Molu

At this point in the story, probably many people will think that I am very pitiful. Many of my friends say they love me, and some of her friends also say they love me. Obviously, my thoughts are clearly revealed, and everyone can see it.

You see the truth, am I pitiful?

At the beginning of the story, I ran to the city where she was in order to escape a person I had liked for five years. The problem is that on the one hand, I didn’t want to stay in a place full of traces of her.Neurasthenia, sleepless nights, even if you fall asleep with soothing music on the radio, you will still be tortured by nightmares, the fragility in the middle of the night spreads to the day, opening your eyes is pressure, closing your eyes is nightmares, I can’t bear it, escaping is a trade-off The only behavior that changes the status quo.

I escaped from the city that is vividly in my memory. This city is brand new. Without the reminder of the familiar scenery on the road, the fascination that had begun to slowly fade began to fade, and I focused on the unfamiliar. Cities, strangers.

The scene of seeing Xin Xin for the first time is still unforgettable. She is not a beautiful woman. At first, I didn't have any thoughts that I shouldn't have. I just thought that this teacher had a very good personality.

When did you realize she was different?Maybe it's because I'm looking forward to her classes more and more, maybe I'm paying more and more attention to her every move, maybe I'm getting more and more reluctant to leave soon.It's just that at that time, I lost my obsession with the past, and the approach of the college entrance examination made me not have the mind to think too much, or I didn't want to think too much.

The college entrance examination itself is not very stressful for me, and the future that I have no clue is what I can't accept.Uneasiness is probably the only emotion I have after the college entrance examination, even more intense than the panic before the college entrance examination.I always shut myself in the room to think about what my future life will be like, and all kinds of possibilities flash through my mind.What kind of people will I meet?What will happen to me?What kind of future will you have with the people you know now?Many possibilities are being thought of, and many people are being thought of.The person whose specificity I deliberately ignored also popped up.

I began to think about how to get closer, and various methods came to my mind. These possible environments are all the same. I want to go to that city to study in university.

I began to think about the possibility of going there, and found that it was not an unattainable outcome.Close to home, good schools, acquaintances, good environment, these reasons are enough for parents to agree.I decided on the city to go to, signed up and waited for the result.The fear of the unknown is still there, but the expectation of being in the same city with her has suppressed all the panic.

I text her good morning and good night every day, I don't know what she thinks, I just want to do it, she doesn't say anything.The process of waiting for the admission result is long. I stay at home with Su Zixi every day, holding my mobile phone all day long, and talking to my stupid brother about things he can't understand.

I got the test in the city she was in as I wished, and when I thought that she was here, even if I was at the two ends of the city, I felt happy.I wanted to find her, but found that there was no reason, and I missed her very much, but it was not that difficult for me who just entered the school and was familiar with the busy life of college.

Meeting again is her wedding, the result I knew from the beginning.She was really beautiful at the wedding, and the men around her were really jealous, but those were all things that had nothing to do with me. She was already married, and she couldn't do anything that was bad for her marriage.After the wedding, I ended those things that students should not do, no longer say good morning and good night, no longer say miss, no longer step out of the position of ordinary students.

People, the more I want to forget, the more I can't forget. I didn't deliberately ignore her. She still exists on the edge of my life. I will think of her, send holiday blessings, comment and like, but she no longer appears in in my real life.

Late at night always makes people vulnerable, and I can't do what I should do when I miss it.Annoyance flashed in my heart the moment the message was sent, but I couldn't help but say nothing.Did not expect to receive a reply, nor did I expect to receive such a reply.

Doubts and dissatisfaction filled my heart, how did that man take care of his wife, why did she still get drunk in a nightclub at such a late hour, she shouldn't have said that tone.I know she'll be fine, but I'm still uneasy. I miss her, I want to see her, I want to know what state she is in now, but what reason and identity should I go for? I'm tangled and uneasy. I don't know what to do. My emotions leaked out, the boss gave me a decision, I wanted to satisfy my extravagant expectations, even if I didn't know how it would affect her, I still went.

I found something wrong with her, the smile I loved the most changed, and the exhaustion exuded from inside made me feel distressed, how could that man torture the person I wanted to care for all the time like this.I recklessly made a completely different decision from before, and really broke into Xin Xin's life, regardless of whether he will fall, I just want her to live well.

