Contemporaries

10.

After that incident, I didn't go to him again. I didn't stalk him because I was discouraged or something, but I thought, maybe this is the way to protect him.

After all, in this world, I don't have the qualifications to stalk.

I seem to have been lying at home for a week, half a month, or longer, and I can’t remember exactly. Anyway, I have no idea of ​​the time after losing him, it’s all blank.

Later, my father seemed to be crying and sent me to the hospital. I don’t remember if it was. Anyway, my mind was empty. Before I was discharged from the hospital, my father sat by my bed and talked to me all night. Later, my father also came .

I didn't really understand what they were talking about, I just saw... two fathers were crying... two tall middle-aged men like that.

I forced myself, and finally said something, I will be fine.

When I spoke, even I was stunned, the tone was exactly the same as Ayi's usual tone.

After I was discharged from the hospital, I nestled in my room, looking for various small forbidden texts, always wanting to immerse myself in another time and space.Best of all, forget about yourself too.

I read a lot, added a few forums, and met some... people like me.They say it's not monsters, we're human too, but unlike most people, we're a small part.

I also started to write, some are memories, some are dreams, some... are my hopes.

Later, when I went back to school, everything seemed to have never happened. I studied normally, participated in school activities, and made a few lukewarm friends. Looking for him, because I was afraid that if I saw him, I would wake up like a dream, and I would not be able to live this kind of life anymore, and in this way, I can still lie to myself, the three years with Ah Yi may be my dream, Or, the present life is my dream.

In the past few years, I have acted like a normal person, except that I didn't find a girl.There are more and more people in the forum, because I joined in the early days, and I have posted a lot of articles, so I can be regarded as a bit famous.New people always ask me in my posts if I've ever been in a real relationship and if I'm a guy or a girl.

I always chose to ignore them, and gradually became known as Gao Leng Da Da.Seeing them talking about these topics so generously, I clearly feel that I am not an outlier.

My life was half-lived like this. After graduation, I found a very ordinary job, and I didn’t have much ambition. My father and I mentioned several blind dates, but I let them all go.

Finally, for the nth time, my father talked to me unbearably.Whether he scolded or yelled, my father persuaded me with good words, but I didn't hear a word, so I just sat in silence.

If you don't go tomorrow, your father and I will tie you up!Dad's voice seemed to shake the room.

I still said in that Ayi tone, Dad, I am doing this now because I still love you and I don't want to make you sad.But other things, I can't do it, even if you tie me up to get married, I won't sign it, and you don't want to harm girls from other families.The happiness you think is not my happiness.

The conversation again ended in vain.

I feel that I have been living in a muddle, except for one thing, I am very clear that I can't let him go, although I don't know where he is or whether he is happy.But I just can't let him go.

I can live because I don't want to feel sorry for my family, but living is almost the same as dying.

11.

I thought that I would eat like this and wait until I was at least 60 years old before dying of illness. I thought it was possible, and I could only see him again when I was drunk or in a dream for the rest of my life.

Several major forums were hacked, and the moderators were reported. Because the forums could not be logged in, no one knew what happened. Someone in the forum group posted the news later.The subsequent news is also read from the news.

What spreads heterosexuality, publishes articles about heterosexual perverts, gathering places for heterosexual perverts and so on.New news headlines are pushed every day.It made me sick to watch it, these journalists really work hard.

Several forum administrators may face prosecution.

More and more people have joined the several large chat groups in recent days, and everyone is aggrieved.

What pervert?Are we raping people, or are we abusing children?How can heterosexuality be associated with those things?

We are in an equal relationship. After so many years, I thought this society has gradually begun to accept it!

Really disappointed in this world.

I heard that next week is the day of prosecution. We can't let a few administrators really go to jail. If that happens, we don't mean to admit their claims.

Yes Yes!Absolutely not, we are going to protest!

The chat history in the chat window is swishing, and there may be more than 1000 people online at the same time.Just when I was about to close the chat window, a private chat window popped up.

It's a person I first met in the forum, and I often hang out with the moderator of a forum.

Everyone intends to protest outside the courthouse on Prosecution Day, do you want to participate?

is that useful?

