dating

happy colors.

My heart wants it, Jia Yi plays the same tune, but I don't know that my heart is fluttering...

Huyi will know me, full of heartbeats, heartbroken, always wanting to wake up...

Amidst the lascivious laughter in the room, Feng Feifei's "Want to Play the Same Tune" is euphemistic but also explicit. It is not only sung to the seventh child, but also sung by Brother Tang to himself.A pun, approaching the weakest line of defense in Lao Qi's heart.

How can you not be bored?After dating for so long, although it is impossible to see each other often—the man said that he can only come to Taipei during the weekly on-the-job training class—but the seventh child is satisfied with the regular meeting on weekends, and the enthusiasm between the two of them in bed has always been It's good to maintain it, and I can't ask for more.It wasn't until one day that the other party suddenly stopped using the mobile phone, and Lao Qi couldn't find anyone anymore, only to find out that the excuse of studying was false, and even his career was false.

Stories like this are not unheard of in gay circles; but none happened after the two had been dating for so long.Is that person too clever; weaving a lie perfectly?Or is it because Lao Qi is too afraid of losing, so he never minds the occasional flaws, and even thinks that he is too suspicious?

When all this has happened, it is futile to go back and search the scene in memory. The scene has already been rearranged, and the retouching of memory has already started at some point. .Maybe the other party was intentional from the beginning, and he went to Taipei to have sex with him once a week, but he was not vigilant, and he didn't even investigate whether the other party had a wife or another boyfriend.But what if you actually found the answer?

Want to Xiao Xiao, the body can burn so fiercely together, why is the heart separated by an insurmountable wall?

Brother Tang never sang this song again in the store.

Many years later, Lao Qi, on this winter rainy night after closing, really missed those days when Tang Ge stayed to help him clean and close the store.After wiping the bar, he suddenly remembered this piece of music.The implicit sadness in the song is both distant and clear, and it seems that there are too many emotions that he could not understand back then.

He took out the thick songbook that he had already put away, turned to the number of the song, picked up the remote control and pressed the MV video——

The heart wants to, Jia and Yi play the same tune, but I don’t know that my mood is vague, how can I understand my feelings for you, and I can talk about it...

The lyrics and subtitles that appeared on the TV screen slipped by like flowing water.Lao Qi doesn't sing in his store, and feels that his singing voice can't reach his ears.Although no one else was present at this time, his hand holding the microphone was still trembling slightly.Brother Tang just came to his dream.People have been away for more than a year, and this is the first time Tang Ge has come to dream.This song can be regarded as his debt to Brother Tang.

In matters of relationship, no one really failed anyone, and in the end they were voluntary moths to the flames. It can only be said that there is no relationship with Tang Ge, and even being a friend can't last forever.

*

I still remember that the birthday party that year was very drunk, and by the time it closed, Lao Qi was already [-]% drunk.With tears in his drunken eyes and turmoil in his heart, he silently followed Brother Tang back home.As soon as he entered the house, Tang Ge was busy making arrangements, put out the bath water for him, prepared for the midnight snack, and lit the essential oil lamp; but he didn't feel any impulsiveness.

It's not that he doesn't understand Brother Tang's intentions.

Lao Qi was also angry with himself: Why is there someone who is so caring and still doesn't know how to cherish it?A common plot in serials is that the hero finally finds out that true love is by his side, and the heroine finally gets a happy ending through gentle waiting. Obviously, this will not happen to her.

Because that kind of drama is written for straight people.

Between men and men, no one is needed to be a cow or a horse.Unlike heterosexual men, girlfriends and wives can be classified into two purposes. Since there is no consideration of husband, parenting and filial piety to parents-in-law, what everyone pursues in life is nothing more than a perfect lover.

Perfection is not a fantasy concept for comrades, but a biological destiny.In his life, Lao Qi has always had the most feelings for muscular men with rectangular faces.Brother Tang is good at everything, but he has a round face and is tall and thin.It is said that comrades are so carnal, in fact, it should be said that all men are like this.But the carnal desire between men and women is often more emotional than that of women.A woman can fake an orgasm, but a man's orgasm can't fool another man.

When Brother Tang reached into the drawer of the bedside table to search, Lao Qi held him down, and Brother Tang found that he was already limp.

If it's just perfunctory, blowing, rubbing, and tricking him, so that Brother Tang still has hope, then what does he think of Brother Tang?

Lao Qi reluctantly put on his underwear, and finally had to let Tang Ge hold him in his arms all night.

