born to ashes

When it was summer vacation, Wei Linze was completely free. Looking back on the busy semester, it seemed to be no different from the previous semester, whether it was studying or teaching.Courses that have already been set, and some unexpected surprises that suddenly appear.

Just a little more than expected.

I feel tired occasionally, but thinking about my childhood and the college entrance examination, this is not too tired.

Compared with the teachers in the Linguistics Department, he is really not too busy.The research task of the Linguistics Department is heavy, and this summer vacation has already started, and it is estimated that there will be no idle time for the whole summer vacation.

Teacher Pan's family downstairs happened to be involved in this project, spending all day in the computer room doing voice experiments, wishing they could live in the teaching building.Their children go to school in other places, and they are usually fine, but when the children come back during the summer vacation, their parents have no time to take care of them, so they can only send them to the homes of other teachers in the building.

Classmate Xiao Pan didn't cause trouble for others, and quietly did his homework and read books. For Wei Linze, it was just an extra pair of chopsticks when eating.

Classmate Xiao Pan's handwriting has not yet formed, and three big characters are written crookedly on the cover of the book: Pan Yiyang, and a new line is written below: Class Three, Grade Five.These two lines of characters take up most of the cover.Wei Linze went to the study shelf and rummaged for a while, found a bunch of unused copybooks that Mr. Liu gave him back then, and took them out to Pan Yiyang.

Classmate Xiao Pan was writing a math homework. When he encountered a question he didn't know, he couldn't think of it, so he propped his head on the dining table and stared blankly. When Wei Linze handed the copybook to him, he took it over and read it. Look, imitating the adults and sighing in a dignified manner, "Uncle Wei, people in our family can't write well. It's hereditary, and it can't be practiced well at all."

"Who said that, look..." Wei Linze wanted to give him an example, but he couldn't think of any examples for a while.

Josh was playing with his mobile phone on the sofa, and when he heard that Wei Linze had nothing to say, he said, "I can write well, but everyone in my family can write well."

Pan Yiyang turned around and lay down on the back of the chair, and asked, "Then little senior brother, did you also practice calligraphy when you were young?"

At first, Wei Linze also wondered why classmate Xiao Pan called him uncle and Josh brother, classmate Xiao Pan said confidently, because you and my parents are of the same generation.Then why do you call my younger brother brother brother?Because he is young and handsome.

Xiao Pan's generous praise made Josh smile, and he willingly played backgammon with Xiao Pan for an afternoon.

Josh thought for a while, and said reluctantly under Wei Linze's aggressive eyes: "...practice, practice."

Wei Linze nodded contentedly.

Xiao Pan let out an "oh", put the copybook into her schoolbag, and continued to do her homework.

When he lowered his head, it was still the same math problem. He looked at Wei Linze who was pouring water with a sad face, "Uncle Wei, I can't do this math problem."

"Let me see." Wei Linze brought over his exercise book. The questions were not difficult, but he just didn't know which stage he had learned in the fifth grade. He asked Pan Yiyang: "Have you learned binary linear equations? Have you got the credits?" ? Forget it, let me read your textbook."

Josh stood up from the sofa, "Okay, let me see, can you teach math?"

"Who do you look down on? You, I learned theory in high school." Wei Linze put the mathematics in his arms to prevent him from looking at it.

"Don't bully me for not going to high school. I know that you can't apply for a major in literature in a university of science." He said and went to grab it.

Wei Linze pressed the practice questions on the table, "You are wrong. After my college entrance examination results came out, they were not low, but they were not sky-high. Among the universities across the country, only the literature major of that school recruited students. Science students, to be honest, my grades are not good, but I suddenly wanted to pursue my ideals, and I was admitted after I applied.”

"This story tells us..." Wei Linze played tricks.

Josh said: "Where there is a will, there is a way?"

Pan Xiao raised his hand and said, "People should be brave enough to pursue their ideals!"

Wei Linze said slowly, "I'm lucky."

oh!In front of children, you can't educate them by the way! Josh gave him a thumbs up, but before chopping vegetables, he made a cut at the joint of his little finger and stuck it with a Band-Aid. After making such a gesture, he found that the little finger could not bend anymore, and the gesture of giving a thumbs up abruptly became a six.

Wei Linze looked at his gestures and asked, "Six?"

Xiao Pan hurriedly said: "You don't know, this is a new buzzword, 666, which means powerful." After speaking, he gave Josh a look that we are all young and he is an old man.

Josh understood it and didn't explain it, anyway, it meant the same thing.

