I don't love you tomorrow

At night, Li Guanmian had a low-grade fever. After she wiped her with warm water several times, she became dizzy and couldn't tell whether it was cold or hot.

Wei Rongxing was about to change his clothes, when he suddenly heard footsteps and a Chinese voice, "It's inside, Mr. Wei."

Wei Rongxing turned his head and saw several people appeared at the door, his uncle, Wei Chunxuan walked in directly.

"It's really here." Wei Rongxing gritted his teeth, his expression was indescribably wronged, and the circles of his eyes were a little red.

Wei Chunxuan's suit was straight, and he didn't look tired. His hair was neatly combed, as if he had just returned from some kind of banquet. He walked slowly to the bedside step by step, and saw Li Guanmian on the bed.

He was very thin, very weak from the pain, and completely lost the strength to resist.It seemed that he really couldn't survive anymore - this was Wei Chunxuan's first thought when he saw him.

Only when I saw it with my own eyes did I understand what kind of state it was. The previous conjectures and the reports heard after the plane landed finally converged into a reality.Wei Chunxuan stared at it for a while before turning his attention to his nephew.

"You come out alone, your parents, grandma, are very anxious, let you go back."

Wei Rongxing gritted his teeth and said, "Got it."

Wei Chunxuan sat down beside Li Guanmian's bed in a logical manner.

Li Guanmian opened his eyes. After so many days, Wei Chunxuan was still the same.The lights were so bright that people were about to burst into tears. Wei Chunxuan's appearance was like a dream. Li Guanmian often wondered if he would go back to high school when he woke up. Being an anchor and getting sick are also dreams.The class bell rang, and the deskmate woke him up and asked him what he dreamed about and why he cried after sleeping.

It wasn't until Wei Chunxuan reached out to touch his face and felt the familiar temperature of his fingertips that Li Guanmian returned to this cruel reality.

"Is there no place for me here?" Wei Rongxing asked.

In fact, this ward is large enough to sleep several people, but he really felt that he was an eyesore.After finishing speaking, he could not respond, turned around and walked out of the ward.

The irrelevant people in it also quit.

Outside the door, Wei Rongxing saw Tryna.

"Little Star." He was also used to Tryna calling him that, and in their hearts, he seemed to be just a child.

Always be a child.

"Thank you for your hard work these days." Tryna bowed to him.

Wei Rongxing sneered, "Say hard work for him? Why? Taking care of my classmates is my job. What does it have to do with him?"

"No...the boss came here when he heard the news. I've never seen him like this...I think if you could tell him earlier, maybe..."

"I don't think there is anything wrong with what I did." Wei Rongxing insisted, "I found out that he was sick at the first time, and brought him here for treatment without delay. Where is your boss at this time? Going to a lecture or a meeting? If he wants to know, he can look it up by himself, but he doesn’t care, feels regretful, and blames me.”

The anger in the boy's heart has never been smoothed over.

But the more I think about it, the more I feel wronged.

When children encounter difficult problems, they will immediately seek help from their parents or other close elders. These days, Wei Rongxing gritted his teeth and cried behind his back. Now when he sees Wei Chunxuan again, the first moment he just wanted to cry hard One time, tell him how helpless and sad he is.But just because the object was the one who robbed his sweetheart, he swallowed this bit of grievance forcefully, otherwise he wouldn't have left the ward to him, absolutely not!

Knowing that he was venting his anger on her, Tryna didn't say anything anymore, just listened quietly, her eyes looked at the closed ward door, they had already learned a little about Li Guanmian's condition on the way here, now only sigh.

A door apart.

Li Guanmian was still able to calm down, he saw that Wei Chunxuan was real and alive, although he couldn't accept the way he saw himself, but since it had happened, he could only accept it calmly.

He adjusted his breathing, and the persistent pain reappeared, and sweat oozes from his forehead in a short time.

Wei Chunxuan stretched out his hand to touch his forehead, and said, "Is it a low-grade fever before?"

"Well, it's not a big deal..." After wiping his body, he seemed to get hot again, and now he was sweating, and he was better, but his head still hurt.

Wei Chunxuan: "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"..." Li Guanmian didn't want to answer this question.

Wei Chunxuan stared at him for a long time before saying: "You should be very tired today, go to bed first, we will talk about it tomorrow."

After hearing this, Li Guanmian woke up like a dream, "Aren't you going?"

"Don't go." Wei Chunxuan seemed a little angry, but the little flame only started, and was quickly thrown into the vacuum state, completely extinguished.How could he have room to be angry?

