the world in which he exists

As if being sealed, the cold and turbid river filled with breath, and the exhaled breath turned into bubbles, rising to the surface of the river, bursting and disappearing without anyone knowing.

The hands kept waving instinctively, but the body kept sinking.

The bubbles are getting less and less, the breath taken away by the river.

The warm sun shone brightly by the riverside where the footprints were messy in winter, illuminating the panicked faces of the few people on the bank.

"Brother Zhan fell, what should we do?" One of them asked in fear.

"He fell by himself, so what does it have to do with me?" Brother Zhan spoke in a hurry, and quickly separated the relationship, feeling a little flustered.This fall is a personal matter, and he doesn't want to get involved in a murder case for avenging a cousin.

The little brothers are still watching, if he shows panic, where will he save his face?Cao Zhan pretended to be calm and looked at Lin Jianfan who was still thumping in the river.

"If he drowns us, shall we..."

"Qiu Cheng, shut up! If you don't speak, no one will think you are dumb."

The Qiu Cheng who spoke was his cousin, who was also punched in the face by Lin Jianfan that night.Cao Zhan secretly scolded himself as his cousin who was doing nothing but causing trouble for him.

Qiu Cheng has been spoiled by his family since he was a child, and his family will help solve all major and minor matters.Don't look at him as tall and strong, but in fact he is only as courageous as an eyeball, and he is terrified when he encounters a problem.

"What should I do?!" Qiu Cheng anxiously asked his cousin Cao Zhan.

Cao Zhan was annoyed by Qiu Cheng's quarrel, and couldn't help yelling at his cousin Qiu Cheng, who was usually very fond of him: "How do I know? The fuck isn't it to help you. Don't humiliate me, be careful, I will push you away too." Go down with him!"

One thing falls one thing, Qiu Cheng dominates at home and school, and when he encounters Cao Zhan who is tougher, he immediately stops talking.

The two friends next to him saw the self-proclaimed school bully Qiu Cheng acting cowardly in front of Cao Zhan, and exchanged glances, Qiu Cheng turned his head and gave them both a threatening look.

It is not without reason that Qiu Cheng is afraid of Cao Zhan. Cao Zhan's family is divorced and he is a single-parent family.His mother doesn't care about him, and he is completely free-range.Just after finishing junior high school, he didn't continue his studies, and instead of looking for a job, he went around messing around, becoming what their parents said, "If you don't study hard, you will become like Cao Zhan".

It's not that Cao Zhan's mother has never found a relationship with him, hoping that he will study in a vocational high school.The money was spent, but Cao Zhan couldn't die.

In the eyes of his parents, Cao Zhan is a complete bastard, but in the eyes of Qiu Cheng, who often played with him when he was young, Cao Zhan is his big brother, and he can just ask him for anything.

Cao Zhan also pointed to himself and said to Qiu Cheng: "Someone bullies you at school, you tell Brother Zhan, and Brother Zhan will kill him for you."

He did what he said, and now Cao Zhan has put those who "bullyed" Qiu Cheng into the river.

Qiu Cheng even felt that death was approaching Lin Jianfan step by step. He hummed again and was scolded back by Cao Zhan.

"You still hum! Shut up!"

After asking Qiu Cheng to stop making noise, Cao Zhan asked if the two buddies he brought could swim?Both shook their heads.Cao Zhan then asked Qiu Cheng, who did not know whether it was the two brothers or the two younger brothers: "Can you two know how to swim? Go down and fish, the water is not deep."

Both of them shook their heads, and Qiu Cheng pointed at him timidly at this moment: "Brother Zhan, don't you know how to swim?"

When I was a child, I secretly played and went to take a bath in the river. Qiu Cheng almost drowned, but Cao Zhan saved him.

The water is so deep, it must be very cold in winter, and the river is not very clean, so Cao Zhan didn't want to go down, he would rather call others than go down, even though human life is at stake.

Qiu Cheng knew what kind of person his cousin was. He stole the insurance money paid by his mother to play, he was lazy, he didn't care about his relatives, but his loyalty to friends and brothers was more important than his life.

In Cao Zhan's mind, face is comparable to loyalty.

Qiu Cheng exposed the fact that he could swim, Cao Zhan said: "I just want someone to help me, it's impossible for me to go down alone?"

After finishing speaking, it was to save some face, Cao Zhan Dayi said sternly: "You bastards come to the side to meet me, I will go down and catch him, I have to play at the critical moment."

This winter is really cold, and the winter water can be imagined to be ice.The icy water irritated the skin. In order to look handsome, Cao Zhan only wore a thin padded jacket in winter, with an unlined jacket underneath.

