doomed [last days]

Lin Shen removed the gauze by himself and sat opposite Shi Yiran.She stared blankly at Shi Yiran wrapping new gauze around her left arm, licked her lips, and mentioned that she wanted to buy a car.

"Doctor Shi, do you have a car?"

She was just asking casually, but never thought that Shi Yiran would say: "There is an off-road vehicle, but it is rarely driven. It is parked in the underground garage. It should still be there now."

"Suv?" Lin Shen was a little surprised, as if she was talking to herself: "I thought you would buy a car or something."

It's not that Shi Yiran can't buy an off-road vehicle, but Lin Shen always feels that the style of painting between the two doesn't match well.

Hearing what she said, Shi Yiran frowned, and his hands kept moving, but he replied: "Because the person I like said before that I want an off-road vehicle, so I bought it."

Lin Shen, who caught a few key words by ear, let out an "oh" first, then stared blankly at his arm, but his brain shut down in the next instant.

She just thought that she hitched a ride with someone else in a Jeep, and she thought it was very handsome.Afterwards, she also specially posted a circle of friends, saying that if she bought a car, she would definitely buy an off-road vehicle as well.

So, the "person she likes" in Shi Yiran's words, shouldn't it be her again?

Since waking up in the morning, there has been too much information today, and all of it is related to her.

Lin Shen's lips moved, but he didn't have time to say anything.I heard Shi Yiran say: "You asked me a question, can I ask you a question too?"

Lin Shen subconsciously let out an "ah".

Not paying attention to her rising tone, Shi Yiran lowered her eyes and kept bandaging her hands: "You don't even recognize me, are you still blaming me?"

……

Lin Shen felt that he was like riding a roller coaster, slowly climbing to the top, but lost his voice when he swooped down.

My mind went blank, but my heart felt like an earthquake.She didn't know, after the earthquake, it would be the prosperity after reconstruction, or the desolation that could never be repaired.

"You, what are you talking about..." Lin Shen squeezed out these words from her throat, she still stretched out her left arm obediently, allowing Shi Yiran to bandage her, but the hanging right hand was tightly clenched Stop punching.

Listening to the struggle in her words, Shi Yiran bit the tip of her tongue, but her hands were firmly wrapped in gauze.

A beautiful knot was tied, but Shi Yiran's hand did not retract.Gently stroking the gauze-wrapped arm with her fingertips, Shi Yiran lowered her eyes and called softly, "Lin Shen."

With just one sound, the string in Lin Shen's heart was completely broken.No matter how much she struggled, no matter how much she tried to justify herself, it was useless, Shi Yiran already knew.

"When did you know..."

After a while, Shi Yiran heard Lin Shen's hoarse voice.

There was a mist in the godless eyes, Shi Yiran fumbled for Lin Shen's hand, and then said: "I knew it when I bandaged you for the first time."

She recited it today, and said that she likes her twice, but Shi Yiran couldn't restrain her feelings anymore.

She didn't want to force Lin Shen to admit it like this, but after falling in love for so many years and finally meeting each other, she still couldn't bear to get along like a friend she just met or a stranger.

Shi Yiran's voice was a little trembling, but the corners of her mouth curled up: "You didn't take it seriously at the beginning, but now you have forgotten, is there a scar on your right wrist?"

Lin Shen was stunned for a moment, subconsciously lowered his head, looked at the faint scar on his right wrist, under the hair rope, and loosened his clenched hand.

The injury on the wrist at the beginning almost shocked the whole school.There was a cut on the wrist, which was tantamount to cutting the wrist. At that time, the ambulance came.Later, many people went to see her in the hospital. All her classmates and friends from all walks of life went, and Shi Yiran also went, but she hid behind a group of people and didn't say a word.

Unexpectedly, she had forgotten, but Shi Yiran still remembered.