If the wall between two hearts is difficult enough to overcome, the line of induction between men's bodies will only be more severe.In retrospect, that night must have been very embarrassing for Brother Tang, but Lao Qi could not apologize to Brother Tang for this, saying sorry would only hurt people more, and he could not treat the previous as a dress rehearsal and could ask to do it all over again.Fortunately, Brother Tang did not become angry or continue to wait for opportunities. Lao Qi thought that since they were honest with each other, at least they could continue to be friends.

After that, the emotional life of the two seemed to have stopped at the same time, and even Brother Tang was no longer like a butterfly in the past.The loneliness of being alone in each other's eyes actually makes the relationship between them more reserved.

Instead of this, it's better to find a new love each other, even if you forget your friends after seeing sex, you will still be happy for each other.The two people who continue to depend on each other, the more they worry about each other's absence, the more they have to remind themselves not to step on the red line.

So many years have passed in such helplessness and restraint. Although he could have treated that night as a joke, Lao Qi faintly felt that some things were no longer the same.

Variety shows began to decline, restaurant shows were closed down, and dancers disbanded. He watched Brother Tang's dream of being a singer shattered, money was cheated, and they hurriedly aged ten years like this.Regardless of Lao Qi's objection, Tang Ge still insisted on resigning from a job with a fixed salary, and turned to an imitation show, singing step by step from the temple fair market.

Lao Qi couldn't bear it, but honestly speaking, his own life was not much easier, and his emotional wound never healed, and "Mei Le Land" became his retreat.Brother Tang is like a positive and negative film with a great contrast with him, so Lao Qi still can't understand why he is so middle-aged and wants to take such a risk.Until Brother Tang fell ill, Lao Qi thought that was the life he wanted.But he didn't expect that it might be another way for Brother Tang to escape from facing the lonely old age.

Birthdays are still celebrated in the store every year, but on Brother Tang's birthday, he always just sends a cash red envelope.Why can't he support and care for Brother Tang like the third child took care of himself back then?Is it really just because they can never be pure friends?

*

The work-students at the supermarket opposite have put all the new products on the shelves.The electric door ding ding dong dong made a burst of music, calling Lao Qi back to reality from his contemplation.

The work-student went outside the store to breathe, and took out a pack of cigarettes.Seeing Lao Qi standing behind the door, he nodded expressionlessly.

(What kind of outfit was he in the dream just now? Why can't I describe it just after dreaming?)

Lao Qi felt a tightness in his chest, stretched a few times, and sucked in a few mouthfuls of air that seemed to be frozen into icicles.

(He is worried that I will forget his first death date, so he wants to remind me?)

Whenever I think of Tang Ge, I always complain, resentment, resentment, guilt, heart-warming, and sadness.Like a socket full of wires, if you are not careful, you may short-circuit and catch fire.Lao Qi didn't believe in dreams, but felt a kind of uneasiness that he had never felt before that night.If this guy comes into his dream again, how can he comfort him?It's better to tell him: let's go, there is nothing to be reluctant about.If you don't die now, when everyone gets old and sick, who can take care of who—?

"Isn't it closed yet, brother?"

The work-study student on the opposite side put out his cigarette butt and looked at him for a few seconds, as if he had no choice but to finally speak.

"Just collect it again and leave... What about you? Haven't gotten off work yet?"

"almost."

The work-study student suddenly thought of something before entering the store, and turned around and asked, "Brother, do you need to order New Year's dishes? The [-]% discount is until today!"

(Isn’t it? Chinese New Year is coming up next month...)

Lao Qi smiled and said, okay, maybe go and have a look later.But for some reason, as if he had been told some shady secret, he felt a little tighter than before.

*

In the second month after starting the night shift at the supermarket, Aaron met Xiao Min who was working in a nearby bar.

In the middle of the night, she came to the store to pick up a few bags of snacks, her head was lowered, and he didn't pay special attention to her when paying the bill.If it wasn't for the woman facing the automatic door as a mirror before leaving, and combing her hair against the neon lights of the streets, he wouldn't have looked twice more and found that she looked familiar.

It took a week to see her come to the store again, this time it was after get off work.It was early in the early summer, and the blue morning light was like fog. The street lamps that had not been turned off and his sleepy eyes were staring at the small light box shop sign of MELODY across the street, and finally saw it dim with a snap.The door opened, and the last few customers who stumbled out of the store frowned unconsciously in Aaron's eyes.

What kind of business are the bars in this alley doing? I have probably counted them after watching for more than a month.In the Japanese-style lounge, there are girls sitting at the table, and men come to buy drunks, and the drunkards don't want to drink, he understands this.But he couldn't guess what mechanism was in the store opposite.

