the world in which he exists

After eating, Qu Yingyi said to Gu Chaoming: "I'm going to the toilet, you take her first."

The sound of Qu Yingyi's high heels sounded again, Gu Chaoming looked back at her back, and when he turned his head, a tissue was flying around in front of his eyes.

The chubby arm under the tissue was round, mischievous and clever. When Gu Chaoming saw her, the corners of his mouth automatically curled up, and all the worries in his heart were driven away by this little villain.

It's really considerate, just a few years old children will hand him tissues.Gu Chaoming said "Thank you" to Yuanyuan, and took off the tissue in his hand to wipe his mouth.

Before he finished wiping his mouth, he felt something pulling on his raised arm, Gu Chaoming wiped his mouth and turned his head, only to see Yuanyuan pouting and tugging at his sleeve with her shiny little mouth.

Before Gu Chaoming could open his mouth to speak, Yuanyuan pointed at the tissue paper he used to wipe his mouth, with a heroic sense of justice: "That's for wiping Yuanyuan's mouth."

The tissue she handed over was not for him to wipe his mouth, but for him to wipe her mouth, and he would have made a mistake from the beginning.

Gu Chaoming didn't know whether to laugh or cry, he quickly finished wiping his mouth, took out a new paper towel, opened it, and wiped Yuanyuan's mouth.

"Little ancestor, I wiped it clean for you."

After wiping her mouth, Yuanyuan took out another tissue, grabbed the tissue and was about to put it on Gu Chaoming's mouth.

"Brother Chaoming, I'll wipe your mouth too."

The strength of Yuanyuan's wiping her mouth is really heavy, like brushing a wall layer by layer.

After wiping her mouth, Yuanyuan said contentedly, "Brother Chaoming, you are so handsome!"

Unprepared compliments.

Before Gu Chaoming had time to feel embarrassed, Yuanyuan went on to say, "I only wipe the lips of handsome guys."

Where did you learn this?Gu Chaoming couldn't help laughing when he heard this, he was so good at teasing at such a young age.

Qu Yingyi came out of the toilet and saw Gu Chaoming and Yuanyuan having fun.Yuanyuan was sitting on a high chair, tightly blocked by the tall chair back, but she could still see her little hands waving happily.

In the afternoon of late autumn, the restaurant is covered with light penetrating the clouds, and everyone is bathed in the sunshine.Gu Chaoming was sitting by the window. Outside the huge transparent glass window were high-rise buildings and a vast and flowing river view. There was a lot of traffic, and pedestrians on the bridge were slow in the afternoon.

Gu Chaoming sat in the sun, the corners of his mouth curled up, his brows and eyes removed the initial restraint, and he laughed and played with Yuanyuan.

The sunlight that pierced through the clouds fell on his side neck, and kissed his smiling side face all the way up, covering his side face with a layer of velvet.

Qu Yingyi looked at Gu Chaoming's smiling side face, feeling distressed in the warm sunshine.She didn't know why, but when she saw this beautiful scene, she almost burst into tears.

Qu Yingyi gently wiped away the tears that almost broke the embankment with her fingers, and walked over with strides.

"Are you full?" Qu Yingyi asked the playful two.

The two of them didn't know what game they were playing, Yuanyuan kept laughing and ignored Qu Yingyi's question.

Gu Chaoming replied to Qu Yingyi: "I'm full."

Qu Yingyi asked: "Is there no part-time job this afternoon?"

Gu Chaoming shook his head: "No".

"Then let's go play together this afternoon," Qu Yingyi said and paused, "Gu Tao..."

"He's not at home, don't worry." Gu Chaoming covered everything with a smile.

Qu Yingyi nodded slightly and asked, "Is there anything you want to go to?"

Qu Yingyi originally thought that her child knew best, but when she made plans, she realized that she knew so little about Gu Chaoming, so little that she didn't know where Gu Chaoming wanted to go, what he liked to do, so little that she knew nothing about Gu Chaoming. Mother felt ashamed.

Qu Yingyi wanted to take Gu Chaoming to do what he wanted to do, but Gu Chaoming lowered his head and asked Yuanyuan who was playing with his hand beside him: "Yuanyuan, where do you want to go to play this afternoon?"

Qu Yingyi said to him: "Yuanyuan is too playful, don't worry about her, the main thing is where do you want to go?"