The cold river made Cao Zhan curse Qiu Cheng in his heart again.

While cursing, he approached Lin Jianfan, who was gradually losing his strength, and Qiu Cheng on the shore shouted at him anxiously: "Brother Zhan, hurry up, Lin Jianfan seems to be dying! Hurry up!"

He doesn't want to lose his freedom because of this, he will have to take the college entrance examination next year.

Seeing the thumping Lin Jianfan disappearing from the water, as if drowned, Qiu Cheng shouted even more anxiously: "Brother Zhan, hurry up, he...he seems to have drowned!"

The few people who couldn't swim next to him were also anxious.

Cao Zhan was very good at swimming, and he swam to Lin Jianfan in a short while. He picked up Lin Jianfan and found that Lin Jianfan was unconscious, his eyes were closed, and his head was tilted to one side.

Qiu Cheng shouted on the bank, and Cao Zhan panicked.He's just a jerk, but he hasn't killed anyone in all these years!

Seeing that Lin Jianfan was unconscious, Cao Zhan didn't dare to delay, so he took Lin Jianfan and swam to the shore quickly for Qiu Cheng and the others to meet him.

Rescuing Lin Jianfan to the shore, the river flowed all over Cao Zhan's body, and he shivered when the cold wind blew. Qiu Cheng took off his cotton-padded jacket and put it on Cao Zhan with concern.

Pulling the man ashore, Qiu Cheng stood beside him and did nothing but put a coat on Cao Zhan. A classmate next to him reacted and immediately gave Lin Jianfan chest compressions.

I didn't listen to it very carefully in class, and I did chest compressions for Lin Jianfan according to my vague memory. That classmate was very confused.

Artificial respiration was omitted by default, and everyone stared at the person doing chest compressions for Lin Jianfan.No breathing sound could be heard at the scene, as if winter had turned on the mute button for them, only the sound of Qiu Cheng humming anxiously.

Everyone was afraid to breathe, and the classmate who gave Lin Jianfan chest compressions felt that he was fighting with death.

He was so desperate that the arms that pressed his chest almost trembled.

The cold winter wind passed by, and a special mobile phone ringtone was sent, breaking the tranquility.

The special cell phone ringtone came from Lin Jianfan's phone. Cao Zhan went down to save others and threw Lin Jianfan's cell phone to his companion.

"Fuck, it's that little sun again, who is it?" Cao Zhan took the phone and said.

"Do you want to pick it up? Lin Jianfan is like this." Qiu Cheng's other companion asked.

"Accept a fart, just because he is like this, so I can't accept it. Accepting it doesn't mean throwing yourself into a trap." Cao Zhan said.

"Then call 120?"

"Wait and see if this kid can do it." Cao Zhan, who was soaked in the cold wind and wrapped in Qiu Cheng's coat, looked at the person doing chest compressions for Lin Jianfan.

"Can you do it?" Qiu Cheng asked anxiously.

The man couldn't stand Qiu Cheng, so he said directly: "You can do what you want, don't point fingers here and just talk."

As soon as he finished speaking, Lin saw Fan spit out water under his palm, and the man opened his mouth wide in surprise.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

"It's good not to die, it's good to not die."

"Is he still okay?" Cao Zhan asked the person who performed chest compressions for Lin Jianfan.

"It looks like it should work." The man patted Lin Jianfan's face, trying to wake him up.

"Leave." Seeing that Fan had just spit out water, Cao Zhan zipped up Qiu Cheng's coat and told them to leave.

"Ah?" Qiu Cheng and his two friends were stunned, looking at Cao Zhan questioningly.

"But this...he..."

"Are you still waiting for him to wake up and see you settle accounts with you? He doesn't know you, does he? He doesn't have any information about you?" Cao Zhan asked.

Qiu Cheng shook his head, if he hadn't picked up Lin Jianfan's student ID card that fell out of his pocket that night, today's incident would never have happened.

"That's fine. If he doesn't know you, there's nothing he can do. Hurry up and leave." Cao Zhan said.

Qiu Cheng and his friends looked at each other and listened to Cao Zhan's words and left the scene.

Several people hurriedly fled from the river bank, remembering to put Lin Jianfan's mobile phone in his hand before fleeing.

The teenagers disappeared by the river bank, leaving Lin Jianfan, who was soaked all over, sleeping there peacefully. The cold wind never disappeared or escaped and blew across the river, waking up Lin Jianfan who was sleeping on the river bank.

The bank of the river was so deserted that no one even noticed the drowning.His head was heavy, and his whole body was numb from the cold. Lin Jianfan sat up with his rusty arms supporting his body, knocked on his heavy head, and shook the water droplets from his hair.

