Tentative

Shen Yizhuo did not send Qu Zhe back to the outskirts of the city, but to an apartment near the company.On the one hand, there is no one here, and on the other hand, they are afraid that Qu Zhe will be emotional after waking up.He hurriedly called the doctor to come to the door, and then started to change Qu Zhe's rain-soaked clothes into clean and soft pajamas, and tucked in the bedding for him.

Then he sat in the living room and smoked a cigarette, and went back to the bedroom to see him worriedly.Qu Zhe was clearly in a coma, his face was pale but his brows were tightly frowned, as if he was deeply trapped in a nightmare.

The doctor came quickly, and carefully examined Qu Zhe under Shen Yizhuo's watchful eye. After confirming that he passed out only because of excessive sadness and a cold, Shen Yizhuo was relieved.

"However, I still need to go to the hospital for the specific examination," the doctor said, "I should be able to wake up today or tomorrow. If there is nothing uncomfortable, I don't need to go to the hospital."

"OK, thanks."

After seeing off the doctor, Shen Yizhuo pulled a chair and sat down on the edge of the bed.He was bent over, his elbows on his knees, supporting his throbbing head.He didn't know what would happen to Qu Zhe when he woke up, whether he would break down and cry, or be as strong as before, keep a distance from him, and then plan to leave again.

Thinking of this, Shen Yizhuo was suddenly lost—yes, Qu Zhe was going to leave, now that Qu Xiaoyu was gone, what else could make Qu Zhe stay.These days of getting along made him unable to persevere, and he was confident that Qu Zhe still loved him.Qu Zhe might not be the reason to stay.

He looked at the person on the bed, who was still curled up even though he was unconscious, like a child seeking protection.His face was as white as paper, his lips and nose were covered by the quilt, and only his eyes were exposed, which were closed tightly, and his slender eyelashes trembled slightly with his breathing.He stretched out his hand cautiously, got into the quilt, and held Qu Zhe's cold hand.

The other party didn't feel it, and let him hold it, obediently and quietly, as if returning to the past.

Shen Yizhuo looked at his face in a daze, and after an unknown amount of time, tears overflowed from Qu Zhe's tightly closed eyes, and flowed down the corners of his eyes into his hair.Sighing softly, he wiped his thumb over the skin where the tears flowed, and said to himself, "Don't cry."

"……You still have me."

There was no response from the person on the bed, only tears were seeping out of the corners of their eyes, and they were dreaming what kind of grief-stricken dream.

Qu Zhe slept for two days, and just before Shen Yizhuo anxiously wanted to send him to the hospital, he finally opened his eyes, turned his eyes slowly, and looked at the ceiling.

"You're awake..." Shen Yizhuo was planning to go in, but when he saw him wake up, he stopped abruptly, and held on to the door frame not daring to go in, "Are you hungry, do you want to eat something?"

As expected, Qu Zhe didn't say a word.

He didn't seem to need a clear answer either. As far as common sense is concerned, a person who sleeps for two days will of course be hungry.Shen Yizhuo turned his head and went into the kitchen - he stayed in the apartment for the past two days, didn't even go to the company, cooked several pots of porridge back and forth, but it was all poured into the sewer because of Qu Zhe's sleepiness.

Shen Guyu didn't say anything, just assumed that he was just sad because of the sudden loss of his wife and child.

He entered the room with the porridge, Qu Zhe looked at the ceiling expressionlessly, he was not in a hurry, he put the steaming porridge on the bedside table, and then reached out to hug Qu Zhe.

The opponent shrank obviously, and then stopped moving.He moved as lightly as possible, helped Qu Zhe up, put a soft pillow on the head of the bed, and let him lean on it.

"Let's eat something." He said, picked up the porridge bowl and stirred it lightly, then scooped up a spoonful to let it cool down, and handed it to Qu Zhe's mouth.

Qu Zhe remained silent.

He was awake, but he seemed to have only a shell left. Shen Yizhuo didn't know where his soul had gone. "Qu Zhe," Shen Yizhuo sighed, "If Xiaoyu knows you are like this, she will feel bad."

He finally reacted and lowered his eyes.Shen Yizhuo continued: "She loves you very much. She has told me many times that she really wants to make up for the time you were away... You are her only relative."

Qu Zhe finally looked at him, but there was no expression in his eyes.This seemed to be tacit consent, Shen Yizhuo passed the porridge again, this time Qu Zhe opened his mouth, and let him feed it in small mouthfuls.

After finishing the small bowl of porridge, Shen Yizhuo put away the bowl, sat back on the edge of the bed and looked at him.

Qu Zhe said after a long time, "I want to go."

"Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know..." Qu Zhe's expression became confused.

"Then leave after you know." Shen Yizhuo said softly.He looked at Shen Yizhuo, there seemed to be endless words hidden in his eyes, but he couldn't say a word.

In fact, "I want to go" is still too euphemistic.

Qu Zhe wanted to die. Since eight years ago, this idea has popped up from time to time, dragging him as if he would fall into the abyss at any time.Qu Zhe didn't know what other people were like, but he spent a lot of time figuring out one thing - from the past to the present, he has always hoped that he is needed.

It's good to be needed by everyone, but not to be wanted by anyone.

So those thoughts of wanting to die were suppressed by the responsibility to his sister.He imagined that Qu Xiaoyu needed his care, so he tried his best to survive the hardships.So now, Xiaoyu is gone, he has become a loner, why is he still alive.

