born to ashes

Josh stared at his ankles, feeling a little bored. If he had known, he would have uninstalled all the games on his phone. Wei Linze leaned on the side and pressed the phone randomly. He hesitated for a while and leaned over to ask: "What are you looking at, don't you have no signal? ?”

"The novel I downloaded before." Wei Linze flicked the screen.

Josh took a closer look, "What novel?"

"Fellow."

A name flashed on the screen, Song Gang, Josh squinted his eyes, "Isn't Baldy Li Ou and Song Gang's colleagues, you are really... amazing."

The most amazing thing is those indescribable descriptions!

How did you find this resource?

This great people's teacher is still looking shamelessly without blushing. The most frightening thing is that he still has a serious face, as if he was studying an academic paper there.

"Go, go, nineteen bans, do you have nineteen?" Wei Linze chased Josh aside.

Josh pouted, why not nineteen, old man!

There is no TV or computer in the farmhouse, but there is such a small radio. Josh hopped to the table with one leg and fiddled with it. After pressing it a few times, it rang loudly, and it was still working.

Josh pressed the tuner, most of them were playing some old songs, he stopped at "Dongfeng Po" and listened for a while, then pressed the next one.

"Recently, Mr. Yang Kangping, the president of the Third People's Hospital of Haicheng, disappeared when he came to our city to attend an academic seminar. I hope all citizens pay attention. President Yang Kangping is one of the top ten in the country..."

Josh's hand trembled violently.

Yang Kangping.

Haicheng Yang Kangping.

He glanced back at Wei Linze who was reading a novel, took out his phone and pressed it a few times, but there was still no signal, he whispered, "I'm going down the mountain."

Wei Linze thought he heard it wrong, so he raised his head and asked, "Huh?"

"Go down the mountain, I have to go down the mountain."

"Downhill? Now?"

Josh stared at the phone screen, as if he didn't hear Wei Linze's words, he still muttered: "I have to go down the mountain."

Wei Linze was taken aback, afraid that he would suddenly get sick here, he hurried over and pressed his shoulders, and shouted loudly: "Josh! Look up at me, I'm here! You..."

Josh looked up at him and smiled, "I know, I'm not sick."

He still has self-awareness, Wei Linze breathed a sigh of relief, "How do you go down the mountain now? I will accompany you down the mountain when the sun rises."

Josh sighed, there was no way to go down the mountain now.He looked out the window, as if he didn't hear it, and nodded after a long time.

He took out the note with Zhong An's phone number written on it, and held it in his palm.Zhong An, Zhong An, don't be Zhong An.

However, he had a premonition that it was Zhong An.Appeared inexplicably, said inexplicably "it will be fine soon", will it be fine soon?What happened, even if Yang Kangping knelt down and apologized, even if Yang Kangping died, it would not get better!

He sat on the bed and thought about it all night.

This whole night, he didn't even think of a single incident in the Third Hospital. Instead, he remembered digging soil, playing on a swing, and watching ants move in the garden of the community when he was a child.

When it was dawn outside, he turned his head and glanced at Wei Linze, and said, "It's dawn."

Wei Linze sat on the chair, staring at Josh motionlessly, also for the whole night.

When he heard the voice at first, he couldn't react. It took him a long time to raise his hand to look at his watch and said, "Let's go."

Don't ask and don't tell.

After leaving the village, the signal bar on the phone has returned, but Josh stared at the screen of the phone and held the phone tightly, not knowing whether to make this call, and he still couldn't make up his mind when he reached the foot of the mountain.

Wei Linze got into the car, put his hands on the steering wheel, and didn't speak.He didn't drive, and just waited slowly for when Josh would speak.

Josh squeezed the note in his hand hard, and his hands were shaking when he pressed the number.

He put the phone close to his ear, and when he heard the sound of "beep", he wanted to throw the phone out countless times.Just pretend you don't know, just pretend you don't know.

"Hello." Zhong An's voice sounded from over there.

"Zhong An." Josh called him.

"Josh." Zhong An smiled, "You finally called me."

