Conformity

Chang Yuan had never seen his brother, but that night there was goose feather snow outside the window, he fell asleep at some point, and then dreamed of Tongjiang in summer and Chang Qing in shorts.

Chang Qing has a face very similar to his own when he was young, but Chang Yuan knows that it is not him. Temperament is the essence of a person. When he was so young, he was always locked in the room to do homework, and he was not so flamboyant and happy.In the dream, there was neither himself nor Shao Bowen who was picked up, but Chang Yuan's "eyes" were everywhere. He saw Chang Qing take off his trousers shamelessly, and put the swimming ring on his body, Haha laughed and jumped into the water.

Chi Mei appeared at the edge of the viewing angle pushing the [-] big bars. She came to pick up her playful son and go home for dinner.At that time, she was in full bloom, with waist-length braids, no fine lines around her eyes, and a bright and gentle smile.

Then the water surface suddenly returned to calm. There were no foam groups, no swimming rings, and no constant clearness.

But Chi Mei still stood on the beach and smiled, the river was empty, her pupils were dark and empty, as if they were frozen there forever.

Chang Yuan woke up suddenly, an inexplicable uneasiness occupied his consciousness, he baked N sheets of cakes on the bed, looked at Shao Bowen beside him, and finally couldn't help but climbed out of bed and went to the living room.

Today... No, yesterday's ending is already very good, not disturbing each other is the only way out for each other, he hoped so, and it came true, but why is he feeling so uncomfortable?Chang Yuan asked himself what else do he want?He wondered if other people were as unsatisfied as he was, wanting to go to the sky as soon as he crossed a hurdle, hoping that everything would be as he wished?

After Chang Yuan walked out of the bedroom, Shao Bowen immediately turned over and sat up from the bed, but he lay down again after a while. There are some roads that can only be walked alone. He said that he was too thirsty and the other party was annoying, so it is better to let him Carrying and digesting.

Chi Mei fell ill in the early hours of the morning. This relapse was extremely calm, as calm as a burnt candle, and the fire was extinguished silently. No matter how eagerly Chang Zhongshan called her, she still couldn't respond. expression.

In a panic, Chang Zhongshan found Ou Lanning, which was always kept in the back of her medicine box, but when she opened it, she found that what was inside was not pills, but stacks of stacked letters.He hadn't touched her medicine box for many years, and she took it by herself, so Chang Zhongshan didn't know when these began to exist.

But soon he discovered that the time was ten years ago.

At that time, the educated youths were all good at writing, and Chi Mei was no exception. She only used the hero pen to write in block letters. , He covered his face with the material paper for writing the letter, his knees softened with all his strength, and he fell to sit on the cold tiles.

The yellowed paper fell to the ground and spread out. Inside, there were words and lines for everything. There were words for him, love letters they exchanged when they were young, and compositions written by Chang Yuan when he was a child. A stack of insurance policies and a bank card.

She wrote on the envelope: Comrade Chang Zhongshan/Dearly.

When you see this, I may be crazy, or I may be dead, which is what you don't want to see, but what I expect.

I owe you a lot in this life. As a wife, I didn't do my job well. As a mother, I lost my son. I'm sorry. I'm weak. I tried, but I couldn't stand up.

Since Chang Qing left, I hate being clean and afraid of being alone, my mind is in a mess, and it hurts when I think about things.

The doctor always advised me to take it, and I asked him how to do it?He can rely on me, but if I can be relied on, why should I spend money to ask him?

I have been out of work for many years, I hope you still remember my studies, no one can cure me, and I don’t want to get better, I must remember this pain, so that my Changqing will not leave me.

After Xiao Yuan was born, you seldom mentioned him. Last year, you even forgot the anniversary of his death.

……

I seldom have clear-headed moments. I will take advantage of this moment to tell you a few words from my heart, lest I don’t know how many years will be the next time.

Xiaoyuan is everything to me, but his friendship with Bowen has crossed the line. I know that homosexuality is not a disease. If he can always be by my side, I can pretend that I didn't notice anything.

But God is so cruel to me, he is sick, and his mental state is getting more and more... like me, you don't know how scared I am, it will be hereditary.

Last week he ran out of the house to find Bowen again, and hit his head, I have to separate them, Xiaoyuan will hate me, right?I shouldn't have asked you, I read his diary and knew he hated me.

