then spring comes

I don’t know when the house has been crowded with close relatives and friends. They hurriedly pulled me out of my mother’s room, saying that they wanted to move the bed to the center of the house, and change it for her before she was hard enough. Clothes and grooming, I haven't realized it yet, although we all knew that my mother had reached the late stage of esophageal cancer, since my son was less than 26 days old, I accompanied my mother to seek medical advice, radiotherapy, chemotherapy, gamma knife All kinds of cancer treatments that have metastasized lesions have been used, but after all, I am still young, only [-] years old, and I have never experienced death, and I don’t know what the real result of death is, although I also vaguely know I felt that my mother might not be able to last for a long time. In my understanding, this time may be a year, maybe half a year, or at least three months, but what caught me off guard was that she was here in front of me immediately!

The real result of death is that your dearest warm and kind person becomes cold inch by inch in your hands!That person who used to come over immediately when you coughed lightly, let you cry next to her heartbroken, hoarse and still lying there coldly!When there was no one in the room, I sneaked into my mother's ear and called her nicknames as usual: "Old lady, old lady!" She just lay there motionless with a white cloth covering her face.At this time, I suddenly remembered many stories and folk anecdotes about ghosts. They said that someone died in a certain family, and the dead person suddenly sat up from the coffin when he was buried. I wish such a miracle could happen to my mother. body, but my mother would just lie in the crystal coffin coldly!Only then did I know that the so-called miracles were all miraculous things that happened to other people that I had heard about. When it was my turn, it became impossible. !My mother always wanted me to be strong and happy. She didn't like me showing weakness in front of others, so I didn't want to cry, but the tears flowed down my eyes like a small river, and I couldn't wipe it off!During the three days from my mother's death to her burial, I didn't blink a single glance, and I couldn't sleep at all. I always felt that she was by my side, like a shadow, but no matter how painful I was, she didn't come to comfort me. Lying there coldly!After ordering soup for three nights, because I was too sad and sleepless, I didn’t have any milk to eat. In addition to the hot weather and the little nanny’s lack of experience in raising children, I was vomiting and diarrhea and had a high fever. I will go back to my own home to see a doctor for my child!

On the first night when I got home, it rained heavily. When I woke up, I remembered that I no longer had the pain of my mother. I couldn’t help lying on the floor at home and crying loudly. After crying, I lay on the balcony and watched the pouring rain outside the window. Heavy rain, lightning and thunder, as if I saw my poor mother's little grave trembling alone in the wind and rain. My mother was always very timid. When she was alive, she was afraid of walking alone at night, but now she has to live in such a night. Wandering alone!

The pain of losing my mother has been tormenting me deeply and persistently, making me almost suffer from depression!

Jinjin was weaned when he was one year old, and the child's grandma has retired, but grandpa is still at work, and grandma has to take care of grandpa, so she can't come to us, so she took Jinjin back to her hometown, and now I am even more lonely!Although I was suffering in the past, I was busy with work at work, and I didn't have much time to be sad when I went home to take care of my children.But now that the child has been sent back to his hometown, and Huang Linhui is serving in the army again, I have a lot of time to savor the pain of my mother's loss!From the time I was pregnant with Jinjin to the month when I was about to give birth, I was still working normally. My mother was afraid that I would suddenly have a baby on the way to and from work. Pick me up, during that time I always looked around every time I walked out of the unit, as if I saw the lonely figure of my mother still hovering at the door of the unit!Every time my mother came to Luoyang from her hometown, she took the bus with big and small bags, so every day when I went to and from work, I always slowed down when I passed the bus stop where my mother used to sit, and stood there looking forward to it. Seeing an old lady with big bags and small bags getting out of the car like a mother, I have the urge to go up to her and call her mother!But when I was still immersed in this long and heart-wrenching pain, my father's actions gave me another blow to the head!

After my mother's funeral is over, my brother and I will go back to our respective homes to go to work. My brother is worried that my father will be alone at home, afraid that he will be alone at home and see the scenes of his life with his mother, so he will take him to his own home. What he didn't expect was that his kindness would actually do something bad!At that time, my elder brother’s youngest daughter was just 1 year old. After being introduced by someone, I found a nanny in her 50s to take her with her. After three or five days, her father gradually got acquainted with the nanny and often took the baby out to play together. Less than [-] days after my mother passed away, my father wanted to get married!This is like adding insult to injury to me.

In the 80s and 40s, the economy was not rich, and the only two children in the family became college students. Our family is the first in our community. Of course, there is hard work and diligence of my brother and me, but if it is not for the financial support of our parents I'm afraid it's also very difficult to do, especially my mother is frugal and hard-working. Since I can remember, I have never seen my mother add new clothes. As far as I can remember, I have never seen my mother sit quietly and do nothing. When she was resting, even if it was Chinese New Year, she couldn't live without her, and she worked hard until she died!But it was such a simple old man who was respected by all the people around him for his hard work and kindness. Less than ten days after her death, his wife started looking for a new marriage partner, and he was going to get married in less than a hundred days! Where did the [-] years of love go?Human feelings are so cold?Turning faces faster than flipping books turned out to be the person next to my pillow.I'm not worth it for my mother!What's more, I never thought that my respected and loved father would do such a thing!The brother and sister-in-law were also very annoyed, thinking that their well-intentioned filial father had such a result, and their stomachs were green with regret.But no matter who persuaded him, my father refused to look back. Like a stubborn old cow, my father solemnly announced to us: I did not cause your mother's death. I am still alive after she dies. I will be happy every day I live. The day has passed, and now I'm about to start a new chapter in my life.

Although what my father said was not unreasonable, but after all, my mother just passed away suddenly at the age of 60. We couldn't change our views so quickly, and we still blamed him and annoyed him in our hearts.But now it's really "it's going to rain, my mother is going to get married", so I can only let him go!When I returned to my hometown, I heard the gossip from my neighbors. I could not complain about my father to outsiders, and I also had a hard time with my father. I was sad and depressed all day long!