the world in which he exists

The road is very long, and the street lights on the side of the road are lined up one by one to form a point towards the sky.The real night and the last dusk took over, presenting a grainy dark gray.Vehicles passed by on the road, honking their horns from time to time, and Gu Chaoming stepped on the shadows of street lights one after another with his schoolbag on his back.

It has been a long time since school was over, and after a long time in the hospital, after parting with Lin Jianfan at the hospital gate, the problems Gu Chaoming had to face remained unchanged.

The passage of time can't change Gu Chaoming's gradual irritability.When I approached that home again, my heart jam got deeper and deeper little by little.

In the past, he was protected by his mother, and he could wait at home for his mother who did not know when to come back. That was his expectation at home, but now this last bit of expectation is gone.

Gu Chaoming walked aimlessly on the street, kicking the stones on the side of the road and looking at the traffic on the side of the road.

There was no baseball cap on his head, so he was refreshed, and Gu Chaoming was still not used to it.The wound on the head was exposed like this, attracting the eyes of many passers-by.Gu Chaoming heard a child holding his mother's hand and pointing to his mother: "Mom, look at that brother's head."

Gu Chaoming didn't care, he walked slowly and stepped on a street lamp.Although he seems to be walking forward aimlessly, at the end, he defaults to the home he doesn't want to go back to.

He really has nowhere else to go but that home.

I don't know what's going on at home, did Gu Tao make a mess, did Gu Tao drink alcohol, did he wait for him with a knife?

Gu Chaoming walked very slowly, he wanted to buy time, maybe stay outside until midnight and then go home, Gu Tao would be drunk and unconscious, or play mahjong all night in the mahjong parlor downstairs.

Gu Chaoming hoped that what would welcome him would be a home with no lights but darkness.

Wanting to procrastinate until midnight, wandering the streets for half an hour, Gu Chaoming took the bus home.

The vehicle started slowly, and the lights in the compartment were not turned on. Many people looked down and swiped their phones, and patches of bright light shone on the owner's face.

Gu Chaoming plugged in the earphones and held the ring. The boy in the seat in front of him was playing games vigorously. Gu Chaoming lowered his head and saw the first-person view of the gun battle.

The night outside the window was completed alternately, it was dark, the vehicles were driving, and the street lights on the side of the road retreated one by one.Gu Chaoming clicked on a novel he hadn't finished reading, and a phone call came in after reading a few lines.

Caller ID - Mom.

Seeing these two words, Gu Chaoming didn't know what it was like.

The reason why Qu Yingyi chose to send a text message to inform him that she and Gu Tao were divorced instead of calling was because she knew he was in class, so she didn't bother him.

Qu Yingyi didn't want to disturb Gu Chaoming's class, and Gu Chaoming didn't want to disturb her future life either.

Qu Yingyi didn't mention who he was with in the text message, and Gu Chaoming acquiesced by himself.

It's not that Gu Chaoming doesn't want to be with Qu Yingyi, he just doesn't want to be Qu Yingyi's burden.Qu Yingyi divorced at this age, and brought a son as old as him, when will she find a man who loves her.

Now that she is divorced, Gu Chaoming hopes that she can usher in a better life.

As for myself, it doesn't matter.

The family that was on the verge of collapse should have been broken long ago. After an afternoon of self-psychological work, Gu Chaoming persuaded himself to accept the reality, but when he saw the call from Qu Yingyi, Gu Chaoming still remembered that he was alone at home waiting for Qu Yingyi. back day.

Gu Chaoming pressed the answer button, and Qu Yingyi's soft voice came from the other end of the phone.

"Chaoming?"

Gu Chaoming responded, and his soft voice reminded him of the hesitant expression on Qu Yingyi's face when he was called to stop by Qu Yingyi last night when he packed up his lunch box in the ward and went to work part-time.

That's what she wanted to say at the time.

"Go home?" Qu Yingyi asked.

Gu Chaoming was afraid that Qu Yingyi would be worried, so he lied and said, "I've already arrived home."