For girls, there is no more heart-warming action than companionship, right?I spent time and energy trying to comfort the scarred Xin Xin, countless late nights, countless weekends, only thinking about her, without my unrealistic extravagant expectations.Verbal stimulation can't stop what I want to do. I can't resist that man's nearly ten years. It doesn't matter, no matter how long it takes, it's all in the past.

As life continued, she mentioned him less and less, and communicated less and less in the middle of the night. I was a little lost, but she was no longer sad, and my goal was achieved, but I was reluctant to leave.

This is wrong, people's desire will become bigger and bigger, I am no longer satisfied with just staying in the position of a student or a friend, I long to be close to her, every minute and every second of being alone is happiness and suffering.I can't get what I want, I don't know whether I should leave or continue, if there is no result if I continue, leaving is almost a farewell, I don't know how to choose, so I continue to torture myself.

When the phone rang in the middle of the night and woke me up, the red dot on the dialog box woke me up instantly, and a woman who was occasionally immersed in the pain of the past started to hurt without words.I'm used to it, I just look at the fragility in the middle of the night, and it will be much more comfortable when she vents it out tomorrow morning.

It's just that I didn't expect that it was me who made her sad this time.

I know that she is guilty and dependent on me, she is too indifferent to the people around her, her guilt can make me stay by her side for a longer time, even if I do something that makes her unhappy occasionally, this Guilt is enough for her to ignore the dissatisfaction.I'm despicable, even if I'm not motivated by profit to be nice to her, but I really did it to satisfy my desire to get closer to her.

She knew what I was thinking, and she also knew that there was no result, so she felt guilty and couldn't accept my contribution with peace of mind, but she was already dependent, and she didn't want to let go. This was my goal, and it was achieved.But she felt that she owed me because of this, she said that I would hate her for being selfish and not letting me go, that she let me go until now.How could I, because these are all what I expected.

I knew she would feel guilty, I knew she would be uneasy, but I did it anyway, treating her well with purposeful behavior, making her dependent, making her feel guilty, and satisfying my wishful thinking.I'm the one who's so despicable.

Sometimes I am also dissatisfied, the pay is not proportional to the gain, and never getting what I want is more tormented than anything else.The appearance of the elementary school girl was an accident, because I didn't do a good job, I don't know why I agreed, maybe I wanted revenge, maybe I was just too lonely, maybe I wanted to find someone who was good to me to comfort me.

It’s just that I really can’t get along with someone I don’t like. I can be ambiguous with her, and I can deliberately make the expression that a couple should show, but I know that’s not what I want to do in my heart. The uneasiness of betraying Xin Xin is always there In my heart, I broke up with my primary school girl. I know it's unfair to her, but I really can't go against my heart. This kind of behavior is unfair to her. I don't want to continue if I say that I am good at everything.

Going to work there is a struggle, I know I will leave sooner or later, I have struggled for a long time, torturing her and torturing myself.Satisfy your desire to work with her before you leave.

I will leave when she gets married is the deadline I have always given myself. I thought it should have come long ago, but I didn't know that when it really came, I was still caught off guard.

I will not do anything that will show any signs. At the wedding, she was as beautiful as she was back then. I know her next plan. It takes courage to leave. If she is not here, I will not be nostalgic. I am determined to leave , Do not give yourself a chance to repent.

Su Xiaoxi is worried about me, what does he know as a child, he loves me and hates Xin Xin, I can't persuade him, since there is no future anyway, just let him go.

I deliberately avoided letting Xinxin know about my situation, even though I still knew how she was from different places.I haven't responded to her phone calls or text messages, so I just leave, simply, and don't torture her anymore.

Getting married is unexpected, he and I get along very well, get along very well, the child is very cute and I like it very much.The moment he brought it up, I thought of Xin Xin's expression when he said he wanted to attend my wedding many years ago.

I agreed. Marriage has nothing to do with love. It would be too stupid to believe that love is the premise of marriage after thirty.Inform parents and contact individual friends that the wedding process is very cumbersome and busy.

But I still sent an invitation to Xin Xin, whether I want to meet her or stimulate her, just treat it as a late farewell.

I asked the boss to bring Xin Xin's family in, put them in the main position, and let Su Xiaoxi take care of them.I keep in mind where she will be, always pay attention, without showing a trace.

After being separated for so many years, she is satisfied, without me, she is still fine, that's enough.

I stood in the crowd and watched her leave, just like every weekend many years ago, I waved goodbye and watched her leave without looking back.

Goodbye.