[First-year student] I am not him

You should be together already, I guess.

You probably wouldn't have walked into this room otherwise.

I heard that love can make people tolerate everything, and it seems to be true.

But I don't want to say congratulations.

China's water and soil support people, now you look much more energetic than before you left Thailand, and seeing you in such a high spirits at the last time, it can be regarded as a happy ending for our fate, which is very good.

I am sitting on the plane back to my country now, and I have been hesitating whether to write this letter or not.

After all, even having to write two suicide notes seems ridiculous.

It's like not having the courage to really die.

But for a dead person, it doesn't matter whether it's funny or not.

On the day I first met him, I originally wanted to die.

But you know that he is the one who makes your heart beat.

I believe you have already guessed the next plot, but I still couldn't hold back and wanted to snatch him away.

It's a pity that a fake is a fake, no matter how fake it is, it can't be real.

I tried my best, but I still couldn't get his love.

After wasting so many months, we rarely even hold hands.

If you didn't go abroad, would you give him to me as before?

I can not guess it.

But I know that he is probably the only one, even if you let me, I still can't get it.

In this world, everything can be robbed, except for the human heart, whoever should have it, this is the fairness of fate.

No wonder people always like to talk about destiny.

I really hate the word doomed.

If he's here, say sorry for me.

Maybe when I heard his first words that day, I should have told him that I was not the one he was looking for.

Let him not be sad about my death anymore, because from the beginning to the end, I was just lying to him.

I am a person who has never been sincere.

Death should be the best destination for a heartless person like me.

Living like a normal person is really exhausting.

This letter, Nuan Nuan didn't even sign it, and the words looked a lot scribbled, and there were even some scratches. Every detail showed that the person who wrote it was not at peace.And the words on the two notebooks were all torn off, and the edges were seriously inclined, and it could be seen that they were torn in a hurry.

I held the letter paper and notebook tightly, and my heart was at a loss.

It seems that Nuan Nuan didn't want to show me what was written in the notebook.And this letter was written just after he met me.

At that time, I didn't know that it would be the last time we saw each other, and I kept a distance from him while taking him on a tour.

Didn't even get a good look at him.

But at that time, he came here with the intention of saying goodbye.

It is the first time I know many things mentioned in this letter.

For example, he and Kongphop never became lovers.

He wrote a lot of random things, and the most important thing for me to understand is probably only this one thing.

He understands my temper with Kongphop and knows that if he doesn't talk about this matter, it may become a permanent knot between us.

So, even though he really didn't want to speak, he still helped us to speak out.

He kept saying that he was a bad person, but at this moment, he was kind enough to make people feel distressed.

I'd rather he was really a bad guy, and I'd rather he had already swaggered around with Kongphop when I returned home and told me proudly that they were together, than holding these two letters after his death and feeling so sad for his painstaking efforts .

I know that Kongphop must be very sad right now. Rather than saying that his tight arms are for comforting me, it is better to say that we are comforting each other.

Kongphop's lips are right next to my ear, and I can still feel his warm breath.

"Sorry, I never made him happy." He whispered in my ear.

Actually, I am not qualified to accept this sorry for Nuan Nuan.

Kongphop just needs someone to hear him say sorry.

There was no unforgettable story between them, but when I heard about it at this time, I didn't know how to be happy.

Now my heart can only feel a tearing pain, the pain is so painful that I can't breathe, and there is only chaos in my mind.

I curled up involuntarily, as if this would relieve the pain in my heart.

But I know so well that no matter what method is used, it is useless.

"I... I obviously felt it." I murmured, not sure if he could hear me, "I felt something was wrong with him... I should have asked clearly, why didn't I ask clearly?"

I hit myself in the face hard, but Kongphop grabbed my wrist.

"Arthit!" he yelled anxiously.

I turned my face to look at him, there seemed to be a buzzing voice in my head, and I didn't have the ability to think calmly.

"I know something is wrong with him...I asked him, but why didn't I ask clearly? If I ask him clearly, he won't...won't die!" I finally said the dead word.

"Calm down! Arthit!" Kongphop pressed my shoulder, "It's not your fault!"

I could hear every word he said, but I couldn't seem to understand him at all.

There was only one thought left in my mind.

I clearly know that he is abnormal, I can save him, I can...

The biggest regret in this world is that I could have...

For a long time afterwards, I acted like a fool, forgetting how to react to the outside world.

Kongphop secretly carried me back to the room and put me on the bed.

I heard him tell my parents that I was not feeling well and I needed to sleep. I also knew that he wiped my face with a hot towel, and I could even feel him caressing my hair and comforting me softly.

But he couldn't even find the strength to respond.

The other side of the bed sank a bit, Kongphop had just climbed onto the bed, and he reached out and hugged me.

He was very strong, as if he wanted to rub me in his arms.

I still held the warm notebook and letter tightly in my hand, and my heart ached beyond control.

I seem to think a lot, all the memories related to Nuan Nuan since I was a child are in a mess in my mind, but I don’t seem to think about anything, because the Nuan Nuan in my memory is so vague.

I can't remember how many years I haven't been able to see him properly.

I don't know how long it took, but I just fell asleep in Kongphop's arms.

In my dream, I went back to the day we parted.

I sent him to the airport, even if we were about to separate, there was no picture of saying goodbye.

A four or five-year-old girl and her mother passed by us and shouted happily: "These two brothers are twins!"

For little ones, this little discovery is enough to get them excited.

Seeing her gaze on us, Nuan Nuan asked me, "What does she mean?"

I translated the little girl's words to him, and he just lowered his head and smiled: "Yes, we are twins, we are not the same person after all."

My heart trembled, and before I could think about it, he turned around, waved his back to me, and walked towards the security checkpoint.

That was the last thing I heard him say.

There was another sharp pain in my chest, and I woke up suddenly and sat up from the bed.

Kongphop hadn't fallen asleep all the time, and when he noticed my movement, he sat up quickly: "What's wrong? Arthit?"

I turned my head and looked at him: "Nuan Nuan got into a car accident on the way back after getting off the plane."

Kongphop's expression also changed.

"Why is the letter he wrote on the plane here?"