she has two faces

For a moment, Xu Deng's mind went blank. She was pushed to the table by Jiang Di. Many things on the table hit the ground, and she cried briefly in the middle of the night.

Her waist was pressed against the table, and Jiang Di grabbed and pressed her hands on the other's chest. Inside was a real beating heart. Every time Xu Deng felt a powerless sadness spread from his heart.

Why has to be this way?

I'm not worth it.

The same as their parting kiss in memory, the familiar pain, the strange taste of the tongue licking the wound, disturbed her thoughts along with the beating freshness under her palm, and turned into a silence that could not speak for a long time.

Jiang Di kept looking at Xu Deng. Her hair was disheveled and her bangs were messy. She watched Xu Deng go from helpless to indifferent, and then finally broke free from her hand and calmly picked up the things that fell on the ground.

It's three o'clock in the morning.

The small alarm clock beside the bed was ticking, and Xu Deng went to turn on the light. After picking up the things, she rubbed her hair, and finally said to Jiang Di, "Sit down."

Jiang Di sat on Xu Deng's bed, and she threw away the guilt that always dragged her down, wishing to stick her eyes on Xu Deng.

Xu Deng already has a strong immunity to this kind of gaze. At first she was the one who stared at Jiang Di like this, and later Jiang Di always looked at her like this. Until now, she has become ignorant.

She hugged the pillow and sat on the other side, and asked the other party calmly, "If you come and find out that I have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, what will you do?"

She met Jiang Di's gaze, looked at his slightly opened face, and thought: This person is still so good-looking.

The envious kind.

But now that I think about it, her initial resentment was actually quite unreliable, but it was just because she came from her hometown and was neglected, she had to find a reason to vent her resentment.

Turned into a very childish behavior.

"What do you think will happen to me?"

Jiang Di asked back, her eyes were red, and Xu Deng was sitting very close to her, it might be better to say that the bed was so small that she could wipe away the other's tears with her hand.

It's really strange to see Jiang Di crying.

Xu Deng took out a facial tissue and gave it to the other party, "I don't know."

"I've changed, and you can see it. I can't guess whether you have changed."

When she said "I've changed", Jiang Di paused for a moment before taking the paper Xu Deng handed over, "But the day I came, you did have a boyfriend."

It was that classmate Dai.

Xu Deng: "Aren't you here?"

Jiang Di brushed her hair, "I was standing across the road at that time."

"Actually, I really wanted to rush over like that, but there were so many cars at that time, I was afraid of being hit and killed."

She smiled selfishly, "I won't see you when I die."

Xu Deng couldn't help but twitched the corner of his mouth, "Can you stop talking about death?"

"It's just a metaphor."

"I know."

Swear to use it exclusively, Xu Deng added in his heart.

Jiang Di naturally thought of it too, she couldn't help but tilt her body, "Xu Deng."

Xu Deng hummed, and she began to feel sleepy again.

No one spoke for a long time, Xu Deng raised his eyelids and found that Jiang Di was staring at her.

"Come on, if you don't say anything, I'll go to sleep. I agreed to go to the jumping machine tomorrow, and I've already bought the tickets."

She was still thinking about her jumping machine.

Jiang Di really wanted to jump off a building for a moment.

"You really don't have feelings for me?"

She looked at Xu Deng, the wall lamp was turned on in the room, it was dim, Xu Deng hugged the pillow and leaned against the bed rail, squinting, feeling like he was asleep.

"real."

Xu Deng covered his eyes with his hands, not looking at the other party, and said calmly: "Jiang Di, I don't like you anymore."

"Then have you ever liked me before?"

Jiang Di lowered her head. She was wearing a large pajamas with the sleeves rolled up. An ugly scar on her wrist was particularly eye-catching.

She has been holding back this question for a long time. She didn't dare to ask it before, and she was intoxicated with herself. She was afraid that Xu Deng's "no" would be enough to destroy her irreducible love accumulated over time.

"Yes, I have."

Xu Deng patted his forehead, opened his eyes, and glanced at Jiang Di casually without opening them too wide.

"At that time, I liked you so much, I wished I had the power to snatch you away."

When she said this, she was smiling and sincere, and Jiang Di felt her nose sore, and the tears in her eyes couldn't be held back, and they were about to fall down.

"Why are you crying, so moved?"

Xu Deng sighed, she sat up, took out a few more sheets of paper, but didn't hand it to Jiang Di this time, she pinched the other's chin, and wiped away the tears for him.

"In the past, you always advised me not to cry, but now you are crying so hard."

Xu Deng suddenly felt very elated. She had lost face in front of Jiang Di countless times. She never thought that time would pass and she would be able to turn the page and reset it, but it was just a different person crying.

"Maybe it was too hasty at that time." Xu Deng rolled up the tissue and threw it into the trash can. "We didn't think about it, so we just got together casually."

"It's not official, I said a few empty words and it seems like we're going to be together forever," she squinted her eyes, "When I saw you passed out in the room that day, I regretted it at that time, and felt like I had done something heinous , tortured you like this."

"It's too hard, and I'm hated by my family."

"Actually, hating is the second priority. It's hard work. You seem to be dying. Maybe others think so too... As for it?"

"If we are not together, you may still be the same as you were in school. I hate it, but everyone likes you. So many people like you, and the teacher likes you. You can get what you want."

"I'm different. I don't have anything anyway, so no matter how my mother disagrees, she can't do anything. After all, if I ignore her, she will be sad."

"The next day in the hospital, when I saw you, I felt very angry. I thought you were too much, and you talked too much. I know, but sometimes people are like this. What kind of promise is it? But I can’t help but believe it. No matter how reluctant, let’s score.”

"Am I right?" Xu Deng glanced at the silent Jiang Di, "You recruited me first."

