paper idol

To retire of course.

Jing Rourou looked at the record on the screen, and this idea became clearer and clearer.

In the e-sports circle, Mu Qiang, in it, the only measure is strength.Here the weak are preyed upon by the strong, and only by standing at the top can one have the right to speak.In order not to be discriminated against, Jing Rourou once deliberately dressed herself as masculine.She hated her name because it was not suitable for this circle, as if God laughed at her for not being able to hang out in this circle for a long time.

But later she realized that her contribution to the team does not lie in her gender or the ensuing topicality, but in her awareness, operation and judgment.Others diss her because of her food.She insisted on retiring because of this word.

She has always been new in playing games, and she can't learn to compromise. When you add them together, you get four words - rigid and easy to break.

At first, this was a feature, a sharp blade, and she quickly accumulated attention and fans, and she was caught by surprise many times in the competition, which made the outside world's evaluation of her continue to rise.

Later, the enemy team became familiar with the routine and always used her as a breakthrough.Gradually, characteristics have become "cumbersome", become "individual heroism", and "come in through the back door".Coaches and managers have talked to her many times, hoping that she can change her style and pay a little attention to defense.She was also confused and tried, but the result was not good.

The correct one is "decisive", and the wrong one is "solitary courage".Jing Rourou was too rough, causing the team to fail many times, and was scolded by tens of thousands of people.

After losing this match, Jing Rourou realized that her strength was no match for her character, and she was not worthy.

She is too good.

Food is the original sin, this is the iron rule of the e-sports circle.Either the harder you practice, the harder it is for no one to do it, or you turn to defense.

It is easy to say, but it is difficult to do both.Teenagers pay attention to freedom, if playing games can't continue their own style, what's the point?

No one was optimistic about the other way, Jing Rourou tried her best to make the longboard longer, but the result was only to cause the team to lose again and again.As it turned out, the road was also blocked.

This is the reality, the status quo, a maze that Jing Rourou can't get out of after going round and round.

Just a few days ago, the coach and the manager talked to her together and said: "For more than a year, the team has been absorbing new talents and is also trying to transform. Your style is not suitable for the current team. Might have to replace you."

What they said later, Jing Rourou didn't listen carefully, but she understood that it was going to be hidden by the snow.

The team was right, but what was wrong was the knives that had been sharpened, the style and strength that could not be adapted, the heart was higher than the sky, and the fate was thinner than paper, and the eyes were superior and the hands were inferior.

It was Jing Rourou herself.

The atmosphere in the practice room froze for a while, and the teammates tried to dissuade him, but it didn't help.The captain reported the current situation to the manager, and the manager soon appeared, and said three words to Jing Rourou: "Follow me."

Jing Rourou expressed her thoughts to the manager, the manager thought for a while, and finally agreed to report to the higher-ups.Her contract is about to expire, and she is indeed not suitable for team battles, so it's better to be a human being and stay on the front line.After talking about business, the manager comforted Jing Rourou, told her not to think about it, and said that she could stay in the team as a training partner or even a coach.Jing Rourou shook her head, pushed open the door of the conference room, and walked out.

All the teammates stood outside the door, they looked at Jing Rourou with doubts in their eyes: how is the talk going?

Jing Rourou pretended to be relaxed and smiled, and said, "I won't play with you guys in the league."

Everyone was shocked, and one of them even had red eyes, and said, "I just fought for you on the Internet, and I lost 10 fans in [-] minutes! You just left with a shake of your hand, are you going to pay my fans?"

Jing Rourou thought for a while and said, "I'll buy it for you. I wish you all the best and win the championship."

After leaving the team, Jing Rourou did not give up the game, but wandered around the high-score of the national server and the US server, just to prove that she could do it. She wanted to be a lone wolf and reach the top without relying on her teammates.

But things backfired.

Talent is really hard to say, as if a layer of shackles were added to people before birth, which makes "effort" a false proposition-hard work is fruitful before reaching the ceiling; but after that, it is powerless.