"Is Yang Kangping with you?" When he asked this sentence, Josh was very calm, as if he had no strength.Yang Kangping, a name that would break out in a cold sweat just thinking about it, unexpectedly, just said it, unexpectedly, it is as simple as that.

Zhong An laughed with a relaxed voice, "Yes, right away, I'll let him be buried with us."

"Zhong An."

Zhong An didn't speak on the phone.

"Stop it now, don't put the rest of your life in it for him," Josh said.

"In the future? How can I have a future? My life has already been set in when I met Yang Kangping, and there is no future."

Josh originally thought that when he called Zhong An, he would yell and stop him like crazy, but he didn't expect that he was so calm, and even blocked by Zhong An's words, he had nothing to say.

Because Zhong An was right.

Quite right.

He also has this real feeling that there is no future, no future, and their future was strangled to death by Yang Kangping when they were teenagers.

"Where are you...?" It took Josh a long time to say this.

"You don't need to know, you just need to wait until today and enjoy this world without Yang Kangping."

The phone rang three times and hung up.

Josh covered his face for a long time before speaking to Wei Linze: "Do you know who Yang Kangping is?"

Wei Linze turned to look at him, leaned over and reached out to fasten his seat belt, "I'll take you... home."

Josh clutched his phone, "No, you take me to find Yang Kangping."

There used to be a cultural square in Zhucheng, where there was the tallest and largest bell tower in the city. There were fountains, pigeons, and children in the square, which was very lively. Later, the Zhucheng government moved, and gradually no one lived around the cultural square. Later, it was simply rented by a chemical factory. A factory was built around it. After the chemical factory closed down, the place was completely deserted.

However, the bell tower was not affected at all, and the bell rang on the hour without missing a day.

As for machinery, as long as it is within the warranty period, it will not change due to the vicissitudes of the outside world.

Unfortunately, Josh knows all about this.

Wei Linze parked the car at the entrance, and there were already a lot of weeds growing around, some of which were already half the height of a person.He supported Josh and walked in step by step.

The scene of that day, Wei Linze, will never be forgotten in this life.

He didn't know what was inside, and he didn't know why Josh had to come here, but he still didn't ask anything.If he was given another chance, he might not come, or he might just take Josh home.It's all good, that is, it won't come near here.

The man named Zhong An, sitting on the ground, smiled out of focus when he saw them.

"You're still here," he said.

Blood dripped from his face to the floor.

There is a... person tied to the nearby chair.

Let's just say it's a person.

All the limbs were cut off and scattered all over the ground. It could be seen that because of his lack of skill, some pieces of meat and bones were splashed. He was covered in blood, and it was impossible to tell if there was any wound.The air was filled with the unique smell of a chemical plant, mixed with the smell of blood, which attracted many flies to fly around.

Wei Linze subconsciously covered Josh's eyes.

Josh grabbed his hand and said, "I want to see."

Let him see Yang Kangping with his own eyes.

Zhong An took his hand away and rubbed it on the clothes, leaving a crumpled red mark.

"The nightmare is over."

He said.

Yeah, the nightmare is over.

Josh wanted to say the same.

To be honest, he also wanted Yang Kangping to die, but he didn't have the guts to do it.Zhong An, I'm afraid he is much more desperate than these people.So, the desire to let him die overcame the fear.

Zhong An laughed loudly at the end, as if he wanted to laugh out the rain on this sunny day.

Wei Linze watched helplessly as Zhong An stabbed himself in the neck with a bloody knife in his hand. He wanted to run over to stop him, but Josh grabbed his wrist. He could feel how hard Josh was.

"Don't go, don't go."

Josh repeated it twice.

If it was him, he wouldn't want others to stop him from dying.

For Zhong An, perhaps, death is the destination.

For him, why not.

Looking at the lukewarm and hot blood, there was so much strength. The moment the knife stabbed, it looked like a broken faucet that hadn't been repaired in time. Zhong An might not have the strength to control the knife. He shook his hand, and was pushed and shoved by the blood and fell to the ground together.

Looking at the blood spurting from Zhong An's neck, he was exhausted and sat on the ground.Fortunately, Zhong An was smiling.

