can't name

The author has something to say: Lei point: I am the party whose sexual orientation cannot be changed after adulthood.I think the sexual orientation of homosexuals cannot be changed, and the sexual orientation of heterosexuals cannot be changed and cannot be truly bent.But I hope that even in this situation, everyone will work hard to pursue happiness, and it will not be a tragedy in the end.I don’t want Gong’s Biaojiao to be written as a too common Biaojiao. My understanding of Biaojiao is an abnormal love, a love that looks a little crazy or sick, and an extremely deep love.The writing style, probably the hidden madness under the daily reality, hovers between freshness and darkness.Attacking the main perspective, abnormal protagonist, there must be something abnormal in the three views.

"Love in the Time of Cholera" was originally inspired by this book. It has been the best romance novel I have ever read. It interprets love very well. Interpretation of this book. "Letter from a Strange Woman" has written about the unrequited love in my heart to a certain extent. In fact, I have always felt that unrequited love has a peculiar beauty, and I hope I can express this beauty in the article.The recently released movie and the original manga "The Shape of a Voice" also gave some inspiration about the relationship between people.I hope to write that different people cannot understand each other, but they can also feel warmth from each other.

In a desperate world, love is the most beautiful existence, but sometimes love itself is like a kind of mistake disaster.But even so, I still want to fall in love with you in this life.What is the meaning of life without love.Love for you is all the nobility and glory of my miserable life.For me, love is like a menacing disease that cannot be stopped, bringing people madness and warmth.Your appearance has changed my life. I was born as a human being, endured the difficulties of human beings, and lived alone in this world. I just hope to find something that can make me feel that life is still meaningful enough in this lonely and messy world. Meaning, loving you is the only way I've found.Love is sometimes an addictive poison/drug, like a disease that lasts a lifetime, making people crazy and incomprehensible, unlike the former self, who has truly tasted the taste of love and can never return to the original carefree , But it also makes my heart worry about not being empty.I always like those beautiful love endings, but I can also let go of regrets and flaws. Even if I know that there will be countless pains, I will not regret meeting you.

--Inscription

[-]. Light and Darkness

Once upon a time, there was a girl from an ordinary family, beautiful in appearance and simple in heart who inadvertently seduced Lin Mo, the married son-in-law of a wealthy family, with her appearance while she was studying abroad.Lin Mo concealed the fact that he was married, and finally captured the girl's heart with the maturity and elegance of an older social person, coupled with a gentle personality, and a handsome and beautiful appearance.A young girl living in an ivory tower fell in love crazily, but ended up getting pregnant unexpectedly.After the girl became pregnant, Lin Mo really planned to divorce and marry her at the cost of abandoning her bright future, but was discovered by his current wife, Zhao Yuanyuan.Zhao Yuanyuan told the girl all the truth.The girl who felt cheated of her feelings ran away angrily without a trace.After Lin Mo searched for many times but found no results, he finally forgot to give up this relationship in time, and then he devoted himself to living a good life with his wife and moving towards a bright future.The girl who disappeared later gave birth to the child she was carrying, and died of weakness not long after.The child was entrusted by the girl's dying brother to be raised by her own brother's family.The girl's elder brother approached Lin Mo, who has now become the successor of a big company that has gained the trust of his father-in-law, and secretly asked for a huge sum of child support.

Su Chen is that girl's child, and was often ridiculed by other children for not having parents.He still asked about his parents many times when he was young, but the adults kept silent about it. The little Su Chen had a vague feeling that adults hated this matter, so he didn't dare to ask again.But deep down in his heart, the desire to know the truth about his parents has been getting stronger and stronger. He has been speculating and secretly investigating.Several years of hard work allowed him to secretly accumulate a lot of trivial understanding of the past. He knew his mother's name "Su Baisu", knew that he had his mother's surname, and knew that his mother's health was very bad after he gave birth to him. Poor, and then my mother entrusted herself to my uncle to be raised before she died.Grandma is always thinking about her dead mother, especially she doesn't like Su Chen asking about her father. Grandma probably hates father very much, and it seems that she doesn't like Su Chen too much. Uncle's family used to be quite poor, etc.These are all like little puzzle pieces to collect. When he was 13 years old, he finally found out the name of his biological father by chance. On that day, the little boy happily rushed into his room, excitedly searching the names of Lin Mo and Su Baisu countless times on the computer.In the end, he found a very old piece of news on the computer, which was also the biggest piece of the puzzle he wanted to know about his parents' past—the report that the son-in-law of the Weir Group had cheated on a female student of X University.