Xiangru, have you ever been in love?

……

Have.

When you started, did you think about the ending?

I see.Count me in.

Xiangrui is the name on my forum, some things have never thought about the ending, but no matter what the ending is, it can't stop the beginning.Some things, even if you know the ending, you will choose to start.

Another sentence popped up on the chat window, we don't want to preach anything, all we do is to hope that they can understand that we are not different, our efforts are not only for our own future, but more for the future For the next generation, or the next generation, things like discrimination and prejudice are mostly due to ignorance.Maybe the world still makes us feel hopeless now, but there will always be a day.

12.

I had thought that this protest might be hit, but what I didn't expect was that the hit was not from legal people, but from ordinary people like us.

We have only just stood outside the prosecution court with flags, and the trial has just begun.I don't know how the group of people gathered together. They were the ones who started cursing people, and they were the ones who started throwing things at us, and then it turned into a scuffle.

However, just outside the prosecution court, hundreds of people fought, but there was no legal or police officer to take care of it.

I've heard too much of the monsters and perverts they yelled at, and there are some other things that are worse, I'll take them as noise.

I don't know if any of those people beat us because there were heterosexuals in the family, or just to blow off steam.I don't know why there are more and more of them.

Looking at their ferocious appearance, in fact, they are monsters.Is there anything human in their eyes?

Some rushed to the front, some made up from behind, some with bare hands, and some held sticks, stones, rotten eggs thrown before the war, and, what is that shining?

There are more and more people watching, and there are reporters filming and live broadcasting in the distance, which is really absurd.I stood in the middle of the chaotic crowd and looked at the cameras in the distance, so I guess I was also photographed. So, is it possible that Ah Yi will see me from the TV.It's been so many years, it's been so long that I feel as if Ling Dong has been rotted for a long time, but this heart, I still clearly remember the way he stood by the window when I saw him for the first time.

I seemed to be pushed forward by someone, something hit my head, and there was a buzzing sound in my head. I reached out and touched my head, but I still haven't figured out what the sticky things in my palm are.The person who ran past hit him hard on the stomach again, and the colic instantly spread all over his body.

The man who ran over was yelling in despair, you are the ones who killed him, you are all perverts.

I looked down, I was wearing a white dress today, because Ah Yi often wears white.It's a pity that the clothes are no longer white now, and the large expanse of bright red seems to have some flowers growing out of the body.

I knelt on the ground clutching my stomach, and the people around me dispersed. I heard someone shouting hysterically, kill!kill!

kill?So, the unlucky one who got killed, was I?

Blood kept coming out, I pressed the wound hard, but it was useless, the blood spilled from my fingers as if I had found a window to survive.

Now my neck is also hot and humid.Although my whole body was in pain, I felt inexplicably that this kind of pain was good, because my body was in such pain, and my heart, which had been in constant pain, didn't seem to be so painful anymore.

The chaotic footsteps around spread out, as if someone was calling my name, and it was Xiangrui... I really don't want to answer, I'm high and cold, please, so I can't expose it.

Consciousness has begun to blur, as if drunk, and a bit like dreaming.The scene in front of me flickered.

13.

Ah Mo!Ah Mo!

This voice reminded me of the time when I was beaten together with Ah Yi.But this time it's fine, the one who is in pain is just me... I... think so.

Someone hugged me, I really want to say, don't hug me, only one person can hug me, but, what did I see?Silvery...hair, and a teary face.

I smiled and said, it's really ugly when you cry.

The first time I saw Ah Yi cry, I don't know if it's a dream or real, but it doesn't matter anymore.

It's my fault, the ambulance came right away.Be good, don't sleep.He touched my face, I don't know if it's because my face is dirty, maybe it's dirty.

I smiled hard, resisting the overwhelming sleepiness and said, this time, let me say, I have been waiting for you, I thought you would not come back to me.

It's not that I didn't come to you. What I said that day was not true.His tears kept coming out of his eyes more and more, and it felt like more blood flowed out of my body.

I reached out to touch his face, but couldn't.I was a little anxious and a little angry.

