looking away

【cowardly】

pain makes me irritable

hopelessness makes me anxious

The distorted temperament reveals a real me.

ugly is mine

pain is mine

When did you lift half of the load?

wanton cry

Willful catharsis

In my world, there is an extra torment of guilt.

i'm sick

i'm tired

I don't want you embracing a cowardly me for hopeless results.

30. Demon

Xiao Fan stayed up all night, called and sent WeChat messages, but Liu Tong didn't respond.

The next day, she dragged her tired body to the office, wanting to gather up the work in hand, ask Ning Boss for two days off, and then go to Liu Tong's company to find her.

But as soon as he arrived at the company, Ning Xiaofeng approached her on his own initiative.

"Xiao Fan, there is something urgent for you to do."

"Manager," Xiao Fan wanted to interrupt him, but Ning Xiaofeng didn't give her a chance at all, and turned the computer screen directly to Xiao Fan: "This matter is up to you."

Xiao Fan listened to Ning Xiaofeng's eloquent talk for half an hour before he figured out that it was another inexplicable dispute, and the chairman directly asked her to handle it by name.Every time the chairman was involved, Xiao Fan would not open his mouth to refuse, because when he was at his worst, it was this person who trusted her to support her and gave her a chance to let Xiao Fan go to the bottom of his career. Jump up.

Therefore, in Xiao Fan's heart, she owed this company.With this accommodating, Xiao Fan tried his best to do what he should and shouldn't do, and she wasn't wronged, but every time he thought of the original kindness, he couldn't convince himself to fight for fairness.

This time it was the same again, so Xiao Fan had no choice but to persuade himself silently: this case will only last for a week at most, nothing will happen to Liu Tong.The next treatment is two weeks away, so everything is rushing.

"I understand, leave this matter to me." Xiao Fan lowered his head and was about to leave.

Ning Xiaofeng hurriedly said: "At noon, invite Party A to dinner, you can come too. We can also pave the way for follow-up work if we meet each other."

Xiao Fan paused slightly, nodded and walked out, exiting the manager's office.

Sitting in front of the computer, Xiao Fan turned on the computer and logged into the mailbox, leaving a text message to Liu Tong:

Xiao Tong.Don't be angry anymore, okay?I worry about you.

I know you're not feeling well, I know you're in a bad mood.I shouldn't have yelled at you, I was wrong.

The company arranged a case for me that I couldn't refuse, and I had to travel for five days.You know, how much I don't want to go and I can't not go.

Alas, I miss you, wishing I could take you by my side all the time, watching and watching over you.But can't...

Xiaotong, you have to love yourself well.wait me back.Five days will pass quickly.

No matter what the problem is, we face it together, it is not a problem.

You said you trusted me, so please stick to it.

Xiaotong, love yourself well.wait me back.

After clicking send, Xiao Fan saw that Liu Tong updated the log in the space prompt.Quickly open it to see:

"Pets in the Circle"

Can't jump out of self-set circle

In the circle, there is a great monster

Confidence, Courage, Excellence

It, reaching the bounds of the infinite universe

It has the brute force to turn things around

But it is a "pet" in the circle after all

Breeding and spreading in the rain, dew and sunlight of the greenhouse

In the doting love and care, twist and spread

monsters are monsters after all

even grow up

It's also vines and vines, intertwined and intertwined, which makes people feel bored

Even become a talent

It is also twisted and abrupt, and the fangs and eyes make people dodge in fear

Gentle breeze, colorful light and shadow

The big tree in front of the sky shows the beauty of a mirage

Suddenly, the wind picked up and the rain

The frequently spotted tree shadows are shattered

The monsters in the circle are more manic and restless

ear

Chop, slash, eliminate, exterminate, the clamor goes on

In front of

Grumpy, roaring, biting, devouring, ugly still

Look carefully, the monster in that circle

Eyes are confused, heart is unwilling,

Desperate with grievances rolled to the ground

After reading it three times in a row, Xiao Fan felt Liu Tong's depression more and more.Just hit reply.Li Wei walked over, Xiao Fan quickly turned off the screen, turned around and said hello: Mr. Li, what's your order?