Feeling the coolness coming from her left hand, she suddenly smiled, but the sockets of her eyes that had endured it for an unknown amount of time suddenly turned red.She blinked vigorously, then raised her right hand and wiped it on her face.

Lin Shen didn't withdraw his hand, but he didn't hold it back as Shi Yiran expected.

Her mind is in a mess now, like a ball of yarn scratched by a cat, and she can't find a way out.She wanted to ask why Shi Yiran didn't tell her when she knew about it, but when she opened her mouth, no sound came out.

Obviously I saw her first, and I chose to hide it, so how could I ask her?

"Lin Shen..."

It was too quiet, the left hand was still warm, but Shi Yiran's palm was getting colder and colder.The emotions in my heart had been suppressed for too long, and after Lin Shen saw the lock screen of her phone, all of them overflowed.

I can't hide anymore.

The little secret that I have hidden for so many years is finally about to be discovered.

"...En." Hearing Shi Yiran's uneasy voice, Lin Shen didn't hold back, and responded.

She raised her eyes, and her eyes moved from the hands of the two to Shi Yiran's red eye sockets.There was a puddle of water under the long eyelashes, making Lin Shen want to drown in it.

With a sudden pain in his heart, Lin Shen sniffled and said in a slightly nasal voice, "Why are you crying..."

It wasn't her who was found.

"Lin Shen, are you blaming me..." Blaming myself for pushing her away.

Blame her?Lin Shen looked at the tears rolling down her cheeks, his nose was sore, and his vision became blurred.

How can you complain...

Although the two of them are in the same class, one is enthusiastic and cheerful, and likes to laugh and have fun, while the other is quiet and taciturn, devoting all her attention to her studies.It can be said that in the past few years, Lin Shen hardly spoke to Shi Yiran.

Not to mention the close encounters.

Lin Shen and Shi Yiran happened to find the same department in the same hospital when they were interns in their senior year. In Lin Shen's heart, that was the beginning of her and Shi Yiran's intersection.

I can't tell what love at first sight is like, and I don't know if it counts as love at first sight, but within two or three days of his apprenticeship, Lin Shen found that his eyes were always following Shi Yiran's figure disobediently.

Even if two people have very little communication, even if they have never even looked at each other.

By the time she realized that she seemed to like it, the short apprenticeship had long since ended.After her fifth year internship and busy graduation, Lin Shen hid the one-sided liking and attention she thought she had, and continued it.

Sometimes, when she was eating with her friends, she would see Shi Yiran sitting alone in the cafeteria.

Sometimes, when she was invited to watch a game on the field, she would see Shi Yiran sitting in the stands next door with a book in her hands.

It's because she has such good eyesight that she can always see that thin figure at a glance.

It's not that Shi Yiran has no friends, but there are only a few people in the class who are familiar with her.She seldom participates in class activities, and when she does, she just sits quietly in the corner, so speaking of it, everyone is not very familiar with this "Flower of Gaoling".

Lin Shen is not a particularly proactive person, even if she and Shi Yiran's good friends have become close buddies, she is too embarrassed to take the initiative to say a word to Shi Yiran.

I can only gather news related to Shi Yiran from a few words when chatting with friends.

And then until graduation.

Shi Yiran went to graduate school, specializing in orthopedics.

Lin Shen's grades were not very good, and she chose the clinical medicine major after listening to an uncle's suggestion, so after graduation, she simply jumped out of this field.

When she first entered college, her parents had a car accident, leaving her and her family's savings for more than 20 years.

No one cared about her anymore, so Lin Shen simply rented a room in Pu'an, preparing for self-study for the postgraduate entrance examination and the literature major.

It may be that the pressure of studying is too great, or it may be that he always likes to think wildly when he lives alone, so in the middle of the night, Lin Shen picked up a pen and wrote a letter to Shi Yiran.

When she sent it, she comforted herself that even if she didn't get a response, at least she would not regret it because she didn't fight for it when she recalled this relationship later.

At first, she still waited and waited with trepidation.