There is no young master, no wine to promote public relations, except the boss.In the past, there was only one person who came to help occasionally, and it was always these two people who stayed until the end to close the store.The one who came to help often came to the supermarket to buy cigarettes, and talked a lot. Later, I saw him appearing in a show-style sequined dress from time to time, which almost didn't frighten Aaron. The world is weird.

It was not easy to guess how old the men who came in and out of the room were, because they were all dressed fashionable.What is even more confusing is that one second before the meeting was over, those who were still laughing with their companions on the side of the road, turned around and went on the road the next second, and the expressions on some people's faces immediately became ten years old, without their smiles. , even with the vicissitudes of frustration.

Growing up in the southern countryside, he only saw funny movies in the first place, as well as shirtless comrades parading in the news.When I went to college, there were a few suspects among my classmates. Regardless of whether he was real or not, everyone said behind his back, "That dead gay".Only after I started working in Taipei did I realize that young gays are everywhere these days.Once upon a time, it was impossible to avoid these people if you wanted to avoid them.

It's just that I never noticed it before, let alone thought about it. It turns out that comrades also have second-hand goods.

Aaron thought that when the times opened up, these people would be like ordinary people, and when they got old, they would find someone to live a stable life.Unexpectedly, there are so many homeless comrades after middle age.

That's why a place like MELODY is needed, right?

Growing up in a single-parent family, Aaron has never met his father, and his mother never gave a complete answer to why the two stopped contacting.When he was in elementary school, Aaron once guessed that his mother might be someone else's mistress?Or is the father a wanted criminal?Or run away due to gambling debts? ... All kinds of possibilities have been played out in his mind, and he can't figure out why this person has no clues anymore?Is it some kind of deep hatred, or is there another unspeakable secret that makes his mother refuse to talk about it even if she makes up a random story to coax him?

When I get older, I know that there is a kind of person in this world called gay, and he added this to his wild thoughts—maybe it’s my useless father who ran away, no wonder my mother has no face to tell me the truth .

If this is the case, then does my father also like to stay in a dark room somewhere, drinking with his kind until dawn?

His mother, who has been working as an accountant, lived with the owner of an iron factory near his workplace when he was in high school.After that, Aaron didn't like to go home very much. He went to a third-rate reformed university far away from home. After finishing his military service, he decided to come to Taipei alone to find a job.During the day, I ride a motorcycle to collect bills, go back to the small suite at 09 pm to catch up on sleep, start the big night shift at 30 pm, get off work at [-] am, take a break, and then clock in at [-]:[-].After living like this for two months, I struggled every day.I really want to die, I don't know how long I can last this kind of life, where will this kind of life take him?

I thought it was the only way to go on like this.If it wasn't for that early morning, he and Xiao Min met again.

The last time I thought her face was familiar, but because of the heavy makeup, I couldn't tell where I saw her.As a result, when Aaron watched the store close across the street that day and thought of his mother again, it happened that Xiao Min tied up her ponytail after work, entered the store and walked to the ATM to withdraw money.From the surveillance mirror on the roof, he finally had a clear view of Xiao Min's face, and suddenly realized.Afraid of embarrassing her, Aaron didn't show his face at the time.

If it were him, he wouldn't want to be recognized by fans in this situation, right?

At any rate, they used to release records. A member of a certain girl group, although only a flash in the pan in the chaotic music scene with mixed good and bad, is now a bar lady in Qijo Street. It's not a good end.

Xiao Min's stage name in that group at that time was Mimi, which wasn't particularly eye-catching, but Aaron had secretly had a crush on her in high school.He likes her name and her swinging ponytail, and he may have fancied her pictures a hundred times.During the four years of university, apart from training as an otaku, he really didn’t learn much professional skills. He spent all day in front of the computer searching for pornographic photos, masturbating while his roommate was away, and sometimes taking three meals a day. The selfies of Mimi and those crushes who are now missing, let him pass the boring stage of masturbating without a girlfriend.

Seeing the deity, the embarrassing person is actually himself

She actually went into the sea and became a lounge lady?Playing with these words, Aaron felt a sense of sympathy for some reason.

This time it turned out that he didn't dare to look up when he was paying the bill, and there was a sour gas in his stomach rising to his throat.That uncomfortable feeling is not only because of thinking that Mimi, who used to belong to his own sexual fantasy, has been shot by real bullets, but also because in a scene like Chitiaotong, the innocent and carefree youth has left. So far away, thinking of my unknown life, I suddenly became quite sentimental.

