add to the chaos

The winter rain brings people nothing but cold.

It is not as good as the rain in early spring, which looks forward to the recovery of all things, the rain in summer will dispel the heat, and the rain in late autumn is bleak and indifferent.

Dongyu seems to be bidding farewell to the coming year. It is remembered by people with its dismal ending and biting cold. It brings unforgettable memories when it comes.It also seems to commemorate the good memories of a year.

It fell shallowly from a high altitude, and with the wind, it drew a slanting rain curtain, broke through all obstructions, and hit the ground heavily.

When it was splashing on the mountain, Li Tian was holding an umbrella, walking slowly with one foot deep and one foot shallow.

His face was calm, and he couldn't find out what he was thinking.

But I don't know if it's an illusion, but against the backdrop of the black umbrella, the person under the umbrella is dressed in black, his slightly pursed thin lips are bloodless, and the whole person looks even paler.

Under the shade of the trees in the mountains, the artificially built mountain road grows a lot of moss, which is even more slippery in the rain. If you lose your mind, you will stagger on your feet.

Accompanied by him is Li Xiaodan, the female devil.

Changing from the usual showy appearance, this female devil is holding the same black umbrella as him, dressed in dark clothes, and her usual loose hair is also neatly tied together.

She walked in front of Li Tian, ​​also moving slowly, her petite body swayed from side to side due to the wet and slippery mountain road under her feet, slipping from time to time, almost falling down and hitting him.

Li Tian should not only pay attention to the road under his feet, but also look at her distractedly, so as to avoid the headlines of the newspaper tomorrow with the reason that "a man and a woman sweep the tomb in the morning and fall into the mountain", and put a layer on this already taboo place. Eerie colors.

He lowered his eyes.

Yes, today is the death day of that man.

The man's death has always been like a thorn in his heart, reminding him of the mistakes he has made all the time.

Even if Li Xiaodan didn't blame him, let alone embarrass him with disgust on his face, but still talked to him with a smile, he still couldn't forgive himself.

At this time, the closer he was to the cemetery on the top of the mountain, the more restless his heart became.

Panic, timidity, and self-blame all poured into his heart.

The nightmarish gunshot reappeared in front of my eyes again.

"boom."

The man's eyes widened, he trembled all over at first, and then slowly fell down in front of his eyes in slow motion, kneeling on the ground, and finally his upper body was also attached to the ground.

In his eyes, the slightly tall body smashed on the ground with a muffled sound.

Under the black uniform, Li Tian could clearly see the dark red blood gradually spreading on his chest, the process was slow and cruel, and the blood color was shocking.

But before the man could even say a word, he slowly closed his eyes.

Then the young Li Tian's brain froze, and there was a long period of darkness in front of him.

The noisy shouts around, the sound of an ambulance, the smell of disinfectant in the hospital, and the increasingly stiff and pale person on the hospital bed.

That together woven into the nightmare that he had fallen asleep every night for the past few years.

From then on, Li Tian was still Li Tian, ​​but not anymore.

......

"Here we are." Li Xiaodan stopped suddenly and said softly.

Li Tian recovered from his wandering, and when he raised his eyes again, his heart trembled violently.

—The man sleeps in it.

The cemetery is right on the top of the mountain. I don’t know when, the surrounding trees obeyed the command of winter and turned into dead branches, lingering on their poor lives, withered and desolate.

Only the verdant green pines still stand on both sides of the road, washed away by the drizzle, and they are silently overlooking the people who died for various reasons in the cemetery, like soldiers guarding their homeland, upright and stubborn.

The thick clouds in the sky seemed to be about to press down, falling heavily in mid-air, as if it only needed a soft sound, and the rain would pour down.

Li Tian stood at the door, allowing Li Xiaodan to have a brief exchange with the guard guarding the cemetery, while he silently looked at the entire cemetery.

When the two walked one after the other on the stone road in the cemetery, the hard touch of their feet and the dull sound when they stepped on the ground reminded Li Tian that everything was not a dream.

it is true.

Four years later, he set foot on this road for the second time.

It wasn't the darkness in the dream that was so long that you couldn't see the edge at a glance, this time he really stepped on this stone road.

The stone road leading to the end of the dream.

I still remember that Li Xiaodan stood in front of him hesitantly yesterday, and he nodded before he could speak.

He knew what she was going to say.

Go ahead.

He himself didn't know why, but he took the initiative to pay homage to him.

Maybe it's because I want to find out what the end point is in my dream, maybe I want to struggle again in my unknown life, or maybe... I just want to see them...them.

But that doesn't matter.

From the moment he stepped on the first step at the foot of the mountain, he didn't know where he was.

Today is not a day to pay homage to the deceased relatives. The cemetery is as quiet and solemn as ever. From a distance, there are only the two of them.

Like Alice who suddenly broke into Wonderland, she seemed out of place with everything around her.

Even though he had never been here before, he still remembered the location of the man's cemetery clearly.

Walk along the main road through the third intersection, turn out at the fourth intersection and turn into the small road, count to the seventh tombstone, and that's it.