Don't cry, I like Ah Yixiao the most, I am...so happy today...I really feel so lucky.Fortunately I am here.

I tried to keep my eyes open, and I wanted to take a few more glances, but my eyes always flickered and darkened.

Mo, don't sleep, we will be together in the future, I promise you.Don't sleep, don't leave me alone.I love you, I love you, don't leave me alone.

Ah Yi hugged me so tightly, it was so good, I could still feel Ah Yi's body temperature.

I wanted to speak, but I choked twice, and something came out of my mouth. It should be the blood that I didn't spit out back then?I seem to be crying too, but it's tears of joy.

I know, you have already promised me.Ah Yi... I love you too, and I will always... always love you.

My consciousness began to fade away like fragments, and sleepiness seemed to finally swallow me up.

I love you, I went to see you secretly, I know you are waiting just like me...

I can't hear what Ayi is saying.When the last bit of consciousness was left, I seemed to instinctively said that sentence again, if there is a next life, I must be a boy, so that I can accompany you to grow old...

Ayi... I love you, always... always...

We are all waiting, waiting for that spring day, waiting for the arrival of equality.

14.

I... am Ah Yi.

From the beginning of the memory, the memory is as dead as a black and white film. I have two mothers, but when I was 7 years old, I became a mother. When I was 7 years old, as long as I can remember, my mother who didn’t speak every day and just drank at home suddenly smiled and touched my head. That was the first time I saw her smile, and then she walked to the window, I jumped and jumped, and I only live in my memory ever since.

Another mother, although she often brought people to the house and didn't care about me, fortunately she still let me go to school.Also in order to avoid meeting those people she brought back, I deliberately stayed in the classroom after school every day, procrastinating until very late to go home.

When I was 15, I met her in the classroom, who was also a freshman.

She is completely different from me. If I am as cold and desolate as the North and South Poles, then she feels like a greenhouse.

She is different from other girls because she blushed when she saw me for the first time.

I don't know why my heartbeat suddenly became alive at that moment. For the first time, I felt alive.

After school on the first day of school, I still sat until it was almost dark before packing up and going home. She... actually followed me.

A few times I deliberately walked very slowly. When I saw her looking around for me at the entrance of the alley, I felt inexplicably happy in my heart. It was really strange.

I don't know when it started, but I feel that the journey home every day is the happiest. I can feel her looking at me from behind, and that cautious gaze means a lot to me.

In class today, that guy was distracted, and he couldn't say a word when he was called on all the time. He looked dumbfounded, very cute.

On the 1099th day, I saw a little girl confessing to her in the corridor. I didn't know if she agreed. Before she could answer, I turned away and walked the other way.What is this feeling of uneasiness and irritability in my heart?

I thought she wouldn't come to follow me today, but when I was standing at the alley, I still heard her running footsteps from a distance, and I stopped her.I asked the sentence that she wanted to ask when she followed me on the first day.

When she answered me with a smile, I felt both happy and lonely in my heart, what was it?

In fact, I was the one who spoke first, because I didn't want me and her to just have such a relationship.

As she said, I became friends with her. When she smiled and talked to me by my side, and occasionally held my hand, she probably didn't know that I was restraining myself every second. She is in my arms.

This feeling of happiness and pain, in fact, I am already very satisfied.

When those people appeared, I was not surprised, because people around the mother's matter know that it is a human habit to talk nonsense and spread rumors.I originally thought that I would bear it and let them say a few words, and they would leave like before.But I didn't expect Ah Mo to come back so soon.

They can say whatever they want, but why, why do they say that I am...

When I swung my fist, I was afraid in my heart. I didn't know what Ah Mo's staring gaze meant, I was just afraid, I was going to lose Ah Mo.

I wrestled with them crazily. When I saw Ah Mo being kicked on the ground by them, my heart seemed to be squeezed severely.

I yelled her name loudly, and every punch I threw wanted to kill someone.

Maybe it would be better if I didn't speak at first, that's what I thought.I haven't gone to school, and I think about Amo every day. She must be in pain because she was injured.

I thought that everything might be over like this, but she came, and when I saw her standing at the door, I thought I was dreaming.

