[First-year student] I am not him

You are still together. "

Even so, as long as he is still alive.

Kongphop's heart constricted for a while.

He knew he shouldn't, but at this moment, he actually felt a wave of jealousy in his chest.

Nuan Nuan and Arthit are two inseparable people.

If one has to be given up, Kongphop understands that the one Arthit will give up must be him.

He understands that there is no comparison between family affection and love, but he still feels a little helpless in his heart.

Kongphop lowered his head and kissed Arthit's hair again, with a low voice: "I know, I want him to live too."

He understands that living Nuan Nuan will make things more complicated.

Even if he still held Nuannuan's hand when he met Arthit again, he would still fall in love with Arthit uncontrollably.

It's just that he would rather bear the infamy of empathy, fickleness and ignorance, and let Nuan Nuan live.

Being alive is the prerequisite for solving all problems.

There is hope only if you are alive.

Arthit cried for a long time, and finally, probably because his physical strength was really exhausted, he curled up in his arms and gradually fell asleep.

But even in his sleep, he would sneeze or cry now and then, looking like a child in sleep with a tantrum.

Kongphop hugged him, and finally felt the rare peace in his heart for so long.

For so many days, he has never been able to sleep well.

Holding this person in my arms today, I can finally feel at ease.

Not long after, Kongphop also fell into a deep sleep.

What's more rare is that there was no dream all night.

But when he woke up again, there was no one in his arms.

Senior Arthit's things are still there, but the person has obviously hidden away.

Probably because the emotional loss last night made him too embarrassed, which made him not want to face Kongphop at all now.

However, he carefully pressed a few banknotes on the table, and left a note on it: "Give the room card to the front desk."

It seems that she is not ready to meet him at all.

Of course, Kongphop is not at the end of his rope. He said he had no money last night, but it was just an excuse to stay by his side.

But in order to make this excuse look more real, he had no choice but to put away the wad of money.

At least when paying back the money, I can find an excuse to meet again.

Although he had already made up his mind to stay by Senior Arthit's side, the current Kongphop didn't dare to push him any further.

So the face-saving senior Arthit cried like that in front of him last night, at least give him a buffer.

He had already asked the front desk last night, and Senior Arthit had only reserved this room for one day.

Looks like it's time to go back today.

Afraid that Senior Arthit would have nowhere to go, Kongphop left the room without even taking a shower, listened to Senior's words, and obediently handed the room card to the front desk.

It's just that he didn't just go back.

He went to the beach again alone.

There are also many unforgettable memories about the beach during the day.

During the last group trip, he and Senior Arthit seemed to have no intersection at all.

But while he was laughing and making noise, he couldn't help but pay attention to the movement of the senior.

The way he smiled with his head up while wearing sunglasses, his body swaying with the rhythm, and his singing voice that can still be heard clearly even though it is mixed with so many noisy background sounds.

Everything about him is like a brand, deeply engraved in Kongphop's mind, which can never be erased.

The cool sea water gradually spread over the ankles, and the coolness like rain seemed to bring Kongphop's memory back to the rainy day when he first saw it.

On that day, senior Arthit held an umbrella and smiled at him with affection in his eyes.

He then understood what it was like to be heartbroken.

Only later, he mistook that encounter for Nuan Nuan.

"Thank you... for the umbrella you lent me last time." He just said this to Nuan Nuan when they first met.

At that time, Nuannuan looked at him for a long time without saying a word, which made him feel that he was a little too abrupt.

But until the end, Nuan Nuan never denied that he was not the person he met at the beginning.

What was Nuan Nuan thinking at that time?

Kongphop recalled for a long time, but it was in vain.

After all, he still didn't understand Nuan Nuan enough, and he failed to treat him well from the beginning to the end.

"I don't want to use this umbrella anymore, can I throw it away!"

"I don't know why, but I always feel that you are very suitable for this."

"It's not me who likes to drink pink panna cotta."

"Sometimes I often think, if only I was the one who got lost in the first place."

In his mind, the memories of Arthit and Nuan Nuan crossed back and forth, and every memory seemed to remind him how he failed those two people.

He might be able to repay what he owed Senior Arthit.

But Nuan Nuan is no longer there.