"I don't have anywhere to go, let's play with Yuanyuan." Gu Chaoming said.

Qu Yingyi wanted to make up for the love she lacked for Gu Chaoming in the one day they met, and wanted to use today to alleviate her guilt. Asking "mainly where do you want to go" was wholeheartedly trying to make Gu Chaoming happy, but Qu Yingyi Yingyi didn't know that Gu Chaoming was already very happy to see her, and he didn't need anything else, even sitting on a bench by the road and chatting for an afternoon would be happiness.

"Go to the playground! I want to ride the roller coaster!" Yuanyuan said loudly.

so fierce?Gu Chaoming looked at Yuanyuan and asked Qu Yingyi, "Can't she sit?"

Qu Yingyi said in a low voice: "Every time she goes, she clamors to sit down, and when she arrives at the playground, buy her something to eat and she can be coaxed."

Because it was a rest day, there were more people in the amusement park than usual, Yuanyuan shook Gu Chaoming's hand and said to him: "Don't get lost, mother said to hold brother's hand tightly, brother, protect me, I am little princess.

Gu Chaoming nodded quickly: "Okay, okay, brother will protect you and won't let you get lost."

He has never had patience with Yuanyuan, kicking the door violently seems to be something that someone who is so patient with children can't do.

The two held hands and chatted endlessly, while Qu Yingyi straddled her bag and walked slowly beside her.

Children's happiness is simple, but adults' happiness can be mixed with sadness, guilt, heartache and other things, so it is possible to cry with joy, cry and laugh.

At this time, Qu Yingyi's heart was filled with joy and bitterness. She looked at the backs of the two figures, one big and one small, and thought that if time had been like this from the beginning, it would have been great without Gu Tao who had been there for more than ten years.

Qu Yingyi wanted to record this moment and this day, so she took out her mobile phone from her bag and took a picture of the backs of the two people in front of her.

A tall back, two braids swinging back and forth, and what connects the two are clenched hands.

Because many items cannot be played with Yuanyuan, Gu Chaoming is not very interested in the playground, let alone sitting on the amusement equipment by himself.

Yuanyuan was very happy, and she was super confident that she could do every project, but she was persuaded to quit in the end.

Seeing other people screaming on the roller coaster, she laughed out loud and shouted to sit on it, and asked Gu Chaoming, "Brother, are you afraid?"

Gu Chaoming had never played a roller coaster before, so he didn't know whether he was afraid or not. He smiled and replied to Yuanyuan: "Brother is afraid."

"Yuanyuan is not afraid, even if Yuanyuan can sit on the highest place." Yuanyuan pointed to the top of the roller coaster and said.

Yuanyuan was arguing to sit down. It seemed that if she didn't give me a seat, she wouldn't give up. If she didn't give me a seat, she wouldn't leave.

Being so resolute is not to be conquered by the sentence that I will buy delicious food later.

Although Qu Yingyi told Gu Chaoming that he could be coaxed by buying some food, Gu Chaoming was surprised by the speed of coaxing, and sighed in his heart: "This child is really easy to take care of."

Qu Yingyi kept pressing the shutter button and took many photos.Gu Chaoming also took a few photos, all of which were Yuanyuan, he was too tall, and Yuanyuan was too short, holding Yuanyuan with one hand, Gu Chaoming swiped the lock with one hand, and took a few random photos with one hand.

Due to the difference in altitude, the circles that Gu Chaoming took are all with smooth heads, or they are short and bunched up.She was obviously a cute girl, but she was photographed as a "little ball" by him.

Gu Chaoming didn't delete it either, and tapped the screen with his fingers to switch from the camera to the information.

Just when he took out his mobile phone to take a picture, the words "new message" on the screen of the brightened mobile phone caught Gu Chaoming's attention firmly - Lin Jianfan sent him a message back!

The phone was turned on, and a few words of new news lay quietly on the screen of the phone.The crowd around was noisy, screaming up and down, children kept running past, colorful balloons, a roller coaster that rose to astonishing heights, all the games and snacks I had played just now couldn’t compare to seeing Lin Jianfan’s message at this moment pleasure.

Gu Chaoming raised the corner of his mouth slightly, and clicked on the "Group Leader Lin" marked with a red dot.

