how should love continue

Hate can't stop, love seems even more irrepressible.

Tezuka slumped on the floor of the bedroom, the sharp pain from his back made his originally vague consciousness regain a brief sobriety.It turned out that he was still alive.The afternoon sun is not stingy with the temperature, it swayed the light wantonly.Some people say that although the sun is scorching, it is only because the surface is hot, but in fact there is only barrenness in the heart.I was powerless to find out whether this sentence was correct or not, but I really wanted to block this tingling feeling, so I stretched out my left arm to block the light, but unexpectedly saw that hideous wound, as if telling Shame once upon a time.The previous scenes were quickly rewound like a black and white film, and finally condensed into a sentence: "Kego Atobe, we will not see you in this life!" Then, all words will unconsciously evolve into this sentence, and Tezuka When he could no longer bear the weight of these words, he woke up suddenly.The clock on the wall only passed a few minutes.

It seems that the nightmare is about to begin again.Almost in a state of collapse, he climbed onto the bed, which was the bed where he and Shinozuzu lived together. The sea-blue sheets gave Tezuka the illusion that "even if he drowned in it, he would be willing." "You are a bird, and I am a fish. We will never meet each other. In the depths of the sea, I pray day and night. In the next life, I only wish to be a bird and search you everywhere!" Tezuka couldn't explain why he was extremely exhausted physically and mentally. In the end, I was still in the mood to recite poems, but I just thought of it suddenly.When people are uncomfortable, they seem to be more eager to have warm company by their side, but they will never have such company to warm themselves again.Gently stroking the other half of the bed, the night before was ups and downs, and now they are going their separate ways.Sure enough, without caring, home is just a cold post house.Will never come back again!Searching and searching, in the end, you are all alone.Shinobu, if there is an afterlife, I hope I know you before Atobe, so that I will not make mistakes in this life.It's just this life... the love once in a lifetime, the love is too hard, the love is too pure, I have given up everything, I have no strength to love anymore.

To know you is regret, to miss you is hurt, to love and hate.I suddenly found that I became very light, left the ground, and my soul was floating in the air. Is this the feeling of being close to the other shore in the legend?The Buddha said that there is no birth and no death, no suffering and no sorrow, no desire and no pursuit, and it is a world of bliss that forgets sorrow and suffering.On the way to the other shore, there is a kind of enchanting and colorful flower, which guides the path to the underworld, called the other shore flower.Flowers on the other shore, flowers bloom on the other shore, when there are flowers, there are no leaves, when there are leaves, there are no flowers, the flowers and leaves will never meet, and they will never meet each other.The Buddha said: "Love is not cause and effect, fate is destined to life and death." I seem to have seen it, as if I really saw that kind of fire, teasing, and blood-like Bana flowers.Is it hallucination?No, it was indeed blood.Blood snaked down the white tiles, exuding the beauty of death.

"Tezuka, are you crazy?" Shinobu was shocked by the facts before him.Tezuka, who has always regarded responsibility as his life, would actually want to die, and would choose such an irresponsible way.Blood kept gushing from his wrist, and Tezuka's fair face gradually lost the breath of life due to excessive blood loss. The strong salty smell in the air made Renzu feel that death was so close to him for the first time.Hastily pressed Tezuka's wound, and then skillfully bandaged it.Fortunately, I come from a medical family, and even if I have not been trained, I can do simple first aid quite properly. Otherwise, Tezuka's life... took a deep breath, and the shock was relieved: "Tezuka, why are you so stupid? It's just It’s just a broken relationship, why do you want to commit suicide?” Renzu couldn’t help but think of 3 hours ago: the rain has been pattering all night, and it doesn’t mean to stop.This is the case in the rainy season. Although it is not enough to drench the clothes, it is also sticky and annoying.Thanks to the rain, the activities of the tennis club were temporarily canceled, and they wandered the streets with boredom, enjoying a rare vacation.While passing the time leisurely staring at the long-legged beauty on the street, he suddenly found that the Lincoln style of Atobe’s family stopped abruptly across the street, and smiled wryly, hey, even if it’s a holiday, I can’t get rid of this gorgeous young master. Such a ghostly weather would actually drive a car out to show off. I really don't know whether to call him unique or have a fever.However, Shinozu quickly denied his thoughts, and saw that the car stopped for a while and then restarted, leaving Tezuka standing there blankly with simple luggage.Intuitively, Shinobu knew something was wrong.So he stepped forward and called Tezuka softly, but there was no response.Continue to ask, but only get a faint "I broke up with the part".This was something he had expected, but at that moment, he really felt that his heart was bleeding.Knowing that Tezuka probably had nowhere to go, Shinobu pulled Tezuka up with one hand and went straight to his apartment with his luggage in the other.And Tezuka's unexpectedly docile behavior also made him a little uneasy, so when Tezuka walked into the bathroom and there was no movement for more than half an hour, Shinozu decided to break in to see what happened, although it was very rude.So the scene above happened.

