nostalgia

It has been several days, Zhong Jinxi did not go to the gallery and refused to go out on the grounds that she was unwell.

Mainly because I was afraid of meeting that person.

He spends all day on the Internet, watching movies and playing games, and the time is very easy to pass.

You can often see recent news about Yi Yan on the Internet. The latest one is about his scandal with a certain female star. The combination of a few blurred photos and vivid text seems to be something real.When did Yi Yan become such a straight guy?Zhong Jinxi was a little bit dumbfounded, and Yi Yan and his agency hadn't commented on it for the time being. It seems that this matter has some fermented value.

Turn off the computer, time to go to the gallery too.

Putting on his coat and walking to the elevator, just thinking that luckily he didn't bump into anything, Li Suran broke into his sight as the elevator door opened.

"Zhong Jinxi."

Zhong Jinxi stammered nervously: "Li, Li Suran."

"Go out?"

"Well, go to eat, there is no cooking at home."

Zhong Jinxi, tell me why you made up these reasons?Tell me what is the use of the space left by your sentence!Pretend not to see.

Waiting for his reply until Zhong Jinxi was disappointed and planned to stop the conversation and leave, Li Suran finally said: "——Why don't you come to my place to eat, the outside is not as clean as the house, I just bought vegetables .”

"It's not good for Shen Yao to be like this." He said on his lips, but subconsciously moved his toes slightly in the direction of Li Suran's house.

"He has something to do today, and there is no one at home."

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This is Zhong Jinxi's first time entering Li Suran's - and Shen Yao's - home, the house is very clean and tidy.While Li Suran was cooking, Zhong Jinxi looked at it casually, and when he found that Li Suran and Shen Yao were sleeping in two rooms, he raised the corners of his mouth in a very hopeless manner.

Zhong Jinxi hadn't been overwhelmed yet, and the words he said didn't go through his brain at all: "Your house is so clean, it's cleaner than ours."

Li Suran responded lightly, paused for half a second, and then continued.In a flash, Zhong Jinxi suddenly realized, what did he just say?

Your home, our home.

My heart suddenly ached.

Such non-brain and random words can easily wake people up.You are not from our family, and I am not from your family.

We all have homes, but no home is just you and me.

I accidentally saw the prickly pear on the cabinet. If I read it correctly, they picked it together when they were still together. Gradually my heart softened, and I murmured, "I still have the prickly pear."

After not seeing any answer for a long time, Zhong Jinxi's eyes dimmed and he ran to the kitchen so that Li Suran could see him, then asked in a slightly louder voice, "You still keep that pot of prickly pears."

The hands that were cutting the vegetables paused, and Li Suran replied, "It's not the pot you mentioned, I just bought this one a while ago."

"Oh." Zhong Jinxi nodded and retreated.

Let me tell you a lie, it is obviously that basin, Zhong Jinxi can recognize it, there is a small heart-shaped gap on the sphere of that basin, even if the basin is changed now, Zhong Jinxi can still recognize that it is that basin.

But the more this happened, the more proud Zhong Jinxi felt.

Sitting face to face at the dining table eating, there was nothing to say, Zhong Jinxi felt very strange, if he continued to look forward and backward like this, he would definitely get sick.

"These years, how are you doing?" Zhong Jinxi was still looking for an entry point, but Li Suran spoke first.

Old lovers always ask this sentence when they meet, how are you doing?In fact, this is precisely the last thing you should ask, so what is good, so what is not good, this answer has no meaning to you, it is just a random question, so why let people start thinking about the past from this sentence?

"Not good." Zhong Jinxi replied.

Li Suran was really stunned for a long time, he didn't expect him to answer like this, which didn't match the standard answer, but he couldn't ask the question "Why is it not good", his intuition told him not to ask such a question, so he couldn't answer for a long time , Zhong Jinxi smiled: "Why, it seems that this answer doesn't satisfy you, do you hope I have a good life?"

"of course."

"I've been fine since I'm not with you, don't you feel like a failure?" Zhong Jinxi "kindly" analyzed with Li Suran.

"This..." I was at a loss for words for a while, I haven't seen him for a few years, how could that person who was soft as light become eloquent?Just change the subject, "Lin Xu, is it bad for you?"

Zhong Jinxi put away his playful expression and said, "It's not bad, it just feels more like family, with peace of mind and trust instead of jealousy and heartache like lovers."

"Reassurance, trust, aren't these bad? Do you have to quarrel to show love?"

