the world in which he exists

When he said that he should treat the girl named "Xue Xue" well, Gu Chaoming really did it well.He spent a lot of time with "her", he often stayed with her until late at night, never neglected her every day, and confessed well, but he was disgusted by him, and he didn't say anything when he stayed with her for so long, just stayed motionless. Over there.

Gu Chaoming knew his test score in the afternoon when he finished cleaning the room and was resting on the chair in front of the desk.

Su Bing sent him the test ranking in advance.

Gu Chaoming, who found his name in the photo, thumped in his heart, as if a huge weight was suddenly added to one end of the balance, and the originally balanced balance suddenly became unbalanced and tilted high to one side.

Gu Chaoming thought that his grades would be very low this time, but he didn't expect it to be so low, which was already lower than the bottom line he expected.

Even though he is so good at learning this "girl" and "she" repays him so much, Gu Chaoming still resolutely picks up his pen and goes to accompany her.

Open the math workbook, with the draft book spread out in hand, start to brush from the first question, keep on brushing, skip the ones you can't do, and see the skipped questions even more annoying.

The numbers on the white paper on the screen just now were firmly imprinted in his mind like a spell.

The eyes quickly scanned the question stem, but the brain indicated that the scan failed.Holding the pen in hand, looking at the problem with eyes, the brain is filled with other things.

Irritability, loss, depression.

After reading a line of questions, he didn't have any impression in his mind. The questions he just read seemed to be taken away by time. He knew that he was surprised by his low score.

The pen was thrown on the table, and the fingers were inserted into the hair. How can you leave Gu Tao with such a low grade in the same school as Cen Xili?

Test fart, test test test.

The premise of leaving Gu Tao is to be admitted to university, but his current grades have suddenly dropped so badly, and a little more difficulty will trip him up.

If I can't pass the exam, I can only stay with Gu Tao for the rest of my life, what about staying in this house?

The beautiful June that Gu Chaoming imagined was the cheers of finally being liberated, the examination room waiting under the scorching sun, the option filled out on the volunteer website, the beginning of his departure from Gu Tao, the train that carried him away, but How can this achievement be achieved now?

When looking for his own name on the photo, his eyes slid over each name from top to bottom. There is no doubt that Lin Jianfan is at the beginning of the first column.

Transferred from him, this column has never been given to anyone else.It's hard not to notice such a conspicuous position, and it's also hard not to compare your own score with Lin Jianfan's.

Gu Chaoming tried his best not to think about it, but these thoughts always popped up by themselves.

Empty room, empty home, Gu Chaoming knew that he should no longer force himself to do homework, and should change to something relaxing to ease his mood.

Gu Chaoming laughed at himself, closed the exercise book, changed his shoes and prepared to go out.

When the door is opened, the cold wind lingering and churning in the corridor outside the door will squeeze in one after another against the open mouth.

The cold wind is cool, and the unique sandy texture of the cold wind in winter is particularly dry on the face.

In the afternoon, the streets were sparsely populated, and several street shops along the road were closed. Gu Chaoming did not go to crowded places, but instead went to a small place in the side road.

Walking into an alley and turning out again, the wind became stronger unconsciously.

Gu Chaoming is familiar with the area near his home, and knows that he can walk to the bank of a big river through some miscellaneous trails.

The howling wind blows straight into the collar, and when you walk out of the alleys that turn in and out, the wind on the river bank will be even stronger, and there is no obstruction, blowing wantonly.

The big river has been flowing since Gu Chaoming was born. It is an old friend of this city. Whether it is booming or declining, it has been flowing by itself.I heard from my mother that in the past, I could often see young people holding hands and dating on the bank of the river. It can be described as a good place for dating.

In spring, the willows are drooping, the river is quiet and the waves are clear, and the sun is shining again. The atmosphere is immediately enhanced.It's just that time goes by, the willows grow old, the river water is polluted, and young people don't have the interest/interest to set foot here, and it slowly falls into disrepair.

The river bank is empty, and street lamps are arranged one after another along the stone railings on the river bank, all the way to the distance of the river.

Seen from a distance at night, the river lanterns stand alone, forming a line of stars.

During the summer vacation, Gu Tao was always at home for a few days, and Gu Chao was not used to seeing him every day.In order not to see Gu Tao, Gu Chaoming spent several hours sitting on the quiet river bank at night.

The night breeze is blowing, and I can sit for hours at a time, and then I will pat the ashes on my pants and go home.

There are so many mosquitoes in summer, Gu Chaoming always scratches here and there when he comes home, Gu Tao asked him: "You have a kind heart, did you run out to feed the mosquitoes?"