With cold limbs, Lin Jianfan looked around.

He was rescued.

The moment he fell, he thought he would never see the warm winter sun again.

The cold wind was raging, and Lin saw Fan's legs curled up and hugged him tightly. He sat alone on the bank of the river and looked around, not knowing what to do.

The remaining water accumulated in the padded clothes made the padded clothes heavy, and there was not a single part of the body that was warm.The heart once warmed by Gu Chaoming was once again soaked in cold water.

He thought that everything was going in a good direction, he thought that he could just spend his life with Gu Chaoming like this, he thought that he could gain a new life by staying away from his previous school.

It turns out that campus violence cannot be changed by changing schools.

Just when he thought everything was fine and there was room for improvement in his life, reality slapped him again.

You see, the place you were looking forward to in the distance is still full of violence, just a different place and some people, but nothing else has changed.

The place he arrived at was the same yet different from what he had imagined at the beginning, only Gu Chaoming was an accident.

Lin Jianfan felt that he was blinded by Gu Chaoming's warmth, thinking that everyone in the world is good, just like Gu Chaoming, and that the violence he endured before was just a special fate of his.

Now he understands: "It turns out that they are all unbelievable."

The river bank is wide, and in the cold wind, Lin saw Fan sitting quietly by the river bank. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know where to go, he just sat like this, enjoying the cold wind by the river bank.

The special ringtone rang again, and Little Sun's expression appeared on the phone screen again.Lin Jianfan picked up the mobile phone beside him and saw the little sun on the mobile phone.

That was his note to Gu Chaoming.

Gu Chaoming is the warm sun in the night sky, and it is a dream that he can meet but cannot pursue after he escapes and arrives in the distant place he imagined before.

The winter wind dries the eyelashes wet by the river, and the tears moisten them again.Lin Jianfan looked at the little sun on his phone, and then looked up at the warm winter sun above his head that finally appeared this winter.

It's all so warm.

Whether it was the warm sun above his head, or Gu Chaoming who called him.

He is just a person with the name "Flowers Like Brocade", he does not have that kind of world, nor does he have that kind of life.

He picked up the phone, and the anxious shouting on the other end of the phone brought the world of flowers and brocades to him in winter.

"See Fan? Why did you answer the phone? Where are you? I called you many times but didn't answer. What's wrong with you?"

After several questions in succession, Lin Jianfan raised his head, not because he wanted to look at the warm sun above his head, but because he wanted to hold back the tears that Gu Chaoming's warmth brought him.

"I'm fine. If there's anything else I can do, I accidentally stepped on the water when I was going to get my student ID card. I slipped and fell, and it was all wet. I forgot to turn off the silent on my phone. I just heard your call now."

Lin Jianfan didn't know when his lies advanced by leaps and bounds, he didn't need a single pause, and successfully deceived Gu Chaoming.

Perhaps it was because Gu Chaoming never doubted his words and believed them all. When Lin saw Fan fall, Gu Chaoming asked anxiously: "Fall? Be careful when walking, where did you not fall?"

"No," Lin Jianfan said, "How can I fall in such thick clothes in winter? My clothes are dirty. I want to go home and change. Please help me ask Lao Chen to take a leave of absence. I want to be lazy this afternoon. Rest at home, don't tell Lao Chen, just tell him that I fell."

Lin Jianfan also learned to pretend to deceive Gu Chaoming with jokes. He didn't want Gu Chaoming to worry, and he didn't want Gu Chaoming to know his past.

Gu Chaoming said that he was lazy, said he would be lazy, said that he would ask for leave, and told him to have a good rest so as not to catch a cold. Before hanging up the phone, he asked, "Do you want me to take you back?"

"No, I just change clothes and don't need to send them away."

Gu Chaoming asked repeatedly, but Lin Jianfan pretended to smile in response.

The phone hung up, the cold wind picked up again, and the beeping of the phone hanging up was by the river, on the river bank.

Tears flowed from the corners of his eyes.

After hanging up the phone, Lin Jianfan held the phone in the palm of his hand. In the lie, he went home to change clothes, but where should he go in reality?

He didn't want anyone to worry about him, he didn't want Gu Chaoming to worry about him, he didn't want Lao Chen who knew what happened in his previous school and took care of him everywhere, he didn't want his good brother Li Zhao to worry, he didn't want Su Binghe who was kind to him Cen Xili was worried.

The last thing you want your parents to worry about.

He lied to his parents just to make them stop quarreling, and he carried all the memories by himself, just to make his parents as loving as before.

The mother has shed too many tears for him, and the father has worried too much for him. He is an unfilial son and can't help them in anything.

