the world in which he exists

After a tiring day, Gu Chaoming took out headphones from his pocket and put them on to listen to music.

Summer is hot and dry, while autumn is golden.The sun piercing the clouds in the morning is golden, and the dusk in the evening is the warm yellow of the wheatgrass in the fields, spreading out like butter, covering everything in the world.

Gu Chaoming likes this kind of weather, and a gentle tune flows from the earphones.

In the ever-changing street scene outside the bus window, the sunlight is blocked by tall buildings, hidden and released, like naughty children playing among tall buildings and tree shadows.

The bus slowly drove Gu Chaoming closer to that home. Even though Gu Tao "showed favor" to him in the morning, Gu Chaoming still hoped that the bus would drive slowly, and that Gu Tao would not be at home as usual.

He didn't know how to face Gu Tao's pretended kindness, those kindnesses were like broken glass, making him troublesome.

When the bus stopped, Gu Chaoming got off and walked into the community. The children of Aunt Cheng's family in front of the canteen heard the sound of mahjong, were playing with other children in the community.

"Brother Chaoming." The child of Aunt Cheng's family called him.

Gu Chaoming smiled.

When he walked to his own floor, except for his own footsteps and the faint sound of the TV coming from the opposite door, Gu Chaoming heard no other sounds.

Gu Tao is not at home?Still sleeping?

Children's laughter came from downstairs. Gu Chaoming was holding the mobile phone, and with the other hand he habitually dug into his pocket. He only found a few coins, but no keys, and there was not even a piece of iron in his pocket.

Only then did Gu Chaoming remember what Gu Tao said last night, "There is only one key and you can handle it yourself."

After Gu Tao finished speaking, he went on a date with Mahjong, leaving him alone.

In the morning, I was disturbed by the 100 yuan given by Gu Tao, and I forgot that I didn't have the key, so I went out with the dessert, and now I'm stuck outside the door.

Gu Chaoming stood in front of the door, trying to raise his hand to hold the doorknob.

No way, it's locked.

Gu Chaoming knocked hard on the door, only knocked but didn't shout.

I don't know what to call Gu Tao. There has been no father-son title between them for a long time. Maybe it's just his unilateral failure. When Gu Tao is happy, he still calls him Chaoming.

He knocked on the door for a while without shouting, but no one answered, Gu Tao went out.

Gu Tao's whereabouts have been erratic. He doesn't know when he will come back when he goes out. Home seems to be just his stop, a place for him to rest and get money.

Being shut outside the door, the gentleness of autumn also became dry, igniting the smoldering fire in Gu Chaoming's heart.

It was time to make dinner, and the faint sound of TV and the smell of food wafted in the air. When Gu Chaoming entered the community, his hunger was filled with irritability.

Looking at the locked gate, Gu Chaoming just wanted to turn around and leave. He is not a child with nowhere to go, he can go to Su Bing's house, but Gu Tao didn't see him when he came back, or he has no money, so he will definitely go to school again. The thing repeats itself.

Gu Chaoming suppressed the burning anger in his heart, picked up the phone and prepared to dial.The number of times he called Gu Tao was very few, and it was Gu Tao who called him.When Su Bing lived at home, there were rows of red Gu Taos in the call log, but Gu Chaoming didn't answer any of them.

It was a call from the devil to take him back to hell.

The demon brought him back and locked him out again.

Gu Tao just wanted to involve him, to involve the only child who was related by blood after his divorce to support him in the elderly.

After all, Gu Tao once said: "Everyone says you are a filial and good boy, and you will make money to take care of your father in the future."

Gu Chaoming clicked on the dial page, ready to meet the rows of red missed calls.

The page opened a little, and among the rows of dazzling red, the two words that Gu Chaoming changed yesterday were at the top.

Those two words caught Gu Chaoming's gaze, climbed into Gu Chaoming's heart, and bit by bit suppressed the boredom in his heart.

In the dim evening, in the dilapidated small building, Gu Chaoming saw those two words, smiled, and tapped Gu Tao's phone.

The long dialing sound slowly consumed Gu Chaoming's ease when he saw the word "Jian Fan", and swallowed Gu Chaoming's patience little by little. In the end, the mechanical female voice apologized for Gu Tao who did not answer the phone.