Gu Chaoming only replied, "Yes."

Gu Tao leaned against the door frame and glanced at him, but said nothing.

On the night when Gu Chaoming answered "Yes" for the third time, Gu Chaoming rushed out of the house with a stern face, took the bus card, took the last bus, and walked for more than ten minutes to the beach.

That was his secret base, the closest place he knew to his home where he could see the sea.

The sea breeze was blowing against his face, blowing his thin clothes close to his skin, still the smell of the sea in his memory.

Gu Chaoming saw the sea from the car, he had already forgotten what he was doing at the beginning, he only remembered that Qu Yingyi was sitting next to him, lying on the open car window to watch the changing scenery outside.

When the car drove onto a road, it suddenly transformed into a peaceful sea like magic.The spring was just right that day, and the sun fell on the sea and split into pieces, shining brightly.

A patch of broken gold on the sea surface caught Gu Chaoming's eyes, and he kept looking at the solemn and peaceful sea until he couldn't see it anymore.

The sea is tolerant. It will touch your ankles with sea water, wash away your footprints on the beach with waves, let the sea breeze blow your face, and let the birds sing for you.

After that, many times Gu Chaoming would take a ride alone regardless of the distance, spend an afternoon or a whole day there, do nothing, just watch and play with the sea.

He likes it and is used to it. There are few people on the beach, so it has become his secret base.

When things don't go his way, he will come to the seaside, and he doesn't need to tell, the sea breeze can sweep away the secrets in his heart.

He didn't go to the beach, not because he didn't want to go, but because he didn't have time, and he had to come back at night to make buns for Lin Jianfan.

Failure in the exam is not a big deal. He believes that he can go to the river bank to relax. The seaside is not needed yet, and there will definitely be bigger and bigger difficulties waiting for him in the future.

If he went to the sea every time, the sea would lose its magic and become ordinary.

Wandering by the river bank for a long time, feeling relieved, Gu Chaoming returned home to make steamed stuffed buns for Lin Jianfan.

After preparing the materials and starting to make buns, there was a knock on the door, and Gu Chaoming looked out the door vigilantly.

Gu Tao is back?

Gu Chaoming walked to the door that was knocked on, looked at the cat's eyes on the door, and the uneasiness in his heart was finally relieved.

It wasn't Gu Tao outside the door, Gu Chaoming opened the door for Liu Yi with his hands still stained with flour.The wild wind outside the door was much faster than Liu Yi, and it slipped in through the open door at once, while Liu Yi was still blown outside, making his hair dance wildly.

"Come in, it's windy outside." Gu Chaoming said after opening the door.

Liu Yi walked into the room, her hair was not so lively, and she casually straightened her messy hair. When she saw Gu Chaoming's hands covered in flour, she asked, "Where are you cooking?"

Gu Chaoming nodded: "Make buns and dumplings, have you eaten yet?"

"No, I just came back from outside and bought some food for you." Liu Yi looked at Gu Chaoming, "Why do you still have my share?"

Gu Chaoming smiled: "You can eat whatever you want."

"Then eat some of Chef Gu's and see if your cooking skills have improved." Liu Yi said.

Liu Yi who entered the door put the food bought for Gu Chaoming on the coffee table. Gu Chaoming asked him to sit and watch TV and eat dumplings, but Liu Yi was full of confidence and rolled up his sleeves: "I'll help."

Gu Chaoming glanced at the white padded jacket on his body: "Forget it, don't get your clothes dirty."

"It's okay," Liu Yi said, "Do you have an apron at home?"

Gu Chaoming shook his head: "Why don't you change your clothes, there is a black jacket on the stool in my room."

"Alright." Liu Yi nodded.

Hearing the gossip about Gu Chaoming's family in the community, and forgetting the traces after going out for many years, Liu Yi stood outside the door in shock when he saw so many cut marks on the door.

This is at Gu Chaoming's house, so everything makes sense, the one who left traces must be Gu Tao.

There were holes in the door panel, with sawdust turned outward, and the doorknob disappeared, leaving a big hole. The whole door panel seemed to have been shot by a hail of bullets.

Liu Yi stretched out his hand to touch the scarred door panel. He couldn't imagine what Gu Chaoming had gone through, and he didn't know how Gu Chaoming persisted.

Seeing such a shocking scene for the first time, Liu Yi wanted to ask Gu Chaoming what happened, but he didn't ask in the end.He knows that Gu Chaoming is a stubborn kid, if you want to ask him about Gu Tao, he will definitely not answer you truthfully.