"It's not bad, but I feel at ease that family members can give you friends, but jealousy, jealousy, and worries are only given by lovers. When you were with Shen Yao, did you ever distrust him? Jealousy?" Have you ever been heartbroken? Don’t you guys know how to quarrel? " Zhong Jinxi originally thought that the topic was going too far, but seeing Li Suran's pensive look, he smiled darkly, and it was just right. "If there is no such love, it cannot be called love at all. Love is narrow and exclusive, and it is not as great as family affection and friendship."

"Shen Yao and I are not like this, we are very..."

Zhong Jinxi interrupted: "No, Shen Yao has a desire to possess you, but you don't because you don't love him!"

Frowning slightly, Li Suran pretended to be calm: "I love him."

"You don't love."

"I love."

"Let me tell you this, when you saw me getting close to others before, didn't you feel very uncomfortable? Shen Yao was close to others, didn't your mood even fluctuate?" Zhong Jinxi stared at Li Suran's eyes don't let him dodge.

Li Suran didn't reply, but the answer overflowed from his eyes.

"Because you don't love him." Zhong Jinxi put away his smile and suddenly became serious. He decided to take a gamble. If he lost, he assumed that his heart was dead and he had no other thoughts. He got up and supported the edge of the table , approached Li Suran and continued, "The one you love is me."

Li Suran immediately stood up like a cat whose tail has been stepped on: "I, I didn't."

"You have." Zhong Jinxi approached slowly, "You love me, otherwise there wouldn't be a car accident that day."

Li Suran showed embarrassment, crossed his arms, collected himself, and said, "I left after that because I don't love you anymore."

"No, you left because you loved me." The distance was brought closer by Zhong Jinxi again, this feeling made Li Suran very uncomfortable, like God's mockery of human beings.

All of a sudden those low self-esteem popped up again, he got up and pushed Zhong Jinxi away and said coldly: "That's right, I loved you before, but now I love Shen Yao."

Zhong Jinxi's eyes suddenly softened. He approached Li Suran, stretched out his hand fondly to caress his cheek, and said slowly: "Do you think I'm showing off that you still love me? Why did you become so inferior?" ? Even if you can’t hear it, so what, you are still the perfect Li Suran in my heart.”

The pupils shrank suddenly, and Li Suran said in panic, "You know? Who told you? It must not be Shen Yao, but Yi Yan?"

"Look, you don't doubt him at all. Why did you doubt me without any hesitation about Yi Yan before? What am I in your heart?" Man became distrustful, and now grieves over it.

"Shen Yao told you?!"

"How do I know? It's not important. What's important is that you won't bear all this alone. No wonder you walked so simply that day, without even turning your head. It turned out that it was raining heavily, and you didn't even listen to it." When it comes to that sentence, do you know how ugly I was crying in the rain."

The eyes were full of love, Li Suran was stung by the scorching light, followed his words as if possessed and asked: "What did you say?"

"I said... Even if my heart was so painful that it was paralyzed, from the moment I saw you again, I found that you are still Li Suran whom I, Zhong Jinxi, gave my life to love."

Give your life.Li Suran's heart suddenly became warm, and then slowly heated up, slowly heated up, until it was so hot that it hurt him.

In such a momentary impulse, Li Suran stepped forward and hugged Zhong Jinxi tightly, hugging so desperately, no matter whether the other party would be in pain or not able to breathe, both of them hugged each other tightly with all their strength.

For this moment, they tortured each other for three years.

"Li Suran, we don't care about the past, those are not important anymore, let's start again, okay? Let's never hurt each other again, okay?"

--"do not hurt me."

Shen Yao's words in his mind overlapped with those in front of him, echoing harshly.

Once upon a time, he also promised so.Shen Yao's face flashed frequently, blocking all Li Suran's words, he promised Shen Yao not to hurt him, he promised.

No, no!Li Suran pushed Zhong Jinxi away violently, shaking his head wildly.

"Why not? You hugged me just now, doesn't it mean that you have never forgotten me? Why are you refusing now?" Unable to see the almost devastating damage in Zhong Jinxi's eyes, Li Suran just shook his head, "You He is the cruelest person I have ever seen... I let go of all the pain, let go of Lin Xu and ran to tell you that I have never changed, I don't care if you can hear me, I am willing to be your ear, and you But you pushed me away again, do you know that you are cruel?! You and Ben are heartless people!!" Zhong Jinxi yelled hysterically, did not cry, only cried out in despair, like a dying person.

On the other hand, Li Suran, tears kept rolling out, he squatted down and hugged himself and said, "Cruel? We are all cruel, aren't we? If you do this, you won't be cruel to Lin Xu? He has taken care of you these few years, right?" , you impulsively vented what was in your heart, but after that, do you have the heart to hurt him like this? You said Lin Xuyu, you are like a relative, who can easily bear the pain of losing a relative? Yes, I admit that I I can't let you go, but the fetters around me are also impossible to ignore, do you understand?"