Constantly searching for information on the Internet, the little boy's shocked mind finally began to understand what kind of existence his origin was.After knowing the truth, the originally quite lively boy became a little taciturn, and there was no one around who was suitable to confide in. He often chatted with people on the Internet.

The uncle’s family has a biological child, Su Ming, who wants his younger brother to pay more attention to the biological child. The younger brother’s character is a little willful, and he often grabs the attention of his parents. Su Chen often feels lonely in this family. .And he faintly felt it from his grandmother. In fact, his grandmother felt that it was his father who harmed his mother, and she also blamed him a little bit.The relationship between uncle and grandmother is very good, and it is somewhat affected.

"I'm an unwanted child..." The boy who muttered that year was only 13 years old.The young man became somewhat at a loss as to where to go. There was a heavy feeling oppressing the young man’s heart. He had not been able to get rid of it. In the end, it expanded a little bit. Gradually, he began to feel hopeless and confused about the world. At the age of 14, the rebellious period also began. With the advent, the boy changed from a well-behaved and sensible student to a poor student who gave up studying, abandoned himself, willful and rebellious.His uncle and aunt naturally liked his younger brother who was still fairly obedient.The confused young man longing for love has become less and less loved by others. He knows that this is a vicious circle, but he doesn't know how to change or cheer up.Wherever the Su family went to play, they would bring Su Chen with them, but if Su Chen didn't come, they wouldn't regret it. When Su Chen came, they would just watch Su Mingyuan talking and laughing with his parents quietly most of the time.Quietly follow or do your own thing.

"Why do I work hard? Why do I study? Why do I live? Because my uncle's family raised me, so I should work hard for them? But if this is the case, it is really sad to see my brother and uncle and aunt together. .”

At school and in the class, silently looking at the innocent and carefree faces with happy smiles, the little boy would occasionally feel a tingling pain. "Why are so many people all so happy? There is no one of the same kind at all."

"What should I do?" This kind of thing can't be answered no matter how much I cry.Even if you ask someone about this kind of thing, even if you search the books, you can't get any direct answer.The deep pain and confusion of a sensitive and fragile youth will affect Su Chen no matter how many years later, and no matter how old he is later, the shadow of that lonely and confused boy will linger in Su Chen's heart.Some things are hard to stop bleeding.

Although the junior high school that the boy attended was a well-known and good junior high school that paid a lot of money, his uncle and aunt's family is very rich now, and they have never lost money to him.Many tutors around are strict and good students with excellent grades and obedient personality. The teenager has always envied these students. These students have worked hard and happily, although there will be pain in their hearts, but it will not be too strong. Sometimes they laugh and sometimes work hard and sometimes they are sad. Sometimes they grow up, as if they have a shining youth. There are relatives who are waiting for them to go home, encouraging and cheering for their studies. Woolen cloth.

For him, the so-called school and the so-called exams are nothing more than that, they are just assigned tasks.As far as the task is concerned, it is enough to just barely pass.I will always be like this in my future life. I will continue to complete the various tasks assigned, as long as it is barely too bad. It doesn’t matter if I am in a good mood. one time. "There's nothing wrong with such a person. Isn't it?" He said to himself comfortingly.

After school, the boy likes to hang out with bad boys from outside the school or from the school. These people are his friends, and many of them are people with such problems at home. Being together can bring warmth.

It seems that the time spent doing nothing and playing around is not as empty and depraved as adults imagine, it is just a lot of time spent looking for fun and using this paralysis to soothe your inner fluctuations.If someone really wants to blame the young boy for wasting his time in computer games and wandering around, it is better to listen to the cry of the sad boy who is almost breaking down in his heart: "I want to ask this kind of thing." What about the world! Why is my heart always so sad. I don’t even know why I am sad, but it takes so much time to make my heart feel better. There are many things I want to know too.”

The boy was originally good-looking, and his parents were both excellent in appearance, with a good foundation, a handsome face, especially fair skin, and his facial features resembled his mother's but not too girly.Some precocious girls in the same class have also reached the age of first love, but I don't know why the boy hates girls' ambiguous discussions and stares at him.I also hate topics related to love.But he doesn't dislike girls either. Among the companions of delinquent boys, there are also big sisters. As a friend, he appreciates those girls who are individualistic, loyal and reliable, but he doesn't like being liked by girls.All later teenagers like to cover most of their faces with long bangs, and wear loose clothes to make themselves a bit shabby, and because of this, they will occasionally be said a few words, as if being cared for, which is kind of strange happiness.Uncle's son Su Mingyuan loves to dress up. He always wears the clean and beautiful clothes his mother carefully prepared for him, and he also cares about other people's evaluations.The boy felt that he and Su Mingyuan were completely different people, and he was willing to show this through his clothes.

