Collection of essays

My name is An Yige.

When I was very young, I suspected that I should not exist.

I seem to always be able to bring disasters to the people around me. When I was a child, my family also took me to tell my fortune. The Taoist said, my fate is the lone star of the evil spirit.

People who are closer to me are more likely to be unlucky.

So when I saw Lu Jiujiu, I subconsciously wanted to escape.

But just like fate, in the end, I still became friends with her.

In the end, she said she liked me.

I panicked.

I don't know if I like her or not, but what I know for sure is that I can't be with her anymore.

The Taoist's words are vivid in my ears.

I chose to escape.

I went to Sioux City and joined a relative of my mother's family.

My relatives obviously knew about my fate and kept avoiding me, and I knew it too, and tried to avoid their family as much as possible.

Like a, but a guest staying here.

Anyway, I've been a guest.

Anyway, I never had a home.

But then the accident still happened.

The year I was admitted to college, the children of my relatives also took the college entrance examination, but they failed the exam, and then jumped into the water and disappeared.

Overnight, both mother and father's family knew about it.

They see me as a scourge, that I killed the child.

I admit it.

Then I signed a severance contract with them, got enough money to last me five years, and left.

Everyone is afraid of death, I understand.

Later that relative also moved away.

I found a house near the school to live in. I worked every day, went to school, and wanted to go to Jiujiu.

I don't know how Lu Jiujiu is doing now.

Do you forget me or still stubbornly want to find me? When you think of me, you will smile with relief or still cry bitterly.

I have thought about many scenes of Lu Jiujiu and I reunited.

I don't know if it's possible.

I don't know if I should expect it or not.

I was afraid of harming her and my last hope in this life.

But I also miss her, I desperately want to see her, I want to know if she is okay, if she is... just like me, I can't forget her.

I struggle with it every day.

Until she came.

At that moment, I was really flustered. I checked my clothes subconsciously, and thought about what I just said countless times.

But only one conclusion can be drawn.

Too bad.

Lu Jiujiu cried.

Because I inserted the most vicious words into her heart.

I still chose to push her away.

I'm a scourge, stay away from me, don't come near me.

But I still can't help being soft-hearted, distressed, and sad.

I want to sing again.

When I am unhappy, I want to sing, make up some messy lyrics, compose some messy tunes, and then sing a messy song.

Just like me, a messy life.

I'm really a scourge.

Later, when I recalled the scene when I met Lu Jiujiu countless times, I always scolded myself like this.

I want to see her again, just for a moment, apologize, and leave.

But I don't know if I should see her or not.

Because I don't know if I will really be able to, and leave again with all my heart.

But fate always likes to be caught off guard.

I saw her again.

with her new friends.

Her new friend is nothing like a nice guy.

Although I have that money, I seldom touch it.I prefer to work and wander around in my free time.

So I've also met all kinds of people.

There are not many of her friends like this, but there are also many.

But just pretend.

It's a pity that I'm not the domineering president in the novel, and I don't have the ability to turn my hand into clouds and turn my hands into rain.

Then, something went wrong.

But I could only gather evidence aggrievedly, I couldn't hold back anymore, so I went to find that Xia Ye, put her in a sack and beat her up, as a way to vent my anger.

Later, she also learned to behave well, and did not leave alone.

I have no choice but to find a way to solve it even more aggrieved.

Fortunately, there are not a few people like me and Lu Jiujiu.

But it was too late, too late.

It was too late at dawn, and it was too late to solve it.

Jiujiu's parents are gone, the kind that won't come back.

I'm really a scourge.

I don't know if I should go to Lu Jiujiu or not.

I think I hurt her.

I am guilty, sad, heartbroken, and distressed.

During that time, I wished I could split myself in half.

Half, go to Lu Jiujiu and follow your heart; half, stay at home and follow your reason.

But in the end I obeyed.

Because someone told me, are you a coward or not? How can you be so sure that the so-called things you have said since you were young are inevitable and not coincidental?How are you so sure that Taoist priest is not a charlatan?How can you give up because of a sentence that you don't know whether it is true or not, who has been looking for you for so many years, loved you for so long, and believed in you so deeply?Maybe Lu Jiujiu needs you the most right now.

So I turned it on.

So I saw the long list of missed calls.

So I went to find Lu Jiujiu.

So I hugged her.

I am sorry.

I told her.

Everything is about to be resolved.

Do you want to be with me on the day of the solution?

I thought so and did it.

I said many things to Lu Jiujiu, and Lu Jiujiu cried in my arms for a long time.

At that moment, I just want to say.

What a dog' fart scourge, go to hell.In this life, I will never let go of Lu Jiujiu.

If Lu Jiujiu really left me like those people because of my own reasons, I would admit it.

But as long as she stays with me for a day, I will protect her and love her for a day.

It's not easy to meet each other, and it's not easy to meet again. How can we just waste it casually.

But I think we should let Lu Jiujiu know first.

I didn't expect her to laugh at me stupid in the end.

You are stupid!Silly roe deer!

I kissed her angrily, and finally looked at the phone under her reminder.

The opposite side has already hung up, silly roe deer!

After hearing this, she started laughing again, saying that she had never seen such a childish side of me.

I said, there are many more that you haven't seen.

I said, the rest of my life is still very long.

I didn't say, the rest of my life is still very long, just let me love you a little bit, let you let go a little bit, make up for you a little bit, heal all your scars a little bit.

I didn't say, Lu Jiujiu, you deserve the best.But since you admit that I am dead, then I will try my best to become the best for you.

I didn't say, Lu Jiujiu, I love you, from the moment you appeared to the moment you left.

The author has something to say:

Do my best, strive for what I expect;

if I get it I am lucky, but if not, it is fate.

modern