Not to blame

"Next, Mo Xinxu."

Mo Xinxu walked into the consultation room in response, her movements a little sluggish.The doctor looked at Mo Xinxu's medical records, and then handed him a medical certificate.

Mo Xinxu took it over and took a look, it was moderate exogenous depression.He stared at the line for a long time, as if he didn't recognize it, "Doctor, what... does this mean?"

"Depression, a relatively common mental illness."

"Is there still a chance to heal?"

"The chances of a cure are not high, but it can be controlled with medication." The doctor said, "Keep the room tidy and don't force yourself to do things that are difficult to do... Always adjust yourself."

Mo Xin thought to herself, so she was mentally ill.

It started to rain when I came out of the hospital.He didn't prescribe any medicine, and he was going to City C tomorrow, so he didn't know what to do today.Every step was tiring and aimless, he stopped walking, the color in front of his eyes gradually darkened, and the sound beside his ears also lost, as if he had suddenly turned into an ancient black and white silent film.

It took some time before he recovered from this state.Even the drizzle dampened his hair and stuck locks to his forehead.He didn't wait for the clothes to dry, and took a taxi directly to the airport.

Mo Xinxu sat in the airport waiting room all night, and when he took the plane the next day, he took out his mobile phone to turn it off, only to find that Chen Yucheng had called him no fewer than three hundred missed calls.He pressed a text message and sent it, and he didn't press the send button until the flight attendant came to remind everyone to turn off the phone and turned off the phone.

The text message Chen Yucheng received was not very long, but Mo Xinxu wrote, deleted, changed, and finally wrote only two words.

gone.

After Mo Xinxu left, the contact between the two of them was cut off immediately.Mo Xinxu's phone was turned off, she didn't respond to her WeChat messages, and she didn't read her text messages, as if they had evaporated out of thin air.Just when Chen Yucheng was about to ask Xu Yang to check the location, Mo Xinxu replied to WeChat.

"The scenery here is beautiful."

Attached are two pictures.

At the top of Mo Xinxu's reply were hundreds of WeChat messages sent by Chen Yucheng. From the inquiry at the beginning to the anxiety at the end until the recent irritability, Mo Xinxu didn't mention a word, but shared two landscape photos with him.It's still a very official one. It can be seen that it's just a casual photo, a very standard and carefree tourist photo.Mo Xinxu couldn't receive the missed calls after turning on the phone, but there were text messages, and there were dozens of them.

Mo Xinxu didn't read any of them, and fell asleep on the hotel bed after replying.This sleep lasted until the early hours of the morning. Although I was still very tired, I couldn't fall asleep again.Mo Xinxu couldn't lift his strength all over his body, and his eyes were staring straight at the ceiling, his mind was completely empty, and he didn't bother to think about anything.It must have been a long time before he saw the phone was on, took it slowly, and found that it was Chen Yucheng who was looking for him.

He seemed a little angry.

At this time, Chen Yucheng just made a phone call, Mo Xinxu picked it up, and Chen Yucheng said:

"It's been six fucking days, Mo Xinxu, the phone is turned off and the text messages are not answered. In six days, you have sent me three WeChat messages, and two of them are photos of tourists. What are you going to do?"

Mo Xinxu didn't speak for a long time, and Chen Yucheng said again: "If you have anything to do, at least tell me, so I can know where you are and what's going on lately. You don't even bother to talk to me?"

Mo Xinxu began to cry slowly: "I...I've been in the hotel all day, I didn't expect it to be so long..."

"It's fun to see me worrying about you, isn't it?" Chen Yucheng was angry and anxious, "Okay, don't turn off your phone, and contact me when you have something to do. I can't sleep well all day. Do you think you are enough to trouble people? .”

"I'm sorry..." Mo Xinxu whispered.

"Have you been staying in the hotel for the past six days?" Chen Yucheng asked.

"Hmm...very tired."

Hearing his tone, Chen Yucheng was indeed listless. Seeing that it was already past three o'clock in the morning, he had no choice but to coax him to sleep: "Okay, it's past three o'clock, hurry up and go to sleep."

Mo Xinxu agreed and hung up.

On the second, third, fourth, and fifth days, Mo Xinxu was still missing.This time the phone is not turned off, and can be dialed, but no one answers.Chen Yucheng was so angry that he lost his temper, but on the sixth day, at two o'clock in the middle of the night, he received a WeChat message from Mo Xinxu.

This one is quite long.

When Mo Xinxu replied to him, he actually didn't intend to reply so much.He has always thought that Chen Yucheng is a very self-centered person, and he will do his own things calmly when he is not around.But obviously he underestimated the importance Chen Yucheng attached to this relationship. His disappearance seemed to take away the backbone of Chen Yucheng's whole being, making him restless day and night.It was rare for Mo Xinxu to look carefully at WeChat, and saw such a paragraph.

