Hou Kang was really suitable for military uniforms.

4.

And when did the ignorant feelings begin to sublimate?Gu Ziyuan thought, it was really a long process, and he couldn't find the messy thread, but he knew that his real emotional awakening came after watching a movie.

"Happy Together".

He copied it from a classmate's computer. At that time, he didn't think of searching for a plot summary, but he just thought the name was interesting.So, on a rainy Sunday afternoon in his junior year, Gu Ziyuan watched the whole movie, leaving his mind full of melancholy—it turns out that two men can also have love.

This is like a door leading to a new world. Many thoughts that were imprisoned in the past seem to have found an outlet. During that time, Gu Ziyuan's thoughts were all about Hou Kang.In the middle of a night, he entered a few key words in the search bar, and then entered a homosexual pornographic website by mistake.The love action video that popped up suddenly caught Gu Ziyuan a little off guard. Under the dim light, he stared at the screen in a daze, unable to take his eyes off—hugging, kissing, blowjob, inserting... the frames were exceptional. In Gu Ziyuan's mind, he unconsciously brought into Hou Kang the man who was lying on another person's body, piling and thrusting, and he was still wearing a military uniform.With a dry mouth, Gu Ziyuan's hard stick pushed up his underpants into a big tent, and finally, he vented out by shaking.

That night he lay in bed tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep for a long time, and suddenly hated himself that night, but his thoughts were completely out of control.He would think of Hou Kang more frequently, and he also faintly realized that he seemed to have a very different emotion for this brother, so the man in the dream was also a frequent visitor, and after waking up from the dream, his underwear was wet.

Soon after that came May Day.Gu Ziyuan had already bought the train ticket to Yantai long ago, and he set foot on the train going south again, but this time the mood in his arms was a little different.

Standing at the school gate waiting for Hou Kang to ask for leave to go out, after a while he saw him coming out with a few classmates, Gu Ziyuan nodded to them to say hello.

"Monkey, is your wife looking for you again?"

The classmates were joking, and Gu Ziyuan blushed instantly with a ghost in his heart. He was always eloquent and at a loss for words. Hou Kang told them not to talk nonsense, explaining that the two were brothers.

Finally everyone dispersed, he hurriedly apologized: "Don't take it to heart, they are all mean-spirited, but they don't mean anything malicious, I'll help you deal with them when I go back."

Gu Ziyuan nodded, and the two walked towards the hotel. He came back in a hurry and hadn't found a place to stay yet, so Hou Kang took him to check in together.Entering the west-facing room on the second floor, Gu Ziyuan walked behind Hou Kang, staring at his back and every movement, and suddenly some crazy ideas came to his head.

After closing the door, he counted three seconds in his heart, hugged Hou Kang from behind, and kissed his side face.Three seconds later, he let go of him again, pretending to look at him calmly.

The boy was obviously stunned, not understanding the meaning of Gu Ziyuan's series of actions.

Gu Ziyuan laughed to ease his embarrassment: "I'm just joking."

"..."

"I read on the Internet that there are few girls in your military academy, and sometimes there is a little bit between boys... Then I just want to try you. But when I kissed you just now, you reacted very stiffly. It shouldn't have happened, haha."

Hou Ang's tense expression finally relaxed, but the part of his face that was kissed could still feel the traces of the gentle touch of his lips at this moment.

Afterwards, the two resumed their usual way of getting along, but when they were chatting, Hou Kang still couldn't help but peek at Gu Ziyuan, deep down in his heart, he still couldn't help repeatedly confirming whether what Gu Ziyuan said just now was true or not.

He didn't know what he was expecting, but after that playful kiss, everything changed.

In the days after that, Hou Kang seldom took the initiative to contact Gu Ziyuan again, and the boy couldn't help but wonder if his little thoughts that day were still exposed—even though he was already trying his best to cover up and wanted to behave normal Be natural.

But no matter how much he guessed, Gu Ziyuan still couldn't muster up the courage to ask Hou Kang for an answer.Forget it, he thought, it's better to suppress those desires that can't be seen at all, after all, the relationship between men and men cannot be understood by the public after all.Without Hou Kang, Gu Ziyuan devoted more time to his studies, and the days went by extraordinarily quickly.

The morning before his 21st birthday, Gu Ziyuan was studying in the library when his cell phone rang suddenly, and a big name appeared on the screen - "Monkey".

He rushed to the corridor to answer the long-lost phone call.

"Hey?"

"Beijing is so big, I really almost lost my way. I'm in your school now, and I came in through the east door. I remember that you live in Apartment No. [-]. Are you in the dormitory or the teaching building?"

Hearing this, Gu Ziyuan's brain shut down for a few seconds before finally processing all the information.

"Stay there and don't move, I'll go find you."

Gu Ziyuan ran out at almost the speed of the wind, and people looked sideways frequently along the way.The map of the school was spinning in his mind, and he quickly guessed his location based on Hou Kang's description just now.

Turning around the last intersection, the man was standing there, looking as straight and handsome as ever, Gu