Star Sea·Light Year

Meng Tian never mentioned his mother to others.

"...My own misfortune is not an excuse to hurt others." Ji Ge shook his head lightly, "But there are some things that cannot be decided by oneself."

"But in a marriage relationship, the woman is often the weaker partner."

Marrying a woman he doesn't love doesn't hurt a man that much.They can still miss the one they love without guilt, and then throw the responsibility to the reality or even the unloved woman at home. When talking to others, they can still portray themselves as men who are both bitter and infatuated.

But a woman who is not loved by her husband will not only get no sympathy, but even ridicule.Everyone would think that she might have such or such a bad thing, that's why she couldn't catch that man's heart.The pain in their hearts may not even be understood by their family members.

"But in fact, I am not qualified to say these things. I have also dated many lovely girls." Meng Tian smiled wryly, rejecting them would be a kind of harm to them, but dating is the same.

He likes them very much, but that kind of liking is different.

Not love with desire, but pure appreciation.

He likes to see their cute smiling faces, and he also hopes that they can feel happy when they are with him.He still remembers that one of his senior sisters once said: "At first I thought you were a playboy, but you seemed to be just a passionate man. But when I thought about it this way, I felt that you don't understand feelings at all. … There are many types of liking. When they first confessed to you, most of them were just longings. But once you accepted them, you gave them extra hope. But in the end, you couldn’t fall in love with them, even if they smiled and said goodbye to you. , But behind that smile, do you know how many tears they shed?... So even if you refuse at the beginning, although they will be sad, they will come out soon... This rejection is actually gentleness. "

...Maybe he is really too much.

"You care too much about what they think." Zheng said jokingly, "If you don't have the courage to bear the pain, you shouldn't say you like it so easily."

Zheng, like him, has a complicated mother.But Zheng was more deeply influenced by his mother than him, probably because his mother left, so now he can only remember her good, but Zheng's mother is still there, so he still has complicated feelings for his mother .

He knew that Zheng once had a crush on one of his tutors, a woman ten years older than Zheng, who he said was a gentle and intelligent woman, but when Zheng's mother found out about this, she not only ruthlessly Humiliated her severely, and even wrote to her husband, swearing a lot of nasty words.

Perhaps this was not the root cause of her throwing herself into the river, perhaps her husband's attitude chilled her heart, but for Zheng, this incident became a knot in his heart that could not be untied for a lifetime.

In fact, to Zheng, that gentle woman is like a projection of his ideal mother in reality. His obsession does not contain much romantic elements, but the expression of Oedipus Complex.

After so many years, Zheng is now a complete non-marriage advocate. Although he has almost never broken the relationship with actresses and has several illegitimate children, he does not plan to find a partner.

"If you take a relationship too deeply, you will end up hurting yourself. For me, I already have a partner who will never let me down, and I don't need other people to interfere in my life."

The "partner" in his mouth refers to career.

Meng Tian was noncommittal to his friend's idea.Not all wounds heal without leaving scars.On the contrary, most wounds will become a scar even when they heal.

It's just that the scars in the heart cannot be seen directly, and therefore, compared with those scars that can be seen and touched, they are easy to be ignored, and the more this is the case, the more they will work hard to show their own exist.

For example... Why can't he let go of such a painful relationship?Now that we know we can't be together, it's better for both of us to separate cleanly.

But maybe it was because this relationship was so painful that he was addicted to it.He had asked himself countless times before, is that rust-like smell the smell of "love"?

After growing up, he certainly understands that most of the time, love is not like that.But to him, that is the "love" he is familiar with.Even if my whole body hurts and I feel scared when I see her, I still want to stay by her side, and I like the heat from her hands when combing my hair. Like bitter tea.

Up to now, he still often wears her favorite pink, and plays her favorite tunes when he is alone.

"Are you still going this year?"

Ji Ge asked while dicing the tomato.

"Ah."

Meng Tian stirred the thick soup in the pot.Now he also cooks some simple food, and in this cold season, eating some stew will warm him up.

"...I wish I could see it. It must be beautiful."

"But accidentally unlucky and miss every time."

He laughed a little self-deprecatingly.

