i don't want to die again

The sunshine outside the window is separated by a layer of water mist, and at noon after the rain, it brings a colorful rainbow to the world, which is as beautiful as it is real.

There was a familiar sound of footsteps outside the door, and when Xiao Qi turned his head, he saw Lu Zhan open the door with a glass of water, and when he saw him, there was a gentle smile on his face.

"Drink some hot water." Lu Zhan handed the water cup to Xiao Qi, looked at him and said softly, "Do you want to go for a walk after dinner?"

Xiao Qi nodded, and then took two sips of water. The hot and cold boiled water entered his throat, and he felt warm and comfortable all over.

Pointing out the window, Xiao Qi turned to Lu Zhan and said, "Look, there is a rainbow outside."

Lu Zhan stretched out his hand to stroke a strand of curly hair around his ear, and then wrapped his arms around his waist from the back, letting him lean into his arms, before looking up out the window.

"It's beautiful." The corners of Lu Zhan's lips curled up in a comfortable arc.

Xiao Qi's current body is actually a little weak, and occasionally he feels cold all over, so leaning in Lu Zhan's arms will make him feel much more relaxed and warm.

Lu Zhan rubbed his chin against the temple hair next to Xiao Qi's ear, with a gentle tone.

"I'll call you Shu Nian or Xiao Qi from now on."

Xiao Qi smiled and said, "It's all fine."

"From now on, I'll still call you Shu Nian outside, and Xiao Qi in private, right?"

"Okay." Xiao Qi enjoyed the tenderness of his lover while drinking water and looking at the scenery. He only felt that everything now was more beautiful than a dream, and it was as unreal as a dream.

He has completely remembered who he really is. Grandpa Lu once told him solemnly that, except for the Lu family, no one else should know this, no matter how close they are.

Xiao Qi also knew that this kind of thing was indeed unheard of for ordinary people, and he was afraid that it would cause a lot of trouble if it was publicized, so he cautiously accepted the instructions of the Lu family.

Lu Zhan once hugged him and said in a joking tone: "This is a romantic relationship between us, it seems that nothing can stop us from meeting each other. I think this is a match made in heaven. Let’s follow God’s will.”

Xiao Qi was amused by his words, smiled and shook his head.

During the period of convalescence in the Lu family, both Grandpa Lu and Lu Qiran had repeatedly confirmed that he was fine before allowing him to go out. It was already approaching the New Year.

City A has been very cold these past few days. Almost every day, goose feathers and heavy snow fall from the sky. The sanitation workers have to brave the icy wind to clean up the snow accumulated on the side of the street every day, and the pedestrians on the side of the road also wrap themselves tightly. In fact, only two eyes are exposed.

The continuously falling large snowflakes blurred the vision, Xiao Qi, accompanied by Lu Zhan, walked step by step on the clean stone road in the cemetery, and finally stopped in front of one of the tombstones.

Looking at the photo on the tombstone, the smiling boy looked both familiar and unfamiliar. This feeling of looking at his own portrait made Xiao Qi feel very complicated. His eyes fell on the engraved "Aizi Xiaoqi" on the tombstone When a few large characters were written, his eye sockets couldn't help getting moist.

Lu Zhan patted his back lightly, stood beside him, and put his arms around his shoulders.

No one spoke, they placed the flowers they had brought in front of the tombstone, and then stood quietly for a long time before they left the cemetery hand in hand.

When he left, Xiao Qi was still thinking, is there any more absurd experience in this world? Three years after his death, his soul has been wandering in the world in chaos, and then he was reborn by coincidence, and he was able to see his own tombstone with his own eyes. The taste of this experience is really indescribable.

"What are you thinking?" Lu Zhan asked curiously seeing Xiao Qi staring out the window in a daze.

Xiao Qi turned to look at him, smiled and said, "I'm thinking, it's really good to be alive."

Lu Zhan took his hand, squeezed his palm lightly, and said softly, "Yes, being alive is better than anything else."

Xiao Qi unconsciously thought of Xu Shunian who resolutely gave up his life. He didn't understand the reason for this decisive attitude, and he couldn't judge whether it was worth it. He just knew his desire for life now and felt extremely lucky.

"I really don't want to die again." He said jokingly.

Lu Zhan was stunned, and after understanding the meaning of his words, he nodded and said, "I really hope to live forever like this, but we can only make do with it and accept the future of growing old together."

Xiao Qi looked at him, his eyes were bent, he looked gentle and joyful, while looking at each other, Lu Zhan lowered his head slightly, and the two exchanged a long and lingering kiss in the back seat of the car.

Because the Spring Festival is approaching, the Cultural Village in City A, which is a holy place for leisure and entertainment, also appears to be more lively than usual.

Not far ahead was the elegantly decorated flower shop. Lu Zhan patted Xiao Qi on the shoulder and asked in a low voice, "Do you want me to accompany you?"

Xiao Qi shook his head, took a deep breath, and walked towards the flower shop.

The size of the flower shop is not small, and it is warm and comfortable inside. It should have just opened today, and there are no customers yet. The hostess is tidying up her beloved flowers.

Xiao Qi looked at the back, his long hair was still loosely tied behind as before, and his clothes were also in the comfortable and elegant style of the past. A sour and warm feeling spread in his heart, almost making his eye sockets feel hot immediately.