This was probably the greatest revenge that fate had given him.

Unless Nuan Nuan can survive, he will eventually become the biggest gap between Kongphop and Arthit.

But even so, he will still work hard to build a bridge over this gap, even if it takes his whole life, he will always be able to build it to the heart of Senior Arthit.

Perhaps in order to dispel the chaotic memories in his mind, Kongphop plunged into the cool sea water, and his whole body was immediately surrounded by the calm sea water.

All the thoughts in his mind were dispelled by the coolness, and in his heart, there was only a full of friendship for Senior Arthit.

Think I'll be disappointed after hearing those words?

But why do I feel only distressed.

You ask me, what are those days between me and Nuannuan? If I hadn't met you again, maybe I would have thought that it was love in my life.

But it turns out that I have failed him after all, so am I still qualified to give you happiness again?

Before he had time to think about anything else, Kongphop suddenly felt an irresistible pulling force, which took him out of the water with the help of the buoyancy of the sea water.

He stared blankly at senior Arthit who suddenly appeared in front of him, not knowing how to react.

"How are you? Are you cramping? Or lack of oxygen?" Senior Arthit seemed to be really frightened by him, and his face looked paler than him.

Kongphop shook his head: "I'm fine."

"How could it be okay, you've been in the water for so long!" Arthit shouted anxiously.

Kongphop's heart softened: "So Arthit senior has been paying attention to me?"

Senior Arthit was speechless for a moment when he was asked, and after a long delay, he wiped the seawater off his face and shouted angrily: "Kongphop, are you stupid? I will save strangers even if they fall into the water. What can it represent!"

Kongphop raised his head and looked at him earnestly without blinking: "Would that stranger worry Senior Arthit so much?"

Senior Arthit seemed speechless this time.

He looked at Kongphop silently for a while, then got up and left quickly.

Kongphop looked at his drenched back, after all, he couldn't help thinking about it.

Even though I am no longer qualified, but fortunately, I am still in your heart.

So, I will try to be the one who is good enough for you again.

Even if it can't protect you from the wind and rain, at least, you can stay in the same boat.

----------------------------

Because of that chaos, two people who had parted ways met again so quickly.

Kongphop prefers to call this fate.

But sometimes more fate needs to be created by oneself.

The bus back was about to start, and Kongphop boarded the bus belatedly.

Otherwise, with the character of Arthit senior, Kongphop was really afraid that the moment he saw him, he would impulsively get out of the car and change to another train.

But it's okay, because he didn't sleep well last night, at this moment Senior Arthit is leaning on the back of the chair and falling asleep quietly.

The sunlight outside the car window shone on him, as if it had coated him with a natural filter, making him look even more exciting.

Kongphop's heart suddenly softened a lot.

He took a deep breath and sat softly beside him.

Senior Arthit was probably really out of spirits, even when he fell asleep, he frowned, with his arms resting on the back of the chair, looking very uncomfortable.

Kongphop resisted, waited for the car to drive steadily, and after making sure that the person beside him was really asleep, he quietly reached out and pressed his head to his side.

This posture was naturally much more comfortable for Senior Arthit, and he even adjusted it by himself in a daze, and finally nestled on his shoulder safely, and his frowning brows were finally relaxed.

Kongphop didn't dare to move, for fear of waking him up, but his heart was extremely relaxed.

Probably for him now, only when this person stays honestly by his side can he feel this kind of complete relaxation.

In fact, Kongphop didn't get much sleep last night. Hearing Arthit's even breathing in his ear, he couldn't help feeling drowsy.

It's just that he was afraid that he would not be able to take care of the person on his shoulder when he fell asleep, so he kept supporting him forcefully.

It is not accurate to say that it is hard support.

At this moment, he can see Senior Arthit's sleeping face as long as he turns his head slightly, no matter what, he can't get enough of it.

Being able to feel the warmth of him lying on his shoulders like this is of course much more meaningful than falling asleep.

Along the way, Kongphop felt his heart was full all the time, and the corners of his mouth would bend upward from time to time.

Even the scenery passing by the car window seemed much more beautiful than usual.

Senior Arthit also slept soundly, which is rare. He waited until the bus stopped at the terminal, and the voices on the bus gradually became noisy, but he still didn't show any sign of waking up.

