Tentative

This was the second time in Qu Zhe's life that he stood at the door of the operating room, the scarlet lights were on, and the words "in operation" appeared indifferent and frightening.

Yu Xilian was sitting on the chair next to her, her head bowed and her face covered. It could be seen from her slightly trembling shoulders that she was crying, and she couldn't stop crying for a long time.

Shen Yizhuo took Qu Zhe through several red lights all the way to the hospital, and immediately went through the formalities to sign.The doctor said that the patient's condition was very bad and they were already weak, so they were told to prepare for the worst.Qu Zhe stood in front of the door of the operating room, staring at the red light intently, exactly the same as last time.

It's just that last time, he was still naive and didn't realize that the plot on TV would happen to him.It's probably funny to say it, he used to think that life, old age, sickness and death were far away from him.But in fact, they are very close, Qu Zhe already knows it, and there is no need to experience it again.

He folded his hands on his chest and looked at the red light until he felt a little dizzy before hanging down.

Qu Zhe had met Yu Xilian and knew that she was Xiaoyu's friend. She couldn't speak at this moment, she was crying over there, sobbing a few words "It's all my fault" from time to time.

Suddenly, a hand was stretched out, and it touched Qu Zhe's shoulder.

But he seemed to be frightened by something extremely horrifying, trembling all over, and almost ran away.Shen Yizhuo's voice was next to his ear: "It's me..."

Qu Zhe hesitated and turned his face away, yes, it was Shen Yizhuo, he knew this person very well.

Shen Yizhuo breathed heavily, and said a little jerky, "It's okay, it'll be fine..."

These are just comforting words, and even a child can say such a few words.It carries no weight, means nothing, and serves no real purpose.But Qu Zhe seemed to have grasped something - he grabbed Shen Yizhuo's hand and said in a hoarse voice, "Really?"

Shen Yizhuo was speechless.

He had no choice but to hold Qu Zhe's hand tightly, and took a deep breath: "Well, really."

Every minute and every second was stretched out, tormenting Qu Zhe.His mind was in a mess and he remembered many things from his childhood.The little girl who was following him and the laughing woman on the sofa were intertwined, which made him have a splitting headache.

When they arrived at the hospital, Yu Xilian had already explained the reason incoherently. Qu Zhe had never been used to blaming others, and Shen Yizhuo was more able to restrain his true emotions in front of "strangers".No one blamed her, which made her blame herself even more.

Qu Zhe didn't pull out his hand, but grabbed Shen Yizhuo tightly, and repeatedly confirmed: "It's all right, Xiaoyu will be all right, and the child will be all right, right?"

Shen Yizhuo felt that his eyes were watery, and he could speak a long paragraph of words when he opened his mouth, but now he couldn't speak a single word.He didn't want to lie to Qu Zhe... He had already signed the operation order just now, and as the patient's husband, the doctor asked him whether he should protect the older or the younger.

This question itself is meaningless, but it means that maybe Qu Xiaoyu can't make it through.

There was no answer, Qu Zhe's eyes were wide open, staring at him with scorching eyes, the fear in his eyes was undisguised: "...Shen Yizhuo."

The phrase "it will be fine" was on his lips, but he couldn't say it.At this moment, Shen Yizhuo only felt at a loss, and he said after a long time: "I don't know..."

Qu Zhe let go of his hand suddenly, buried his head very low, and said submissively: "...I only have her as a relative."

"I know."

Half an hour later, the red light finally went out, and the door of the operating room was slowly opened, just like that day.Qu Zhe hurried forward, the doctor was sweating profusely, walked out of the operating room, and took off his mask feebly: "Sorry..."

The following sentences seem to be no longer necessary.

Qu Zhe eagerly grabbed the doctor's arm with astonishing strength: "Can I still talk to her, I..."

"Qu Zhe, calm down." Shen Yizhuo stepped forward to hold him, and said instead, "She..."

"She's gone...go see her for the last time." The doctor sighed and shook his head. "The patient was brought in too late, and the child was not kept...I'm sorry we tried our best..."

Yu Xilian, who followed behind them and heard the result, finally couldn't bear it, and burst into tears: "Xiaoyu..."

The woman's cry was harsh and piercing, and Qu Zhe had an unbearable headache, and he still stubbornly walked into the operating room.

Qu Xiaoyu was lying there, and the nurse had helped her arrange her clothes and covered her body with a white cloth.Every step of Qu Zhe was extraordinarily heavy. He walked to the edge of the bed and looked at Qu Xiaoyu's pale and quiet face.

In fact, they look alike, but Quzhe only thought his younger sister was good-looking since he was a child, and he also felt that he was not worthy to be her elder brother.

Even with your eyes closed, it's still beautiful.

"Xiaoyu." He called out in a low voice, but the person on the bed didn't respond, as if he was asleep.

Shen Yizhuo walked in after him, his heart tensed and uncomfortably tight.

He thought Qu Zhe would say something more, but Qu Zhe didn't, he just stood there quietly.It took a while before he raised his head and looked at Shen Yizhuo.

Only then did Shen Yizhuo realize that Qu Zhe's face was full of tears, and he said hoarsely, crying: "I don't have a younger sister anymore..."

He wanted to say "you still have me", but he swallowed the words and could only sigh deeply: "...sorry."

As Mrs. Shen, the Shen family is naturally responsible for handling the funeral affairs.Qu Zhe wanted to take her back to his hometown and bury her with her parents, but Du Chun didn't agree.With the idea of ​​being buried in the ground as soon as possible, Qu Zhe didn't insist anymore.

Shen Guyu happened to be away from the country, only Du Chun came.She was solemnly dressed, with delicate makeup on her face, as if she had carefully groomed herself to attend the funeral.With them as Qu Xiaoyu's "family" who managed the entire funeral, Qu Zhe, as her elder brother, seemed like an outsider.