Liu Yi pushed open the door silently, there were no traces of violence in the room, seeing the cut marks on the door panel, Liu Yi was really afraid of seeing blood in Gu Chaoming's room.

Liu Yi heaved a sigh of relief, and walked to the desk. There was a black padded jacket on the chair in front of the desk. This was probably what Gu Chaoming was talking about.

Liu Yi took off his padded jacket and put it on, zipped it up, and noticed the unpacked homework on the desk.Mathematics is spread out, and next to it are Chinese, English, geography... a lot of various subjects.

This is planning to study hard, Liu Yi flipped through Gu Chaoming's homework and thought.

In the past, this kid would fight every day, and he looked like a little devil in the world, but now he has become an obedient student.

After changing his clothes and closing the door that could no longer be closed, and walking to the kitchen, Liu Yi didn't mention what he just saw, as it would only make Gu Chaoming unhappy.

Making buns is actually very simple, as is making dumplings, but it is not so easy to make them look good.Gu Chaoming slowed down and demonstrated it to Liu Yi once, and Liu Yi imitated him to draw a ladle according to the gourd. Gu Chaoming realized that Liu Yi was good at everything, but he was lacking in cooking. He showed him twice, but he still didn’t know what to do. learn.

"Is it your girlfriend who cooks?" Gu Chaoming asked skillfully wrapping the buns.

"how do you know?"

"You don't look like you can cook."

"Hahahaha..." Liu Yi laughed a few times, "My mother won't allow me to cook, saying that women only enter the kitchen. I refute her, but she still doesn't listen."

Gu Chaoming said flatly: "Then your girlfriend will definitely quarrel with your mother in the future."

"My mother is just such a person, so it's worrying to say that I have to pass her test."

Two men, ten years apart, were chatting about how to deal with their in-laws.

"My mother has high vision. On the one hand, she wants me to get married early, saying that I am already 28, and other people's families have children, and on the other hand, she wants more than me."

"Then you want to get married?" Gu Chaoming asked with a smile.

"I thought about it a little bit." Liu Yi said with a smile.

Looking at the smile on Liu Yi's face, Gu Chaoming knew that he must be thinking of his girlfriend.

Moved the idea of ​​marriage, moved the idea of ​​entrusting his life.

Looking at Liu Yi's smile, Gu Chaoming remembered that in the morning Liu Yi said that he would smile whenever he thought of that person, but Gu Chaoming couldn't see his own smiling face, is it the same as Liu Yi now?

After meeting Liu Yi many years later and thinking about this day, Gu Chaoming got the answer.

It was a different but the same smile.

The difference is that his smile always reveals the ignorance and joy of a young man, and he thinks that he is not known to others, while Liu Yi is mature and has been able to entrust his life's happiness.

The same thing is that they all smile naturally from the bottom of their hearts.

Regarding marriage, the combination of Qu Yingyi and Gu Tao has always been a lesson for Gu Chaoming's business success. Gu Chaoming has fear and distrust of relationships and marriage, and he is afraid that he will not be able to truly get close to others.

Gu Chaoming was really confused for a while, until now, seeing other people's weddings.White wedding dress, neat suit, surrounded by blessings, what he thinks is whether they can last forever, whether they can really go to the end together.

What exactly does marriage represent? Lao Chen gave the answer in the class meeting that "entrust for a lifetime", and advised the male and female students in the class not to cross the boundary at a young age.

The students thought that at such an old age, Lao Chen had the previous generation's view on marriage and love, and they all dismissed it. Only Gu Chaoming listened carefully with his head propped up. He always felt that it didn't mean anything, but just tied two people together. A piece of paper became the proof that Lao Chen could entrust his whole life.

Lao Chen's topic gradually led to the main topic, turning into that students should cleanse themselves and love themselves, and popularize scientific knowledge of physiology.Gu Chaoming was fascinated by wondering if Qu Yingyi and Gu Tao ever had the idea of ​​entrusting their lives to each other when they got married?

Gu Chaoming tried to look for evidence of the thought that they had entrusted their lives with every detail of their 17 years of life, but he found that he couldn't find it at all.

"What if you don't get married?" Gu Chaoming asked.

Liu Yi looked at him.

It's not that Gu Chaoming doesn't want to get married, but that he is afraid that he will let down other people's feelings, and he is also afraid that his feelings will be let down by others.He was afraid that he would take others too seriously, and he was afraid that others would take himself too seriously, and he would not be able to reciprocate, or even respond.He was afraid that his way of getting along with each other would become the second Qu Yingyi and Gu Tao in the future.