He wants to go home, to burst into his mother's arms and cry, to tell her everything that just happened, to tell him that someone is bullying your son, but he can't, he just wanders, wanders aimlessly, in the streets.

He didn't dare to go to crowded places, he was afraid that passers-by would come to care about him when they saw his soaked padded clothes, and he was afraid that their concern would bring worry to his parents.

He was afraid to see his mother's worried expression.

There were too many pedestrians on the street, and Lin Jianfan suddenly remembered what Gu Chaoming said when he didn't let Gu Chaoming hug him at night when he took Gu Chaoming to escape.

"Then I'll take you to a place where no one is around."

Gu Chaoming took his hand and led him to the river bank.

Gu Chaoming's secret base.

Gu Chaoming has two secret bases, one is on the bank of the river, and the other is the seaside where he was taken on his birthday.

The river bank is too close to Gu Chaoming's house, afraid of meeting Gu Tao.Gu Chaoming at the seaside said that the sea breeze and waves can take away his troubles, and Lin Jianfan took the car to the beach by relying on the route he remembered.

Sitting on the seat by the window of the bus, there were no people on the bus in the afternoon, and the heating inside the bus made the wet cotton clothes on my body even more uncomfortable.

Seeing that Fan didn't bother, Lin looked out the window and watched the changing scenery outside the window.

The last time I went there was in summer, and it was already winter in a blink of an eye.The sea breeze was blowing then, what will it be like now?

Lin Jianfan looked out of the window as if he was talking to the scenery outside the window, asking them about the situation on the beach.

He wants to hide himself so that no one can find out, and no one needs to worry about him.

He is talking to the scenery outside the window, and he hopes that there is someone who can chat with him and share his pain.

From the morning when he told his mother that he didn’t remember, he pretended to be cheerful with all the painful memories of the past, and he also wanted someone to say to him: “You are too tired like this, please tell me.”

"Don't be afraid, I'm with you."

Gu Chaoming said similar things to him. Yesterday, in the school toilet after meeting Zhu Shengquan, Gu Chaoming hugged him and comforted him.

"I don't know what happened, but I know you are very unhappy now. It doesn't matter if you don't want to say it, and I won't think about it. I just want to tell you, don't hold it alone, I am always here."

I am here.

He still didn't say it, he was timid and cowardly, he only dared to run away alone, to the seaside.

Gu Chaoming dared to speak out the sins in his heart, but he didn't dare, he was a cowardly person.

Lin saw that Fan was dizzy from the heating and air conditioning. He knew that he would catch a cold if he continued like this, but he still kept going.

The bus slowly drove him forward, and Gu Chaoming from the school asked him for leave without knowing it.

The classroom is quiet, the classroom door is closed tightly, and the cold air is locked out of the door.

The wind roared by the sea, and the golden sun fell into the winter sea, as if swallowed by the sea.

Gu Chaoming listened carefully to the lecture, and took notes with his hand holding the fountain pen, thinking of going home to take pictures for Lin Jianfan to see.

Lin saw Fan walking to the beach, the waves were rushing, and his half-dried hair was swaying in the wind.

Gu Chaoming fought with Su Bing after class, and ate the snacks bought by Cen Xili together. After eating, he paid attention to You Xin who passed by the window, and the eye contact between You Xin and Cen Xili.

Lin saw Fan standing by the sea, the sea came up and kissed his ankle.The shoes were soaked, and there was another surge. Lin Jianfan jumped into the incoming waves just like the last time Gu Chaoming celebrated his birthday.

After school, Gu Chaoming sent a message to Lin Jianfan at the gate of the milk tea shop outside the school. Lin Jianfan said that he would go to bed first at noon, but Gu Chaoming didn't dare to send him any messages until after school in order not to disturb his sleep. I asked him if he was awake.Su Bing handed him milk tea, and Gu Chaoming bid farewell to Cen Xili who was riding a bicycle after sending the message.

On the seaside where the wind was howling, he sat all afternoon, letting the sea breeze blow through.The seaside in winter is very cold, but quiet.

Lin Jianfan sat there alone, no one disturbed, no one was curious.He just sat there quietly.He imagined what Gu Chaoming said to shout out all his troubles and let the sea breeze take them away, but standing by the sea, standing in front of the sea breeze, he didn't know what to shout.All the pain and memories never seem to fit into a single sentence or paragraph, not even an essay.No words can bear his mood at this moment.

On the side of the road, the sun is warm and the snow is covered. On the way home, the teenagers are fighting with each other. They want to taste the taste of each other's milk tea, but they dislike each other's saliva.

Lin Jianfan yelled against the howling sea wind as the cold wind paved the surface by the sea.

He just yelled.

"Go to hell with me!"