If only, if only I could be sick for him, I don't remember anything and he's fine.

I have been taken care of by you in this life. As a wife, I am very proud. I have nothing to repay you. I bought some pension insurance for you and saved a little money.

Zhong Shan, my head hurts, if I fall asleep, please don't wake me up.

By the way, tell Xiaoyuan for me that the freedom he wants, I have always wanted to satisfy him. Mom tried her best, but she couldn't achieve it.

Wife: Chi Mei

2006.5.20

Did she already know this day would come?Chang Zhongshan's eyes were dry and there was no tear, he thought blankly, is this bad news or relief?He can't say well either.

Xu Huilai knew the situation one step earlier than Chang Yuan, because Chang Zhongshan asked him to join the team early in the morning.

Chi Mei is sick, with straight eyes, like an empty shell whose soul has been taken out. Her emotions have been perverted. She knows Chang Zhongshan and has no tendency to self-abuse, but her consciousness is self-enclosed, and she appears very indifferent.

The diagnosis was still in progress, Xu Huilai was worried, and accompanied Chang Zhongshan in the corridor. This optimistic old man had his shoulders slumped, as if he was crushed by life.

If Chang Yuan knew, he would have been welded at the door of the department a long time ago. Obviously, Chang Zhongshan didn't tell him. The later, the more guilty he will be.

Under Xu Huilai's persuasion, Chang Zhongshan finally sent a text message to Chang Yuan. He didn't choose to call because he was afraid of losing his composure in front of the child.

Chang Yuan parked the car in the Donglian compound, and only saw his father's text message when he got out of the car. The driving on the road was too noisy, drowning out the sound of reminders.

Chang Zhongshan's wording was so concise that Chang Yuan didn't need to unlock it to see the whole picture of the message: Your mother is in Anzhen Third Hospital, so come and see her when you have time.

Anzhen No.[-] Hospital is a tertiary hospital in the city. Its Department of Neurology is well-known in China. Chang Yuan’s vision went dark, and he finally traced back to the source of the uneasiness that had been haunting him. The seamless time difference gave him a strong sense of déjà vu , It was what he did yesterday that stimulated Chi Mei, although in fact this is only one of the reasons.

Regretting the landslide and tsunami, Chang Yuan felt dizzy at this moment. He temporarily forgot his position and Shao Bowen, and just wanted to admit that he was wrong.

It wasn't until he ran through two red lights and gnawed on the butt of the car in front that he was half a meter away, that kind of despair that had nowhere to vent faded away. If there are no signs of recurrence, as long as the life is still alive.

Then, with the composure of being an afterthought, he nervously walked into the gate of hell to him.

Fortunately, Xu Huilai was waiting at the door.

Xu Hui came up to hook her shoulders and put her back on her shoulders, and said in a lively manner: "Don't be so sad, it's unlucky, just smile, your mother's condition is quite stable, I'll take you to see it."

He grabbed Chang Yuan's armpit, so he simply hung the weight on him. After he recovered, his heart skipped a beat, and he forced a smile.

Occasionally, someone called Dr. Xu, and Xu Huilai responded with a feeling of distress. Chang Yuan had the unlucky physique that if he stepped on a landmine, he would step on a series of nine chains, and he had to endure it for a while.

Chi Mei, as an archived patient, and Xu Huilai's bonus, quickly completed the hospitalization procedures.

The neurology department is on the top floor of the inpatient department. Chang Yuan pushed open the door and saw his mother lying on the bed tiredly, just like the boy lying on the bed next door, staring intently at the woman sitting on the bedside of the boy studying. It is "The Little Prince", the rhythm is full of the charm of reciting.

"Because it's a sad thing to forget your friends, not everyone has friends, and if I forget the little prince, then I'll be with grown-ups who don't care about anything but numbers It's the same."

In Chang Yuan's heart, it was as if she had been hacked into pieces, and Chi Mei also forgot about her little prince, and became indifferent to everything.

Shao Bowen was taken aback when he received the notification. This was a situation he hadn't thought about. He was worried about Chang Yuan and was going to pick him up when he was late, but Xu Huilai, who leaked the secret, told him that Chang Yuan had just washed his face and went back to the company by himself. up.

Life always and must go on.