Although very reluctant, Kongphop had no choice but to wake up Arthit when there were only the two of them in the car: "Senior Arthit."

With just this one yell, Arthit rubbed his head on his shoulder, as if he was about to wake up.

"We're here." Kongphop continued.

Arthit blinked his sleepy eyes, and when he saw the fabric on the shoulders in front of him, he woke up instantly. He raised his head suddenly, but met Kongphop's gentle gaze.

Arthit hurriedly sat up straight, his eyes wandering back and forth: "You, why are you sitting with me?"

Kongphop had already expected that he would ask such a question, and explained calmly: "The other seats are all full."

Anyway, the other passengers have already got off the bus now, and there is no proof of death.

Arthit had just woken up from someone's shoulder, and no amount of momentum could be used.

He looked back and forth in embarrassment before speaking to Kongphop again: "Get out of the car."

Kongphop stood up as he said.

His arm was motionless under the pillow all the way, and he felt sore and numb after standing up like this. He couldn't help moving his shoulders, and stretched out his hands to rub the sore and numb place.

Arthit was even more impatient when he saw his movements, and kept his head down as he walked past him.

Kongphop couldn't help but stop him: "Senior Arthit."

Arthit's footsteps stopped.

"Thank you for lending me the money...I'll take it back to you when I have time." Kongphop This is probably the legendary idle talk.

Arthit turned to look at him with a complicated expression.

When Kongphop was watched by him, he couldn't help feeling uneasy.

"Kongphop." Senior Arthit's voice was so low that it sounded depressing, "I know I should thank you for what happened last night."

Of course what he said was what Kongphop comforted him.

Although lying in his arms and crying bitterly was really embarrassing, but since it was already embarrassing, there was no need to pretend that nothing happened.

"But——" his voice paused, I don't know if it was because he didn't want to say the following words, "my attitude is still the same as before, we are not suitable to be friends, because every time I see you, I always think of you Those sad things, as long as you are there, I will never heal."

Seeing him like this, Kongphop felt a twinge of pain in his heart: "But Senior Arthit..."

"Don't call me by my name again. When you meet, just pretend you didn't see it, as if we've never known each other before." Arthit interrupted him again, "Just pretend it's the last thing you do for me. One thing, it shouldn't be difficult."

After speaking, Arthit wanted to turn around and run away as usual.

But this time Kongphop grabbed his wrist quickly.

"But Senior Arthit..." Kongphop held him tightly, his voice hoarse, "It's really difficult for me, the person you said made me meet and pretend I didn't see it, like someone I've never met before." , is my love..."

"Kongphop!" Arthit interrupted him angrily.

Kongphop looked straight into his eyes, and continued, "It's the one I love, and I will never give up on him in my life."

Arthit was trembling all over, staring at him closely with fierce eyes.

Obviously, until now, he is still disguising himself in this way.

Kongphop's lips moved a few times, and he spoke again: "I know you won't believe it, and I will give you time to accept it, but one day I will let you understand that what I said is true."

He rubbed his fingertips on Arthit's wrist for a while, and finally let go of his hand gradually.

Arthit didn't rush to escape this time.

He stared closely at Kongphop's eyes, as if he wanted to find some false traces in them.

But I couldn't find anything.

His eyes looked so sincere, and none of the starlight was lost in them.

But Arthit still clenched his fists, and said every word clearly: "I will never, never believe it."

forever.

------------------------------

"The person you said made me meet as if I didn't see it, as if I had never met him before. He is the one I love. I will never give up on him in my life."

Since the separation, Arthit's mind has been filled with these words, and he can't stop for a moment.

No matter how clear you are that you shouldn't believe it, how can you not be shaken when the person you love the most tells you that you like it so sincerely.

Arthit even couldn't help resenting Kongphop a bit.

He could understand that Kongphop's mind would be shaken, but he couldn't understand why Kongphop brought this problem to him again.

Since it's just shaken, sooner or later there will be a time when the mentality will return to calm.

Then why bother him again.

Come to think of it, he is not the one in Kongphop's heart after all.

Kongphop probably never thought that if he delivered his trust again, once he was betrayed, he would be lost forever.

