how should love continue

Although Shinozu received a Western-style education since he was a child, he is not a Catholic himself.He doesn't believe in the so-called past life and afterlife, and he doesn't care about karma. In his own words, I'm not a preacher, so I don't expect everyone to understand me; I'm not a believer, so I don't expect forgiveness from preachers .Therefore, compared to Tezuka's pious kneeling in front of the altar and praying, he appreciates the murals of the church more.It was painted in imitation of the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican. The exquisite and delicate style of painting is full of in-depth descriptions of the inner activities of the characters. Standing in front of it, I feel very peaceful inside, accompanied by the unique ethereal saint in the church. Songs and huge domed roofs make it easy for people to forget the troubles of the world.

Shinozuzu stood under the painting "Creation of Adam" for a long time.In the painting, the kind and majestic God is extending his right hand to Adam, as if giving Adam strength and life. Adam is gradually waking up, his face is full of light of hope, and his left arm rests lightly on the bent knee of his left leg. , as if eager to stand.God's fingertips were about to touch Adam's fingertips, and the two fingertips were separated by an inch, and Adam seemed intent on watching the two hands that were about to touch.

Looking forward to a new life like that.But when a new life comes, can we forget the past?Turning to look at Tezuka who was still praying, Shinobu wanted to know what he was praying for.Facing Jesus crucified on the cross, who can really enjoy their own life?The blood of the martyrs paved the way to happiness, and the suffering of the martyrs brought the light of the world. If everything depends on the martyrs who stick to their beliefs, how long can such vanity last?Or, Tezuka, are you ready to become another martyr?

Slowly looking at the murals, keep moving forward until the "Last Judgment".It took Michelangelo 6 years to finally complete this huge painting on the gable behind the altar.Jesus stands on the cloud, holding his right hand high, as if making the final judgment. The Virgin Mary, with her veil tightened with both hands, seems to be covering her shock at the coming of the "end of the world"; the beginning of the last judgment, the crowd on the left Slowly ascending to heaven, the people on the right descended into hell one after another. Light and darkness, justice and evil, hope and disillusionment, are engaged in a desperate struggle.Dark clouds rolled, lightning and thunder rumbled, light and dark alternated, changing rapidly, and it seemed that we could hear mournful voices and shouts.

Tezuka, do you believe it?If there really is an end to the world, you and Atobe will definitely fly to different heavens and hells.If you lose your Atobe Keigo, you will also lose your last bond.Cruel without any disguise, his bloodthirsty nature was vividly interpreted by him.Recently, I read from the newspapers that he has successfully manipulated the stock market and obtained controlling stakes in several large companies.It is not difficult to imagine that if this continues, within 10 years, Keigo Atobe's name will be written on the nameplate of any city in the world, and he will use his way to make you always remember him.And you will definitely fly to heaven with the human side of Keigo Atobe.

Silently walked behind Tezuka, looked at his worshiping figure, just waited quietly, just like he once waited for Atobe...

After a long time, Tezuka got up and lit the ever-burning lamp devoutly.

"I am willing to use my whole life to protect you forever, in exchange for your life's well-being, may the Lord bless you, God be with you, Amen." Tezuka's clear voice made Ninzu feel that he was far more than standing on the altar The bishops on are more like bishops

"May the Lord bless you too, Mr. Tezuka." The bishop's kind voice was like the sound of heaven.

"Thank you."

"For so many years, I have always wanted to ask, Mr. Tezuka, who is lighting the eternal lamp? One point is 7 years. Few young people are as persistent as you. Who are you?"

who?Tezuka was a little dumb, he was nothing, he could be said to be a lover before, but now he might just be a passerby.

In the evening, Tezuka cooked a table full of good dishes.When he brought the last staple food to the table, Renzu really broke out unbearably.

"Tezuka Kunimitsu, are you finished? To mourn your poor first love, you pay your own respects, why drag me?"

Tezuka ate the longevity noodles in the bowl silently, without saying anything.

"You and Keigo Atobe broke up for 5 years, what do you want?"

"October 10th. Didn't you forget it?" Tezuka's tone was flat, as if talking about other people's business. "If you really have to forget this time, what I did today seems to be all right?"

I was stunned for a moment, indeed, if this time was put aside, Tezuka's behavior was really impeccable.I routinely go to church every week, prepare a sumptuous dinner every week to make up for my lack of stomach, and even watch tennis matches on weekends every week. But why...

"I thought I was the only one who cared, but it turns out that you do too!" He lowered his head and continued to eat dinner, but it was as if he was chewing on wax.Without the heart, any delicious food is just a supplement to maintain life.