"At that time, I really liked it, but I wanted to save face, and I didn't want to praise you very much."

"Jiang Di, you are really good, so there is no need to compromise now, no need, you just can't get over my hurdle, I am a blemish in your emotional life, don't take it to heart, it's over, no need Come all the way, want to do it again.”

"And I don't think you like me that much," Xu Deng took a deep breath, "It will fade away after a long time."

"Your parents, I'm a little scared too."

"So, Jiang Di, forget it."

Jiang Di's initial joy of being admitted to like her gradually faded in Xu Deng's continuous words, and finally turned into a deep powerlessness mixed with a seemingly non-existent anger.

"No need, flaw, Kan, forget it... right?"

Jiang Di raised her eyes, and she reached out to grab Xu Deng's hand, "Is that how you see me?"

Her voice was a little hoarse. When Xu Deng looked over, he was frightened by the heavy gloom in Jiang Di's eyes. Those eyes were bloodshot, and the eye sockets were red, as if he could bear it again and again. He couldn't bear it anymore. The sadness poured out, and when it fell into her eyes, it was earth-shattering, and she couldn't bear it.

Xu Deng stopped talking.

She couldn't answer Jiang Di's question.

After all, she never knew why Jiang Di liked her in the first place, a person with no merits in him.

why?

She would rather postpone her meeting with Jiang Di for two or three years so that she would be fully prepared to meet him again.

Besides, she heard too much Jiang Di's "You are so funny" and "Very interesting", so the subsequent "I like you" is like a gift, even if she is tempted, it seems like a perfunctory dismissal.

The time spent with each other was warm, and their kisses and hugs were similar, but they were all based on a sense of insecurity, a slight touch, and everything would be lost.

The earth-shattering questioning and disapproval of her parents was enough to disturb her. The combination of all kinds of things easily made that period of time a lot hazy, like a bubble, which was shattered when others poked it.

Even liking is no match for the obstacles of parents, no match for the torment of each other's hearts, fragile and beautiful.

People don't dare to look forward to it anymore, and feel that they don't deserve it.

"Please speak?"

Jiang Di let go, and her breathing became short of breath, but she looked so thin, her brows were wrinkled and fainted, so pitiful.

Xu Deng still didn't speak.

Jiang Di laughed, she stretched out her hand and pushed Xu Deng, pushed him down on the bed, and relieved herself of her clothes, "Since you have said so, then I will trouble you for this hurdle that I can't get over, Solve my urgent needs well, so that I can..."

"Get rid of you."

The words were particularly sharp, but Jiang Di's expression did not have such hostility at all. Her voice was already hoarse, but she was still pulling her throat. The body and face of the lamp.

"Jiang Di, don't do this."

Xu Deng suddenly became bewildered, and she hurried to get up, but Jiang Di didn't give her a chance at all.

In fact, Xu Deng could push the other party away, but Jiang Di like this made her feel so distressed. She suddenly realized that she had come out after such a long time, but Jiang Di seemed to be trapped in it all the time.

At first, Jiang Di was a scorching sun, too shining, she didn't like it, but she couldn't help but be attracted by the warmth. It was only later that she realized that the scorching sun was just a cold moon shining secretly under the guise of sunlight.

The brilliance of the cold moon does not need the scorching sun to warm the sun, but the cold can also be hot. Up to now, her persistence seems to be pierced bit by bit in Jiang Di's bitterly suppressed but still sporadic sobs.

Do I really have no feelings for Jiang Di at all?

Lying on her body was the body of the person she relied on and admired in the past. She felt that her whole body was stabbed by Jiang Di's discomfort. For a moment, she even hoped that there was really such a medicine as "empathy" in the world. Let her share her pain and struggles.

Jiang Di held her down, and Xu Deng simply sat up with Jiang Di in his arms. She pulled the life at the end of the bed, covered the other's body, and turned off the light by the way.

The windows of Xu Deng's room were not closed tightly, and one or two strands of the cold wind in the winter night was enough to freeze a person.

Jiang Di cried until she couldn't speak. She felt that she had cried all the tears in her life that night. When Xu Deng hugged her and sat up, she wanted to curse, but her mouth was covered.

Their initial containment relationship seems to have really turned around today. Xu Deng is no longer the malnourished country girl before, and Jiang Di is not the glamorous campus goddess at the beginning.They all went to grow up together in the time when they had no intersection. Until now, when the positions were reversed, she was no match for Xu Deng's ruthlessness, nor was she able to match the strength of Xu Deng's embrace, nor could she be no match for Xu Deng's sudden restraint.

There is a fresh smell on Xu Deng's body, and he can smell it when he gets close. Jiang Di didn't have time to think about it before, but now he suddenly remembered it. It seems to be called "morning after the rain", a long time ago When her classmate Yuan He asked her to go out to buy gifts, she had smelled this smell at the counter, and she said at the time that the smell was okay, why the name was so boring.

"Jiang Di."

After so many days, Xu Deng finally stretched out his hand to touch her actively. She was panting, and the last word was a little fluttering. Jiang Di liked it very much when she called herself that. But after a long time, it becomes a loud "grass", and it's not that taste anymore.

It seems that only at this time, when she is ambiguous and panting, can she hear Xu Deng's voice.

She wished she could record it so that she could listen to it over and over again when she was alone, from early morning to late night, as if Xu Deng was always calling her in her ear.

That way the room won't be empty, the time won't be long, and there will be her in the years.

Her whole life has been wrapped up by Xu Deng, no one, no self-loathing will come to kill her.

Her soul has long been branded, no matter how many people she has seen, where she has been, who has blocked her, whether she wants to die or survive,

The author has something to say: Nothing can stop her desire to stay by her side.

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"Heart Doing" - Shuangsheng