He is even more afraid of himself, afraid that the mouse's son will make a hole, and afraid that he will become the next Gu Tao.

Liu Yi has never experienced Gu Chaoming's life. His life went smoothly, his parents loved him, he studied at the right age, and got the right grades.Work at the right age, get the right salary, I'm afraid the only thing you don't do at the right age is get married.

Without the same experience, Liu Yi couldn't understand what Gu Chaoming was thinking. He just compared Gu Chaoming with the daughter of his company boss who also didn't want to get married.

"The daughter of our boss told me last time that she didn't want to get married. She said that having a baby is too scary, that it's too tiring to raise a baby, and that there isn't a good man nowadays." Liu Yi said, shaking her head and smiling, "You guys are still young. I know. Sometimes when I meet the right person, I want to marry her right away. But there are also people who don’t want to get married. I’m of the married side, and I think it’s better to get married and have a family.”

It's always better to have a home, Gu Chaoming didn't expect to hear this sentence again from Liu Yi's mouth.

It was Cen Xili's mother who said this sentence for the first time.The woman with curly hair, which was about the size of the English teacher, was skinny, with sunken cheeks, and her tone of voice and eyes looked particularly mean.

No matter how mean a woman is, she is gentle towards her children.

The matter between Cen Xili and You Xin came to light, Su Bing initiated a voice group chat in Jixiang Sanbao's group to comfort Cen Xili, and it happened that Cen Xili's mother came to talk to him.Cen Xili didn't have time to hang up the phone, but just turned the screen over so his mother couldn't see it.

Gu Chaoming and Su Bing just listened unintentionally and dared not make a sound, fearing that Cen Xili's mother would find out that Cen Xili was chatting with them again.

Gu Chaoming heard from the woman with sunken cheeks: "You are still young, and you will know that it is much better to have a family in the future. You don't have to work so hard by yourself, have a reliance, and have a legal certificate. Do you think there is no Can all of you spend your whole life relying on your own so-called love now?"

Gu Chaoming will always remember Cen Xili's answer, and he will never forget it for the rest of his life. Gu Chaoming thinks that Su Bing, who is also listening, is the same.

Cen Xili was sobbing in his nose when his mother spoke on the phone, and he didn't know how many tissues he used where they couldn't see.

Gu Chaoming heard Cen Xili say hoarsely, "Yes, I can."

The simple three words let Gu Chaoming know that this was a car accident that could not turn around again.No matter what the consequences are, Cen Xili will still choose to bump into him without hesitation, even if his body is smashed to pieces.

Gu Chaoming and Su Bing knew that their admonitions were useless, and the later ridicule "Don't hang yourself on a tree" seemed powerless in front of the simple three words that day, and it was also because of the inaction of You Xin that day. In the subsequent fight, Gu Chaoming swung You Xin's arm with a stool in revenge for his cowardice.

What Cen Xili said was "Yes, I can."

I can, I, is just a number, it only represents my own point of view, it only represents Cen Xili, not You Xin.

No one knows what You Xin thinks, Gu Chaoming and Su Bing don't know, but they think You Xin's silence and actions mean everything, and Cen Xili's sentence "Yes, I can" makes Gu Chaoming even more angry when he thinks about it.

The word "I" already showed his uncertainty.

He can only be sure that he can accompany him through this life with his love.

Such a firm unilateral determination.

Liu thought that Gu Chaoming hadn't spoken for a long time, and the quiet air was only filled with the sound of the wind outside the window. Liu Yi took this suitable opportunity and asked, "Is your father not at home?"

Gu Chaoming recovered from the past memories: "He hasn't come back for many days."

"Your dad didn't drink recently, didn't he hit you?" When it came to Gu Tao's matter, Liu Yi asked cautiously, lest he might inadvertently catch something Gu Chaoming didn't want to talk about.

Gu Chaoming replied with an optimistic smile: "He hasn't been at home for so many days, how can he fight? In the air?"

"That door panel..." Liu Yi looked at Gu Chaoming.

Gu Chaoming still laughed: "You said the door of my room, Gu Tao went crazy and smashed it with a kitchen knife."

As soon as Liu Yi heard that the kitchen knife was used, he hurriedly asked, "Then are you okay?"

"If I had anything to do, I ran out and hid at my friend's house." Gu Chaoming said.

Gu Chaoming didn't want to lie in front of Liu Yi, and he didn't want to make himself too pitiful.He picked and picked, and gave a rough idea.