Another month passed, and the time to meet again was changed to a weekend morning just after midnight.

Xiao Min was accompanied by a man like Brother Pig.Was it brought out?At that time, Aaron was no stranger to such a scene.When the man was buying cigarettes, he used the corners of his eyes to peek at Xiao Min who was standing at the door from time to time, pulling the tail of his hair to his mouth and biting it, and then heard her say: "My head hurts, brother, let's do this for today." I'll go back and rest, okay?"

The drunk man first yelled "Baby, Baby" in an attempt to appease him, and then made more body movements. The woman tried desperately to get away, but scratched the man's arm with her fingernails.Before Aaron could blink, he heard the man say "Fuck you bastard", and then knocked the woman to the ground with a punch. "Sir, don't do this—" He couldn't hold back, and hurriedly called the police.The woman didn't scream or cry, but chased the man through the store, picked up cans from the shelves and threw them at him, then ran all the way to the door of the storage room.He also panicked, picked up the iron pipe that he usually prepared but didn't need to hide under the counter, let the woman hide in the storage room, and blocked the door by himself.

Hearing that the clerk had called the police, the drunk man gave up after swearing.After the district police left, Xiao Min pushed the door out of the storage room. Not only did he not thank you, but he cursed at Aaron at the beginning: "You idiot! Call the police? You are new here, right? The police came to me Wouldn't it be taken away as a chicken? Do you have any brains?"

"You're a chicken!" He blurted out, "If you're not popular, you won't be so lowly, right?"

Xiao Min understood, she closed her mouth for a long time without making a sound, and stretched out her hand to pull the messy long hair, only then did he realize that she was holding the wig in her hand, like holding a dog . "I will pay for anything that is broken." After she finished speaking, she dropped three thousand-yuan bills and walked away.

At that time, he did not expect that he would stay in the same store for more than three years.It was all about the woman who called him an idiot that night.

After that, Aaron didn't take part in the job during the day anymore.The fact of their cohabitation is still hidden from the mother-sang in the lounge, because the mother-san hates the girls who put on a bad face the most.But Aaron doesn't think that he is the kind of soft food, because he neither gambles nor prostitutes, nor is he lazy.In addition to teaching Xiaomin how to save money and manage money, and taking care of her daily life, he is still willing to go to the supermarket every night to work on his big night shift, and he can save some of the salary of more than 2 yuan to send home.

But it's not the money that matters.Because only by continuing to work in this way, can he guard Xiao Min at the nearest place in the middle of the night.In case the drinkers make trouble, or if she feels something is wrong and wants to get out after going out, she will know that he is in the shop on the corner of the street, ready to protect her at any time.

One of them is at the end of the alley and the other is at the end of the alley, forming an invisible dotted line every night.Aaron likes the feeling of having something to keep him waiting.

It's not just holding on to a relationship that we met by chance, it's more like holding on to myself, so I don't have to worry that one day I may suddenly go crazy because I've been alone in Taipei for too long.

But at the same time, he would hate in a contradictory way that the person he was waiting for was no longer the lover in his dream, but they were indeed the same person again.

Xiao Min said that she will pick the guests, don't worry, she will only show up with the kind of guests who are almost drunk and will definitely fall asleep within 10 minutes after arriving at the hotel.It's just work, this body is already unclean anyway, she said.Do not you trust me?You have the ability to earn [-] a month for me to spend!You go, you go, I can live well without you!

Almost three years have passed since the noise.

Xiao Min did appear less than when we first met.Recently, she also learned the tricks from the customers, and asked Aaron to order some Japanese cosmetics and skin care products for direct sales. Before the guests took their seats at seven or eight o'clock in the evening, they would visit small hotels along Qijo Street and Bajo Street. For the lounge lady who doesn't have time to visit department stores in broad daylight.

Last year she promised him that when they saved enough money, they would open a small imported clothing store.

With such a promise, Aaron already felt that it was worthwhile to wait for nearly a thousand nights in the past.

①? That is the pinyin gēibà. ——Editor’s Note (Unless otherwise specified, all the following are editor’s notes)

②? That is, by the way, the English abbreviation of bytheway.

③? About 33.06 square meters.

④? Appellation for unspecified older men, derived from Japanese.

⑤ Dong Wang, Sun City, Diss Corner, and Ba Li Shi are all western restaurants or nightclubs famous for their restaurant shows in the old days in Taiwan.

⑥? Plumber, meaning no, Hokkien.