"Busy? Xiao Fan, I heard that the head office has appointed you a big case?"

"What is Mr. Li talking about? I'm just doing what I'm told. There's no such thing as naming names."

Li Wei smiled and said: "You're welcome, Xiao Fan. The chairman personally nominated you, and you have a bright future. Alas, if you don't care about your appearance, you are usually so quiet. Big backstage. The city is quite deep!"

After Xiao Fan heard this, not only did she frown slightly, but she knew Li Wei well, and she also vaguely knew that this man who knew nothing only relied on digging and prying holes to make it through today.Therefore, in his eyes, everyone is the same as him, there is no definition of effort and ability, only the exchange of power and interests.

Xiao Fan thought about it, and then replied neither humble nor overbearing: "Hehe, it sounds like Mr. Li is not complimenting me."

"It's definitely a compliment to you, Xiao Fan, you are a master, and you can always turn the tide! Not even the head office knows your strength."

Seeing Li Wei's playful smile, Xiao Fan felt disgusted, "Mr. Li, don't make fun of me, I haven't cleaned up the mess here yet. No, Mr. Ning is about to catch up to the room."

"Okay, you are busy and you are busy. I don't want to harass anyone. To make a long story short, are you free tonight? Yuping and I would like to treat you to dinner. Let's communicate our feelings, and you won't be disrespectful!"

"Thank you Mr. Li for your kindness. I will be on a business trip tomorrow. I really don't have time to draft the plan today. Let's go to another day. I invite you and Sister Li, and some colleagues from the company. Let's have a good time." Get together."

"Oh, that's it, then forget it, and you will be rewarded some other day!"

"sure."

31. Trust

During the five-day business trip, Xiao Fan dealt with the work at hand in an orderly manner while contacting Liu Tong from time to time.

Every time Xiao Fan said a lot, Liu Tong would only respond with a few words "OK", "Understood", "Busy" or send her away with a single expression.The more anxious Xiao Fan became, the less he dared to attack at will, because this was something that had never happened since the two of them started their relationship.Although Liu Tong has a bad temper, he has never played petty temper.She has no suspicion, no cold war, no strong words, and no aggressiveness.Emotionally, she can maintain absolute trust and tolerance.

I remember one time, Xiao Fan's ex-girlfriend Winter Solstice sent Xiao Fan a wechat message asking her to meet her, Xiao Fan hesitated and went anyway.But after the meeting, Dong Zhi has been crying bitterly, complaining about the history of being beaten by a foreign husband and the tragic situation of being abandoned by a foreign husband.Xiao Fan

My head was about to explode, and I had to listen out of politeness.Coincidentally at this time, Liu Tong called Xiao Fan: "Where is it?"

"Eat outside."

"What do you eat?" Liu Tong continued to ask.

"Hot pot." Xiao Fan looked at the steaming hot side, and Dong Zhi cast a questioning look.

"I want to eat, too."

"Okay, I'll pick you up." Xiao Fan asked Dong Zhi after putting down the phone: "I've been wondering about one thing, and I hope you can give me an answer sincerely."

Winter Solstice nodded.

Xiao Fan thought for a while and said, "Back then, why did you want to find me?"

Winter Solstice smiled awkwardly: "You are very charming and attract me very much."

"That's all?"

"It's not all, Xiao Fan. In fact, I thought about it seriously at the time. I know I'm not human, I'm disgusting, and I cheated several people's feelings at the same time, but I didn't want to hurt anyone. I was very Seriously thought about it, "

"Thinking about what?"

"Thinking about who to choose? Or, you know what? I once made a very painful decision. I don't think I will choose any of the three of you..."

"Stop! Stop talking." Xiao Fan made a stop gesture, "Winter Solstice, do you know that you are going to choose three people? Do you know that you are playing with human feelings? You think you are smart, you think you Can you manipulate the feelings between people?"

"No, Xiao Fan. I don't want to manipulate anything, I just can't let go of anyone, I really like you!"

Xiao Fan stood up and shook his head: "It's not that you are reluctant, you want everything. You think you can play with emotions as easily as you can control business. You are too conceited and selfish. Don't look for me again. Save yourself some face. Show respect to each other." Xiao Fan turned to leave, but Dong Zhi firmly held Xiao Fan back, and even drank a whole bottle of white wine.