Thinking about it this way, Arthit inevitably felt a little sad in his heart.

And now he seems to have completely ignored the possibility of Kongphop really falling in love with him.

Everything starts from the negative point of view only.

His self-confidence has already been worn away by repeated disappointments.

"Hey, how did you go out to play?" After class, Not turned around and asked him with a smile on his face.

Only then did Arthit lazily get up from the desk, with a forced smile on the corner of his mouth: "That's it, it's okay."

Thinking of this chaotic trip, he really couldn't make up a lie about having a good time in the first place.

"Really?" Not looked at him suspiciously, "Why do you feel that you are still in a bad mood?"

The words of Kongphop, which had already been familiar to him, flashed into Arthit's mind in an instant.

He couldn't help being stunned for a moment, but he quickly put the chaotic thoughts behind him, and joked with a smile: "Hey, what's the best mood? Shall I sing you a song?"

Not slapped him on the head, he couldn't laugh or cry: "I'm going to be joking, it looks like it's all right."

"It's really all right, let's go, go eat first." Arthit stood up while packing his textbooks.

He really doesn't have any experience in deceiving Not, and if we continue talking, I'm afraid the illusion he created with great difficulty will also be exposed.

"What are you two dawdling about, go away, you're starving!" Bright's voice came from far away at the door.

Hearing his shout, Arthit couldn't help quietly heaving a sigh of relief.

When several people stayed together, his sense of existence naturally decreased a lot.

Everyone was chatting enthusiastically, and Arthit was finally able to let go of all his vigilance.

He is obviously not in the mood at all, but he still has to pretend to be radiant in front of everyone, which is really exhausting for him.

Arthit followed behind his friends unhurriedly, and his thoughts drifted away.

When they heard Bright's voice suddenly raised in front of them, they realized that they had actually met the first-year students who were eating.

Among this group of people, of course, there is also Kongphop who has been dangling in his mind.

Kongphop had obviously spotted him a long time ago, and was standing by the table looking at him quietly, his eyes were so gentle that they could drip water.

Looking at Kongphop, Arthit suddenly felt a little flustered.

He quickly looked away, not wanting to take another look in his direction.

In my heart, I only hated why I was distracted just now, otherwise I would have escaped early.

Fortunately, all his friends now know that the relationship between him and Kongphop is awkward, and they are all ready to leave without saying a few words to the juniors.

Of course Arthit quickly followed behind them.

Step by step, he inevitably approached someone, Arthit's whole heart was raised in his throat, and he walked with difficulty.

And just as he was about to pass by, Kongphop grabbed his wrist again: "Senior Arthit."

"Don't touch me!" Arthit, who was tense all over, threw him away, so loud that even the students at the next table looked in their direction.

Only then did Arthit realize that his reaction was a bit extreme.

But at this moment, he could only bite the bullet and hold on.

Kongphop's eyes flashed, looking a little aggrieved.

He lowered his body and picked up a pen from the ground.

Seeing the appearance of the pen, Arthit wished he could disappear.

That pen is his.

It turned out that Kongphop held him back because of this, and his reaction seemed to make a fuss out of a molehill.

Arthit grasped the strap of the backpack tightly, and shouted at the crowd looking sideways at him: "What are you looking at!"

At the same time, Kongphop had already picked up the pen and handed it to him: "Senior's pen fell off."

Arthit looked at him uncomfortably.

Kongphop looked straight into his eyes: "I just want to pick it up for you."

Arthit hurriedly looked away, took the pen, and quickly turned around: "Thanks."

But after walking a long way, he could still feel Kongphop's scorching eyes glued to his back.

Arthit walked a long way with his spine stiff, until he confirmed that he was out of Kongphop's sight range, and his shoulders finally collapsed.

Such persistence really exhausted him.

"Arthit, what are you thinking?" Noticing that he was lagging behind, Not stopped and waited without going far.

Arthit smiled at him: "It's okay, I'm just thinking about what to eat later."

Probably, Kongphop can feel his determination from his attitude.

Even passing by like this, he doesn't want to have it again.

What's more, it's those likes that people can't believe at all.

Hope he can give up those ridiculous insistence sooner.