"The number you dialed..."

Gu Chaoming hung up without waiting for her to finish speaking, the smoldering fire in his heart had already started a prairie fire with the sound of dialing.

A smoldering fire was suffocating in my heart, and there was nowhere to release it.

Gu Chaoming advised himself not to be angry, you should have gotten used to people like Gu Tao.Do you still expect him to get better?You shouldn't be mad at this, didn't you always want to go?Gu Chaoming suddenly understood the reason for his anger.

Gu Tao doesn't answer the phone, he doesn't have to be angry, he can be free, he can leave directly, this is what he expected, he should be happy, but no matter how much he feels that Gu Tao's kindness is false and tricky, he hasn't got his father for many years. But the heart of love has been unconsciously touched, and there is a faint anticipation unconsciously, otherwise he would not want Gu Tao to answer his phone.

Unable to love for many years, Gu Chaoming doesn't want to be like a pug, if Gu Tao gives him a little favor, he will believe it.

Thinking that he didn't look forward to it, Gu Chaoming only felt panic when he saw what was hidden in his heart.

Gu Tao didn't answer his call, and reality gave him a slap, telling him that what you are expecting in your heart now is a joke.

The setting sun slanted to the west, and the warm and thick setting sun slowly dissipated along with the temperature, leaving no shadow of Gu Chaoming.

The setting sun took away the temperature, and Gu Chaoming felt cold all over.He decided to leave, leave here, and go to Su Bing's house, where his luggage was still uncollected.

He's not an abandoned kid, he's not someone locked out with nowhere to go.

You can do it by yourself.

Gu Chaoming fumbled in his pocket again, hoping that he had brought the key to Su Bing's house, but there was no need to touch it, the other pocket was empty.

Because he didn't expect to be locked out, Gu Chaoming didn't bring anything except his mobile phone and the remaining change.

When he touched the empty pocket, Gu Chaoming couldn't help cursing: "Damn it".

In the dry evening of autumn, Gu Chaoming kicked towards the door of his own house with a smoldering fire in his heart.There was a loud knock on the door panel, which caught the attention of the man who happened to be taking the child upstairs.

Gu Chaoming saw the person who went upstairs pulled the child to his side, he seemed to be afraid that his violent behavior would hurt the child, so he walked upstairs quickly, Gu Chaoming could even hear him say to the child: "Don't learn from him. , his father is sick."

A simple sentence from others made Gu Chaoming realize that he and Gu Tao were becoming more and more alike, and could no longer control his temper. Gu Chaoming cursed again: "Fuck!"

Will he eventually become the person he hates the most?

I have to admit that I am more and more like Gu Tao, the air in front of the house has become oppressive, Gu Chaoming walked downstairs quickly holding the handrail of the stairs.

Walking out of the stairs, the rest of the children were called home for dinner, and Aunt Cheng's child sat alone in front of the store playing with a toy forklift.

"Brother Chaoming, are you going out to play?" The child was innocent and couldn't understand the emotions on Gu Chaoming's face.

Facing the child's innocence, Gu Chaoming didn't want to spread his anger to others.Although he was full of anger, facing the children, he still smiled and said to the children of Aunt Cheng's family with the tone of talking to children: "Yes, brother is gone."

The child waved goodbye to him, and Gu Chaoming also raised his hand and waved.

Saying goodbye to the children, the smoldering fire left aside returned to its original place and continued to burn. Gu Chaoming strode out of the community, took out his mobile phone and wanted to call Su Bing and Cen Xili, and told them that he was very upset now, wanted to eat, and wanted to eat. Eat a lot, come and eat with me!

Gu Chaoming knew that Su Bing and Cen Xili would come no matter what they were doing when they heard that he was so abnormal, but he didn't want to bring the emotions that Gu Tao brought to him to them.

Cen Xili and Su Bing have always been the warmth by his side. They were always by his side when he studied hard but failed in exams, when his mother left him, and when he had no choice. There can be both of them.

When he was about to call the two of them, the dialing page opened, and the word Fan appeared in front of him like a burst of fireworks. It was the call last night, the phone that hit him in the face.

Lin Jianfan...