Questions go unanswered.

Qu Zhe stopped talking and lay down.

Shen Yizhuo didn't seem to have any intention of leaving either, he was still sitting on the chair beside the bed, his head hanging down, he didn't know what to think.

Time passed, they were like two sculptures, neither spoke nor moved.The orange light on the bedside was soft, covering Shen Yizhuo's outline with a layer of tenderness.He hadn't looked at Shen Yizhuo's appearance carefully for a long time.Qu Zhe looked at him and always felt that everything before was just a dream, including the present, probably also when the dream was in progress.

If he woke up and was still 15 years old, would he still follow behind Shen Yizhuo?

In fact, Shen Yizhuo hasn't rested for the past two days and has been taking care of him - he is afraid that something will happen to Qu Zhe after he falls asleep.More fundamentally, he was afraid that Qu Zhe would leave after closing his eyes, and he didn't know whether he would meet again in a few years or never.

He was sitting on the chair, his thoughts had already drifted away, and he was about to fall asleep at any moment.

Suddenly, Qu Zhe stretched out his hand from under the quilt and put it on Shen Yizhuo's knee.He said softly: "... go to rest."

His mind was awakened in an instant, and Shen Yizhuo shook his head wearily, trying to wake himself up a bit: "...Okay." He smiled gently, but couldn't hide the sleepiness in his expression.He obviously agreed, but he didn't intend to leave at all. Instead, he looked at Qu Zhe and said, "Then I can sleep here."

Qu Zhe hesitated for a moment, then nodded.

With permission, Shen Yizhuo reached out and turned off the light, and the bedroom suddenly fell into darkness.He heard the rustling of clothes and bedding, and then the other side of the bed collapsed, and then a warm body approached him, wrapping him in his arms.

Human body temperature has a magical power.

Qu Zhe suddenly couldn't restrain himself and began to cry, all the tears fell on Shen Yizhuo's neck.He cried with restraint, his voice was weak, but his shoulders shrugged violently.

"Actually, I have a lot to say to you." Shen Yizhuo said softly, "Xiaoyu loves you very much, very much. The first time I saw her, I knew she was your sister. You look alike, so much alike ...I think of you when I see her."

The person in his arms was still crying, and Shen Yizhuo didn't say any words of comfort, probably because he was too tired to maintain his outward appearance, and the so-called unspeakable pride was also left behind.This is a hard-won opportunity, those entangled things that have never been able to be explained clearly, finally broke the secret prison.

"...I thought, as long as I get to know her, I can always find you. I take good care of her. Do you know that she has a special favorite person, who used to cry in front of me when she was sad, if you If you are here, she should want to say those words to you."

"I see her as my younger sister, but I've never been a good person. Thinking about it now..." He paused, "Maybe it's Ai Wu Ji Wu."

He could feel Qu Zhe visibly trembling.

"Later, she had an accident and became pregnant, and she was at a loss." Shen Yizhuo pressed his chin to his forehead, "She wanted to keep the child, so I said I would marry her... I wanted to help her, and I also wanted to help myself, I want you to come back even more. As long as my goal can be achieved, I never care about the means."

"Why do you want me to come back..." Qu Zhe spoke weakly.

Shen Yizhuo tightened his arms around his waist: "... I thought you knew."

Qu Zhe had already lost half of his reason from crying. He cried and said: "You are married to Xiaoyu, what do you want me to do..."

His voice was thin and weak: "What can I do..."

"So many people love you, you have a choice," Qu Zhe continued, "I have no choice."

"Why do you think so?"

"Isn't it... Someone came to this apartment to look for you before, so let me not tell you..." Qu Zhe cried out of oxygen, and his speech was broken, "You can even sleep with strangers... I envy you , I adore you, I want to be you, you are so good, so perfect, I try my best to get close to you, no matter how much you insult me, I will accept... But I can't accept that you are with Xiaoyu, I become an intervening part of your relationship The third person... I hate myself, and while I hate myself, I beg you to like me a little bit, I'm so tired..."

Too tired to live.

"I'm sorry..." Shen Yizhuo pressed his lips against his skin, and said vaguely, "I'm sorry, I know I missed a lot of things, I'm sorry..."

He was clearly speaking to Qu Zhe, but it seemed that he was muttering to himself.

"Qu Zhe, I never liked you a little bit." Shen Yizhuo said with a strong nasal voice, "I love you very much, I have waited for you for so long, for so many years, and tried my best to force you to appear, but you really don't notice ."

During these eight long years, he finally heard someone say that he loved him.

Still from Shen Yizhuo's mouth.

"No one loves me except you." He heard Shen Yizhuo say, "Let's start from scratch."

There was also something about him that completely lied to Shen Yizhuo - he never stopped admiring him.

If he got such a response when he was full of hope for this relationship, Qu Zhe would probably feel lucky.After so many years of torture, after he had already given up, and then received such a response, the bitterness in his heart far outweighed the joy.

It seemed that the remaining desire to survive was clamoring wildly, grasping this moment, grasping this reason that would allow him to persist in living.Qu Zhe raised his head short of breath, and pressed against Shen Yizhuo's cold lips.

"Qu Zhe, don't go away," Shen Yizhuo said, "I will treat you well, I promise."