sleep in your heart

Where there are people, there is gossip, and with gossip, it is easy to spread to the ears of the person concerned.

Zheng Zhi is okay, he usually doesn't talk to people, and others avoid him when talking about these nonsense things. Everyone thinks that this person is not easy to mess with, and no one wants to make trouble for themselves.

But the others were different.

You Zeyi has no sense of presence, no one pays attention to him, Ning Lu is used to being pointed at him, so he doesn't care too much about what everyone is talking about this time, the only one who is different is Zhou Tong.

Zhou Tong is a man who is crazy and popular, and he can usually take jokes, so the boys get together to make a fuss with him from time to time. Zhou Tong explained a few words at the beginning, saying that it was just I just met him at dinner, but later he didn't listen to the explanation, even if he listened, he didn't take it seriously, so he didn't bother to say so much.

This society, people in this society, they all have a common problem, that is, they only listen to and believe what they want to hear and believe.explain?If you don't listen or don't listen, you can chant sutras like a bastard.

Zhou Tong started joking with this group of people later on. Anyway, it was useless to explain, so he said it as a joke. If he didn't take it seriously, others would not take it seriously after a long time.

So, when someone asked Zhou Tong who he likes again, Zhou Tong smiled mysteriously, then raised his eyebrows and said, "Don't you all know who I like?"

Others asked, "Who is it? Zheng Zhi or Ning Lu?"

He said, "Choose one!"

It's just a joke, the speaker has no intention of listening to it.

Although You Zeyi knew that everyone liked to joke about their relationship with Ning Lu recently, he didn't take it seriously, and the "boring" complaint in his heart passed away.

During this period of time, besides studying peacefully, he secretly read books before going to bed every day, those few books he borrowed from Shitu.

Three books on homosexuality, cut from various angles.

He saw that in the United States in the last century, in order to "correct" homosexuality, people were sent to hospitals, and various cruel methods were used to deal with those homosexuals.

Drugs, electric shocks, imprisonment... Looking at the dictation of those who experienced it, You Zeyi felt terrified.

Although the current society is much more open in some respects, in fact, some people still think that homosexuality is disgusting, a disease, and a pervert. You Zeyi admits that he has different feelings for Zheng Zhi, but he can't be sure. Is it the so-called heartbeat of love that people dare not easily give themselves a definition of "homosexuality".

He has never been a brave person. Those things in the past have made him a little cautious. Now he doesn't want to make troubles at all. He only hopes that his grades will improve and he will be admitted to a decent university next year.

The homosexual group has never really been taken seriously. No matter how loud the calls for equal rights on the Internet are, in real life, many people still "speak the same color".

As soon as You Ze read a book that said "maybe one day, the law will start to protect some identities, but it will never protect everyone", he no longer expects anything to protect himself, but he is still afraid of being harm.

On the night when he closed the last book, You Zeyi suffered from insomnia.

He was lying on the bed in the dormitory, staring unblinkingly at the ceiling in front of him as if he could touch it with his hands. He thought about Zheng Zhi, himself, and how good that person was, but he couldn't find him. Any shortcomings in his body that he feels are enough to obliterate the emotion of "like".

He just likes Zheng Zhi, the kind of liking that he wants to be with him and kiss him.

But he also knows that this kind of liking cannot be seen or shown, and it is destined to be buried in his 19-year-old life.

This is the first time that You Zeyi has confirmed that he has fallen in love with someone. He feels that he has become a philosopher overnight, full of strange ideas and the principles of life, until dawn, he told himself: Yes Choose to keep liking, but don't let anyone know.

The reason is nothing more than that Zheng Zhi won't like him, and he doesn't want to bring trouble and trouble to Zheng Zhi.

As soon as You Ze knew it, this was the love that everyone passed on from word to mouth, it was sour and sweet, and it could make him shed tears when it was sweet.

Some people's love is blessed by everyone, while some people's love is destined to be held in the heart and rot in the stomach.

But it's nothing, if you choose to think about it, after a long time, there will be no feelings at all.

You Zeyi found time by himself to return the few borrowed books. On Saturday afternoon, when he came out of the city map, the sun was so good that he didn't take care of this heavy-hearted boy at all, as if he wanted to hide all of him in the The secrets of damp dark corners are dried.