After finishing speaking, Gu Chaoming looked around, fearing that the voice of the station announcement would be recorded by the earphones and heard by Qu Yingyi, revealing the fact that he was still in the car.

"I didn't see you today, have you eaten yet?" Gu Chaoming asked.

"Eat, you eat too?"

"Eat, isn't the hospital's food delicious?" Gu Chaoming tried his best to chat with Qu Yingyi, not relying on Qu Yingyi's original intention of calling.

"It's okay, but the chili is too hot." Qu Yingyi said.

Gu Chaoming smiled: "The ones outside are definitely not as delicious as your son's."

Qu Yingyi said that he was talkative, and when he wanted to tease Qu Yingyi and Gu Chaoming, he always used that trick - to praise himself.

"Of course the love bento made by your son is delicious. You don't say it's delicious because your son made it?"

"of course not."

"That will do."

Gu Chaoming called Qu Yingyi with a playful face, making her happy as usual, and didn't want to mention Gu Tao's messy things, but those things must be explained clearly after all.

Qu Yingyi asked: "Is your father... Gu Tao at home?"

Still facing this problem, Gu Chaoming put away his pretended hippie smile: "No, I'm at home alone."

Where Gu Chaoming couldn't hear, Qu Yingyi breathed a sigh of relief.After so many years of marriage, she knows Gu Tao's temper, and she is afraid that Gu Tao will beat Gu Chaoming because of divorce.

After Gu Chaoming answered, Qu Yingyi was silent on the other side.

Gu Chaoming counted the seconds of Qu Yingyi's silence, and remembered what Lin Jianfan said, "[-] seconds of silence is acquiescence."

one two three four……

When counting to four, Qu Yingyi's voice came from the other end, with guilt that could be heard from the tone

"Chao Ming, it's your mother's fault that she didn't tell you earlier, it's her..."

At the beginning of Qu Yingyi's talk and explanation, Gu Chaoming immediately interrupted her: "It's okay, it's okay if you don't tell me, don't I know now? In fact, I have long wanted you to divorce. Man, you should have left him sooner. I know you put up with him for so many years because of me."

There were not many people on the bus, but there were also many. The boy playing games in front of him lost a game and started a new one.

Hearing Gu Chaoming's comforting words to Qu Yingyi, many passengers in the car cast curious glances.

It is rare for children to expect their parents to divorce.

The boy playing games in front of him couldn't help raising his head to look at Gu Chaoming.

Gu Chaoming didn't care about their gazes at all.

Qu Yingyi became silent again.

Gu Chaoming counted silently in his heart.

One, two, three, four, five...

When it's five, silence for five seconds is the default.

What is the default?Is divorce a fact?

Gu Chaoming looked out the window at the ever-changing street scene.

The lights flicker and the music floats.

"Actually, Mom has one more thing to tell you, which I didn't mention in the text message." Qu Yingyi hesitated and said.

Hearing Qu Yingyi said that there was something she wanted to tell him, Gu Chaoming immediately had the answer in his mind.

There is no evidence, only Gu Chaoming's understanding of his mother and his sixth sense.

Gu Chaoming asked: "How about that man?"

Qu Yingyi froze, all the words she was going to say stuck in her throat, she was speechless.Qu Yingyi wondered how Gu Chaoming knew, thinking it was Gu Tao who told him.

"Gu Tao told you?" Qu Yingyi asked.

Gu Chaoming wanted to say "No, I guessed it myself", but he just gave a soft "hmm".

The boy who played the game in front of him played the game very well, and died at every turn.The boy listened to Gu Chaoming's "telephone series" while playing games.

Gu Chaoming formed a self-shield, and all eyes could not disturb him.

"He's fine." Qu Yingyi said.

Gu Chaoming's tone was calm: "It's enough to be nice to you. It's not enough to have a good son. A woman should have a good husband. This time, I must take a good look at it. Don't find another one like Gu Tao, but I also believe in my mother's vision." .”

