Tentative

"You don't need to eat so fast..." Shen Yizhuo smiled when he saw that he was about to choke at any moment.But Qu Zhe shook his head hastily, and kept stuffing noodles into his mouth for a second.It's not that he wants to eat so fast, but that once he stops to chew slowly, he probably can't control the conditioned reflex to spit it out.

After eating a bowl of noodles in 3 minutes, Qu Zhe went to the front desk to buy two bottles of mineral water. While filling himself, he unscrewed the other bottle and put it in front of Shen Yizhuo.

"Let's go for a walk later." Shen Yizhuo was very satisfied with his obedience, and when the two left the noodle shop, Jiang Yuzhao was still eating noodles in the corner.

"Okay." Qu Zhe responded, glanced at Jiang Yuzhao again, and nodded slightly.

Shen Yizhuo walked in front and didn't notice his small movements. He followed the topic and asked: "Or play ball? Or ride a bicycle? Or go back to school?"

"I... I can do both."

"You choose one."

"Then... let's play billiards." Qu Zhe said.

He couldn't say that he was interested in billiards, but he knew that Shen Yizhuo liked to play billiards.

"Forget it," Shen Yizhuo changed his mind after thinking for a while, "let's go for a walk by the river."

"it is good."

On a winter night, if it is windy, walking by the river is obviously not a good choice.The river runs through the entire city, just avoiding the school, Qu Zhe's house, and Shen Yizhuo's residence.With the brim of his hat pressed down very low, Shen Yizhuo walked towards the river with ease.The street lamps along the river are slightly flickering due to their age, and seem to be broken at any time.

In such an atmosphere, Qu Zhe suddenly felt a trace of peace.

It was different from the usual feeling of being with Shen Yizhuo, maybe because the other person's figure looked soft under this kind of light, he didn't feel nervous, but was delighted by the rare opportunity to hang out by the river.

When they reached a certain long staircase, Shen Yizhuo suddenly stopped and said, "Sit for a while?"

"it is good."

He lit a cigarette, smoked, looked at the dark river, and said lightly, "What do you like about me?"

"what?"

"Talk casually, don't be nervous." Shen Yizhuo slowly exhaled a puff of smoke, turned to look at Qu Zhe, "while I'm in a good mood."

"……I do not know either."

"Prefer not to say?"

"No..." Qu Zhe met his gaze cautiously, "I really...don't know."

"Then what do you think they like about me?"

"them?"

"Everyone."

Qu Zhe frowned slightly, thought carefully, and stammered: "You...you have good grades and good looks..."

"Yes." Shen Yizhuo nodded, and turned his gaze back to the silent river, "They think I'm very good, so they like me."

"Well...you're fine."

He didn't continue to talk, Qu Zhe watched the smoke between his fingers slowly burning, and a few thin wisps of smoke floated from the orange light spot, rising slowly.

Qu Zhe thought for a while and said, "No matter how good you are, someone will like you..."

"Have it?"

"some."

"you?"

"..." Qu Zhe withdrew his gaze and looked to the other side. The surrounding area was empty, and there was no one else except the two of them, "Yeah."

He heard Shen Yizhuo chuckle, and then read a poem inexplicably: "'They drove across the fields for 72 hours to see if it was you or me or he discovered the beautiful scenery, they are looking for eternity'..."

Qu Zhe continued naturally: "'They traveled to Denver, they died in Denver, they returned to Denver and waited in vain'," "They watched Denver contemplating and lonely in Denver, and finally left to find time, and now Denver But because he lost his hero, he is lonely'." Shen Yizhuo was smoking a cigarette, looking at him with some surprise and satisfaction, "Do you like reading poetry?"

"...It's, it's okay." Qu Zhe felt uncomfortable being stared at by him, and his face began to burn.

Qu Zhe has no interest in poetry at all—he can’t memorize the ancient and modern poems in his textbooks, let alone choose some American poets’ poems for careful study.And he remembered this sentence only because it appeared on the manuscript paper that Shen Yizhuo scribbled when he was bored in class.

Every word that Shen Yizhuo wrote was engraved in his heart, and he memorized it fluently.Later, he went to an Internet cafe and looked up information related to these verses, just to get closer to Shen Yizhuo.

It's not the physical distance, but... the essence gap with him, and then narrow it down a bit.

"Like Allen Ginsberg?"

"Just...some understanding."

"I thought you weren't interested in anything on paper."

"I happened to see it...and I remembered it." Qu Zhe said guiltily, "Do you want to go to Denver?"

"no."

"I thought..." "Actually, it doesn't matter where you travel," Shen Yizhuo took off his hat, and pressed it on Qu Zhe's head casually, "Where is the thing you are looking for, you should go there...It's kind of you to wear a hat suitable."

"Thank you, thank you..."

"Is there anything you want?"

Qu Zhe's first reaction was the person in front of him.But obviously the other party didn't want to hear this answer. He straightened the brim of his hat and replied softly, "Want... a mobile phone?"