Gu Chaoming has been like this since he was a child, and Liu Yi can't help it. He can't get evidence from Gu Chaoming's face whether he is really as relaxed as his face.

Liu Yi could only say: "That's good."

For this younger brother who is ten years younger than him, Liu Yi always wanted to help him, but found that he could do nothing, so he could only watch dryly from a distance.

Two bowls of steaming dumplings were steaming. Liu Yi carefully carried the rims of the bowls from the kitchen to the wooden table set up in the living room.

The soup just out of the pot in the bowl was boiling hot, irritating his fingers, Liu Yi put the bowl on the table, and went to the kitchen to fetch another bowl.

Gu Chaoming was washing pots in the kitchen when he heard Liu Yi say in the living room: "Why hasn't the table in your house been changed? Last time I heard your dad said that it was going to be changed, I thought it was changed."

"You can believe what he says, he just talks." Gu Chaoming poured out the washing pot water.

Liu Yi wiped the tabletop with a rag, and brought two stools by the table: "I think the things you bought this morning are for making steamed stuffed buns."

Gu Chaoming came out after wiping his hands and nodded.

"Save it for breakfast?" Liu Yi asked again.

"No, let the students in our class taste the steamed buns I made." Gu Chaoming opened his chair and sat down.

"Student?" Liu Yi asked in disbelief.

"Ah."

In the morning, Liu Yi judged whether he had someone he liked by his smile. Gu Chaoming found that Liu Yi had been working for a few years, and he could really see what he was thinking from his little expression.

Talking about Lin Jianfan in front of Liu Yi, Gu Chaoming unconsciously hid and faltered, turning Lin Jianfan into a "classmate who wanted to eat the buns he made", as if saying Lin Jianfan's name, Liu Yi went down He can read his hidden thoughts from these three words in a second.

Pretending to be calm and not caring all failed when he ate the first dumpling.

Pretending wholeheartedly, he didn't notice the temperature of the dumplings just out of the pan, and his mouth was burned after he took a bite.

The scorching hot flames scorched his lips, and the dumpling he picked up fell into the soup bowl on the table.Dumpling made a high-altitude dive, splashed a pool of water, and dripped on the wiped dining table.

His mouth was hot like an electric shock, and Gu Chaoming couldn't help but let out a "hiss" even if he wanted to pretend.

Looking up again, Liu Yi who had just picked up a dumpling on the opposite side was staring at him, and worriedly pulled out a tissue from the table and handed it to him.

At that moment, Gu Chaoming strongly understood the meaning of paying attention to one thing and losing another in Chinese, and he took the tissue in self-conscious embarrassment while complaining in his heart: "Ah, Gu Chaoming, you are really exposed."

Gu Chaoming wiped his burning mouth with a paper towel, and Liu Yi asked, "Are you okay? Did you get burned?"

Gu Chaoming held the tissue and shook his head.

Liu Yi looked at the boy sitting in front of him who was taller than him but could still burn his mouth after eating a dumpling, and smiled slightly, it was really silly to burn his mouth.

Gu Chaoming was silly sometimes. When he was a child, he saw school children licking the railings in winter and their tongues were stuck. When they went home together to eat popsicles in summer, they asked him if they would get stuck in the same way.

Liu Yi once thought that Gu Chaoming was too precocious and knew more than other children of the same age, but when he asked this question, Liu Yi suddenly felt that he was just a child who would ask if eating popsicles would stick his tongue.In his eyes, Gu Chaoming seems to be a child who can't grow up, and has become his little brother who needs to be taken care of. When he returns home, he will definitely visit him, like visiting his own family.

"Is your living expenses still enough?" Liu Yi asked.

Gu Chaoming bit the dumpling blankly and replied: "Enough, I still have savings, and my mother will also give me living expenses."

Liu Yi sighed slightly, always feeling unwilling that he could not help Gu Chaoming with something, as if he was sorry for the hot bowl of dumplings on the table in front of him.

Liu Yi said again: "Are you a sophomore in high school? When I was changing clothes, I saw so many homework on your desk."

"Have you decided which university to go to?"

Gu Chaoming raised his eyes and looked at Liu Yi, recalling the night when his grades had just improved and searched for various universities on the Internet. After seeing so many universities, Gu Chaoming still had no idea. Excessively high scores could frighten him, a scumbag. .

Gu Chaoming shook his head: "I haven't thought about it yet."

"Then you can ask me when you have any questions about filling in the application form," Liu Yi said.

Gu Chaoming seemed to be warmed by this bowl of hot dumplings, and his whole body warmed up.