"I'm praising your enviable luck." Josh said to Wei Linze.

"That's enviable. Just look at what I'm doing now. Literature is a slow business."

Pan Yiyang suddenly asked Wei Linze: "Uncle Wei, why are you not busy? Aunt Li upstairs is not busy either. My parents are too busy to talk to me."

Well, how should I explain it? Professor Li upstairs is in the Literature and Art Research Office. He specializes in ancient literature. These two research offices are probably the most leisurely. You can’t talk to children about research tasks, and he doesn’t understand.I am afraid that the child is so young, and the parents do not accompany him often, and it is easy to blame the parents.

Wei Linze was thinking about how to explain this question, or just talk about the research task, Josh flipped through his math textbook, and said casually, "Are you complaining that your parents don't accompany you?"

Wei Linze was waiting for Pan Yiyang's answer, but Pan Yiyang shook his head solemnly, "My parents are pursuing their own ideals, and I also have my own ideals to pursue. I am a man, and I cannot let them give up their dreams just to accompany me .”

Josh was dumbfounded by his answer.

It turns out that there is still such a relationship of mutual respect and mutual concern between children and parents. Josh has always been taboo on the topic of family, and he doesn't know how parents and children get along in real life. In his cognition, he thought that there were only people with such deep feelings that they couldn't get along with him. .

He patted Pan Yiyang's shoulder stiffly.

Wei Linze changed the subject, looked at Pan Yiyang and asked, "Then what is your ideal?"

"Be a chef!" Xiao Pan said proudly, patting his chest.

Wei Linze laughed all of a sudden, "That's just right, our family happens to have a chef too, let our Chef Josh cook for you later."

Classmate Xiao Pan pouted and looked at Josh, "Although I'm not picky about food, my taste is amazing."

Josh also laughed, children are so cute, "All right, I will definitely satisfy you."

When he entered the kitchen, he could still hear Wei Linze saying outside, "Uncle Josh's dishes are delicious. Really, the most delicious dishes in the world are not comparable to the chefs in five-star restaurants."

Xiao Pan corrected him solemnly: "It's my brother."

Just ask, who would not like a sweet-mouthed child?

However, Josh's cooking skills obviously did not meet Xiao Pan's expectations. He burped and commented: "Delicious."

Just as Josh was about to laugh, he had another but, "But, it's so delicious, almost..." He bit his finger and thought for a while, "It's as delicious as my mother and grandma's. It must be better than this if a five-star chef cooks it."

After finishing speaking, he burped again.

Josh bared his teeth and smiled, "Okay, your cooking will be better than mine when you become a chef in the future."

Wei Linze muttered, "I just think this is the most delicious dish in the world."

When Qiao Wang sent Wei Linze a message, he had just woken up from a nap, and when he saw Qiao Wang's message, he immediately sat up, and became dizzy for a while because of the violent movements.

——Teacher, are you free?

He will reply right away: free.

Then there was no movement over there, he got up and drank a glass of water to wake himself up, and looked at the phone again, but there was no message notification, he unlocked and turned on the phone, at this time a message popped up.

——Teacher, let's meet at the coffee shop in front of the school at 03:30.

As soon as this message was sent, the second message came again: Is it okay?

Wei Linze glanced at Josh and Pan Yiyang who were lying on the ground playing checkers, then looked at the wall clock above his head, it was [-]:[-], and replied: OK.

There are also many chess boxes scattered around Josh and Pan Yiyang, including backgammon, go, Chinese chess, international chess, army flags, and even flying chess, including all the board games that Josh and Pan Yiyang have.Some of those chess boxes were scattered all over the place, and some were still unopened.

Josh lost to Pan Yiyang again, scratching his hair angrily and shouting: "What's the matter! You are a primary school student, and I keep losing?" He pointed to the Go game that was still covered with the box, "Playing Go, I don't believe this kind of spelling!" You also win the game of brain."

"Little senior brother, until now, I have won all the chess games by playing with my brain. I think you should choose someone who is reliable if you want to win." Xiao Pan laughed at Josh mercilessly.

"Flying chess depends on luck." Wei Linze said suddenly, which shocked both of them.

"Oh fuck...you scared the hell out of me," Josh exhaled twice, "Aren't you going to take a nap?"

"It just so happens that Uncle Wei is lucky enough to let him play flying chess with you." Classmate Xiao Pan thought of a way to win chess for Josh.

Let him team up with an adult and another adult to fight against a primary school student. If he wins...it would be disgraceful. If he were to lose, it would be even more shameful! Josh was about to refuse, when he heard Wei Linze say: "You two have fun, I have something to do, I have to go out."