Inexplicably, seeing the name Lin Jianfan, Gu Chaoming's heart moved. At that moment, he wanted to see him and have dinner with him, but they just met him in the supermarket this morning.

Lin Jianfan has an inexplicably reassuring ability that makes Gu Chaoming call him by accident.

There is still a mechanical dialing sound on the other end of the phone, but the difference from calling Gu Tao is that the owner on the other end of the phone picks up immediately.

"Hello." Lin Jianfan's voice came from the other end.

"It's me." Gu Chaoming said.

Gu Chaoming was walking on the side of the road, and a car passed by. A driver honked his horn, and Lin Jianfan heard it on the other end of the phone. Lin Jianfan asked, "Are you on your way home?"

Gu Chaoming thought for a while and replied: "Almost."

Lin Jianfan's side was exceptionally quiet, making Gu Chaoming's voice even more chaotic.The green light at the intersection turned red, and pedestrians stopped. Gu Chaoming stood behind the zebra crossing and looked at the gradually shrinking red numbers on the opposite side and asked Lin Jianfan, "Have you eaten yet?"

"have eaten."

"Didn't eat together...?"

Gu Chaoming's second question came a bit late, almost in sync with Lin Jianfan's answer of "eat", colliding with each other, creating an embarrassing silence.

Gu Chaoming: "..."

Well, he refused before he finished asking the question, Gu Chaoming couldn't help feeling a little sad.

But Lin Jianfan on the other end of the phone was a little flustered. His "eat" was just answering Gu Chaoming's question "Have you eaten yet?" he.

Gu Chaoming's tone didn't show disappointment, he just said: "Oh, it's okay, I just want to say that if you haven't eaten, let's go to eat together, there is no one in my house."

Seeing that Fan was still thinking about how to remedy it, when Gu Chaoming explained the reason, he immediately followed Gu Chaoming's words and said, "That's fine, I'll accompany you."

Gu Chaoming was puzzled: "Didn't you finish your meal?"

"I ate, but I wasn't full and wanted to eat more."

Seeing that Fan uttered the reason that he couldn't fool anyone, he originally thought that he would get Gu Chaoming's jokes in exchange for him like in the morning. He had been waiting for Gu Chaoming to find him in his coat after talking on the phone, but he was full of anticipation in exchange for it. It was Gu Chaoming's sudden silence on the other end of the phone.

The silent and terrifying silence is like entering a different time and space that cannot communicate.

The other party was silent, Lin saw what Fan wanted to say and started talking, but felt that nothing was right.He didn't know the reason for Gu Chaoming's silence, and he had no choice but to remain silent.

A few seconds of silence separated the air and connected to the phone, creating an invisible hole between the two of them.

When the red light turned green, Gu Chaoming stepped on the zebra crossing and walked through the crowds. Opposite the zebra crossing was a bustling snack street. It was time for dinner, and the people were chaotic.

Gu Chaoming hurried past the street, and the noise came unstoppably, to Gu Chaoming's side, and then to Lin Jianfan's side.

Lin saw that Fan was doing his homework in the room shortly after eating and received a call from Gu Chaoming.Parents usually don't enter the room to disturb him when he is doing homework, and even turn down the sound of the TV, hoping to give him a quiet environment.A crack leaked from the drawn curtains, and the air in the room was oppressed by silence, trying to escape along the cracks exposed by the curtains.

Gu Chaoming's side was chaotic, with the sound of traffic honking, hawking, and discussions about eating together, which set off the silence of Lin Jianfan's room.

In the noisy voice, Gu Chaoming called out his name again: "Lin Jianfan."

Gu Chaoming's voice was formal, without the slightest bit of joking or slapstick, but instead mixed with a hint of loss and helplessness.

Lin saw that Fan Rucheng's children could not distinguish the joy, anger, sorrow and joy on Gu Chaoming's face, just as they could not distinguish the loss and helplessness in Gu Chaoming's voice.

He didn't understand the reason for Gu Chaoming's sudden silence, so he could only respond a little strangely and tremblingly: "Well, I'm listening, you speak."

Gu Chaoming walked through the bustling snack street and stopped at a bus stop beside the snack street. Lin Jianfan thought he was going to say something important, but he only heard Gu Chaoming ask, "Have you eaten?"