Whether it's confusion or sympathy, he doesn't want anything at all.

☆、Chapter 24

"Kong." M said, then walked to Kongphop's side in twos and twos, and sat down low, "Why is the senior still so fierce to you, didn't you come back with him last time? I thought you were reconciled." .”

"It's not that simple." Kongphop took a deep breath, "I took the same car with him on purpose."

"Then what is it now?" M's eyes were filled with curiosity.

Kongphop put away his sad face, and smiled a little: "Anyway, I want to be closer to him."

He knew that it would take time for Senior Arthit to trust him again, so he didn't dare to push harder.

But he still wanted to wait where Senior Arthit could see him as soon as he turned his head.

Senior Arthit loves him, and this is enough for him to attack the city in his heart again.

He's not overconfident, just too aware of what it feels like to love someone.

To the one you love, you can't be hard-hearted no matter what.

As long as the other party has some troubles, the heart can't help but be affected by him, and it will sway along with it.

Kongphop is like this, and he believes Arthit is too.

Senior Arthit said that it would never be possible to trust him again.

Then he will stick by his side forever.

Arthit's love is his only chip, and he always believes that this chip is enough to make him come back.

The bitterness of not being trusted is actually nothing, all of this is his own doing, and Kongphop certainly won't feel wronged.

What makes him sad is that this mistrust itself actually hurt Arthit more.

Obviously the person you love is by your side, following step by step, but you dare not hold his hand because of the unhealed wound in your heart.

This is not a kind of pain.

Kongphop really wanted to heal his pain, but as the source of his harm, he didn't dare to act rashly.

Now he can only guard Arthit carefully, not wanting to stay away, but also not daring to get too close.

In such a cautious approach and being rejected, time slipped away a little more.

On this day, Kongphop waited early in front of Arthit's favorite food stall.

But he didn't see Arthit until it was almost past the meal time.

Kongphop was inevitably a little worried, but he didn't dare to call to ask.

Because every time the phone is dialed, it will be cut off by senior Arthit before it rings twice.

Hitting is in vain.

He waited impatiently and was considering whether to go to Arthit's apartment, but at this moment he ran into Senior Plame.

Plame was standing in front of the milk tea stall next door, apparently waiting for the milk tea from the stall owner.

He hurried over, but before he could say hello, Plame's cell phone rang.

Plame picked up the phone, but before he could speak, his face suddenly changed, and his unbelievable eyes also looked in his direction.

"Don't worry, calm down, what happened?"

Listening to his question, Kongphop's heart sank suddenly.

For some reason, he had an intuition that this call was related to Arthit.

And I'm afraid it's not a good thing.

"Okay! I'll be there right away!" After Plame finished speaking, he hung up the phone quickly, and didn't care about picking up the milk tea. He threw down the money and was about to turn around and leave.

Kongphop hurriedly grabbed him: "Senior, what happened?"

Plame hesitated, but chose to tell him the truth: "Arthit, he... had a car accident."

At that moment, Kongphop felt that he didn't understand what Plame was saying, and his mind went blank.

By the time he realized it, Plame had already left in a hurry.

Don't panic, don't panic at this time!

Kongphop kept repeating in his heart, and his feet were already running wildly.

He kept calling Senior Arthit's cell phone number, but there was only a cold mechanical female voice on the other end of the phone.

"Sorry, the call you dialed is temporarily unavailable..."

In a trance, Kongphop felt that this moment seemed to overlap with the previous one.

He didn't know that when Nuan Nuan had an accident, every time he called him, this voice always came from the other end.

Until Jay brought him the news of Nuan Nuan's death.

Could it be that history repeats itself?

The two of them... Will they leave this world in the same way after all?

Kongphop couldn't get any more flustered.

"Don't...don't!" Kongphop kept murmuring, but his pace didn't slow down for a moment.

If it wasn't for a taxi honking beside him, he wouldn't even have thought that he could take a taxi there.

After getting in the car, the taxi driver asked him where he was going, and he realized that he was only busy calling Arthit, but he didn't even know which hospital he was in.

He hurriedly dialed Plame again.

Plame didn't hide it, but after saying the name of the hospital, he said hesitantly: "You don't have to come here."