One click, there is no text, Lin Jianfan responded simply, just like the message he sent, there was only one picture.

In the picture, the bright and soft sunlight outlines the figure of the carved fence. The sunlight is divided into fine pieces, and the golden beams enter the lens through the large or small holes on the carved railing.The golden light fills the entire photo, reflecting on the dark brown soil and the green plants growing from the soil in the lower right corner of the photo.The soil has obviously been watered, with a moist and loose feeling, the dark green vegetation is shining brightly, and the leaves covered with water droplets condense with dazzling light.

Gu Chaoming saved the picture, smiled slightly, moved his fingers and switched to the camera, because his hand was still unstable during the movement, and the picture was blurred.It's not too blurry, but it's a bit blurry, but it happened to take a picture of the moment when the pirate ship stopped at the highest point.

The exciting screams on the pirate ship were still echoing over the amusement park, and Gu Chaoming sent the photo to Lin Jianfan.

Yuanyuan lives up to her name, all the sports she likes to play are twirling, and Gu Chaoming no longer knows how many twirling games with her.

In the process of turning in circles, the body goes up and down with the equipment.When Gu Chaoming looked down, he could always see Qu Yingyi holding up his mobile phone to take pictures of them.Every time they turned around, Gu Chaoming could see the smile on the corner of Qu Yingyi's mouth.

Turning to the lower part, Gu Chaoming patted Yuanyuan who was sitting next to him and grinned happily: "Look this way."

The two turned their heads, and Qu Yingyi pressed the shutter button to take a picture.

Lin Jianfan's reply came very quickly, within a few minutes, when Gu Chaoming was sitting with Yuanyuan for the second lap, the phone in his pocket rang a notification tone.

The prompt sound is so weak mixed with the music that comes with the entertainment project.

So weak that Gu Chaoming stuffed his hand into his pocket and took out his mobile phone just after playing the game.

Sure enough, it was Lin Jianfan.

The photo was taken on a long street with rows of fallen leaves planted on both sides of the street. A cleaner was walking under the tree, which was recorded by Lin Jianfan in the photo.

Gu Chaoming smiled and took a photo of Yuanyuan sitting on the carousel and sent it to him.

Four photos, without language, seem to be conveying information with photo codes.

Gu Chaoming stood in front of the white-painted fence, which surrounded the carousel painted with colorful murals. The sound of the jumping piano and round and cheerful laughter sitting on the pony floated in his ears.

With Qu Yingyi's voice in his ear, Gu Chaoming raised his head from the phone screen and looked at Qu Yingyi who was standing beside him.

Amusement park leaves fall on protruding tree roots in the dirt.Amidst the falling leaves, Gu Zhaoming heard Qu Yingyi's soft voice asking, "Did you sleep late again yesterday?"

When Gu Chaoming turned his head, Qu Yingyi dropped her hands naturally, holding her handbag in her hands, her eyes were soft and soft.

Mothers are always aware of changes in their children. Gu Chaoming's eye sockets look a little tired, with dark circles under his eyes.

He looked thinner, with no obvious injuries on his face.

From the beginning of the meal, they have been talking about Yuanyuan and playing with Yuanyuan, and now Yuanyuan is playing the merry-go-round by herself, and the two of them are standing here alone, so Qu Yingyi can talk to Gu Chaoming about him.

Gu Chaoming nodded: "I slept quite late yesterday."

He and Su Bing didn't get home until [-] or [-] o'clock, and they got up early today, and they played with Yuanyuan in the amusement park all afternoon. To be honest, they were quite tired.

"Don't go to bed so late in the future." Qu Yingyi warned.

Gu Chaoming still nodded: "Understood, I don't go to bed so late every day, I rarely go to bed so late."

"I think your eyes just didn't sleep well." Qu Yingyi said.

Gu Chaoming didn't want Qu Yingyi to worry, so he said with a smile, "If you go to bed late, you will have dark circles under your eyes. Girls in our class say it every day."

Qu Yingyi looked at him, and Gu Chaoming smiled.

Qu Yingyi sighed lightly, and explained to Gu Chaoming: "I didn't need to bring Yuanyuan today, Yuanyuan..."

Seeing Qu Yingyi's face showing shame, Gu Chaoming immediately said, "It's okay, Yuanyuan is so cute."