Wei Linze knelt down and looked at him. He twitched the corners of his mouth and asked, "Do you know who Yang Kangping is?"

Wei Linze shook his head.

"Do you know why he must die?"

Wei Linze shook his head.

"Yang Kangping, he is the savior of parents and the nightmare of us people."

Wei Linze also sat on the ground, looking at Josh, and Josh looked at the sky in the distance.

"Parents think that homosexuality is a disease, and Yang Kangping thinks so too. It's ridiculous. They all think it can be cured and changed. They trapped us under Yang Kangping's hands and let him treat with electric shock. It's a joke, just to torture us , that's all."

There, the spirit is always under high tension, and reason is just a decoration, running around like a headless chicken.

If someone tells you at this time that as long as you lie down like a dog wagging its tail, you will not be shocked, then these young people will learn how a dog wags its tail, and will automatically follow the rules here. After a long time, they will forget I am human.

I even forgot that I was ever human.

"They propped up your eyelids with iron frames and kept you awake all night. If you resist, you will be shocked. In order not to be shocked, you say you have changed, and they continue to shock you, punishing you for lying, and you say you have not changed." , They also electrified, saying it was a cure.”

Josh covered his face, tears flowed out from between his fingers, and wept bitterly, with sounds coming from his throat and nose, as if he wanted to cry out all the grievances he had suffered all these years.

"Homosexuality is not a disease! How can it be cured!"

Wei Linze walked past Josh lightly, let him lean on his shoulder, and patted him on the back, "I understand, I understand."

Josh snapped a few times, "You don't understand, you're not gay, you won't understand!"

Wei Linze's hand stopped in mid-air, and it took a long time to land on his back. He still patted, "I am, so, I really understand."

Josh stopped crying and sobbing for a while, then leaned on Wei Linze's shoulder and took a breath.

I understand, I really understand.

Wei Linze called 110, and then rushed to the hospital with Josh.

Josh's condition was not very good, he lay on Wei Linze's shoulder for a while, but didn't move at all, when Wei Linze realized something was wrong, he had already passed out, Wei Linze touched his forehead, maybe he had a fever.He was yelling Zhong An, Yang Kangping, help, wrong, Wei Linze realized at this moment that he had learned benevolence, righteousness, propriety, wisdom and trust for half his life, but now it was useless.

Josh's fever wasn't a big problem, it went away after the medicine was prescribed, and Wei Linze tried his forehead with the back of his hand, it didn't feel so hot, and a thin layer of sweat came out.It's just that he just didn't wake up, his eyes were closed and he was frowning tightly. The doctor couldn't explain why, and there was nothing wrong with the blood test.

Wei Linze approached Josh and called him, he opened his eyes bewilderedly, muttered something, and closed them again.

He tried to hug Josh, it was fine, but he couldn't lift it up.

It looks very thin, why is it so heavy, how can it not be picked up.

Wei Linze walked towards the parking lot with Josh on his back, hesitating whether to call Zhang Zhihe while walking.

He couldn't tell how he felt towards Zhang Zhihe, just like Zhang Zhihe had inexplicably trusted him.

So, he still called him.

After returning home, Josh's condition became more serious, as if in a nightmare, not only muttering, but his hands and feet began to twitch. Wei Linze went to hug his hands and feet, and after he felt it, he began to struggle vigorously , desperately exerting force, so frightened that Wei Linze quickly let go of his hand, not daring to touch him again.

After Zhang Zhihe arrived, he gave him an injection. He struggled for a while at first, and then slowly calmed down after a while.

"He can't use sedative drugs in this situation, so he can only take a roundabout way."

He explained to Wei Linze.

After the explanation, wait for Wei Linze to explain the situation to him.

Wei Linze was not in a hurry to say what happened, but raised his head and asked him, "Do you know Yang Kangping?"

"Yang Kangping?" Zhang Zhihe looked shocked, "Josh saw Yang Kangping? What did Yang Kangping do?"

"Did nothing," Wei Linze shook his head, "He's dead."

"died?"

"Being killed, the scene...was horrible. Josh and I were there at the time." Wei Linze looked up at Zhang Zhihe, "He knew the murderer."