He and Jiang Yuzhao stood at the back, separated by some distance.Among the people who came to express their condolences, Yu Xilian covered her mouth and her eyes were red from crying, and another classmate comforted him.If it weren't for the sound of her weeping, there would be only death-like silence in this place.

Qu Zhe wondered if it rained every time someone died.Anyway, on the day of the burial, it was cloudy and rainy. Standing in the rain, he stared blankly at Qu Xiaoyu's photo on the tombstone, thinking it was just a dream.After waking up from the dream, he was still washing dishes in the back kitchen of a certain restaurant, and when he was smoking in his spare time, he sneaked a look at Qu Xiaoyu's Weibo, and he could still see her lively and cheerful smile, accompanied by some brief descriptions of recent situations.

The rain wasn't heavy, but it made him unable to open his eyes, his vision gradually became blurred, and he couldn't see the faces in the photos clearly.

Jiang Yuzhao was right beside him, and he didn't dare to comfort him, and he didn't dare to approach him, for fear that if he opened his mouth, Qu Zhe would have to pretend to respond strongly.He should have wept a lot instead of standing silent and lifeless as he is now.

Suddenly, a black umbrella covered his head, Qu Zhe didn't look up, and didn't say anything.Shen Yizhuo is still the same sentence: "The deceased is gone, mourning."

This group of them knew each other and knew each other well, and it seemed like it was the first time they stood together like this today.If they were in an equal relationship at the beginning, maybe Qu Zhe would happily introduce his beloved sister to his classmates for the first time.

But in the face of the impermanence of the world, the sky often fails.

Jiang Yuzhao also had an umbrella in his hand, but he never opened it.I can't say why, maybe there is a kind of childish stubbornness, just want to accompany Qu Zhe in the rain.Seeing Shen Yizhuo approaching, he couldn't help but backed away, then looked down at the umbrella in his hand, and opened it again.

All feelings seem small in the face of life and death.

Qu Zhe was silent, Shen Yizhuo just held an umbrella for him, and didn't dare to hug him, repeating in his ear with some unease: "She doesn't see you too sad, she loves you very much, really... …I am sorry for your loss."

After a long time, Qu Zhe suddenly grabbed Shen Yizhuo's clothes.He raised his head in a daze, his face was covered with tears or rain, he looked at Shen Yizhuo with red eyes, and said hoarsely, "I don't have anything..."

"Qu Zhe..."

In fact, there are still many things I want to say, Qu Zhe wants to say that he feels very tired, and feels very tired living.This year is the eighth year since he lost his parents, and it is also the beginning of his being alone at last.Maybe he and his sister have a short relationship, and being able to see her so often is already like a gift from heaven.

He began to regret why the tail end of the crane squeezed into the sky. He should have chosen an extremely mediocre school with more self-knowledge... Then he would not know Shen Yizhuo, and would not cause his parents to die by accident, and Xiaoyu would not. Will be reduced to this, and eventually die young.

It's a pity that everyone knows that there are no ifs in the world, and no one can choose again.

Shen Yizhuo lowered his head and saw Qu Zhe's knuckles turned white due to excessive force. He wanted to hold him, but he couldn't bear to break his hand away, so he had to let him grab the hem of his clothes like a child.

Shen Yizhuo is a person who has never been kind or sympathetic.He will not show mercy to the beggars on the roadside, nor will he donate money to the hardest-hit areas, and he will not stop when he sees young cats and dogs shivering in the rain.He is too clear about the law of the jungle, and that is why he never sympathizes with the weak.

But when he saw Qu Zhe like this, he felt heartbroken again.

It turns out that heartache is more than an exaggerated description, he thought.When he saw Qu Zhe's red eyes, there was a turbid air in his chest, as if he was constantly squeezing his fragile heart.

Qu Zhe didn't speak any more, just looked at Shen Yizhuo blankly.The other party really wanted to reach out and hug him, but Du Chun was nearby, so he couldn't give Du Chun any clues.Thinking of this, Shen Yizhuo licked his dry lips, and wanted to say something, but Qu Zhe's body suddenly softened, he closed his eyes, and fell straight down.

"Qu Zhe!" Jiang Yuzhao, who was standing not far away, exclaimed quickly, trying to support him in a panic.

But no matter how fast Jiang Yuzhao is, he won't be as fast as Shen Yizhuo.Shen Yizhuo immediately put his arms around his waist, not letting him fall.He made a little more effort to let Qu Zhe lean into his arms.

At this moment, Shen Yizhuo felt secretly rejoiced in his heart - in this way, even if he hugged Qu Zhe, he would not fall into the shoes of others.Noticing this joy, he realized how much he wanted to hug him.

Jiang Yuzhao stepped forward and gave him a deep look. The two of them didn't speak, they lifted Qu Zhe up with a subtle tacit understanding, and walked to the car parked behind.

The movement here broke the dead silence at the funeral, and many people came to see it, and Du Chun was one of them.She looked at Shen Yizhuo and the strange man, picking up Qu Xiaoyu's brother from left to right and sending them to the car. She was a little puzzled, but she couldn't find any more clues, so she could only frown as she saw them getting into the car. .

Shen Yizhuo sent the man to the co-pilot, carefully fastened his seat belt, and then closed the door.He hastily greeted his secretary and asked him to arrange things well, and everything was up to Du Chun. The secretary nodded and turned around to handle the matter.

Jiang Yuzhao watched him walk to the driver's seat again, opened the car door and got in.

He hesitated for a moment, and knocked on the driver's window before Shen Yizhuo drove.

The other party rolled down the window impatiently: "What?"

"...It's okay, drive safely."