He frowned and walked forward, and made an agreement with his aunt that he would not go back, and he didn't want to go back to the dormitory at the moment.

It's not too far from the city map to the school, and it doesn't take long to walk. He looked at the street not far from the road for a long time, wondering if he would suddenly meet Zheng Zhi?However, after standing for a full 5 minutes, there were many people coming and going, but there was no one he wanted to meet.

You chose the other side of the road, wandering forward without any destination or any expectation.

Every time a person passes by, he would think: Has he ever encountered confusion or pain in his life?

You Zeyi has experienced all these things. When his mother died, he was in pain. When others looked at him sympathetically at the funeral, he wanted to lose his temper and go with his mother.

And now, he is in a time of confusion.

Although he had made up his mind to hide his feelings, he began to fall into self-doubt about his unusual feelings.

He asked himself: You Zeyi, are you gay?Do you only like Zheng Zhi, a boy, or will you also like other boys of the same sex?

He stepped on the road scorched by the sun, imagining himself kissing Zheng Zhi, just a blurred picture made him short of breath and his cheeks flushed.

Turning off this image in his mind, he once again fell into self-blame and self-loathing.

So many emotions were tearing him apart, he felt like his brain was going to explode.

Go west from the city map all the way, passing a commercial street.

You Zeyi has never been here before, or in other words, he is not familiar with this city, and he has been to only a few places. He stumbled into the commercial street by mistake, and people passing by brushed his shoulders. , leaving the smell of perfume or sweat around him.

He didn't like physical contact with strangers, so he moved from the middle of the road to the side.

He walked very slowly, as if in this way, those unclear questions could be scattered like a little girl in a fairy tale spreading bread crumbs.

He kept walking, facing the sun, frowning.

There is a small square in the middle of the commercial street. There are beggars, people playing guitar, people drawing pictures, and there is a person with a rainbow sticker on his face and the words "I'm gay, can you give me a hug" printed on his clothes? young man.

The man closed his eyes and opened his arms, standing in the crowd looking a little lonely and funny.

You Zeyi stood more than ten meters away from him and watched him for a long time. In the crowded commercial street, no one stepped forward to hug him.

At this moment, You Zeyi wanted to ask him why he did this, and also wanted to ask him how he felt when faced with such a result.

Sure enough, the world is not so beautiful, and all the cruel sides will tear off the disguise for you to see one day.

The young man gritted his teeth and waited for someone to give him a firm or gentle hug, even one, but there was never any.

You Zeyi didn't know when he came, didn't know how long he had been waiting, and didn't know how long he would keep going if he just left.

Seeing that person waiting there stubbornly like a sculpture, You Zeyi really wanted to tell him, don't wait, your Godot won't come.

When thinking of this, You Zeyi suddenly felt sour in his heart, he actually envied this person.

Although the man seemed ridiculously alien at this moment, a stubborn joke, at least he was brave and knew who he was.

The poorest people are not the cornered minorities, but those who don't even know who they are.

You Ze took a deep breath, and suddenly stepped forward. He walked towards that person slowly, step by step. At that moment, he suddenly wished that he was standing here, even though he was suffering, but his heart was full of joy.

You Zeyi hugged the young man with a serious and solid hug.

The other party was obviously taken aback, then gently hugged You Zeyi back, and whispered in his ear with a smile, "Thank you."

From the beginning to the end, that person never opened his eyes, but You Zeyi always felt that the other party saw him and saw through him.

A short hug, but You Zeyi felt as if he had finally found a small island where he could temporarily live after wandering in the vast sea for a long time. Although he took a short rest and was ready to go on the road again, what the small island brought him was to continue. The strength to go on.

After the hug, You Ze left without saying a word.

He didn't know if anyone noticed them, and he didn't know if someone was still staring at him, but what he knew was that homosexuals were no different from the most ordinary people, they also had gentle voices and beating hearts.

He walked faster and faster, until finally he just started running.

His clothes were wet with sweat, and beads of sweat on his forehead fell into his eyes.

You Zeyi didn't know how far he ran until he couldn't take it anymore and sat on the flower bed by the roadside.

The summer flowers were sun-baked and dejected, but he was no longer confused. The hug just now solved all his doubts and buried his uneasiness in the soil.

Whether you are gay or not, what should have happened has already happened, just do what you think is right, don't let yourself regret it, and don't disturb others.