woe

I don't know what it's like when a person loses hope in life.

I don't know what happens when a person loses his dream.

Yet I'd love to know.

So I went to ask Cheng Yang.

Cheng Yang told me that he cowardly contemplated suicide.

But he thought of his parents, so he survived.

I smiled, lying on the bed in the apartment, opened my eyes and saw the foggy ceiling.

I drank.

Cheng Yang was talking to me, and his breath reached the tip of my nose through the air.

So I stumbled up and kissed him, and I bit him, the smell of blood rushing to my tongue.

Cheng Yang froze for a moment, and kissed me obediently.

His obedience made me more unscrupulous, and I took off his clothes instinctively.

Then, roughly dilating, roughly entering his body.

Cheng Yang seemed to struggle a bit, and then accepted my intrusion as if discouraged for some reason.

His place is tightly entangled with me, swallowing and spitting, bringing ecstasy. However, I feel nauseous and want to vomit.

It was the same feeling as that time with He Zhou.

It's just that this time I did it willingly, so the nausea was not as strong as last time.

Cheng Yang was silent, why didn't he bark?

I frowned suspiciously: "Cheng Yang, why didn't you call?"

After hearing what I said, Cheng Yang clenched his teeth even more tightly, without even a single groan.

For some reason, I was suddenly a little scared.

All I saw was foggy, and I felt empty all around.

I couldn't help crying and begging: "Cheng Yang, please call, I beg you, I'm so scared, Cheng Yang, I want you to call me, Cheng Yang, I beg you..."

I felt the body below me stiffen, and suddenly it clamped me tighter.

Cheng Yang called me softly: "Bai..."

"Cheng Yang, please, please call out, I'm so scared, I can't see anything, I feel like there's no one around me, Cheng Yang, please call out, Cheng Yang..."

All the oxygen in the air was sucked away in an instant, and the silence was terrifying.

Then it exploded suddenly.

"Bai, come in quickly, ah, hurry up, ah-"

Cheng Yang suddenly groaned loudly.

I rampage inside his body, listening to him screaming louder than louder.

I have been with Cheng Yang for a long time, until the end I don't even have that disgusting feeling anymore.

Just mechanically entering, exiting, entering, exiting...

The next day, I called He Zhou.

"Ah, you finally called me back! Are you okay? You haven't heard from me for half a month. If you don't reply to me again, I guess I'll buy a plane ticket and fly back to see you."

I listened to He Zhou's voice that was sometimes joyful, sometimes caring, and sometimes complaining, but I just smiled and replied: "I'm fine."

He Zhou's worried voice came from the phone: "Ah, I feel from your tone that you are not very well, why don't I come back to China tomorrow to see you..."

"No, no need, He Zhou, I'm fine, I just want to make a phone call with you. I have some things here, and I may not be able to call you for a long time."

Then I hung up the phone.

I think someone as smart as He Zhou should be able to understand what I mean.

I'm hinting at breaking up with him.

At night, I pestered Cheng Yang to ask him to take me to the bar, but he couldn't resist my pleading, so he took me there.

It's not that my eyes can't see, it's just that things are blurry, with only a rough outline.

But it's not much better.

All kinds of people coming and going in the bar are a mass of moving shadows in my eyes.

A lot of people came to strike up a conversation with me, and the sex was full of hints. I did a lot with Cheng Yang yesterday, and now I can't get enough energy to do it. When I get to bed, I'm just a zero.

I didn't want to be raped, so I refused with a smile.

I have never forgotten what the man said, don't be number zero, otherwise you will have no way out.

However, to my surprise, a little while after Cheng Yang left, a little boy came to talk to me, and then gave me an injection while I wasn't paying attention.

I felt a bit uncomfortable all over my body, and then I felt a ecstasy of pleasure.

The little boy smiled and stuffed a note into my trouser pocket.

"Hehe, this is my phone number, you can come to me if you want the goods."

He injected me with drugs.

I don't know why, but I didn't panic at all.

Oh, if it turns out, I must be very worried.

When Cheng Yang came back, I had returned to normal, but my voice trembled a little when I spoke.

Cheng Yang asked me: "What's wrong with you?"

I smiled and replied: "Nothing, let's go back."

Later, I contacted that boy many times, and he always complained that I didn't feel nervous at all when I got the goods, and I wasn't afraid of being discovered by the police.

I smiled indifferently, and replied: "What am I afraid of?"

My family is not short of money, but I have always been lazy to ask for it from the family, and I have always sold my paintings to make money.

But now I feel at ease with the money my mother gave me to buy something that I once hated so much.

Sometimes I was afraid that frequent taking of money would arouse my mother's suspicion, so I started to buy my collection of paintings.

There was a picture of a broken frog, and I couldn't remember when I painted it after thinking about it for a long time.

It's just that I suddenly felt nauseous in my stomach and ran into the bathroom to vomit again.

Uncomfortable panic.

I sold it, not knowing why.

Some are empty.

Like losing something important.

Sometimes when I am interested, I hold down Cheng Yang and have sex crazily. At the end, I wipe the semen on the other person's face, then return to the room with a smile, close the door and start taking drugs.

I feel like I've become attached to this stuff and forget all the pain every time I smoke it.

I don't know how many times more comfortable than having an orgasm.

It was an unspeakable pleasure. It was like a broken heart was filled with clouds all of a sudden.

As expected, it was Cheng Yang who first noticed that I was strange.

He knew that my expression after taking drugs was extraordinarily wonderful. Disappointment, pain, bewilderment, and panic were intertwined on his face.

My eyes can still tell his expression?

I couldn't help laughing out loud.

"Snapped--"

I looked in Cheng Yang's direction with some astonishment.

Just now, he hit me?

"Bai, may I trouble you to wake up a bit!"

He held a basin of water in his hand and splashed me by surprise.

I replied with a grin, "I'm sober."

As soon as I finished speaking, Cheng Yang seemed to be out of breath, said three times in succession, then firmly held my hand and walked to the bathroom.

I couldn't see clearly and bumped into the furniture several times.

The pain made me gasp.

When he got to the bathroom, Cheng Yang filled the bath soup with water without saying a word.

I discerned his movements and thought to myself, is he going to have a mandarin duck bath?

However, Cheng Yang's next action broke my thoughts. He directly pulled me over and pushed my head into the water.

I never knew Cheng Yang could be so strong.

The suffocation of death began to come, I closed my eyes subconsciously and began to struggle violently, but Cheng Yang did not let go.

He wants me dead?

I felt a white light flashing in my head again and again, and the suffocation made me lose my strength.

The whole body is so light and fluffy.

Suddenly, I wanted to take a few more breaths of fresh air.

Suddenly, I wanted to look at the blue sky outside the window.

Suddenly, I wonder if the man is out of the order now.

Suddenly, I wondered what the teacher was doing at this time.

Suddenly, I wanted to go home and see how my parents were doing.

Suddenly, I wanted to clarify with He Zhou.

Suddenly, I wanted to go back to my old life.

"Whoa-"

Cheng Yang suddenly pulled me by the collar and pulled me up, making a lot of water noise.

I gasped for breath of fresh air.

In the end, I gave Cheng Yang a hard look: "You fucking want to work hard, and you are too cruel."

Just now I really thought Cheng Yang was going to kill me.

Cheng Yang looked at me, his tense body suddenly relaxed, and then satirized me mercilessly: "Are you awake now?"

I smiled and asked back: "Either die or wake up, I have a choice?"

Cheng Yang seemed to be taken aback for a moment, then smiled brightly, and said stubbornly: "Yes, you have no choice."

"Welcome back, Bai."