After waiting for a month, there was no message from Shi Yiran on her mobile phone.But when Lin Shen was already disappointed, she got a letter from the guard.

The letter was sent by the post office, but Shi Yiran's name was clearly written on it.

Lin Shen still remembered that when she was holding the letter, surprise and shock flooded into her heart at the same time.

When nervously opening the envelope, Lin Shen was still thinking about how Shi Yiran would reject him.But even so, Shi Yiran deserves to be the person she likes, at least she rejected it clearly.

But when he saw the content of the letter, Lin Shen was stunned.

How should I put it, Lin Shen has never forced anything in his life, but when he replied, he sincerely told Shi Yiran that what he wanted was not a promise, why didn't he give it a try?

If it's because you're afraid of commitment, then don't commit.If you are afraid to start because you are afraid of the end, then don't start.

She didn't send a letter this time, and she didn't know where the courage came from. She took the letter and ran downstairs to Shi Yiran's dormitory, and waited until Shi Yiran came back during the closing time of the library.

Then she entered Shi Yiran's life as a friend.

It may be the status of a friend, but it is not the mind of making friends.

It's ridiculous to say that she didn't have the guts to make friends with Shi Yiran for five years in college, but she took a big step forward in an instant.

Shi Yiran seemed to only study in her life, so Lin Shen took her to eat, drink and have fun, and the two chatted from the sky to the ground.

Of course, Lin Shen was there to talk most of the time.

But when she spoke, Shi Yiran always looked at her with the corners of her mouth bent, like a big sister doting on her own sister.

It's not that Shi Yiran doesn't talk, on the contrary, she and Lin Shen have almost the same thoughts on many issues.For example, do not like bondage, like freedom.

At the very beginning, Lin Shen was happy.Isn't it something to be happy when the person you like agrees with your three views?

Every time we meet each other, every time we receive news, Lin Shen is like a happy little fool, wishing to show his happiness to the world, but carefully guarding his happiness, not letting anyone set foot.

But later, later it was different.

Her mind was not pure in the first place, she didn't take it easy, she only knew how to throw her mind out recklessly.She doesn't want to be friends, and she and Shi Yiran are not friends either.

The pure happiness that comes from friends is more and more unable to satisfy her.

Lin Shen's heart has been pinched by others. Every night when everyone is quiet, he huddles in his safe zone alone, consoling himself and suffering dense pain at the same time.

She respects Shi Yiran, and she also knows how sad it will be for a person who likes freedom to be restrained. She is afraid that her so-called company will bring trouble to Shi Yiran, and she is also afraid that she will only blame everyone and everyone else in the future.

So, she couldn't hold back.Long-term pain is worse than short-term pain, Lin Shen went to ask for a result.

What did Shi Yiran say at that time?

"I'm sorry, Lin Shen. Maybe I don't understand you enough, and I don't understand what you said about love at first sight. So, if we have to make a choice, let's be friends."

Lin Shen wanted to achieve a result and promised to be a friend, but he also gave up the opportunity to be a friend by Shi Yiran's side.

If you like it, how can you just be willing to be a friend?

It was she who said not to promise, it was she who was willing to break into Shi Yiran's life as a friend, and in the end she was the one who poked open the broken window paper.

She suddenly didn't want to stay in Pu'an anymore, this city was full of her memories, no matter where she went, she always felt that there was a Shi Yiran among the passers-by.

So, Lin Shen checked out the room, threw away the books, carried her travel bag, and embarked on a journey with the memories of these few short months.

Later at the airport, she saw Shi Yiran for the last time.And that farewell hug became the closest contact between her and Shi Yiran.

After that, Lin Shen was like a bird flying to the sky, occasionally flying down to take a look at it from a distance, and then turning around to lick his scar quietly.

Until later, in that ward, she and Shi Yiran, who was blind-eyed, met again.

Once my heart is broken, I can never mend it again.