doomed and reversed 1

Yubing looked at me, stunned for a while, then smiled and said, "You want to say that you used to be a girl?" She patted me on the shoulder, "I didn't know that the former chairman of KF Group had a daughter."

Yu Bing does not believe that people can be reborn, nor that people can travel through time, let alone the existence of parallel worlds, I suddenly realized this.But when we met for the second time, how much did she listen to, or how much did she believe, what I said to her about my identity?

And that time when I was chasing after her, she said that it was because she knew that she could cross that line without any scruples.At the beginning, I didn't understand very well, but now I suddenly understood what she meant.

It is impossible for me to become a girl again, and it is impossible for me to return to the previous world, because in that world, I have already died.As for Yu Bing, she was absolutely sure that I would not be a girl.Regardless of my past, at least from now on I will not be a girl.

"What's wrong?" Yu Bing touched my neck, "What are you thinking?"

I shook my head, a little downcast.

Yu Bing sighed, and then said: "Cheng Hai, I have also watched some movies made by Country M."

I don't quite understand why Yubing suddenly talked about the movie, "What movie?"

Yubing bit her lips and said, "Chenghai, you love me, right?"

Although I still don't know the meaning of Yubing's seemingly unrelated question, I can answer her question without thinking: "I love you."

Yubing squeezed out a smile, "If one day you want to return to your true self, I will support you and always support you."

"The real self?" But which one is the real self?Do I really want to become the true self in my previous life?

Yubing nodded, "Actually, it doesn't matter, because what I love is you, and it has nothing to do with your gender. If—if—if you want to become a girl, I will support you, and I am still you Your girlfriend is still yours."

"Become a girl?" If I was still in a state of confusion just now, then at this moment I was completely dumbfounded.

"If it makes you more comfortable, I'm fine. We're a couple, right? Honesty and naturalness are more important than anything—"

"Wait a minute, wait a moment." I interrupted Yubing's words that seemed to have gone through a great ideological struggle, and took a deep breath to calm myself down.Immediately, he seemed to understand something.

"So what I've been doing all along makes you think I want to be a girl instead of a boy, right?"

Yu Bing nodded hesitantly.

"Since when have you felt this way?" I asked, but Yu Bing became coy.I almost raise my voice a few notches, but it's completely involuntary, "Not from the time I told you—"

Yubing nodded.

My mind suddenly went blank, as if I had been hit hard on the head by a shaking sandbag.Well, there is an answer to all this.

"Actually, I checked on the Internet, maybe you have a gender identity disorder. I always thought I was a girl, even though I was a boy."

When Yubing said this, I subconsciously felt very ashamed, and retorted: "If I thought I was a girl, how could I like you?"

"That's why—that's why I asked you if you really like me. Your eyes didn't lie to me."

Yubing's words suddenly made me feel that the incident was developing in a direction I hadn't expected.

"Cheng Hai—it's okay, it's really okay. You don't have to feel ashamed, you don't have to think it's wrong. What about girls? We still love each other. I am willing to accept the real you. What I also hope to accept is The real you." She said, hugging me tightly again.He kept rubbing my head, "You must have been suffering all this time, right?"

"But—that time in a hotel."

Yubing rubbed her head and suddenly paused, "Chenghai—this is the first time I have encountered this kind of thing, and it is a new concept for me. I always thought that I regarded you as a very close friend— —Like a girlfriend. But something developed later, which seemed to exceed my expectations.”

Her words let me know another view of her that I didn't know about me, "So——you treated me as a girl from the beginning?"

"Well, after you said those things to me that time, although I was a little shocked at first, I also came into contact with some things about gender identity before that. And I also checked some information later. As a friend, I thought Can at least—make you live a more real life. I don’t want you to play a role that the public assigns to you for me. Therefore, I will treat you as a girl from the beginning, a girl like me .”

I tried my best to recall the way the two of us got along at the beginning. If I was treated as a boy, it would be really ambiguous, but if I brought in a girl—it was just a good girlfriend.It turned out that at the beginning, I was the only one struggling there.My understanding of Yubing seems to be covered in a layer of misunderstanding.

She was really pandering to me, to the "fact" that I wanted to be a girl and not a guy.

But if this is the case, am I really in love with her?This momentary question was quickly dismissed by me.Because I am [-]% sure: No matter what she takes me as, in that environment, I like her is a fact that cannot be denied either physically or psychologically.

If so, why bother?And I and her are more like fate by accident.

"I've always wanted to ask you, why did you disappear for so long after I was hospitalized? Why didn't you contact me?"

Yu Bing lowered the corner of her mouth, "After being with you for so long, I suddenly found that my feelings for you seem to have deteriorated a bit."

"Degenerate?"

"I don't know how that feeling came about, and it seemed to appear suddenly. You went to work in a hurry that day, and your tie was not straightened, so I stopped you. It was when I was straightening your tie, I looked at you, it was fine at first, but suddenly, everything seemed to have changed. I don’t know, we seemed to look at each other suddenly, and my heartbeat lost its original frequency. After you left, I calmed down for a long time .It was from that time that I found myself thinking differently about you. But you are a girl. I thought at the time, maybe I am the only one who feels this way about you, and you just treat me like a good friend Just look at it."

Yu Bing's words brought back my memories of that day: At that time, I watched her adjust my tie, just like my wife.

I don't know how to describe how I feel now, it's a little bit sad, a little bit wonderful, a little bit pleasantly surprised, and a little bit lucky.It turned out that at the same moment, we both had the same throbbing for each other.

"After sending you to the hospital that day, I suddenly learned that my mother was hospitalized due to an old illness when she was on a business trip abroad, so I had to fly abroad. She was very sick at the time, and the doctor said that she would only have two more days to live at most. months, unless there is an operation. But the risk of the operation is very high. But we are still going to have the operation, the operation process is extremely difficult, and my mother and I are very tired."

Just like that time when Yu Bing told me the reason of her phobia, I could only let her lean on my shoulder in distress. This time, I can only hug her back. It turns out that she endured more than I did during those days. get more.But at the time I almost blamed her.

"Yubing, I'm sorry—"

Yu Bing shook her head, leaning on my chest, and shook her head slightly, "Although the days with my mother were hard, it wasn't a day and night. I did think about calling you at that time, but , but I have been hesitating, because during those days, I found that my feelings for you seemed to become clearer. But the clearer, the more afraid. At that time, I watched some movies about gender identity. But those People fall in love with the opposite sex. Boys think they are girls and fall in love with another boy. Girls think they are boys and fall in love with another girl.”

"Cheng Hai, at that time, I thought you would never fall in love with me. How I wished at that time that you were a real boy, not a boy who thought he was a girl."

"Then—why did Lin Hai answer the call when I called you?"

"I've known him since we were very young, when he was an orphan."

The author has something to say:

I'm about to get stuck in this weird place: when he was an orphan.

PS: There is another update tonight, because yesterday's update was missing.