It doesn't matter if they fight as if they don't want their lives if they don't agree with each other, it doesn't matter if they like to get themselves covered in blood, or they like to dress up weirdly.The self-esteem that has already begun at this age prevents the teenager from discovering that in fact, many of his inexplicable actions are vaguely conveying his desire for help and sympathy.Being a delinquent boy is a way to release the pressure of adolescence, although it is too much.A lonely boy who has gradually lost his sense of being needed in a world just always hopes to find the meaning of existence in another place.It's the same when fighting, sometimes it doesn't matter whether it's the upper hand or the lower hand, because there's no reason or reason, I just want to fight with each other like this, fists, crosses, body fights, sometimes this is also A constant way of interacting with each other among the inarticulate teenagers.It's just that this method is inappropriate and often brings danger.But anyway, this usually quiet and ordinary boy would be very fierce when he really fights, full of a sense of venting, and people who have fought with this boy can more or less feel that in this peaceful life, in his eyes Under the seemingly normal appearance, there are many intense emotions in his heart.In fact, the young man desperately hopes to understand and warm each other with someone, to convey his feelings to others, to be understood by others, and to be able to save him from the inexplicable sadness, but in Throughout his youth, he had listened carefully to his voice, and there was only one person who saved him.

However, if this young man wants to say something bad, it is better than to say something good. If he wants to say something good, he is actually living a good life. At least he is young, well-fed, and healthy. Although he has many problems, he is still peaceful and can live there. Home.That's why this gloomy young man occasionally hates himself: "Obviously, that's all. At most, I just feel that I can't find the meaning of my existence. I always envy the people around me. I feel that no one cares about me. I feel that life is boring. Meaning. It’s just something, why do I always feel so sad, and even want to jump out of the window. I really don’t understand these problems.”

It's almost the third year of junior high school, and the atmosphere of preparing for the senior high school entrance examination is everywhere in the class.This age, in the final analysis, is just a half-grown child, the most youthful and self-willed, the most rebellious mentality and the time when you are confused about yourself in life, but you have to face the first and most important exam in your life, and you have to face it. Think about the big, heavy and serious questions of life.This is indeed a bit of a burden for children.At this time, the teenager is also starting to think about his future and future.He still has not been able to understand his own heart, and he has not understood what to do is right.It would be great if time could stop at this time, and it would be great if he could figure out his own heart before making a decision.It's a pity that neither time nor reality will ever change and stay for anyone.

In such gloomy days of youth, the boy suddenly fell in love with someone.It really felt like the gears of fate were finally turning.

In the fourteenth year, the boy's family attended a celebration banquet with relatives.The protagonists of the banquet were a couple and a well-bred and gentle son, with good-looking facial features, natural gray-blue eyes, and beautiful flaxen hair slightly lighter than the average Chinese.This was just an occasional meeting, just an occasional eye contact. The gentle boy smiled at the gloomy and lonely boy. In an instant, he had the illusion of seeing the sun. I don’t know why the lonely boy The beating of his heart became strange, his eyes followed that person, and he looked at the side face of that person, which was slightly shadowed by the light. The heavy black suit is as decent and natural as ordinary clothes, and there is a relaxed and gentle temperament in the smile.That gentle young man was filled with a contagious warmth, just looking at that person, unconsciously Su Chen felt his heart became lighter.Involuntarily, he wanted to talk to that gentle boy, and he began to prick up his ears to collect information related to that gentle boy.Then he knew that person was called Chen Jingrong.The banquet was organized by his parents to celebrate his admission to the famous Cambridge University in England.

Chen Jingrong seemed to have something to leave early, Su Chen followed him out of the hall uncontrollably, and followed him secretly a distance away from the aisle, at the corner, Chen Jingrong turned around and asked: "Hi, may I ask you What can I do?"

"That... I envy you very much, I admire you for being like this. I have been living in confusion recently, and I really want to ask someone like you what I should do." That At that time, the boy was very, very embarrassed, but he still couldn't help confiding his troubles and feelings.

"If I can bring a lot of help to a person, I am willing to spare a little of my time to help you." The man replied like this.

The beginning between Su Chen and Chen Jingrong was nothing more than this kind of encounter. It was just a person who once kindly gave help to strangers. It was just a little warm, but it made the lonely boy at that time so unforgettable and nostalgic.He seems to like that gentle boy, and he fantasizes about what he would do and how he would do it if he were that person, and what would happen if that person was by his side.Sometimes that's all it takes to feel happy.