His tone made Kongphop even more worried.

Anxiously reported the address to the taxi driver and wanted to ask some more specific information, but Plame had already hung up the phone.

The hospital is not far from the school, and Arthit's visit happened near the school.

But he walked all the way, but he didn't see any tragic car accident scene.

Kongphop clasped the phone in front of his forehead with both hands. During the waiting time, he couldn't do anything except pray silently.

This hopeless feeling of powerlessness almost engulfed him.

Seeing him like this, the driver also understood his impatience, and drove fast all the way.

It didn't take long, and the car was driven to the gate of the hospital.

Kongphop opened the wallet casually, drew some money and threw it to him, then ran towards it again.

After reporting Arthit's name at the front desk, it didn't take long to find out the ward number.

Panting, he turned around and left, and the words of the nurse at the front desk were far behind him: "Hey, that brother seems to be..." It's not that serious.

There is no need to say the last half of the sentence, because Kongphop's figure has already run away.

I ran to the elevator entrance and pressed it several times, but the elevator didn't come down for a long time.

Kongphop couldn't help but slapped the button heavily, turned around and ran to the safety stairs beside him.

Arthit's ward is on the 8th floor, and Kongphop has already run all the way, so he should be somewhat exhausted.

But when people are highly stressed, they even ignore their own physical conditions.

Kongphop didn't slow down, and ran to the floor where Arthit's ward was located in one breath.

But when he opened the door, there was only one nurse who was making the bed.

Seeing him coming in panting, the nurse suddenly understood: "Are you looking for the wounded in this ward? He has already been discharged."

As soon as he heard the word "discharged from the hospital", Kongphop felt his tense muscles relax a little.

But he still couldn't help but asked worriedly, "How is he hurt?"

"It's not serious, it's just that he hurt his leg, otherwise we wouldn't have allowed him to leave the hospital." The nurse's expression was a bit unbearable, and she didn't know what she was thinking of.

But Kongphop no longer cared about his expression.

The moment he heard that Senior Arthit was still alive, how could he notice anything else.

However, he continued to ask uneasy: "Excuse me, is the person in this ward called Arthit?"

"That's right." The nurse nodded, "Then I'll go first."

The nurse had already tidied up the ward, and after talking to him, she turned and walked out.

But before going far, Kongphop heard her discussing with other nurses in a low voice: "I'm so in a hurry to leave the hospital, I wonder if it's just to avoid this person."

Just hearing this sentence, Kongphop didn't feel lost in his heart.

Knowing that Senior Arthit still has the strength to think about how to avoid him, his chest is full of only luck.

Fortunately, he was fine.

Otherwise, he really doesn't know how to continue living.

Kongphop's legs gave way, and he fell down beside the hospital bed, only to realize that his shirt was soaked with sweat.

After such a long journey, he really thought he was going to lose Arthit.

And the pain of loss was something he had never experienced in his life.

When Nuan Nuan left, he just felt pain and regretted that he didn't cherish it when he was still there.

And the moment he thought that Senior Arthit might die, he wished so much that he was by his side at that time.

Even if you want to die, you must take him with you.

Otherwise, how could he bear the pain of being alone in this world.

And at the moment when he lost and recovered, he suddenly realized that time waits for no one.

They may not have a long life to waste.

All he can do is grasp the present.

Be brave enough to hold Arthit's hand while they're both still alive.

I used to think that I could quietly watch you happy, but now, I seem to suddenly understand how painful it would be to lose you. Only I can give Arthit senior's happiness.

Time flies, even if we can really live until the end of life, I feel that there is too little time for me to show you all my love.

So, I really can't wait for you to accept it slowly.

Since you love me too, let's stick together like this.

After all, being able to live together is such a blessing.

-----------------------------------

"I told you not to leave the hospital so soon, and now you're still screaming in pain, you deserve it." Plame sat on the bedside, lazily eating seaweed.

Looking at his relaxed appearance, it is not at all obvious that he is here to take care of the wounded.

Hearing him mentioning this, Arthit suddenly felt a little depressed, but he didn't show it, he still smiled and kicked Plame with his uninjured foot: "Do you have any sympathy, go down and eat, the scum will fall away In my bed!"