We hid in the closet, and when she said she liked me, the uneasiness in my heart for three years seemed to turn into warmth.

I held her and I wanted to make sure this was real.For the first time, this kind of joyful feeling should be happiness.

We secretly fell in love, although it was the same as before at school, but when I looked at her, I could truly feel that there was someone who liked me as much as I liked her.

The first kiss, she took the initiative, she playfully let me bend down, she smiled so slyly.She said that if she wanted to be a boy in her next life, she could be with me openly.

Actually... I like her, no matter what.

What I was worried about happened later. I hugged her who was crying, comforted her, and comforted myself.

The school notified our parents that my mother didn't say anything to me when she came to pick me up from school, and when she got home, she just said coldly, hum, just like your mother!

The next day, she didn't come.On the third day, she didn't come.Day Four... Day Five...

She finally came back and we didn't speak a word at school.After school, she didn't go directly with me. I walked to the alley like a few days ago. I thought I couldn't wait, but I did.

The bullying by those people at school got worse, the table was stained, the textbooks were thrown away, I don't care about it, but I really want to protect her, I want to beat all the murderers, but I know it won't work, if I do that Yes, the bullying will only get worse.All I can do is to be with her as much as possible.

The day before she left, her father and father came to see me. I knew that she had a good family background. If it wasn't for me, she should have a good future and maybe get married normally.Her two fathers said that they would transfer her to a school far away, away from everything here, and start over, hoping that I would give up.I hope that I will let her live.Let her live a normal life.

Even my unreliable mother is saying that heterosexuality will have no future and will end up like my dead mother.

I, can't let her do that.

She left, I didn't tell her that maybe it was the last time we met, and I didn't say, I let go first, because I love her.

Maybe, after a long time, she will forget me and start living again, in a world without me.

I thought so.

But not long after, she... came back.at the worst possible time.

When those guys blocked me at the back of the school, I was actually not scared at all, but those dirty guys actually said that if I fight back, I will go to Mo's school.As long as I make them feel good, they don't care about what I beat them in the first place.

It's fucking ridiculous, didn't they call me a pervert?Then why do they still come to touch me, why do they take off my clothes, am I not a pervert or a monster?You should feel disgusted.

I know how many men pressed me, my body was so numb that I couldn't feel anything.After what seemed like a long time, they finally left. I closed my eyes and tried hard to recall Ah Mo's smile. If I didn't think about it, I might have died on the spot.

Imagination is also scary. I seem to smell Ah Mo only when I smell it, but when I really hear Ah Mo calling my name, should I be sad or happy?

Her eyes were full of tears and I really didn't want to see her like this.She reached out to help me, to hug me, and I knocked her hand off.How could she who is so clean touch me who is so dirty.

In my mind, where most of my consciousness has disappeared, the loud laughter of those disgusting guys, and what her father said to me that day, if you are together, Amo may face more dangers and spurns in the future. In reality, there is nothing more terrifying and ruthless than the human heart.I also want my daughter to be happy, but when happiness and disaster coexist, shouldn't I rather give up happiness and keep peace?

That's right, if it continues like this, she...if she also encounters the same thing as me.Absolutely not.

I said breakup, and when I said it, the tearing pain in my heart was far more desperate than when I was pressed to the ground by them.

I used my little strength to support myself to leave, but she followed.Just letting her follow me like this is not acceptable.

I let her go, but she said so firmly that she liked me, and said the words when she confessed to me.Looking at the light in her eyes, I felt my body trembling in the wind, and I might not last long.

I thought about something that even I myself would not forgive my own words.

But I don't like you anymore, I don't want to be a monster, and I don't like monsters either.

I left, with deadly despair, and never looked back.

I know it's over.

I suddenly understood my mother back then, her despair and pain, and her sleepless days.I lived like that for a long time too, there was no day or night, I locked myself in my room, and every time I was too drunk to fall asleep, I hoped I would never wake up again.

After a long time, I couldn't remember whether it was a dream or reality, and suddenly remembered what Ah Mo said when he was playing with his mobile phone in front of me, Ah Yi, what screen name should I choose?