It was only 15 minutes from the family courtyard to the school gate, Wei Linze went out early, and it was only three o'clock when he got there.But as soon as he entered the door, Qiao Wang was already sitting in a corner, with two cups of coffee in front of him.He propped his head and stared at the cup in front of him in a daze. Wei Linze walked towards him and called out, "Qiao Wang."

He saw Wei Linze, looked at his watch again, and twitched his mouth, "Teacher, you came so early."

Wei Linze sat down, and the waiter came to collect the cups on the table. Wei Linze said, "Please bring me a cup of coffee of the day." After speaking, he looked at Qiao Wang, who quickly said, "Just give me a glass of lemonade."

Wei Linze waited for Qiao Wang to speak first, and Qiao Wang also waited for Wei Linze to speak first. After waiting to no avail, Qiao Wang spoke first: "Teacher, are you friends with me...Brother?"

"Yes." Wei Linze nodded.

"Then do you know..."

"I know." Wei Linze said.

After hearing this, Qiao Wang sighed, "Apologize to him for me."

Before Wei Linze could speak, the waiter brought the coffee, he said thank you, and Qiao Wang continued.

"At that time, I was still young and didn't understand anything. I knew that my father sent him out for treatment. Later, he ran back, hugged my mother and kept admitting his mistakes, kept crying, and my mother kept going too. crying, my dad sent him back with a cold face, and my mom kept crying and persuading him, but it was useless. That night I didn’t sleep and sneaked to my parents’ door to eavesdrop, and heard my dad scolding my mom and wife Zhiren, just seeing him cry won't cure his illness, at that time I really thought it was for my brother's benefit."

He took a swig of lemonade.

"I didn't know what the disease they were talking about until I grew up."

"I shouldn't be the one to say the apology." Wei Linze said, "I came to you to ask you to do me a favor."

Qiao Wang asked, "What's the matter?"

"Josh has a mental disorder because of what happened back then, and his condition is very bad now, so we want to ask your father to help with adjuvant therapy."

Wei Linze thought that Qiao Wang would think about it for a while, but he immediately laughed and shook his head.

"No." He was about to persuade him again, but Qiao Wang continued, "Because my father has passed away."

Wei Linze never thought it would be like this, he hesitated for a long time and said, "...I'm sorry."

Qiao Wang smiled bitterly: "Not a few years after my brother ran away from home, my father passed away. The matter between my brother and my father has hit my mother very hard. She has been ill all these years. I think, now let It's not appropriate for my brother to meet my mother."

Wei Linze nodded.

"I know what my dad did wrong back then, my brother is not sick at all." Qiao Wang rubbed his eyes vigorously a few times, "Speaking of which, I'm a little thankful that I was born a few years late, otherwise I would have to go to the doctor together."

After he finished speaking, he laughed to himself.

Qiao Wang never dared to admit it.But he had known it since high school, knew it, but dared not say it, because what his brother experienced was bloody before his eyes.Not only dare not say it, but even very repulsive.Like a frightened bird, when others say about Qiao Wang’s classmate, Qiao Wang’s comrade, a friend, a party, same sex repels opposite sex attracts, his heart will jump violently, and it will take a long time to calm down.

It wasn't until Zhou Budu stared at him opposite him just now, and said categorically, "You are!" that he had the mentality to fight it out, at worst admitting it, at worst...at worst, what is the worst consequence?Why let others judge his affairs and then give a result?Hasn't he already experienced the worst result?Continuous self-denial and self-denial, isn't this already the worst result?

What is Zhou Budu still saying, "Why don't you dare to admit it? This is just one aspect of being a human being, and it is an integral part of your being. Do you hide your nose forever if others say that your nose is abnormal? "

He took a sip of coffee, raised his head and smiled lightly at Zhou Budu, and said, "I am, I am gay."

The moment I said it, I was relieved.Shen Ke, who had accumulated in her throat all these years, suddenly melted away. There is nothing to hide. I am gay. It is not difficult to say five words.

"Teacher, I still want to ask you to help me apologize to... him." Qiao Wang said, "Over the years, I always feel that my brother has taken what I deserved for me."

Wei Linze shook his head, "Qiao Wang, no one's sins are for others. The sins they suffer are all for the betterment of the future. If you don't suffer, it proves that you don't deserve it."

Because you are not guilty at all, it is not because your orientation is not recognized by the mainstream that you deserve to suffer a crime of life and death.