The guilt that had been suppressed by him was torn apart in Li Suran's words, and in an instant he fell to the ground like a puppet with strings drawn and muttered to himself: "You are right, how can I bear to lose Lin Xu is looking for my happiness alone, and you can't let go of Shen Yao, right? Then—what about us? What should we do?"

The two faced each other in the most helpless posture, and the distance was less than one meter, but it seemed like a world away.Why is it that the more you want to get closer, the more you are shot further away by resistance?

It turned out that what was missed was not just time, but all the right time and place. He let go when he should hold on to the other party the most, and now all the favorable conditions have been dismembered to pieces.

They stared at each other's face quietly, even though that face would never be forgotten for the rest of their lives, they were still afraid that all the memories would be taken away from their minds in the blink of an eye.

"Shen Yao, it's very good. He always accommodates me. Sometimes I feel that I am like his son." Li Suran slowed down his tone so that those words would not sound like tears.

"Lin Xu is the same. When I'm with him, I almost forget that I'm older than him. I actually need my younger brother to take care of me. It's really..."

"I know that on the day of the class reunion, he must have felt something happened, so he kept holding my hand to support me and give me strength. In the end, he couldn't hold it anymore, and kept drinking and drinking."

"We've got silly people like that all around us, and sometimes I wonder where we would be if it never started, if they weren't so good."

Looking at each other's emotions, it is suddenly difficult to hold back. Maybe this is the last time that we don't have to control our emotions.

They all understand.

Li Suran shook his hand at Zhong Jinxi: "Come closer, let me take a good look at you."

Zhong Jinxi slowly moved in front of Li Suran, stretched out his hand and put his hand on his face, starting from the eyebrows, and then sliding to the eyes.The Adam's apple rolled up and down, Zhong Jinxi's eyes were so red that it made people feel distressed, he choked up and said, "Don't forget me."

"No, we pull the hook."

The knuckles are white and slender, Zhong Jinxi looked at these hands, this is the hand that gave him warmth, this is the hand that will make delicious things with him, this is the hand that he can no longer hold.

"Pull the hook."

The little fingers are intertwined, the thumbs are tightly covering the agreed seal, and even the fingertips are still nostalgic for each other's temperature, but they have to let go in a hurry.

Prove it with all the good things in this world.

I love you.

Did you hear it?

"Zhong Jinxi, promise me to be happy, because Shen Yao and I will wait for you in a happy place." Turning his head away from Zhong Jinxi, he seemed to be talking to himself, the sun outside the window was so dazzling that people couldn't open their eyes. We are dejected.

"I know, I know you are happy, why show it off, I have it too..."

Li Suran pulled out a smile, and silently took Zhong Jinxi's hand, interlocking his fingers.

"If there is an afterlife, we must not let go of each other's hands. Like this, let's switch roles at that time, okay? You are Li Suran and I am Zhong Jinxi, and then let me feel your pain. Okay?"

"Then I have to torture you to death, and I have to punish you."

"Okay, it's up to you."

Before Li Suran finished speaking, Zhong Jinxi gave up: "Forget it, I will be reluctant. If we have an afterlife, I want us to be together, just be together."

Lips and teeth are attached to each other, and the nostalgia is getting stronger and stronger, so strong that I don't want to listen to Zhong Jinxi's beautiful fantasies anymore, this will only make Li Suran want to take Zhong Jinxi away from here, whether it is elopement or wandering, as long as they can be together, it will be the end of the world Become fearless.

The kiss was very gentle, as cautious as the first kiss, I was afraid that when I opened my eyes, I would find that it was just a dream weaved by longing.

"This is the last time I say it, Zhong Jinxi, I love you." Li Suran closed his eyes, letting the voice out of his mouth find no resonance, he knew what Zhong Jinxi would say, he knew it without looking at him.

"Li Suran, I love you too."

The lips touched again, as if no amount of kissing was enough, but no one could ignore the smell of sadness in the air.

In vain, I felt that there was some emptiness in my heart, and I couldn't catch the slightest shadow no matter what.

He said to him, Zhong Jinxi, I love you.

Shen Yao stumbled through the aisle that seemed a bit long at the moment, pressed the elevator, went downstairs, walked out of the door of the apartment and saw a trash can, stared blankly at the beautifully wrapped flowers in his hand, and walked over to throw them away.

Today marks the one-year anniversary of their relationship.

It's only a year.

Driving the car to the maximum speed, the pleasure of that speed can make him temporarily forget other pictures, but Nai He's eyes are fixed on the front, but it doesn't affect the operation of the brain at all.