Zhang Zhihe sighed, "I knew that most of Josh's illness a while ago was because of that person."

He went over to look at Josh, and after making sure there was nothing abnormal, he came back and said to Wei Linze, "You, do you know why Josh became like this?"

Wei Linze nodded, "I probably know."

He thought for a while, and then continued, "However, I don't understand. Logically speaking, Yang Kangping should be the root cause. I don't think his death should make Josh's situation worse."

Zhang Zhihe looked at Wei Linze and shook his head, "Yang Kangping is not the root cause."

He turned his head and glanced at Josh, then at Wei Linze, as if asking, are you ready.

Wei Linze was suddenly a little scared. If Yang Kangping's level of injury was not the root cause, how terrible the truth would be is unimaginable.

"When I first met Josh, he was very different from now, flamboyant, self-willed, and arrogant, but I knew that this was just his way of self-protection. In fact, he was extremely insecure in his heart. He didn't believe Anyone, even the world, is wary. Do you know why?"

Although he asked this question, he didn't intend to ask Wei Linze to answer. He didn't even give Wei Linze time to continue talking.

"When Josh was locked up in the Third Hospital, there was a large-scale escape. At that time, five or six people escaped successfully. Josh returned home, confessed to his parents and promised not to do it again, and begged them not to send him back. Send it back. His dad said yes."

Zhang Zhihe stopped here and did not continue talking.

In fact, he has researched for a long time, what is the reason why parents would rather believe a stranger who just keeps saying the truth than their own children, until now, he has not come to a conclusion.They thought their children were gay, decided they were perverts, and sent them to a demon for so-called therapy.Then, their children ran back crying and said that they were about to die at the hands of that demon. They didn't believe their children, and they were brainwashed to believe that the demon was the savior.

Can't understand.

Children put all the trust in their parents, but they kill this trust with their own hands.Children who have experienced these, I am afraid that they will no longer be able to regard them as the closest people.

Because it's hard to face.

Tossing and turning day and night, the intestines go back and forth nine times a day, living suddenly as if something is dying, and going out, I don’t know where I am going.

A long time ago, Josh told him this sentence. He said that he learned "Bao Ren An Shu" when he was in school. He couldn't understand it at that time, but now he always thinks of this sentence for no reason. The whole article only remembers this sentence.What Sima Zichang wrote really touched his heart, and only now did he fully understand that feeling.It's like losing something but really can't get it back. I know very clearly in my heart that it's impossible to get it back, but I want to scratch my heart, want to go back to the past, and start over.

Wei Linze thought of a terrible answer, but he didn't dare to say it.

"That's right, they sent him back." Zhang Zhihe said with a smile.

"Only one of the children who ran away was not sent back, because he really ran away and never came back home. Before Josh slept at home, he was tied back by Yang Kangping. His mother was crying and wanted to go Hugged him, but his father grabbed his mother and watched him being kidnapped without moving. Then came more severe punishment and supervision."

"Josh said he will never forget the look in his dad's eyes."

Seeing Zhang Zhihe's mouth opening and closing, Wei Linze broke out in a cold sweat.

Are parents in the world like this?

How could someone treat their own child like this?He opened his mouth to say something, but in the end, he didn't say a word.

He never imagined that parents would react to their children's sexuality in this way.

Think about it carefully, when did he know that he liked a man?junior high school?high school?At that time, he was still young, but he was not afraid, nor did he feel abnormal.Maybe because he has no parents since he was a child, he can only figure out what is right and wrong by himself, so he doesn't feel that he is wrong.It may also be that I am used to being alone and have always been self-centered, so I feel that I am right.

He never cared what other people think or think.

All he knew was that he would be responsible for everything about him, and that was enough.

Therefore, Wei Linze hardly suffered for being gay.

If I have to say it, I was persuaded to quit when I was an undergraduate.

Wei Linze never took the initiative to talk about his sexual orientation, but he didn't hide it when asked.The boys in the university dormitory usually get together to brag everywhere, and it is inevitable that they will talk about girlfriends.At that time, Xihua of the Chinese Department had been courting Wei Linze both openly and secretly. When the roommates asked, Wei Linze calmly said, "Oh, because I'm gay."