"I calm down for a while. I don't know why I'm in poor health during this time, and I can't move anymore. I want to say good night to you a few days in advance. You are more like cutting off contact with everyone, including me. I saw you The number of times is getting less and less. I need to swipe my phone day and night to catch such a small moment of instant chat with you. WeChat has become a message system. Even when we are not in love, you and My chatting frequency would not be so pitiful. You are actively separating from everything. Even if everything suppresses you, you don’t want to crawl out to look at me. To put it mildly, you are in a bad mood. When you get older, you don’t trust me, and you don’t even have the will to communicate with me. I’m stuck in an endless loop of being unwanted. You try your best to wrap yourself up with bad emotions, then you let me Falling in love with what? I'm really sad."

"I want to pull you up from the mud, you tell me I'm sorry, the mud will stain your clothes, I'm sorry, leave me alone, I'm sorry, I really don't have the strength to get out."

"You don't need me when you're sad."

At two o'clock in the middle of the night on the sixth day, Chen Yucheng finally waited for Mo Xinxu's reply:

"I've been typing for a long time. Since you sent it until now, I've been wanting to say something, I don't know if I want to justify it or for other reasons... But it's not important, I can't remember what I want to say at all. Last night I dreamed of you... I can't remember the content of the dream, but the distant feeling full of sadness and regret is still very clear. Where did we start to take the wrong step on the road we crossed? I need you, but I really don’t want to affect you and make you pessimistic with me. I’m too cowardly, useless, and have no merit at all. It’s already... enough, I don’t want to... and shouldn’t exist In the world. Although you don't like me saying I'm sorry, but you have to apologize if you do something wrong. I'm sorry...I'm sorry. No matter what it is, I don't want to hurt you. I'm sorry...I didn't do what I could have done What I did, I didn’t believe in you. I can’t say it, I’m just tired, I’m tired of living, and I don’t have much energy to struggle... Thinking that you will still feel sad because of me, enough... Really enough. I have lost even the ability to please you... I don't want to exist in this world anymore."

As soon as he sent it, Chen Yucheng called.When Mo Xinxu picked it up, Chen Yucheng scolded him all over the place:

"I didn't want to tell you these things at the beginning, because you were a silly child, and you would think too much after two sentences. Now you are thinking more and more crookedly, and it has reached this point. I don't know what to tell you Okay. What are you afraid that I will be affected? Is it what you tell me that affects me more or let me think about it and worry about it in the middle of the night? You can’t tell, you’re tired, it’s okay, didn’t you think it yourself? You took the initiative Imagine you shouldn't exist in the world, you fucking fart without a draft. You just think I'm an idiot, and I kind of see it. Okay, what can I say, I'll say a fart."

Chen Yucheng took a deep breath, feeling that his chest was about to explode, and his heart was constricting and painful.

"If it's really impossible, I'll let you go, okay? I know I'm sorry for you, I'm a bastard, I'm a scum, I'm an idiot. You don't have to torture yourself like this."

Mo Xinxu was stunned at first, but then tears fell down unconsciously, splashing on the bed sheet. "no no……"

"Don't you want to die?" Chen Yucheng said coldly, "I'll accompany you. I happen to have a whole set of knives in the kitchen at home. I use whichever I want. If I can't, I open the window and jump down. Anyway, I live on the top floor 34, and I will die if I jump down. .”

"No...don't...ah..." Mo Xinxu's voice was already hoarse, he held the phone with difficulty to keep his voice clearly heard, but it didn't seem to help.His throat was sore as if it had been swollen by rough sandpaper, and he could smell blood in his breath.

"I coax you, you feel inferior. If I scold you, you blame yourself. I'm with you, but you stop me. What do you want from me?" Chen Yucheng asked with suppressed anger.

"I want you...to live..." Mo Xinxu said intermittently, the words were obscured by tears: "Be happy..."

Chen Yucheng asked back: "Did you do it yourself?"

"..."

"do you need me?"

"Need...need you..."

"Do you listen to me?"

"I'm willing to listen..." Mo Xinxu cried until he couldn't breathe, "If I can do it, I will try my best..."

"Go to sleep." Chen Yucheng said.

A month has passed.Counting the two calls they made, they never called again for half a month.Chen Yucheng occasionally said a few words on WeChat, and Mo Xin promised to reply after seeing it in three or four days.Mostly it was written by Mo Xinxu who was emotionally broken and delirious. Chen Yucheng calmed down very pertinently, and asked Mo Xinxu what happened in the end.After practicing Tai Chi for more than half a month, when Mo Xinxu wanted to reply to Chen Yucheng again, a red exclamation mark appeared on the left side of the message.

Mo Xinxu was in a hurry, and hurriedly dialed the number, the ring rang for a long time, and it was Luo Luo who answered.Luo Luo said angrily: "You fucking dare to call me? Let me tell you, Chen Yucheng dumped you this time, so you don't have to spend all your time hanging on to him. I had a great time in City C. Isn’t it? How many capes have you caught? How many hats are you going to bring back to Chen Yucheng? You are so excited, how many times a month do you talk to him? Ruthless, you're saving a hand here, right? Damn it, get out!"

The phone hangs up.Mo Xinxu didn't react for a long time, and Luo Luo's side was also anxious as if it was going to blow up.

"Doctor!" Luo Luo shouted towards the slowly closing door of the emergency room, "This is my best friend! We must save him!"