When the woman heard movement behind her, she turned her head and saw a young guy, she smiled softly, and said in a very gentle voice, "Sorry, the store is still being cleaned up, you can take a look for yourself first."

Xiao Qiqiang followed the ups and downs in his heart, nodded his head pretending to be natural, and saw that the woman was carefully arranging a bunch of dried flowers, so he walked over and asked softly, "What kind of flowers are these?"

Although he knew the flower, he just wanted to find a topic to talk to the woman.

The woman smiled and said, "It's Phalaenopsis."

Xiao Qi nodded, and then pretended to know nothing and said that he wanted to pick a bouquet of flowers for his friend, but he didn't know what to choose.

The two started from this topic, and the more they chatted, the more speculative they became. The woman felt like old friends with this young man at first sight, and felt that it was rare to meet a young man who could chat like this. Later, she brought him a cup of scented tea made by herself.

Just as the woman was wrapping flowers for Xiao Qi, a boy's loud and clear voice came from the door.

"Mom, I finished my homework today. Let me look around the shop with you. I've already told my father."

The two turned their heads when they heard the sound, and a tall, thin, fair boy who looked fifteen or sixteen years old walked into the store, and the woman immediately burst into a happy smile: "Why do you only wear so little, you will catch a cold."

The boy took off his scarf nonchalantly: "I'm not cold at all, and there's heating everywhere I go."

Xiao Qi was a little startled when he saw the boy, although he had changed a lot, he still recognized at a glance that this was his younger brother Xiao Yu.

Three years ago, the child who was only 12 years old and less than his shoulders, surrounded him like a little tail every day, in a blink of an eye, he was already so tall, like an adult.

The boy was also a little surprised when he saw Xiao Qi, and said to his mother, "Who is this?"

Mother Xiao smiled and said, "It's a guest."

When Xiao Qi left, Xiao Yu was talking to Xiao's mother. The child seemed much more sensible than before. He surrounded Xiao's mother all the time, making her laugh from time to time. Xiao Qi's heart instantly became more at ease.

When he walked to the corner and saw the car waiting for him, Xiao Qi strode over, got into the car and stuffed a large bouquet of phalaenopsis to Lu Zhan: "Have you been waiting for a long time? This is for you."

Lu Zhan took the flowers, then pulled Xiao Qi to sit down, and asked softly, "Did you see someone?"

Xiao Qi nodded.

Lu Zhan carefully observed the look on his face, Xiao Qi was smiling all the time, but Lu Zhan was worried, put the dried flowers aside, held his hand and rubbed it, and asked, "Shall we go now?"

Xiao Qi turned his head to look at the flower shop not far away, and lowered his eyes when he turned his head, and two drops of water landed on the hands they were clasping.

Lu Zhan was taken aback, and immediately raised his chin. Seeing the tears streaming from his eyes, his expression became sentimental. He wiped away his tears for him. He didn't speak, but let someone lean on his shoulder.

Seeing the people who were once close relatives again, Xiao Qi couldn't help but think that he had left them for three years, and left them by death, and now he couldn't get along with them as before, so from the first second he stepped into the flower shop, I have been unable to suppress and feel sad in my heart, until now, I finally can't control it.

However, seeing that they are doing well now, Xiao Qi is also relieved a lot.

In the flower shop, Xiao Yu was moving Mama Xiao to clean up. While wiping the counters and shelves where the flowers were placed, he asked Mama Xiao: "Is that brother a frequent visitor just now?"

Mother Xiao shook her head: "It should be the first time."

Xiao Yu murmured suspiciously: "I saw the way you were talking just now, and I feel very familiar..."

When Xiao's mother returned to the counter, she suddenly found an iron box on the table. She looked at the iron box for a while in surprise.

This is an iron box containing candied fruit. It is only available in a well-known snack shop in City A. This candied fruit is my favorite snack all the time, but there are only three stores in this city. , is very far from here, she usually only stops to buy some when she passes by, these years, she goes out less, so she buys less, only her husband and youngest son Xiao Yu occasionally bring some back.

But when the eldest son was still there, he would bring a box home from school every week, which was just enough to eat for a week.

Stretched out her fingers to touch the tin box, she didn't know when the tin box was put here, whether it was dropped by the boy just now, Xiao's mother stood still for a long time, after looking at the tin box for a while, she remembered many things , The eye sockets can't help but feel a little hot.

Xiao Yu found that his mother hadn't spoken for a long time, and when he turned his head and saw that she was crying, he was startled, hurriedly walked over and asked with concern: "Mom, why are you crying again?"

Mother Xiao wiped her tears: "It's nothing, I just miss your brother."

Xiao Yu sighed when he heard the words, and showed some sadness, but he still forced himself to smile and said: "Then let's go visit his grave tomorrow, maybe he misses us too."

Mother Xiao nodded: "OK."

The car had already driven a long distance, Lu Zhan saw that the people around him had calmed down, he peeled a toffee and stuffed it into his mouth, and said with a smile: "It will be a long time in the future, you can take your time."

At this time, Xiao Qi was also a little embarrassed because he had just shed tears, and turned his head to look at the familiar street scene outside the car window, which looked very hazy through the steam-filled car window.

The corners of his mouth were still slowly raised unconsciously. After the toffee melted in his mouth, the sweet and fragrant taste spread to his heart. He couldn't help but feel that no matter what he experienced, everything is so beautiful now, and there is nothing more fortunate than this.