Renzu helped Tezuka, who was in a trance, into the living room, but he didn't know what to say.comfort?How could that powerful emperor need the sympathy of others?question?What position do you have to blame the other party?Looking at the lost and desperate Tezuka, Shinobu found for the first time that he was also at the end of his words.On the other hand, after being silent for a long time, the person concerned finally said quietly, "Don't worry, I don't really want to die, I just want to feel the pain suddenly." Painful feeling?The heart hurts even more, because the heartache cannot be suppressed, so I want to divert my attention through the body.What a fool, how can these two kinds of pain be compared?Tezuka, you love Atobe so much!There was no need to say anything else, and I took the tokazuka into my arms with patience.Why is the him in front of him not the original self?Gently pushing away Ninzuzu, Tezuka showed unprecedented persistence, that kind of eyes made people chill, revealing the despair of death, and if you look deeper, there is only desolation in your eyes. "Excuse me, I'll take my leave first." Renzu tried to detect clues in his plain tone, but there were no mistakes.Tezuka, you are really amazing. I always thought I was a person who was good at hiding, but facing you, I seemed to have failed.Not being able to hide means that you are standing in the open, and you have to be more careful than when you are in the dark.Seems like a good game! "Where else can you go now?" Tezuka's pace froze as Shinozuzu's words came out.Where else can I go?In fact, I don't even know.Back to Atobe, my self-esteem won't allow it; back to my parents, I can't go back a long time ago, right?The fact that my son is gay has become unbearable to my parents. Didn't I also swear at the beginning that I would be happy?Now this kind of embarrassment, hehe... How can I let my parents see it?The friends who went to Qingxue couldn’t forget their hurt eyes when they graduated. It was they who first chose to betray. How could they be blamed for their ruthlessness?Thinking about it, Tezuka laughed out loud for the first time.Sure enough, I was punished by God!The world is so big that there is no room for me!Perhaps in order to exaggerate the atmosphere, a bolt of lightning flashed across the night sky, and what Shinobu saw was Tezuka's distorted face reflected in despair.

"If you have nowhere to go, you can stay."

"I don't need your sympathy!" Tezuka pulled up the suitcase by the wall and walked towards the entrance.

"There is no sympathy in Ice Emperor's elite education. I live here and pay the rent by the month." After speaking, he stood up and went back to the bedroom.At this moment, any words are so powerless, unnecessary sympathy can only make Tezuka more embarrassed, doing nothing and saying nothing may be the greatest support for him.Lying on the sea-blue bed, his reluctant heart stayed in the living room. He was not sure that Tezuka would stay with such a strong personality, but life is a grand gamble, and he ran around in various gambles with his own chips. At the table, no one dares to say that he can make a steady profit without losing money, and no one will definitely stand in the loser's seat forever. Everything is just a process until the end.So it's the same this time, betting on Tezuka's unwillingness, betting on Tezuka's love for Atobe.As long as he still has any resentment towards Atobe in his heart, he will definitely stay and watch him at the place closest to Atobe.Facts have proved that in the game of life, Ninjazu is a master.The only leverage he has is the winning chip.It's been a long time since I heard the sound of the door, guessing that Tezuka really has nowhere to go.So he walked out of the bedroom quietly, and saw him curled up on the sofa, his shoulders shaking like fallen leaves in the rustling autumn wind, his soft sobbing seemed to be a kind of catharsis, but in the extreme depression, it reminded people of the murmur of a young animal when it licked its wound.Shinobu admitted that Tezuka's reaction was within his expectations. No one can pretend to be indifferent after experiencing a fatal blow. Even though Tezuka is very stable, in the end he is just a 17-year-old boy, facing the sudden impact It is natural to be confused and shocked, but this kind of forbearable strength makes people feel an inexplicable heartache.That emaciated back, no matter how you look at it, it should look like it is being pitied by others, but it is such a weak and unruly appearance, but it has taken on everything in the relationship with Atobe and concealed everything.Even if I pretend to be numb, even if I deliberately ignore it, I am still unconsciously moved.Is this how you express love?Is this your deep feeling?I don't want Atobe to worry, and I don't want Atobe to bear too much pressure, so I can only shoulder it.But do you know that the two people standing closest cannot see everything about each other, especially Atobe, this extremely arrogant species.Your dedication and your patience may seem to him to be a matter of course.It's not that you don't know this, but you are approaching your own bottom line time and time again like moths flying to the flame, and you are also approaching Atobe's bottom line. This time, is it the end?The tears at this time are like a farewell to the past or a memorial to the future?Couldn't bear to disturb him, so he had to retreat to the bedroom.

Tezuka woke up from crying, touched the pillow, and it got wet a lot.Sure enough, I still cried. I said that I would never cry for him, and I swore that I would never feel sad for him. For a while, I even thought that I had really forgotten him. It turned out that I was just deceiving myself. It is full of temptation to take it out every now and then.Outside the window, there are already thousands of lights, shrouded in the night Tokyo has a kind of warmth different from the daytime, with neon lights, as if illuminating the way home for a lost child.But, who will illuminate your own route?Inadvertently glanced at the photo with Shinozu on the bedside table. The background was the teaching building of the University of Tokyo School of Medicine. The guy with a bit of a smile hugged his serious face affectionately, and there was an indescribable harmony.It has been four years, and it has been four years since I graduated.Forbearance, we are no longer young, we no longer need to deceive ourselves with lies, it is time to break up.Swipe your finger over the smiling face, maybe you will never see this warm smile again?Farewell, my love!Good bye my friend.Thank you for taking care of me for so many years, thank you for being with me for a tenth of my life, I know that no thanks are as real as actions, I can’t give you all the love, I can only give you freedom, let you go To chase your love, this is the last thing I can do for you, and the only thing I can do for you, so you must be happy!

He snapped the photo, stood up, and took the suitcase standing in the corner. It's time to go this time, although it's eight years late...