Gu Chaoming's tone was calm and smiling, Qu Yingyi's divorce didn't seem to affect him at all, and he even looked very happy.

Indeed, he should be happy, celebrating Qu Yingyi's escape from Gu Tao's clutches.Gu Chaoming forced himself to be happy, but he still couldn't be happy.

The 17-year-old home was broken, and something was also broken, and it was taken away from his life.

Going forward in frustration, stopping in happiness, Gu Chaoming felt that his world was changing, just like now he has to accept the fact that his mother has a new man.

It turned out that it wasn't that the mother had no way out, and it wasn't that she had to be alone after the divorce. Gu Chaoming was still worried about what would happen to Qu Yingyi after the divorce. Now it seemed that he only had to worry about himself.

It turned out that the mother he thought he knew had so many things he didn't know.

Gu Chaoming used to think that he knew his mother well enough. He was always worried about his mother, afraid that she would be bullied, but now it seems that it is just his self-righteousness.

In the dark night, Gu Chaoming heard Qu Yingyi say: "Chaoming, do you want to be with mom?"

Qu Yingyi's gentle question passed through the earphone cable and flowed into Gu Chaoming's ear. Maybe the earphone cable is not connected to the ear, but to the heart. Otherwise, why did Gu Chaoming's heart stop when he heard this sentence, and his heart softened.

"Does that man not mind?" Gu Chaoming wrapped his fingers around the headphone cable uneasily.

"...He said it should be fine, he also has a child, a girl, still young."

Gu Chaoming originally didn't want to delay Qu Yingyi's marriage, Qu Ying was the one who treated him best, and Gu Chaoming wished her well.

Hearing Qu Yingyi say to take him away, Gu Chaoming felt for the first time in the dark night that he could escape from Gu Tao, escape from the man he thought he could never escape from, escape from that hell.

For the first time, there was the feeling that the pointer of life was pointing in another direction, and Gu Chaoming seemed to see a new distance.

A place he never thought of but always longed for.

Just because of Qu Yingyi's words.

Gu Chaoming didn't want to disturb Qu Yingyi very much. He didn't know if his intervention would cause a gap between his mother and that man, but the condition of staying away from Gu Tao was too attractive, and with selfishness, Gu Chaoming still agreed: "Okay."

When the car stopped at the stop, Gu Chaoming got out of the car, and the passengers in the car were able to escape their sight.At this moment, Gu Chaoming didn't care about their eyes, and an unknown restlessness rose from his gloomy mood throughout the afternoon, like the wind beating on the surface of a drum, and the drum sounded before the time came.

When Gu Chaoming walked into the community, an old man led a child home and walked past him. Gu Chaoming was walking slowly in the aisle of the community wearing earphones, and Qu Yingyi's gentle voice was in his ears.

"I'll call you when I'm discharged from the hospital and deal with it."

"okay."

After hanging up the phone, Gu Chaoming smiled unconsciously. He was never in such a good mood, as if all the weight that had been suppressed for more than ten years was removed at once.

Knowing that he could leave that home, Gu Chaoming felt that the leaves on the trees were getting greener, and the children on the side of the road laughed happily.

The fear is only put down for a short time, but I have to pick it up again in 10 minutes.

When walking in the aisle of the community, Gu Chaoming still hoped that Gu Tao would not be at home, but he walked downstairs to the unit and looked up to see the lights of his own house.

Gu Chaoming knew that there was no hope.

Joy is short-lived, loss is lengthy, and Gu Chaoming walks heavily, but he has to move forward.

He was afraid of the sharp knife waiting for him, and also afraid that the sharp knife he resisted would stab Gu Tao.The two results are not what he wants to see, but he can only use this method to get rid of it cleanly, without having to be involved with Gu Tao, and without accepting his violent beatings.

In the past 17 years, Gu Chaoming thought so, but just now, in the car, Qu Yingyi said that he would take him to his new home.

A third option appeared in his world.