Thinking of this, Wei Chunxuan added: "I have never left."

How long has this "always" been?Li Guanmian turned his head to one side, thought for a while, and stopped thinking about it.

After Wei Chunxuan appeared, everything here was handed over to him.He talked with the attending doctor about his condition and treatment plan. The final plan has not yet come out, but the current situation is not optimistic.

Lung cancer cells have metastasized to the bone, and there is a possibility of paralysis.And once the patient is paralyzed, it is a life-threatening thing.

The doctors were hurrying to study, while Li Guanmian was reading in the ward.

In the past, he always felt that he still had time, but now he has to choose chapters when reading books.He will not take the time to delve into many places that he doesn't understand, and he can only understand the superficial parts.

It is written in the book: "The essence of man lies in what his will is pursuing. After one pursuit is realized, he pursues it again, without stopping."

Li Guanmian didn't know whether his life could be called a failure, it seemed that he was much shorter than others.But if there was still time, what would he do? He looked at Wei Chunxuan who had just walked in, and fell into a round of cranky thoughts.

I had an examination in the morning, took medicine, and now Li Guanmian is still in good condition.

Wei Chunxuan walked over and sat by his bed, looked at the book in his hand, and asked, "Read so many pages?"

"Look through it casually." Li Guanmian replied.

That question seemed to be no longer important, but Wei Chunxuan still wanted to ask, at least to move the topic away from the illness.So he asked about the sentence from the night before, asking why Li Guanmian didn't tell him earlier.

After a night of precipitation, Li Guanmian still couldn't think of a correct answer. Li Guanmian could only cope with it and said, "I didn't think it was a serious illness. When I found out, I went to the hospital. I thought maybe you were busy, so I didn't make any trouble."

If it was a different situation, Wei Chunxuan would definitely say a few words to him, but now he couldn't say a single serious word.He said: "...You are right, I did give you the illusion that I am very busy, but in fact I still have time to see you."

"I don't want to see you like this either." Li Guanmian put the book aside and said, "This is quite boring."

"I know." Wei Chunxuan's tone was gentle, gentle and deep.

He looked at Li Guanmian as if he could see through what he was thinking.

It's not that there is no emotion left, on the contrary, it is precisely because I care about it that I am afraid to show others in such a state.

Wei Chunxuan understood.

The rest of the day is a matter of life.

Wei Rongxing refused to leave, and Wei Chunxuan did not complain to the family, but said that he was taking a rest abroad with his nephew for a period of time.

Wei Chunxuan opened a hotel room for Wei Rongxing and asked him to stay there at night. At Wei Rongxing's insistence, the two took turns to take care of Li Guanmian at night.

Wei Chunxuan worked in the ward during the day, but he couldn't devote himself to it at first, but he gradually got used to it.

Li Guanmian's condition went from good to bad, until his body developed resistance to the medicine, and finally the treatment plan came down, so he could only participate in a new round of clinical trials.

There were still some procedures before the experiment, and it was during this period of time that Li Guanmian's strings that had been tense could no longer be stretched.

He didn't cry in front of Wei Rongxing, but chose the time when he went back to the hotel to sleep. When facing Wei Chunxuan alone, he couldn't help but get red eyes.

He felt that he was really, really, really boring.

When he was with Wei Chunxuan before, he felt humiliated, and at the same time, he felt a strange sense of satisfaction, as if Wei Chunxuan had taught him to be a human being.He fell into the mud all the way, struggling and sinking, watching Wei Chunxuan getting farther and farther away, and also had the fantasy of wanting to stand side by side with him, motivating him to move forward.Later, when he learned about his condition, he hoped that he could be free and easy. He even thought about writing something to leave to the world, such as "I am like the wind, I come and go freely, don't miss it", sometimes indifferently, sometimes forced I am indifferent.

Until this moment, Li Guanmian burst into tears again, he turned his head sideways, tears fell across the bridge of his nose to the same side, and disappeared into the pillow.He faced his heart, heard the strong cry in his heart, and said in a low voice: "But I still can't bear it."

No matter how much mental preparation I have made, I also thought about giving up treatment completely and returning to my hometown, facing death calmly, finding a place where no one knows to die, and asking someone to throw the ashes into the sea.He read philosophy books and tried his best to find the meaning of life, so as to comfort himself that his life is not bad, but in the end he couldn't help but kneel down to the reality. He didn't have the strength to stand up, and he didn't have the courage to fight against death. A beggar is generally eager for God to give him a little more time, or even a chance to be a new man.