After that, Dongzhi began to cry and make noises, which made Xiao Fan unable to escape.She couldn't bear to leave a woman alone in the restaurant, so she had no choice but to put the winter solstice on the car and planned to send the winter solstice home.But at this time, Liu Tong called again: "Hungry!"

"Immediately!" Xiao Fan looked at Dong Zhi in the back seat of the car, gritted his teeth, and drove the car to the downstairs of Liu Tong's company first, followed by Liu Tong, pointed behind him and said, "I'll send her back first. "

Liu Tong saw a long-haired woman leaning against the car window with half-closed eyes, reeking of alcohol.He asked in a low voice, "Who is it?"

Just as Xiao Fan was about to speak, Winter Solstice cried out: "Xiao Fan, I was wrong, and you were right. I have already suffered retribution. Can you forgive me? I miss you, really, I have thought about it, or You are the best to me, and I love you the most. Xiao Fan, can you give me another chance?" Dong Zhi begged, while reaching out to Xiao Fan, wanting the host Xiao Fan's neck.

Xiao Fan's expression changed and he was about to block it, but Liu Tong had already punched Dong Zhi's arm back.It was only then that Dong Zhi saw clearly that a woman with short hair and wide eyes was sitting in the co-pilot, frowning and staring at her.Winter Solstice didn't understand the situation for a while, and asked suspiciously, "Who are you?"

"You don't need to know who I am! All you need to know is that she is mine." Liu Tong pointed at Xiao Fan, not without arrogance.

"Impossible!" Winter Solstice looked around and blurted out.

Liu Tong smiled and dragged Xiao Fan to kiss him.Xiao Fan was taken aback for a moment, and then had no choice but to cooperate helplessly.

Winter Solstice was frozen by their sudden intimacy.Afterwards, he yelled sissily, "Xiao Fan, are you kidding me? Where did you find such a babysitter?"

Liu Tong stopped kissing, didn't look at Dongzhi, just stared at Xiao Fan affectionately and said: "Young man, there is a lot of history and people! You can do this kind of thing! Sigh! I was very hungry at first, but now I am I lost my appetite at all.”

Xiao Fan shook his head helplessly and said: "What my wife taught me is that under your teaching, I'm already advancing with the day. Forgive me for being young and ignorant, okay?"

Watching them holding hands and showing their affection during the winter solstice was like watching a horror movie.She woke up after drinking, turned around, got out of the car and slammed the door and left.When Xiao Fan started the car and drove away, Liu Tong rolled down the car window, waved and said: Byebye.

The moment the car window was rolled up, Liu Tong returned to normal.Xiao Fan joked, "The acting skills are not bad!"

But Liu Tong slapped Xiao Fan fiercely: "Tell me in advance, can't you? You can die if you say one more word! You can't even understand a sentence, and you should be in the car with such a joke, come and pick me up." !"

Xiao Fan grabbed Liu Tong's hand and hurriedly begged for mercy: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I was wrong. I just saw her drunk like that, so I can't let her go."

"Damn, look at the way she slams the door, she's drunk. She's pretending! It's teasing you. Call me in advance for such things in the future! Do you hear me?"

"Yes yes yes! I was wrong."

"I'm hungry, go home. Make me hand-rolled noodles."

Xiao Fan thought that Liu Tong would question and be suspicious, but she didn't.Her trust and dependence on Xiao Fan came from that rare trust.

But this trust failed to resist Liu Tong's own demons after all.Faced with Liu Tong's slamming the door and leaving, Xiao Fan never thought that it would lead to such a serious result.

Five days later, Xiao Fan, who finally finished his work and rushed back to City D, found a change when he got home.What was missing from the spotless room.Open the refrigerator, full of meals to be processed.Only my own clothes were left in the closet.Beads of sweat began to ooze from Xiao Fan's back, and his hands and feet instantly became icy cold.

She leaned against the door, looking at the whole room, not daring to listen to the gradually amplified and confirmed voice in her heart: She is gone!

