Neverland

Xu Muzhou understands where Ji Yun's obsession comes from - different from the ordinary interval between life and death, Ji Yun also has a kind of "guilt" mixed in it.

The better off she is, the more guilty she will be.

Ji Yun is sober, she clearly understands that all this has nothing to do with her, it is nothing more than a joke played by fate.But the pain made her grab every piece of driftwood like a drowning person, and she sank into the guilt brought about by the "possibility", and made her blame herself for all the faults.

This mission is completely different from the last one. This mission is completely based on Ji Yun's own subjective thoughts, and everything revolves around her guilt, wishes and regrets.

It was the first time for Xu Muzhou to try to understand what "emotion" is in such a deep way.

But until just now, Xu Muzhou suddenly figured out a problem.

——What exactly is "remembrance"?

Xu Muzhou once regarded Memorial as a ray of soul similar to Sun Qian, who had no independent thoughts, was obsessively tied to this world, and waited for the obsession to dissipate.

But it wasn't until Yan Cen said that the "remembrance" is not here now that Xu Muzhou suddenly realized a problem.

The Ji Yun he saw during the day may not be exactly Ji Yun.

This is like a hub of mechanical connection. If you want to understand this, all the previous scattered clues will have the answer.

Whether it is Yan Cen or Xu Muzhou, they have never seen the will of "Ji Yun" himself.

When Yan Cen hypnotized Ji Yun for no reason, Ji Yun once told Yan Cen that there was a church in her dream, and the moonlight reflected on the bluestone road. tombstone.

Even Yan Cen had thought about whether this reflection was due to Ji Yun's tendency to self-destruct or some kind of psychological trauma, but he later denied it.

This contradictory inner world once became the focus of Xu Muzhou's research, until now he knew that it wasn't Ji Yun at all, it was Ji Yun who was playing "Remembrance".

Remembrance sleeps in her heart—that is her grave and her salvation.

Yan Cen said the wrong thing just now. All along, it wasn't Ji Yun who was affecting Memorial, but Memorial was affecting her.The subjective wishes of the two sisters are intertwined, like a messy thread that cannot be untied and separated.

"Your aphasia is not psychological trauma." Xu Muzhou bent down, half-kneeled on the ground and tentatively held her shoulder: "It's because you are with 'Remember', she can't speak, yes wrong?"

When Ji Yun froze, Xu Muzhou knew he had guessed right.

"Ji Yun." Yan Cen came over and stood condescendingly: "Do you still remember what your sister looked like, and what happened on the last day of her life?"

Ji Yun's throat choked, and she sat curled up on the cold floor tiles, holding her head in trembling arms, and tightened her hair nervously.

"Of course I remember." Ji Yun said stiffly: "I—"

"Describe it to me." Yan Cen interrupted her, and said without any refusal: "What was the last sentence your sister told you?"

Yan Cen was born with a convincing majesty, Ji Yun's fingers tightened, and the flexible hair wrapped around her fingers, leaving obvious red marks.

"She said, she told me—" Ji Yun trembled slightly, and said intermittently: "She said, she—"

"You don't remember." Yan Cen said, "You forgot her."

Xu Muzhou was taken aback, and turned his head to look at Yan Cen.

"You think she has no identity, no name, and the only evidence of her existence is your memory - but you forgot her, so you are guilty." Yan Cen said: "Because of this, you are so guilty, aren't you. "

"I didn't!" Ji Yun whimpered: "I didn't forget... my sister was away on December 2015, 12. I went downstairs that day, and there was a stall selling soy milk and steamed buns at the entrance of the hospital. Turn right and it is A lottery. I—”

Ji Yun finally couldn't continue, she covered her face, her lips trembling violently.

Yan Cen was right, she didn't remember.

Ji Yun has already forgotten which day it started, and she began to be unable to imagine the appearance of "Ji Ji", and the memory of "Ji Ji" when she was sick also became blurred. The sporadic pictures between the commemorations.

Those memories seemed to be covered by a hand. Ji Yun clearly knew that those things existed in her mind, but no matter what she thought, she still couldn't remember them.

At first it was the appearance of "remembrance", and later it was the scene of "remembrance" when he passed away. She only remembered that she walked out of the hospital gate in a daze, and first saw the breakfast stand at the entrance of the hospital.

The open-air steamer was steaming, eight steamed buns per basket, and the loudspeaker on the stand shouted "soymilk fried dough sticks and tea eggs". She remembered these innocuous things very clearly, but she couldn't remember the commemorative face at all. .

This kind of uncontrollable forgetting made her anxious. She tried many methods, but it still didn't help. Those memories that she was sure were engraved in her mind were indeed like quicksand between her fingers. Disappeared.

Ji Yun could only look for traces of the existence of "remembrance" from instinct. She deliberately let herself feel the pervasive emptiness and pain, trying to slow down this kind of forgetting.But this instinct was not trustworthy enough to be trusted by others, even in herself in the end.