It's the same problem again.

Lin Jianfan didn't know what happened to Gu Chaoming, and he didn't know how to answer Gu Chaoming's repeated questions. Lin Jianfan said cautiously, "I ate it."

Gu Chaoming asked again: "Did you eat just now?"

"Ah."

"Eat at home?"

"Ah."

"Are you full?"

Hearing this question, Lin Jianfan was speechless for a moment, he was indeed very full, today his mother prepared his favorite dishes, and he ate a little more than usual.

It was Gu Chaoming's wordless silence before, but this time it was replaced by Lin Jianfan.

A soundless silence indicated his answer.

Leaning on the bus stop sign, Gu Chaoming's heart was turning a thousand times, and he had a backlog of words in his stomach.Gu Chaoming let himself forget it, don't talk about it, and returned to his usual brisk appearance.

"Just tell me when you're full. I'm not forcing you to eat with me. I just said you wanted to accompany me when you're not full. Now that you're full, I'm going to eat too. Goodbye."

Lin Jianfan on the other end of the phone paused for a moment, unable to understand what Gu Chaoming meant, why his tone suddenly changed, and why he was suddenly silent.

"Goodbye." Lin Jianfan said Nana.

Gu Chaoming hung up the phone, leaving Lin Jianfan with a series of beeps.

Looking at the darkened phone, did I say something wrong to make him angry?Lin Jianfan thought.

But recalling the simple conversation with Gu Chaoming about eating just now, he couldn't find the reason for Gu Chaoming's anger at all.

After Gu Chaoming hung up Lin Jianfan's call, he felt even more depressed, and he didn't make a call to Lin Jianfan as expected, and used his sense of security to suppress the depression.

Lin Jianfan must feel that he has a weird temper, Gu Chaoming thought.

I and Gu Tao are more and more similar, the violence of kicking the door, and the weird temper are passed down in one continuous line.

After talking on the phone with Lin Jianfan, there was no joy as imagined, but a layer of lost tar was poured on the smoldering fire that was shut outside the door.

The bus stopped, and people poured out from the rear door. Gu Chaoming didn't get on the bus, but continued to call Su Bing by leaning on the billboard at the station.

Su Bing took a while to answer: "Gu Shuai, what are you doing? Miss me?"

"Yes, I miss you." Gu Chaoming said.

Su Bing was surprised: "Wow, Gu Shuai, you finally admit that you miss me. I know you love me, but you don't have to think about me that way."

"Go away, have you eaten? If you haven't eaten, come together?" Gu Chaoming issued an invitation.

Su Bing agreed without hesitation: "Okay, I just happened to be hungry and didn't eat?"

Su Bing agreed to come down, and felt something was wrong when he heard Gu Chaoming's chaotic voice.At this time, Gu Chaoming is also off work. He was taken home by his father, shouldn't he be at home now?Why ask him out for dinner?

Noticing something strange, Su Bing's first reaction was that Gu Tao hit someone again.Su Bing's voice was anxious for a moment, and he asked worriedly: "I heard your voice is outside? Your father won't hit you again, right?"

"No, he's not at home." Gu Chaoming said, "By the way, do you still have the key to your house?"

"What's the matter? Are you going back to pack your luggage now? Don't you have the key? Lost it?"

Gu Chaoming really didn't want to say that he didn't have a key and was locked out by Gu Tao, and the key to the house was locked at home.Gu Chaoming lied and said: "Hey, I don't want to go back and get it. Today Gu Tao didn't want to sleep there, and didn't want to be at home."

Su Bing asked: "Then you are not afraid that your father will come back at night?"

"It's okay, do you have it? Come out quickly, I'm going to starve to death."

"Ok, ok, sir, I'll be right here, where are you?" Gu Chaoming told Su Bing where he was.

"Okay, I'll go get the key and sleep with you there today." Su Bing said.

Su Bing couldn't find the key for a while and asked Gu Chaoming, who was always hungry, to eat something to fill his stomach, and he came when he found the key.

The end of autumn is about to enter winter, and the sky is getting darker and earlier. After a while, the air is gray, and the temperature is lost along with the brightness.