Qu Yingyi looked at him, opened his mouth slightly, but still didn't continue.

"Yuanyuan's grandma didn't make things difficult for you, did she?" Gu Chaoming put his hands in his pockets and asked.

Qu Yingyi shook her head: "She's just nagging, nothing else."

"That's good."

Qu Yingyi's gentle gaze lingered on him: "Gu Tao recently..."

Mentioning Gu Tao, Gu Chaoming interrupted Qu Yingyi with a guilty conscience, and unknowingly sped up his speech: "He came back and took me out for dinner."

Qu Yingyi's expression was obviously surprised. Gu Chaoming extracted all the good things that happened in the past few days, and threw all the bad things that affected his mood in the corner, and presented the small part of the good things in front of Qu Yingyi. .

He made his own decisions and drew a beautiful picture.

"He also bought me desserts. Even though he drank, he didn't go crazy and didn't hit anyone..."

During the days when he met Qu Yingyi, Gu Chaoming didn't want to mention Gu Tao, and when he mentioned Gu Tao, everything became restrained, and the sun around him was also covered with a cloud of gray.

Gu Chaoming was still waving his hand, and he said with a cheerful smile, "Don't talk about him, do you think your son is handsome? Last time you said I was narcissistic in the hospital, you know that Yuanyuan told me when you went to the bathroom What? He wiped my mouth, she said she only wipes the mouth of handsome guys, hahaha..."

Gu Chaoming laughed a few times.In the middle of summer a few months ago, at night in the hospital, he used the same narcissism to divert the topic, to hide what he didn't want to mention.

Qu Yingyi laughed after hearing this, and seemed to be in a better mood: "My son must be handsome."

Qu Yingyi asked him a lot of questions, about family, school, and part-time jobs, and every Gu Chaoming answered with a smile, as if nothing happened and everything was fine.

A smile is the best lying partner.

The music jumped, and the wooden horse spun round and round. At the end of the merry-go-round, Qu Yingyi was going to pick up Yuanyuan, but Gu Chaoming called to stop her.

The "Mom" that I haven't called for a long time was a little jerky, and Qu Yingyi turned her head.

"If that man hits you one day, don't bear it like before, call me."

Gu Chaoming put his hands in the pockets of his black coat, he stood up straight, his eyes were firm, and he looked like an adult.

That man seemed to be a gentleman, but Gu Chaoming was still afraid that he would be violent when he was angry.

Other people's hearts don't grow on themselves, and they never know what he will do.Even though he was a man he had seen with his own eyes and thought he was okay, Gu Chaoming was still worried, and he was not at ease with any man.

There is only one mother, and Gu Chaoming doesn't want to see her get hurt again.

Qu Yingyi lowered her head and blinked a few times, a complex feeling lingered in her heart: "He is very good to me, and those things will not happen."

The adult hid his emotions well, but Gu Chaoming didn't know if he noticed it, so he just nodded and hummed.

When the music stopped, the wooden horse opened its arms like a flying bird and rushed towards Yuanyuan. Qu Yingyi stood beside Gu Chaoming.

Seeing her running, Gu Chaoming squatted down with a doting smile and opened his arms to welcome her.Yuanyuan rushed into Gu Chaoming's embrace, wrapped her arms around Gu Chaoming's neck, and Gu Chaoming picked her up with one hand.

It was late, Gu Chaoming asked Yuanyuan with shaking arms: "Are you happy today?"

Yuanyuan smiled and nodded: "Happy!"

Qu Yingyi stretched out her hand towards Yuanyuan: "Brother Chaoming is tired after hugging her for so long, do you want to hug her?"

After walking a few more steps, you will arrive at the entrance of the amusement park. It is obvious that Qu Yingyi wants to hug her at this time to take her home.

It was time to go home at this time, Qu Yingyi did not explicitly say "We are going home, mother will hug you", but used such a euphemistic way of saying that Gu Chaoming, who is as clumsy as he is, naturally understands.

Yuanyuan is childlike, and the two of them, one is about to become an adult, and the other has been an adult for decades, during this trip to the amusement park that made Yuanyuan so happy, their words were cryptic, and they always spoke to the person who brought the family. Words are taboo.

Qu Yingyi is like this, Gu Chaoming doesn't want to be like this, but it's also like this.