"I'm not like you, I won't be a coward who is immersed in the past." In fact, it is really painful to be told about the scars, just like reopening the healed wounds.Shinobu always thought that he was covering it up very well, but at this moment Tezuka said it so directly, the pain pierced his heart.

"You have no right to criticize me! At least I'm just immersed in the past, unlike you who are still looking for alternatives in reality!"

"You dare to follow me?"

"If next time you don't have your bedmate's lilac hair stuck to your shirt, I'll admit I stalked you!"

Renzu couldn't express his feelings at that time. On the one hand, he was very happy that Tezuka saw his loneliness, and on the other hand, he seemed to be peeped away from his most important privacy.I didn't know how to deal with it, so I chose to escape.He picked up his coat and left the house without looking back.Leaving the door trembling slightly due to excessive force and Tezuka's lonely back.

The next day, I came out of the hotel lazily.The hangover really sucks!Rubbing her tight temples, trying to recall the absurdity of last night.Because of the unhappiness with Tezuka, he spent a whole night in the bar, drank 8 glasses of Mary, 9 glasses of rum, and seemed to have vodka, but I can't remember.It seemed that I had a fight with others, but I can't remember it, but I felt the wound on my face, and it must have been beaten.It seems that I also had a room with a pretty woman, gray-purple hair, I don't remember anything else.Hey, in short, it was a very chaotic night.Looking up at the vehicles coming and going on the street and the pedestrians weaving in and out, it feels like a world away.The sun was shining brightly, and it was time to go home, Tezuka should go to school, maybe it would be better not to see each other.Just two steps away, I saw the tall figure of Tezuka standing in front of the hotel.Despite looking tired, he still stands tall.

"Tezuka, why is it you?" Renzu walked into the other party in disbelief.

"You accidentally connected to my cell phone while you were fighting last night." It was very Tezuka's style, seemingly answering irrelevant questions, but accurately avoiding the other party's much-needed questioning.

"Sorry, I may have touched a shortcut key. It made you worry." Tezuka nodded slightly.

"Go back." Just as he was about to turn around, he was pulled back vigorously by Renzu.

"You won't find it all the way from last night, right?" This kind of cognition made Ren Zuzu feel a little palpitated, and Tezuka still nodded slightly.

"You didn't say where to go, I can only go to the bars you often go to find one by one."

The two big men were on the streets of Shibuya, pulling each other, neither of them said anything, they just looked at each other, with each other's shadows reflected in their eyes.

"Don't drink so much alcohol in the future. Under anesthesia, have sex with a woman you don't know. I don't think this is a good way to forget him."

"Tezuka, you..." Shinobu wanted to ask him if he saw the woman with gray-purple hair, but he couldn't open his mouth.

"If you can't forget him, I can be his substitute, but please don't do this kind of slow suicide again!" Hearing this, Shinozu felt that his pupils dilated immediately. This is what Tezuka Kunimitsu said ?How could that abstinent guy...?

"What did you say?"

"Some people, some things, are destined to be something we can't get in this life, but we can't quit. Although we have known the result for a long time, we will still pursue it without hesitation, even if it's just a little bit of happiness. If we can't get him, it's not as good as us Just treat each other as him, and warm each other in the lonely night, isn't it good? Or do you think I am no better than those women?" Tezuka's appearance was extraordinarily calm, and all he could see was the end of the street. "If one day you meet the person you love, I will let you go, and vice versa, what do you think?"

At that moment, Renzu saw the loneliness in Tezuka's eyes, a loneliness similar to his own.I have always known Tezuka Aijibu, loved him with all my life, so why not myself?Just choose a different way.Tezuka chose the loyalty of the soul and body, but he chose the betrayal of the body.Doesn't it sound like an absurd suggestion for the salvation of two souls?I couldn't bear to watch him continue talking, so I hugged him into my arms and kissed him deeply.The black-and-white film picture is frozen, the streets of Shibuya, the background is the pedestrians coming and going in a hurry and a road leading to the distance, two men desperately in love with the same man are kissing unrequitedly.It's just between the lips and teeth, but there is no warmth that a lover should have!

Later, Renzu enlarged the photo to the size of the entire wall and hung it in the most conspicuous place in the living room.In fact, when Tezuka uttered those earth-shattering words, Shinobu had already decided not to indulge himself, and hoped to use his love to warm that broken heart, and wanted to use this photo as a constant reminder to himself.And when Tezuka saw the photo, he just said lightly: "If you really love each other, there is no need to keep reminding yourself." The straightforwardness was almost cruel, but he didn't force Renzu to take it off.

The days to come are probably just like the emotions conveyed in that photo, comforting each other, supporting each other, caring for each other, spending slowly in calm despair, until Atobe reappeared in their lives...