Reluctant, really reluctant, want to live, but dare not think too hard.He was afraid that people would be burdened to hear it, and he was afraid of making others feel sad, so he told himself that it was okay, and told everyone not to be sad, it was nothing.

But that's not the case at all.

Li Guanmian had a complete emotional breakdown, and cried for a long time, until the doctors and nurses were disturbed by the crying. It was no longer suitable for casual injection of drugs. The doctor came and talked to Wei Chunxuan for a long time before leaving.

When Li Guanmian's mood stabilized, he looked at Wei Chunxuan, feeling a little guilty again.

He doesn't want to torture others like this, especially with his own illness, this is not what he wants to see, absolutely not.

"In that case, why don't you cooperate with the treatment?" Wei Chunxuan wiped his snot and tears with a handkerchief gently.

Li Guanmian has been looking at him, and seeing that Wei Chunxuan is still so calm, he said, "...I seem to be too ignorant of you."

Wei Chunxuan is like a person wrapped in a cover. When he peels off a layer, he is still his original appearance inside.With layers upon layers, Li Guanmian doubted that no one could get into his heart.

"Understanding a person takes time and heart. Even if I tell you what I look like, it's not true." Wei Chunxuan continued to wipe his tears patiently, "If you want to know, let's take it slowly."

"So I'm worried that it's too late." Li Guanmian burst into tears, Wei Chunxuan showed "I said the wrong thing again", and smiled helplessly, "I never thought that I would be so patient, in fact, I really hate being sick. , and caring for the sick.”

Illness will destroy people's will and make people weak, and this happens to be what Wei Chunxuan hates the most.He wouldn't stay in the ward for more than 5 minutes when he went to visit, and now he doesn't know what happened.

After finishing speaking, Wei Chunxuan stopped talking again, he found that no matter what he said, Li Guanmian would always cry.

"Are you pitying me?" Li Guanmian asked intermittently.

"It is undeniable that this element does exist."

"I know." Li Guanmian thought to himself, in the eyes of people like Wei Chunxuan, it should be a pity to treat juniors... terminally ill juniors.

Human nature dictates.

It's just that in the future... who knows what will happen.The future he thought had infinite possibilities was finally condensed into a small ceiling. He was lying on the bed, and he would lie there forever...

What can I do?

He still hates the world, his own body, the sun and the moon, the air and food, ordinary people’s greetings, gazes, the breakfast he makes himself in the morning, his hands that can play the piano and the eternal music in the world, when he can’t bear everything , he is the most vulnerable.

Wei Chunxuan asked him, "Is there anything you regret?"

"I can't remember the little things." Li Guanmian said, "The big thing is just that one. You should know that my mother jumped off the building because of my nonsense." Emotions aren't as turbulent as they were then.

Wei Chunxuan nodded.

"But maybe she's suffering too, and just chose the wrong way to get out."

"I want her to live well. If she can live, I will die now..." Li Guanmian stopped talking if the assumption was not true.

The tears had already been wiped dry, and she wiped her entire face again with a wet towel. Wei Chunxuan said, "You are a kind child, and she knows it all."

"Maybe." Li Guanmian was so tired, he closed his eyes, "I want to sleep."

"Okay, see you tomorrow, good night." Wei Chunxuan bent down and kissed him gently on the forehead.

On the first night of the clinical trial, Li Guanmian felt that he was well prepared.

Wei Chunxuan asked him what would be the first thing he would do if he recovered from his illness.

Li Guanmian thought about it seriously for a long time.

"Love this world well, love everyone who is worthy of love, and leave no regrets."

Wei Chunxuan held his hand tightly, letting him feel his strength.

He solemnly said, "I love you too."

Li Guanmian couldn't tell whether it was true or not, and Li Guanmian didn't have the energy to dwell on this kind of problem anymore. This love came so suddenly, he was sleepy, and he went back to a day long ago in a daze.

He was sleeping in his apartment that night when he heard the door open.He reached out and groped to turn on the bedside lamp, and soon after, he saw a figure. Wei Chunxuan walked in front of him with the cold wind on his body, and pinched his face.

"Sleep so early." He said something.

Li Guanmian was half asleep and half awake, felt something cold touch his lips, and heard Wei Chunxuan say "good night."

He woke up from his sleep and felt Wei Chunxuan lying down behind him, stretching out his arms to hold him in his arms.At that moment, he felt that he could sleep peacefully.

He replied in his heart, "Good night."

【End of full text】

2018.12.2

The author has something to say:

I said before that it will be changed to an open ending...

so…………………………

Maybe I still can't face death directly...

There are many deficiencies in the article, please forgive me for not stating them one by one.