Gu Chaoming didn't want to avoid it, he accepted the reality, Gu Chaoming felt that he was not so fragile in his heart, and would be defeated by Qu Yingyi's words of going home.

He didn't want Qu Yingyi to be too accommodating to his own thoughts, avoiding this and that.He wanted to talk to Qu Yingyi, but he didn't know what to say or where to start.

I told Su Bing about my problem yesterday, and Su Bing said to look at it from another angle.

Gu Chaoming never thought there was anything wrong with his way of thinking before, but Su Bingyi said yesterday that he realized that he was too sharp-edged, too straight-minded, too one-sided in thinking, and only focused on one aspect.

Gu Chaoming learned to think from a different angle.From another perspective, Qu Yingyi did this because he cared about himself, because he was afraid that he would feel uncomfortable when he heard the word "go home". His mother cared so much about him in these small aspects.

If you think about it this way, all the care will bring a layer of warmth, like touching a layer of plush blanket, and every fluff will feel soft to the palm of your hand.

Just change the angle, the world becomes so gentle.

Gu Chaoming hugged Yuanyuan, the tenderness in his heart crawled up the corner of his mouth, and there was a warm smile on the corner of his mouth: "Yuanyuan is going home, brother's hands are so sore, let mom hug her."

Plain and indifferent, just two words spit out by colliding tongues.Qu Yingyi's eyes shifted to the tall boy beside him who was holding the child.

There was a smile on the corner of the young man's mouth, and it was the slow autumn wind and the falling leaves that covered him with autumn light.

Qu Yingyi looked at him, and smiled faintly after the surprise in his eyes faded away.

The self in Gu Chaoming's world, arrogant and violent, was locked out and kicked the door irritably, and was surrounded by neighbors and yelled unreasonably.

The self in the teenager's own world is so manic, impatient, and bad at studying.

Little do they know that they look different in the eyes of others.

Gentle, growing, patient, cheerful, my son has grown into an adult.

Safe, reliable, straight-talking, sincere to people, warm to smile, giving him a kind of firm strength, this is the inner monologue from another teenager.

There are some different emotions in the monologue. The lines drawn by the young man, the fingers holding the wrist, and the arms tightly wrapped around are all unknown proofs.

Qiufeng did not send this monologue.

Walking out of the playground, Qu Yingyi hugged Yuanyuan and stopped the car smoothly.

The car was parked on the side of the road, Qu Yingyi let Yuanyuan in and sat down first, then turned to Gu Chaoming who was helping them hold the car door and said: "Mom bought you clothes and they are still on the way, remember to sign for them when the time comes, don't let Gu Tao Signed. And if the living expenses are not enough, don't hold on, call your mother, you know?"

Gu Chaoming nodded: "I know, I have enough money, and it won't be enough."

Qu Yingyi sighed inaudibly: "A part-time job is enough. Don't do it desperately. Now is not the time for you to make money. Studying hard is the real thing."

"Got it, just do one."

"Also remember not to go to bed late, it's bad for your health, now that you're young, don't feel..."

The nostalgia and worries in Qu Yingyi's words gushed out at the moment of separation.

Qu Yingyi originally only wanted to say the first thing about the instructions, "Remember to sign for the delivery, if you don't have any money, come to her to ask for it", but once she opened this small mouth, the instructions flowed out bit by bit.

There are so many things she worries about, and the moment of separation is so short.

"Oh, I'm not a child. I know all of this. Besides, I'm a nagging old woman. You didn't nagging like this before."

Qu Yingyi talked too much, Yuanyuan was sitting in the car, and Gu Chaoming urged Qu Yingyi to get in the car.

"Yuanyuan is still waiting for you in the car." Gu Chaoming called out to Yuanyuan, and Yuanyuan immediately responded sweetly.

"Bye bye, listen to your mother." Gu Chaoming waved to Yuanyuan, gently pushing Qu Yingyi into the car.

After Qu Yingyi sat down, the car door closed with a "bang".

"Be careful on the road." Qu Yingyi's last sentence floated out from the unclosed car window.

"Understood." Gu Chaoming said.

The driver stepped on the accelerator, and Gu Chaoming stood on the side of the road outside the playground, watching the taxi carrying Qu Yingyi farther and farther away from him.

There are many people in front of the amusement park, and the voices in the park are full of people, and the laughter of children extends to the outside of the amusement park.