What forum was Ah Mo on at the time?Relying on a little memory, I searched online, and later registered several heterosexual forums.Look at those people brushing posts and posting posts every day.Some people posted some short stories, and I could see the shadow of Ah Mo in those stories.

Later, I did not choose to die. I still studied hard and went to school, trying to live like a human being, because I was afraid that she would come to inquire about my affairs, I was afraid that I would not live well and make her worry, just like me, secretly ran away look at her.

In the fifth year I met Mo, it was no longer her following me, but me spying on her.

In the eighth year I met Ah Mo, she graduated and found a very ordinary job, working nine to five.

In the ninth year of knowing Mo, because the forum was blocked, the organization in the group was going to the court to protest. I just wanted to see it.

That day, I didn't stand with them, but stood on the side of the street outside the court...but from such a distance, among so many people, I saw her at a glance.She is still the same as before, but there is no light in her eyes anymore.

When the crowd started to fight, I rushed over, I wanted to pull her out of the crowd, I wanted to pull her out from among those lunatics, but when I ran to the edge of the crowd, I saw her covered with He knelt there in blood.The overwhelming pain was like being submerged in sea water.

I hugged her, and I didn't know if I was crying, but she actually smiled at me. It was the first time I saw her smile after so many years after we broke up.She was saying in a staccato voice...she loves me.

I felt that the blood in my heart was the same as that in her body, rushing out desperately, and the powerless pain made it difficult for me to breathe.

I was wrong, I was wrong from the beginning, I wanted to keep her, I regretted it, what I thought was right was actually wrong.

I begged her not to sleep, I kept saying that I love her, trying to make up for what I haven't said in the past few years.But it seemed too late, no matter how hard I hugged her, her body still became cold a little bit.The blood that kept pouring out of her mouth and body couldn't be wiped away no matter how much she tried.

She was in my arms, like a blooming blood-red rose, and finally closed her eyes with a smile, I heard her whispering, she wants to accompany me until I grow old, and she will always love me.

Love me, you just stay, don't go, don't leave me alone.

Unfortunately, she can't seem to hear.

Who should I hate, who should I hate?It seems that there is none, I have no strength.I am now, finally, dead too.

15.

Culture exists because of human thinking, when did the universe begin and when did it end.Where to go, where to go.

My name is Xiaoru, male, I am 17 years old, I am still a student in a very ordinary school.I have spent half the decade of my life determining that I am different from the average person in the general population.

Because, I don't like girls, I like boys.I feel like this feeling is infused in my blood, and I can't peel him off.

It seems that I came early when school started today. There was no one in the classroom. I put my legs on the table and played with the chair as a rocking chair like a ruffian.Life is so plain as water.

Suddenly there was a creaking sound from the door of the classroom, and I turned my head to look at the door.

The wind just blows my bangs, and my vision has never been so clear.The tall and thin man stood there with a calm expression, just looking at me.

I think... my face must have turned red.

Fortunately, in this world, although homosexuality is not as accepted as heterosexuality, it has become much better in recent years than before.Does this mean that I can be braver?

I am so excited, why do I seem to have missed him in my previous life.

My name is Ah Xiang, my gender is male, my hobbies are not sure, I have no experience of liking people since I was a child, and I have no friends since I was a child because of habitual facial paralysis.Due to moving, I changed schools this year. It seems that I came early, and I didn't see students from other classes all the way from the corridor to the classroom.

When I opened the door of the classroom, the wind from outside the window just came in. I saw a person sitting in the back of the classroom with a particularly arrogant posture. When I opened the door, he... just turned around and took a look.

Then...he actually blushed.

At that moment, my heart seemed to tell me very clearly that the current frequency of the heartbeat is called liking.

I have never been good at talking to people, but that day, I might be crazy, I actually walked over to him and extended a hand to him, and still smiled and said, hello, I just transferred here, we...be friends Bar.

I don't know if my paralyzed face looks good when I smile, but the way he smiles is really pretty.

Perhaps, there is still a long way to go in the future, and many things will happen, and there will always be more things to face than can be imagined.

But ah, I will never let go of your hand this time.

Because, I want to accompany you to grow old.

I want you to accompany me to grow old.

——End——