——she felt that she had betrayed "Remembrance".

Countless straws pressed down on her heart and shoulders, causing her whole heart to fall into the mire, and the heavy mud blocked her mouth, nose and eyes. At that moment, she suddenly burst out with a strong emotion.

—It would be nice if she came back.

Then "Jiuan" really came back, Ji Yun didn't know how it happened, she didn't even talk to "Jiuan", she couldn't see or touch each other, but she just knew clearly that the other party back to her side.

Ji Yun once wondered if this was a mental hallucination that she had suppressed for a long time, so she saw a doctor, took medicine, and lived in a nursing home by herself.But as time passed, this feeling not only did not disappear, but became more real.

This made Ji Yun ecstatic. She once said that she was willing to pay any price for a "commemorative" life.If Remembrance's price for staying was simply sharing her body and will, that would be no big deal.

Ji Yun is willing to live in two worlds like "Remember" for the rest of her life, even if she never communicates, it doesn't matter, as long as she wakes up every day and can feel that the other party is by her side, that's enough.

— Enough is enough, there is no other wish.

"I remember it for you." Yan Cen looked down at Ji Yun, and there was a kind of complicated pity in his eyes: "The last sentence your sister said was...'Look for my sister'."

As soon as Yan Cen finished speaking, Xu Muzhou saw Ji Yun's throat rise and fall violently, scattered water stains overflowed from between her fingers, and dripped onto the tiles along her wrist.

— Tick.

"You haven't forgotten her, you're just sick." Yan Cen's tone was flat, simply explaining a fact: "Post-traumatic stress disorder - a delayed mental disorder that occurs after witnessing death or personal threats, Avoidance of events and selective amnesia are typical symptoms. Her death has caused you severe psychological trauma, and your brain has blocked this memory in order to prevent your spirit from collapsing."

Yan Cen paused, then said, "Ji Yun, it's not your fault."

Ji Yun let out a short inhalation sound, she probably was in so much pain that she couldn't even breathe.She closed her fingers and unconsciously clenched them into a circle, covering one of her eyes.

Big tears rolled down from her eye sockets, Ji Yun bit her lips hard, trying not to cry out.

Yan Cen has finished what he should say, he is not good at comforting people, so he pinched the back of Xu Muzhou's neck in this gesture, signaling him to be the finisher of this mission.

The hydrangea on Xu Muzhou's wrist started to move again, exuding a slight heat. The heat was no longer scorching, but was delicately balanced between warmth and enthusiasm.

Ji Yun really didn't forget anything. The matter of "finding my sister" was deeply buried in her heart. After a whole year of suffering, it was no longer the simple child's words at the beginning.

In the amusement park, the sentence that "Remembrance" with subjective will said to them-this is a belated request, and "Remembrance" also wants to find her original sister.

What's more, "finding my sister" is not only a desire to commemorate, but also Ji Yun's own. She also hopes to get rid of this guilt and pull herself out of the water again.

"I've seen your sister." Xu Muzhou untied the leather strap around his wrist little by little, and said softly: "She also told us this sentence——she probably didn't have much to say, so she repeated it. several times."

Ji Yun didn't look at him, nor did he speak.Xu Muzhou didn't care either, he took Ji Yun's hand, took off the completely white hydrangea pendant from the leather rope, pressed Ji Yun's hands to close it, and then put the pendant on the In Ji Yun's palm.

"Your sister can no longer stay by your side, but I can exchange one thing with you." Xu Muzhou waved at Yan Cen as he spoke, but the other party reluctantly moved a step towards him, letting Xu Muzhou He took out the printed photo from his pocket.

This photo was originally Ji Yun's own screensaver. Xu Muzhou originally wanted to pass this photo to Ji Yun, but changed his mind temporarily. He used his knee pad to fold the photo into a small paper The boats were all placed in Ji Yun's hands.

"Your sister is leaving, you have to take care of yourself." Xu Muzhou said.

Ji Yun clasped the two things with trembling hands, and her tears hit the floor tiles, dizzying a small puddle of water.

"Brother Yan." Xu Muzhou said, "Can you tell what a 'bridge' is?"

Yan Cen took a step back and reached for Ji Yun's bed with a clear goal.Xu Muzhou looked at his movements with his head sideways. He thought that Yan Cen was going to pick up the "Snow Doll", but he rubbed his hand on the cover of the picture book, turned around and picked up the "One Hundred Years of Solitude" .

Ji Yun finally couldn't take it anymore, she let out a cry, and raised her hand to cover her face.

The tiny hydrangea necklace fell from between her fingers and hit the ground.

For some reason, Xu Muzhou's mind moved, and a question that had been in his mind for thousands of times came to his lips so naturally, without voicing.

"Brother Yan." He asked in the gap of the corrugated world: "What is this flower—our 'bridge'?"

The frail hydrangea crackled and opened a flower on the cold brick surface.

"It's hope." Yan Cen said.