Everyone on the Internet scolded her for being a dish, and for being glass-hearted, but no one knew how much she wanted to win.The result is the only test benchmark, and no one cares about another person's heart.

Jing Rourou spent more time in the game than when she was in the military, and even lost her regular meals and sleep.She's getting fatter and less fit, stopping every step to catch her breath, but she doesn't care, she just wants to get stronger.However, reality is not a game, and will and effort cannot be converted into "achievement points".

When she's not playing games, Jing Rourou just reads Weibo comments.In the first month after the incident, there was the most abuse, as well as the most "fans of passers-by" and "fans turning roads".Now several months have passed, and there are still people who persevere in cursing on Weibo.Jing Rourou clicked on the homepages of those people and saw that the composition was different, from which game they played, from which team they were fans of, and there were even accounts of bloggers who didn't follow the e-sports circle at all came to scold them.

It turns out that these people are "true love" for themselves? !Jing Rourou was angry and funny, and then became angry again.

You don't understand anything, so what qualifications do you have to judge? !

But no one else is obliged to understand.

Lost in the game again and again, Weibo encounters abuse from irrelevant people, etc., I can’t say what I have to say, and it’s even more wrong to say it.Jing Rourou's emotions were already on the verge of collapse.

Finally one day, Jing Rourou's fingers twitched while playing games, and she couldn't even complete the basic operations.

dish.

She has never been so clearly aware of her situation, which is a limit of talent, a sky that cannot be reached by tiptoe.

But she doesn't want to change, that's all she wants!

……

Jing Rourou entered the hospital. When she woke up, she saw the yellowed ceiling and heard her parents crying: "Isn't it just playing games? Why did you commit suicide? Is there anything more important than living?"

Parents don't understand, teammates don't understand, managers don't understand, netizens don't understand... No one understands her obsession and ups and downs, everyone can only say "why".

After lying in bed for several months, she couldn't play games and could only stare at the ceiling and meditate all day long.Really bored, I would also read the best-selling books brought by Ken's parents, which were basically just released.She was so bored that she couldn't finish half of a book until she came across the seemingly brainless "Life".

【Order me to be invincible, order me to be crowned king, order me to break the shackles and prejudices... order me to be me! 】

There were a few unclear words written on the girdle, Jing Rourou sneered: If she could really "order" herself to do this, what would fate do?She sneered and opened the book, but she didn't expect to be fascinated by it.

This is not a brainless novel, the protagonist is clearly so sad; this is not life, it is clearly "my life"-my life that lost my life.

It was the first time that Jing Rourou met this author called "a stroke of spring", and she searched a lot of her books along the way.

Reading people is like reading a book. Conversely, reading a person's book can also understand this person in fragments.During the few months lying in bed, Jing Rourou read Yichun Chun's book over and over again, and couldn't help thinking: What kind of person would she be?

The conclusion aside, but in the process of tracing the past of a stroke, Jing Rourou often feels that she understands this person's heart, which is the same as her own.

Later, Jing Rourou was discharged from the hospital and built a pure white room at home.She stayed in it for a long time, forgetting time and space, forgetting the game, forgetting how others talked about her.All she can remember is one thing: I am me.

I am me, a firework of different colors.

It doesn't matter if no one understands, she no longer cares about it.She wants to be herself, become thinner, whiter and more beautiful, play the games she wants to play, and follow the style she wants.

There are so many people who scold her, but everyone is living a dull life, she is too tired to even look at it, and there is no one who really cares about her thoughts.

It just so happened that teammate A was signed by mouTV. Taking this opportunity, the live broadcast platform came into Jing Rourou's field of vision.She used her long-suspended and bloody Weibo account to post a live broadcast announcement, and the topic was still hot, and some persistent sunspots even rushed into the live broadcast room to scold her.

But at this time, Jing Rourou didn't care anymore.

She learns to ignore, learns to silence, and even learns to take advantage of her natural appearance.This is her own face, why can't it be used?

What's even more ironic is that after changing her appearance, more people "washed the ground" for her past performance.You see, people's hearts are so unpredictable.

She finally learned to be "Rou Jiang".