32. leave

That night, leaving Xiao Fan's house, Liu Tong walked alone on the road covered with tree shadows, tears streaming down her face, she never thought that being loved would make herself feel so wronged.

The next day, she came to the company and asked the manager for annual leave.Then he opened the mailbox, entered Xiao Fan's address, wrote a few words, then deleted it, rewritten a few lines, and then deleted it.After thinking about it, she still closed the mailbox, opened the space, and wrote a short poem "Pets in the Circle".She felt that her self-confidence and bravery under the sun were not enough to counteract the brute force of the monster in her heart.Even under the care of Xiao Fanai, it is hard to become a pet.Liu Tong is deeply afraid that one day, the monster will burst out of the cage and hurt the woman who loves her.

After being in love for half a year, Liu Tong liked Xiao Fan more and more.Sometimes, when she quietly looked at Xiao Fan's busy figure, she would laugh out loud.However, Liu Tong couldn't avoid knowing one thing clearly, that is, the treatment failed.She had noticed early on that when the scars re-raised before each injection cycle, they became firmer than ever and spread faster.

The more he loves, the more anxious Liu Tong becomes when facing his body.

The more he loves, the more reluctant Liu Tong is to face Xiao Fan.

She was not willing to face the cruel reality, let alone face Xiao Fan's expectations.

She can endure the torture of more than 30 injections every half a month, the pain of deteriorating health, and the reality that hopes turn into ashes again and again.However, she didn't dare to imagine Xiao Fan's disappointment when he knew the truth, and she didn't dare to face Xiao Fan's expression of trying to cheer herself up.

No, she doesn't want to.In Liu Tong's world, love cannot be a burden.

Why, just because of such a simple word "love", kidnapped Xiao Fan's happiness and monopolized her right to pursue happiness.In Liu Tong's heart, this scar is a catastrophe that he must bear, and no one else has the obligation to bear it all.Especially for Xiao Fan whom she loves, Liu Tong is even more reluctant to let her accompany him through this endless dark road.

For love, she wants to leave.

Liu Tong is planning in his mind what to do next.The computer prompts that a new email has been received, and when I open it, I see the message that Xiao Fan is going on a business trip for five days.She sighed and said to herself: It seems that God is helping her, so leave quickly.

Looking back at the little poem I wrote: my eyes were confused, my heart was unwilling, and I fell to the ground with despair and grievance.well!That's all.Throwing all these aside and letting Xiao Fan walk out of here, any place will be a better world.

In the afternoon, Liu Tong went to the hospital to communicate with the doctor that he was about to go on a business trip, so he prescribed a three-month dose of medicine to take with him.She didn't dare to remove the hormone all at once, for fear that her body would not be able to accept it for a while.Then, I called my parents and said that I was going on a business trip for a while, and asked them to pay attention to their health during this time.When I got home, I sent an E-mail to the manager, voluntarily applying to go to the New Development Zone of ZhH City to undertake the preliminary work of business planning.

After all this was done, she let out a long sigh.She looked at the clock, it was 2:[-] am, and she had insomnia.

The next day, she received an approval reply from the manager, went to the company to go through the relevant procedures, bought a plane ticket, returned home, and began to pack her things.When she sat on the ground and looked at the packed suitcase, a great loneliness hit her heart.In the emptiness, Xiao Fan's figure seemed to be walking farther and farther away, her chest suddenly became oppressed, the ribs on both sides involuntarily shrank towards the heart, getting tighter and tighter, Liu Tong gradually couldn't breathe, She stroked her chest with her hands, panting rapidly, and suddenly, she cried.

I can not sleep!

The ashes of Huaguang's passing away burnt the back, and the burning smell made the greedy person struggle in possession and fear!

I can not sleep,

Think about the quietly floating Yunshang... Even the stored heart can be released in a soothing way!

I can not sleep,

The satisfaction of doing and taking is another kind of selfish desire, but the truth is concealed!

I can not sleep,

Thinking wildly, with twisted nerves stretching the frame, just indulge your thoughts cautiously like this!

Waiting, waiting... With my heart missing you, I went to the distance!

The author has something to say:

In everything that should have been borne by myself, there is one more you from now on.

So, I have another guilt.