Further north, there is a chance to see the aurora.Meeting the aurora... It's like having an intimate contact with the universe, and this magical landscape that seems to be beyond this world is the spark of the fusion of the earth and the sun.

"Can you take me with you this time?"

she asked suddenly.

"It's okay, why do you suddenly think..."

Meng Tian was a little puzzled.

"If this time we can see... we can get married, okay? Even if it's not that kind of relationship, we don't need to be a real couple. Anyway, we can't be married to the person we love..." Her tears dripped down her cheeks on the back of the hand.

"I haven't given up." Meng Tian said with a soft sigh.

"Even if we can't be together now, I never thought that this would be our end." He smiled slightly, "Blindly forbearance will not make you happy, that kind of sacrifice yourself for the eyes and opinions of others." I won't do it."

He flashed a bright smile at her.

"Ji Ge, it's too early to give up now. Don't you want to make yourself happy? Or is your love only so far? You don't even have the courage to fight against reality for him?" Meng Tian smiled and looked at her fixedly.

"Of course I also want to be happy! But I don't want Yong to suffer because of my selfishness..." She sobbed softly, her slender eyebrows tightly wrinkled.

"Emotions are inherently selfish. …Holding the mentality of sacrificing oneself for the other's good will only make both parties suffer, you know? I think that the idea that the other person's happiness is your own happiness is simply wrong, and It’s a big mistake! If you really want the other person to be happy, you should try to make yourself happy first, and only when you are happy can you pass on this feeling to others.”

She covered her lips and looked at him in surprise.

"I will leave, not because I really think it would be better to leave, that's not the case." Meng Tian chuckled a few times, "Because he has a knot in his heart that he can't untie, and the more I stay there, the worse he will be. It's because I don't have the motivation to untie this knot... Although I can establish a relationship when he loses his memory, I don't want to start our relationship in that way. Otherwise, when he thinks about everything, he may think he has no regrets, because he has already lost his memory. With memories together. Then I'd be miserable, wouldn't I?"

"But this... won't he be very painful?"

"... He's not feeling well, and neither am I... In the end, it's all his problem, and I shouldn't bear the consequences."

Meng Tian is not a person who likes self-sacrifice.But he will back down if necessary.

In his view, self-sacrifice... In the final analysis, it is just a kind of self-satisfaction, and the result is just turning oneself into a poor person, and expecting that this "pity" of one's own will arouse the sympathy of others.

At one time, he thought that Wang Ben didn't like him that much, and thought that the reason why he was kind to him was really just out of admiration for him.So after being rejected, he thought he had no chance.

But...but let him know that his emotions are the same.

"You like it... you will care, right?" Ji Ge looked at him with puzzled eyes.

"...Women think differently from men. In relationships, many women will show self-sacrificing traits, which is probably the result of cultural immersion. ... But there is nothing wrong with pursuing happiness. This is a person's freedom, As long as it doesn't cause trouble to others, no one has the right to comment on other people's choices... If according to what you said, I have to care about his mood, then why didn't he consider mine?"

"... He must also care about your thoughts." She said with a sad face.

"What's the point of just caring about it in your heart?... Feelings are like this. No matter how much you bury in your heart, but you don't want to reveal half of it, then it's nothing. I don't want to think about whether he is like this or that, I just want to listen to him .He said yes, yes, no, no....If you can't say it, then tell me with your actions. Not in this way...you will feel painful and sad, it is because he has done Such a choice! I don’t want to do this, just follow my inner thoughts and come to me, wouldn’t it be fine?”

Meng Tian propped his hands on the cooking table and let out a deep breath.

Ji Ge lowered his head.

A rich milky aroma wafted from the pot, and the sound of bubbles bursting was especially clear in this silence.

"...If you were me, what would you do?" After a while, she looked up at Meng Tian.

"If it was me... I would make him give up his family and live together in a place that no one knows." Meng Tian gave the answer almost without any hesitation.

"But then... all his hard work for so many years will be in vain."

"But if you don't do this, you won't be able to become happy. You only look at his life in the past 20 years, but the time in the future will be longer. ... Besides, you just put forward your own ideas, and you didn't force him to make a choice. If he chooses his career, then leave, but what if the only way for him to be happy is to be with you? Then you also use the excuse of 'for him' to keep him from being happy ?” He knew that his words were a bit sharp, but what he said was the truth.