Qu Yingyi pointed out a way to stay away from Gu Tao without bloodshed and without wielding sharp knives.He had been thinking about the smell of blood for too long, before the sharp knife was stained with blood, his mind was already confused by the smell of blood.

You are only 17 years old, you still have a long way to go, not necessarily darkness is waiting for you, maybe it is the waning spring and blooming flowers.

The key was inserted into the lock, and there was the familiar sound of smashing things.

Gu Chaoming adjusted his mood, the joy of having the third road was true, and the fear of facing the crazy Gu Tao was also true.

Taking a deep breath, pinch the key with your fingers, and the key drives the door lock to turn.As soon as a crack was opened, the familiar sound of smashing things escaped desperately.

The door opened, and the noise of smashing things paused for a few seconds.

The wine bottles in the room, the smell of alcohol in the room, and Gu Tao's flushed cheeks all prove that this living room, including Gu Tao in the living room, has been ruled by alcohol.

The TV in the messy living room was displaced, and the paper on the coffee table was scattered on the ground, one by one, the ground was covered with snow.The clock on the wall fell to the ground, the face of the clock was shattered, the glass was splashed, and a small light reflected under the light.

There was no place to stay, the ground was covered with broken paper and broken glass, and the sofa cushion was scratched. Gu Chaoming put his hand in the pocket of his school uniform and looked at Gu Tao. Gu Tao didn't hold a knife, and only had an empty beer bottle in his hand.

Gu Chaoming felt relieved a little, and kicked away the sofa cushion in front of him.

A beer bottle shattered at his feet, and his feet were covered with shards of green glass.

"You still have the ability to come back?" Gu Tao yelled after throwing the beer bottle.

Gu Chaoming ignored him and let him scold him.Gu Tao stood by the table, spitting all over the place, and the words he spit out were unbearable.

Gu Chaoming originally wanted to go back to the room directly and shut the door of Gu Tao's scolding, but when he walked in, Gu Chaoming saw a fruit knife on the table that Gu Tao usually set up for eating.

Gu Chaoming was startled, it turned out that it was not a threat, but Gu Tao was really waiting for him to go home with a knife.

Gu Tao would really do that.

Gu Tao was cursing, and the fruit knife was hiding on the table behind him.Gu Tao didn't take a knife, but just cursed at Gu Chao.

Gu Chaoming stepped on the broken glass in the living room, pretended to go to the kitchen, walked slowly behind Gu Tao, and was about to take the fruit knife.

Gu Chaoming walked very lightly, and the broken glass under his feet still creaked.

Gu Tao's shadow fell on the table, and the fruit knife was sealed in Gu Tao's shadow.

Gu Tao didn't look back, Gu Chaoming stretched out his hand quietly, the shadow of his arm fell on the dining table.

The two shadows on the table slowly approached.

Gu Chaoming stared at Gu Tao's back, within half a meter, he could take away the fruit knife, suddenly felt bad, Gu Chaoming turned his head to see Gu Tao's red face.

Just now, Gu Tao couldn't get the knife, Gu Chaoming stared at Gu Tao's turned face, and quickly took the fruit knife on the table.

Because he was too anxious, he accidentally held part of the blade, and his fingers were cut by the sharp blade. Fortunately, the cut was not deep, so Gu Chaoming didn't pay attention to it.

Gu Tao watched his movement of holding the knife and saw the cut made by his fingers.

Gu Chaoming firmly held the handle of the knife to prevent Gu Tao from snatching it away, and kept his eyes on Gu Tao's every move.

The shadow on the table changed, Gu Tao stretched out his hand, Gu Chaoming's eyes widened, he almost raised the knife and backed away, but Gu Tao just grabbed a handful of peanuts from the plate on the table and put it into his mouth.

Gu Chaoming breathed a sigh of relief, and heard Gu Tao's voice of crushing peanuts: "You want to kill yourself with a knife? Cutting your hands is a fart, just put a band-aid on it, don't you have it in your drawer? Don't go yet." Post it, post it and cook quickly, son of a bitch."