It was cold at night, but luckily the clothes Gu Chaoming wore when going out were thick enough to withstand the cold of the night.Clothes can keep out the cold, but not hunger, so Gu Chaoming walked into a soup shop with the snacks he bought for Su Bing, and ordered a crock pot of soup to warm his body.

The crockpot soup served was steaming continuously, Gu Chaoming sent Su Bing the location of the soup shop, and started to drink the soup himself.

The warmth unblocks the muscles and bones frozen by the autumn cold, and spreads to the limbs and bones.

The TV hanging on the wall in the store was playing a dog blood TV series at this point. Gu Chaoming watched it for a few times, and after drinking the soup and listening to the lines, he knew that this was a TV series that he loves her, she doesn’t love him, she loves him, He doesn't love him, anyway, it's a TV series where the hero and heroine love each other no matter what.

There were not many people in the store, and the boss sat on the edge of the table and watched intently, and even caught a student who was sitting opposite him drinking soup.

"This guy is too, he is so awkward, he likes this heroine for so long without saying anything..." Gu Chaoming is glad that he didn't sit there, otherwise he would have to listen to a lot of chatter from the boss.

Gu Chaoming took out his mobile phone, took the paper box beside the table as a mobile phone holder, opened a movie, plugged in the earphones and watched the movie while drinking soup.

It was completely dark outside, the neon lights of the snack street were flickering, and various fragrances wafted in the air.

When Gu Chaoming heard someone coming in, he looked up to see if it was Su Bing.

There is a food stall not far from the soup shop, and there are rows of large round tables with people sitting one after another.Snack Street is a night goblin, wearing a charming coat of feasting and feasting.Between the toasts and cups, the table was filled with beer bottles in a short while.Gu Chaoming looked at the drunk people, they were in different poses and different styles.

Some sang loudly in the endless night, some laughed loudly, some choked up and cried, and some fell asleep on the spot.Alcohol paralyzes the nerves and blurs consciousness, and does not care about the strange eyes of others.His stomach was churning, and he vomited out the pain and unhappiness of life on the side of the road.

The girl was crying loudly, was supported by a friend, and walked crookedly, like an inflexible crab.

The owner of the soup shop looked familiar and familiar with it: "The girl must have lost her love, and she cried so sadly."

Then he said to the student who was drinking soup on the opposite side: "You children are in love..."

Hearing this, Gu Chaoming put on his earphones to block out the shopkeeper's words.

He glanced at the direction the girl was leaving.Whose life is smooth sailing, free from disasters and difficulties?What does it matter that you are forgotten and locked out?

Gu Tao didn't know when he would come back. His schoolbag, textbooks, and keys were all still at home.If Gu Tao doesn't come back, it's impossible for him not to study, why don't he find a master lock picker to open the lock?

Gu Chaoming didn't pay much attention to the various unlocking phones in the corridor before, but he didn't expect it to be useful now.Fortunately, his luggage is still in Su Bing's house, and he can take a shower and change into clean clothes when he goes to see his mother tomorrow.

From the day his parents divorced and his mother was discharged from the hospital, Gu Chaoming never saw Qu Yingyi again, and they always kept in touch by phone.Qu Yingyi also asked him how Gu Tao treated him?Did you hit him?But as the saying goes, report good news but not bad news. Regarding the matter of running away from home, Gu Chaoming didn't mention a word, and always said: "Gu Tao hasn't come home these days, and he just sleeps when he goes home."

Tomorrow is going to see his mother. Gu Chaoming has expectations in his heart. Although he already knows that he is not the person his mother loves the most, and his mother has given up his custody rights, he is still looking forward to it, just like his mother said before. It's like going to a new home.

Look forward to.

Before the soup was finished, the movie just started. When he noticed someone walking into the store and walking in his direction, Gu Chaoming looked away from the phone screen and looked at the person who came.There were many people coming and going in and out of the store, and it was not Su Bing who had seen it many times. This time, Gu Chaoming had an intuition that the person who came was not Su Bing, so he just cast a slight glance.

Just a slight glance made Gu Chaoming almost choke his throat with a mouthful of hot soup, coughed a few times and pulled the earphone cable, which pulled the phone on the table and slipped off.

A domino effect.

Gu Chaoming calmed down his cough, looked at the person who came and asked, "Why are you here?"