It is true that siblings are not allowed in their culture.However, there are cultures that do not reject this emotion. …Even from his point of view, he can’t frankly say that it’s a good thing for brothers and sisters to be together, but if this relationship is based on equality and is sincere at the same time, their love will not bring others a lot of trouble. Unfortunately, what's wrong with that?

No one has the right to make choices for others.

If it is really for the sake of the other party, then... the other party's wishes should be respected.

"...you are waiting for him...but what if his mind won't change?" Ji Ge asked suddenly.

Meng Tian smiled distressedly: "Frankly speaking, I have also considered this possibility. In that case, we will continue like this until the end of our lives. But... this possibility is not high. Just like what that person said , Although due to different distances, the time for the effect of memory to disappear will also vary, but one day, this effect will still dissipate."

Seeing Ji Ge looking at him puzzled, Meng Tian smiled softly.

"Although I didn't listen to him explain his reasons, part of the reason is that I can guess that the reason is mostly related to his mother.... For most men, mother is a somewhat special existence."

He avoided all news about Wang Ben, but he did a little investigation into his mother's affairs, and unexpectedly found out that his mother might have been a devout Catholic.

When he found out about it, he was surprised and confused at the same time.Wang Ben's mother is very mysterious, and many things about her have been covered up intentionally or unintentionally. The reason why he thought of this possibility was because he happened to see a photo of her when she was young when he was flipping through astronomy books. From her breast hung the kind of crucifix that Catholics would wear.

Except for the group photo at Wang Ben's house, that was the only photo he saw of her.

... Therefore, Wang Ben had no way to convince himself to be with him, because that was something his mother could not accept.

But... this is not something he should consider. The one who has to make the decision is Wang Ben.

Sometimes he also thinks, if it were him, how would he make a decision. ... If it was him, this is not something to consider.For him, his own happiness is the priority.

Because that's what he is.His mother probably doesn't want him to be infatuated with a man like his father, but if he chooses to endure like his mother, not only will he not be happy in the end, but the woman who is with him is likely to follow in his mother's footsteps. It was the result that he could not accept anyway.

But Wang Ben is not such a character.He...will also choose to suppress his thoughts for more important things.

Because of their different growth environments, they have very different ideas about some things.

He thought that Wang Ben should have had a relatively happy childhood. For him, the only thing that constituted a knot was the cold relationship between father and son. ... He must really hope that his father will take care of the family more, but the irony is that most boys will grow up to look like their father.So he also knew very well that Wang Ben finally understood that his father didn't care about his family, but just liked to keep things in his heart like him.

The relationship between Meng Tian and his father is also very bad.Even if he understood his father's difficulties, he would not forgive him.After all, he was the one who caused his mother to become like that.

Maybe both he and she are victims of social morality, but that's not an excuse for him to get away with it. ...but he is also a very sad man.When he knew that the person who sympathized with him the most in the world turned out to be his wife, what kind of expression would that man with a straight face show?

Will you regret it?

She can use this incident as an excuse for divorce, making him and his family bear a bad name, and even being exiled like Li Mu.But from the beginning to the end, she never uttered a word.

Meng Tian sometimes thinks that his mother is really a very smart woman.Because the last thing she left in their hearts was a smile on their lips, so that her son and husband would only remember her beautiful side.

When he was older, he learned that his mother had left a suicide note.

She wrote: "The beast in my heart is about to devour me. Before that, when I am still conscious, I want to protect my angel... His sleeping face is still as sweet as when he was a child, but his body is covered with blood. , close my eyes, I seem to be able to hear the melody of his little heart beating in my body, which is so beautiful that no musical instrument can play it. I am tired of this cowardly world, and I hate this group of corrupt guards Or, just when I was about to perish with them, he came to my side and showed a pure and pure smile to the broken me. So I want my angel to be happy, so I will be able to get happiness."

Meng Tian put the chopped tomatoes into the pot with a smile, put one hand on his waist, and leaned closer to smell the aroma of the food, "Simmer for a while and it will be fine."