He admitted it so generously that everyone was amazed.

Han Huai almost fell off the upper bunk.

Xiao Jingkun, Han Huai's partner, originally thought that Wei Linze was not pleasing to the eye, and his grades were better than him, and Xihua still liked him. Now, let's add another one, he is still gay.Or maybe some people are born to be resolute, Master Xiao is homophobic.

Immediately said a lot of things.

Everyone else in the dormitory is a master who takes care of himself alone, only Han Huai can't see it, and he just punches him when he goes up. This time, he almost fell from the upper bunk and became classmate Xiao.

In the end, it was Wei Linze who pulled it away.

The young Han Huai asked: "You are not angry!"

The young Wei Linze said, "It's none of my business."

Later, the dean of the department called Wei Linze over to question him, and his words were euphemistically hemmed and hawed. In short, it didn’t mean that: someone reported you as gay, we have to go out of the way, you just say it’s not true, let’s end this matter Son.

Wei Linze was excellent in character and learning at that time, and the leader also looked towards him, speaking very softly: "Linze, the department knows that someone is spreading rumors, and we will definitely deal with those who write anonymous letters seriously."

He didn't speak.

The school has never explicitly opposed this kind of thing, but as long as it happens, they will do things for the students behind the scenes, so that the students will drop out of school obediently.What did he say?

"Teacher, it's true, I'm gay."

The leader was very angry.

Thinking about it now, he knew exactly what the outcome would be, and if he could tell a lie and make a joke, why did he push himself to the forefront?

If you don't regret it after asking him now, he will still say no regrets.

Even if it happens again, he will admit it openly.

Because he didn't feel that he was wrong, he didn't bother to hide it.

Wei Linze was even a little fortunate that no one had interfered in his life since he was a child, accusing him of right or wrong.

When he came back to his senses, Zhang Zhihe was still talking there.

"Because of this, it is difficult for Josh to trust others, because he cannot tolerate betrayal. Since Josh met you, he is obviously different from before, which is why he trusts you. Josh trusts you very much. If Zhong An didn't show up, He gets along with you and will gradually get better."

Zhang Zhihe looked at the clouds outside the window, but unfortunately, there was no if.

Josh couldn't tolerate even a little bit of betrayal, so after Josh found out that he and Wei Wenqu had known each other for a long time, he never came to Josh again.Because we have been together for a long time, we can't tolerate betrayal even more.

Wei Linze was called to the police station to take notes, and went back and forth for several hours. When he got home, it was already dark.He turned on the light and wanted to pour some cat food for Er Gazi, but he saw Er Gazi eating with his head down, and there was still half a bowl of milk in the special bowl beside him.

Before he could change his shoes, he ran into Josh's room.

Josh was sitting cross-legged on the bed in his pajamas, sucking the last drop of milk with a straw in his mouth. The milk box was flattened, and there was a sound of "ha la siu siu zi" from the straw. Josh's face was flushed from holding back, and when he saw him enter the door, he didn't hold his breath, and the milk box slowly changed back to its original shape.

He took a deep breath, inflated the milk box, and smiled, "You're back."

The author has something to say:

To be honest, this chapter contains 60.00% of my thinking when I was preparing to write this whole story. At that time, I was reading a magazine about game sports, and an article about Yang Yongxin was published in it. In fact, the Yang Yongxin incident had already It’s been a long time, but the entry point of that article is slightly different from the reports I’ve read before. It interviewed some of the parties involved and learned that they had fled before, but their parents secretly informed the hospital when they fled home, and they were kidnapped. .They are now adults, mostly world-weary, depressed, and unable to face the parents who once sent them to hell.That article was better than mine. I could really feel the despair. After thinking about it a lot, it was all in the article.

At that time, I had an idea. I wanted to write about a person whose sexual orientation was not recognized by his parents. He was treated maliciously by all the world. He was good, but unfortunately, he was not good.

I can’t write any more, so let’s just leave it at that, as expected, writing my own feelings is very laborious.