Gu Chaoming didn't know whether it was caring or insulting, Gu Zhaoming gave him a look, walked into the kitchen with a fruit knife, and inserted it directly into the knife holder of the cabinet.

The sound of the knife holder colliding with the fruit knife was caught in Gu Tao's swearing at his father and mother.

Gu Chaoming came out of the kitchen after putting down the knife, and Gu Tao smashed a peanut at him: "Boy, cook."

As if hitting a prize, the peanuts fell on Gu Chaoming one by one.

Gu Chaoming held back his anger, unscrewed the door lock of the room, walked into the room and slammed the door, and the door panel closed with a bang.

Gu Tao didn't give up, and smashed a handful of peanuts on the door.

Throwing the schoolbag on the bed, Gu Tao cursed outside, and the TV sounded again.Gu Chaoming sat by the bed in silence, and suddenly pulled the pillow at the head of the bed and smashed it to the ground.

Outbreak after silence.

He was really fed up with this life.

But Qu Yingyi promised him that he would take him away, what he needs now is patience.

Gu Chaoming picked up the pillow on the floor, patted the ashes on it, and put it back on the bed.

After pasting the band-aid and opening the door, Gu Tao was watching his favorite sketch program again.Gu Chaoming ignored Gu Tao and went straight to the kitchen. Gu Tao turned his head from the sofa, saw the injury on his head and asked, "What's wrong with your head?"

Gu Chaoming ignored him as usual.

Gu Tao asked again: "Where is your hat?"

Gu Chaoming still ignored him.

"Didn't you grab your hat yesterday?" Gu Tao laughed.

Silence, quiet silence.

Gu Chaoming avoided washing vegetables where his fingers were cut, and threw a handful of peanuts on the back of his head.

"Sure enough, he's a dumb bastard like your mother!" Gu Tao scolded angrily.

Another handful of peanuts: "You fucking son of a bitch."

The more Gu Tao scolded, the worse it sounded, but Gu Chaoming didn't reply.

You have to be patient!endure!endure!

Patience is the only way to leave here, to leave Gu Tao, he needs patience, patience.

When he was distracted, the water flowed over the bandage and touched the wound, causing a slight pain. Gu Chaoming raised his hand to continue washing the vegetables, and put the washed vegetables on the cutting board. Gu Tao behind him still did not stop.

The world in front of him was shaking violently, and with a kick on his back, Gu Chaoming leaned forward to hold on to the cabinet so as not to fall.

Patience, no more patience!

Gu Chaoming clenched his fists and turned around. When he turned around, he was caught off guard by a thick slap.

A slap was not enough, Gu Tao directly threw the cigarette in his mouth at Gu Chaoming, the cigarette butt almost left marks on the school uniform.

Gu Chaoming raised his hand to protect his forehead, afraid that Gu Tao would hit the wound on his forehead, so he didn't care about the cigarette butts Gu Tao threw.

Gu Tao looked at the way Gu Chaoming was protecting himself, smiled, saw that Gu Chaoming was subdued, and the accumulated anger was exhausted at once, reached out and patted Gu Chaoming's right shoulder, which was injured by him yesterday, sat back on the sofa and took out his birthday Smoke puffed up.

Gu Chaoming saw Gu Tao walk out of the kitchen and sit back on the sofa to smoke through the gaps in the arms protecting him before putting down his arms.

Turning around, the chest was rising and falling, the arms were propped on the sink, and the fingers clasped the edge of the sink firmly, letting the water drops soak the bandages on the fingers.

Gu Tao was called away by a phone call, Gu Chaoming ate alone and cleaned the living room alone.

After dealing with the living room and taking a shower, it was another late night.

The TV was turned off, and Gu Chaoming was resting on the sofa with a slit open. When he saw the wound on his finger, he squeezed it like self-harm.

Gu Tao doesn't know how many days it will take to come back this time.

Maybe tomorrow, maybe a month.

Gu Chaoming hoped it would be forever.