An afternoon of joy, at this time only myself is left.

Gu Chaoming was embarrassed to say that it was his first time visiting a place like an amusement park, and he didn't know how to get home.

Go to the nearest bus stop to check the stop sign. The amusement park is a paradise for children. On the short journey from the roadside to the station, many parents walked past Gu Chaoming with their children, chatting and laughing.

After stepping on the platform, Gu Chaoming walked the distance and saw countless smiling faces. The loneliness in his heart was like the waves blowing on the rocks by a sudden gust of wind at night, surging and rolling continuously.

In an unfamiliar place, alone, with children licking lollipops beside him, and traffic honking on the road, it was only after walking this way that the sense of loneliness climbed up his back.

It seems to be filled by loneliness, and it seems to be hollowed out by loneliness. I feel too lonely and single, and I seem to be unable to perceive my own existence in the vast crowd.

Children eating candy, vehicles passing by in a hurry, pedestrians walking on the road, everything has something to do with him, and everything has nothing to do with him.He exists in this world and disappears in this world.

The two perceptions frantically intermingled and fought.

Gu Chaoming suddenly remembered the evening when Lin Jianfan came to their class after school.It was dark late in summer, and Lin Jianfan, who moved the table, caused the wound on his forehead to open. When he came out of the infirmary, he saw the dark yellow sunset in the sky.

It is very similar to now, not the sunset, nor the wound on the forehead, but the heart when seeing the dark yellow sunset.

The setting sun is all over the sky, and its habitat is everywhere, but there is no place for him to go in this world.

At that time, he was floating in this world with the fear of Gu Tao.Now, he hangs in the bus stop outside the playground with the loneliness after leaving with joy.

That kind of feeling of having nowhere to stay was a damn perfect fit after a few months.

He is a drowning man, surrounded by the vast ocean, his feet cannot touch the ground, and he floats on the water by the magical power of nature.

The sea water is salty and wide, and his habitat is everywhere, but none of them can accommodate his body.

The name of the station was really unfamiliar, so Gu Chaoming asked a passer-by who was also waiting for the bus, and the other party also said he didn't know.Gu Chaoming hesitated between taking a taxi and continuing to check the route, and finally decided to check the route while waiting for the car.

There are many children at the bus stop outside the amusement park, and their childish voices are mixed together, chirping, as if they have entered a bird's nest.Gu Chaoming took out his mobile phone from his pocket, and the screen of the mobile phone lit up amidst a burst of chirping.

Obviously to check the car, he turned on the phone and pressed to the chat page with Lin Jianfan.

Team Leader Lin.

Gu Chaoming looked at the note that had not changed for a long time and smiled, threw the original idea of ​​checking the route into the traffic flow, and pressed the voice button.

"Lin Jianfan, Lin Jianfan, Lin Jianfan, Lin Jianfan, where are you?"

"Lin Jianfan, Lin Jianfan, Lin Jianfan, where are you?"

Gu Chaoming kept calling Lin Jianfan's name, and sent several voice messages one after another.

Gu Chaoming couldn't count how many times he called Lin Jianfan's name, but every sentence ended with "where are you".

The child next to him was holding a lollipop and looked at him curiously. Gu Chaoming noticed the little boy's gaze and lowered his head to look at him. The little boy immediately looked away guiltily.

Gu Chaoming just smiled, regardless of him, he concentrated on waiting for Lin Jianfan's reply.

A few minutes later, the phone rang.

A question mark.

Gu Chaoming also wanted to persuade him not to worry so much and tell him where he was.Before typing, Lin Jianfan immediately sent another location.

The little boy eating candy held a lollipop stick, stood beside the tall boy, and secretly stared at the boy who looked at his phone and laughed.

The young man's lips pursed slightly, revealing the dimples at the corners of his mouth.

The sweetness of the peach lollipop fermented and bloomed in the mouth, and the tall boy suddenly jumped off the station and onto the sidewalk behind the station.

The little boy was curious, so he turned around and leaned out while leaning on the billboard at the station.

He saw the figure of the boy running.

There are tall maple trees beside the road, the autumn wind blows, and the fallen leaves are fluttering. The young man stepped on the falling maple leaves, and the black figure swayed.

He kept running desperately forward, he ran farther and farther, and ran into the distance.