"It's very realistic." Shen Yizhuo was amused by his answer, "Mobile phones are easy to get."

"...or want a friend."

The atmosphere between him and Shen Yizhuo seemed to be getting more and more harmonious.A few hours ago he was still crying and felt that he had been greatly humiliated, but at this moment he felt that Shen Yizhuo's smile was too beautiful to describe.

"Friend... friend." As Shen Yizhuo said, he extinguished the cigarette on the steps, stood up and stretched, "That would be a luxury."

"Yeah." He stood up, unable to hide the disappointment in his tone.

For people like Qu Zhe, being able to get along with others is a gratifying thing.As for friends in the true sense, he is very clear that he may never get them in his life.

Just like the homeroom teacher who won't get angry if someone calls him "Baldy Li" face to face, if he is in the same situation, he might just smile and run away.If people keep shrinking in the shell, they will forget how to get out over time.His weakness and cowardice are a shell... Shen Yizhuo's excellence may also be a shell.

"Shen Yizhuo..."

"Ok?"

"Are you also..." Qu Zhe asked with great difficulty, "I really hate me..."

Shen Yizhuo wrote lightly: "No."

"Is it……"

"I hate you, why did you let you go to my house?" Shen Yizhuo said, turning around and walking up the stairs, "Let's go, go home."

"well."

"Have you watched all the movies on my MP4?"

"No, no..." Mentioning this incident, Qu Zhe couldn't help thinking of the panting and intertwined flesh in the video.

He is not a good liar, he knows it well.

Shen Yizhuo didn't expose it, but continued to ask: "Then have you watched "Happy Together"?"

"No……"

"Go back and have a look."

"You...you should have seen it."

"Well, I've seen it."

"Are you still watching?"

"If you want to see it, you can see it."

They walked side by side on the scenic belt along the river, just like when they came, the street lights were dim and lonely.But it was different from when he came here. Qu Zhe wore Shen Yizhuo's hat, and the other's soft hair was blown by the wind from time to time. They walked side by side, as if they were very good friends.

During this period of time, his understanding of Shen Yizhuo has grown exponentially, and he has figured out the other party's temper - as long as he follows Shen Yizhuo's wishes, the other party will be very gentle and easy to talk to.

So Qu Zhe became more courageous, and asked softly, "When... did you find out..."

"Find out that you're gay?" Shen Yizhuo helped him finish the question, and he didn't seem disgusted to talk about it.

"Uh-huh."

"I lied to you, I'm not."

"Ah?" Qu Zhe was surprised, "Then your MP4..."

"Just for fun." Shen Yizhuo put his hands in his trouser pockets, relaxed and casual, "I have never liked anyone, so there is no such thing as homosexuality."

"That's it."

"It's you," he looked at Qu Zhe with a smile, and deliberately put his arms around his waist like a villain, "You like me, you are."

"I don't know..." Qu Zhe dodged subconsciously, and was confused by Shen Yizhuo's words.

If Shen Yizhuo is not, then what is the kiss between them?

If you really want to find a reason for it, it can only be the hazy impulse of adolescence.

"It doesn't matter, I will be ashamed if you fail the final exam." Shen Yizhuo said suddenly, "Be careful when copying."

The topic changed quickly, and before Qu Zhe could react, Shen Yizhuo continued, "Why don't you copy?"

"what?"

"Why didn't you copy other people's exams before." Shen Yizhuo said, "Even if Jiang Yuzhao is next to you, you should still be able to see what was written on my paper...I didn't cover it."

"I'm afraid... I'm afraid you will hate me if you find out."

"Didn't you think I hated you from the beginning?"

"Ah...you're right..." When talking to Shen Yizhuo, Qu Zhe would always get involved.The truth is always on Shen Yizhuo's side, but he is stupid like a mentally handicapped child.

"So you can really see what's written on my paper, right?"

"Um……"

"Very good, then you can just read it during the final exam."

"oh oh……"

As Shen Yizhuo said, he reached out and stroked his hair that was blown tousled by the wind.He casually gathered the broken hair from his sideburns behind his ears, exposing the lines of his side face.Qu Zhe raised his head slightly, and felt his heart beating a lot faster just by looking at it.Whether he was sitting in the classroom looking out the window, or smoking a cigarette and playing seriously, Qu Zhe remembered every moment clearly, but never felt they were so close like this moment.

Shen Yizhuo is like a slow poison, the closer he gets to him, the more he feels unable to extricate himself.

Of course, his most extravagant idea is not to wish that he has friends—but to want to enter Shen Yizhuo's life, not just to get close, but to really enter.

"Qu Zhe."

"Uh-huh."

"Help me buy a pack of cigarettes, I'll go up first."

He raised his head, only to realize that during the conversation, they had already arrived downstairs.After Shen Yizhuo finished speaking, he walked towards the corridor, and he obediently walked towards the nearby convenience store, bought the cigarettes that Shen Yizhuo usually smoked, and brought them upstairs.