Li Tian's father and mother were buried together.

After the mother left first, the man found a home for his future at the edge of the woman's tomb.

They look very much in love.

But in the end, one of the two left because of giving birth to him, and the other left because of saving him.

In the end it was because of him.

Everyone else is right.

If it wasn't for his birth, they would still have a long life, a lively daughter, and a happy family.

Standing behind, Li Tian saw Li Xiaodan put away the umbrella and skillfully placed the things he had brought on the marble platform in front of the tombstone, and then sat down on the ground next to each other without paying attention.

Li Xiaodan didn't care about him, and actually looked at the photo of the man in police uniform on the tombstone.

Different from others, as a criminal policeman, the man naturally has firmness and integrity between his brows, staring at the front with a serious face, and a trace of stubbornness on the corners of his slightly pursed lips.

Next to him is a mother who only lives in the past that Li Tian has never met.

The woman looks gentle and virtuous, and is looking at them with gentle eyes.

It's no wonder that Li Tian's siblings are outstanding in appearance, the couple's looks are also one of a kind.

Li Tian glanced at it, then lowered his gaze again.

If only he hadn't been born.he thinks.

Li Xiaodan was silent for a while, and when he spoke again, his voice was hoarse and deep: "Mom and Dad, I'm here again."

The man and woman on the tombstone stared ahead, silently.

Sniffing, her eye circles were red when she raised her eyes again, she rubbed to the side, revealing the person standing behind, and tugged at his trouser legs.

"Look who this is."

Li Tian was dragged forward by her and staggered a step, like a kite that had lost its string, swinging randomly with the wind.

"This is our family Tim...Li Tian," Li Xiaodan said to himself, "I've had a good year, but I still can't find a boyfriend, please help me pay attention."

...

Li Tian listened quietly to Li Xiaodan sitting in front of the tombstone and talking nonsense for a while. After burning the paper, she stood up with support.

After patting the dirt and water stains on his body casually, Li Xiaodan looked at Li Tian.

Her voice was still choked: "Talk to them, I'll wait for you at the door."

The sound of staggering footsteps behind him gradually faded away.

Li Tian was still standing there stiffly, like a puppet with a broken string, unable to move without anyone manipulating it.

It didn't know how long it took before the sculpture-like silent figure moved.

He turned his head to look at the tombstone, raised his hand, and touched it.

As he thought, cold and cold.

Even though Li Xiaodan had carefully wiped the surface over it, it still grew on the ground without any obstructions. At this time, there was another layer of water droplets, which slid down the body of the monument. The intertwined stream of water looked disorderly and messy Unbearable.

Li Tian didn't know what he was thinking, so he just stretched out the other hand holding the umbrella, as if he was protecting the tombstone from the rain.

Half of his body was exposed outside the umbrella. Although the rain was not heavy, his back soon felt wet.

silent.

The scene in front of him almost became distorted again.

When his eyes became clear, Li Tian maintained his standing posture, lowered his eyes, and looked at the two photos.

There is a complicated light in the eyes.

After a while, I heard the voice of the person standing in front of the tombstone.

"sorry."

"I am fine too."

"I'll see you next time, too."

In the afternoon, Li Tian went to the orphanage alone.

As soon as he entered the gate, the little girl who had already known through the dean that he was coming had been waiting for a long time, and when she saw the person appearing in front of her eyes, she happily rushed forward.

Li Tian caught her hastily, held her in a comfortable position, turned upside down, and smiled, "Has Lele gained weight?"

Although the little girl is small, she has always loved beauty, so she is not happy now.

"No, I just grew taller."

Lele blushed, but she didn't forget Li Tian's hand holding the bag and looked over, trying to sneak a peek at what delicious food he brought her.

"No," Li Tian said strangely, raising the bag in his hand, "It seems that I can't bring you any more snacks."

While saying this, he opened the bag again, revealing a lot of snacks wrapped in No. 8 packages.

Naturally, she has eaten a lot of these things and knows how delicious they are. The little girl has her eyes on them, but she still insists on saying, "Give it to other children."

Li Tian teased her: "That shouldn't be enough to eat, but it won't be your share?"

The little girl looked hesitant, she pursed her lips, and said unwillingly, "Then I'll eat it later."

Li Tian looked at her, and his heart softened.

He remembered that Qiu Cen told him before that children are the most beautiful gift in this world.

When he came out of the cemetery in the morning, he was always in a low mood.

He thought he would feel better after seeing them, but in fact it was the exact opposite.

He sensed that some kind of verdict was coming.

In the dark, there seemed to be someone staring at him eeriely with eyes that see through everything.

As long as he doesn't pay attention, that person will punish him with the cruelest punishment to wash away his sins.

He desperately needed something to comfort himself, to leave evidence of his existence in the world.

So naturally, he came to the orphanage.

He didn't mean it at first, he just felt that the children in the orphanage were similar to him, they were all lonely.From time to time, help them do what they can.Donate money, buy some clothes and send them, or take Lele out to play.

He never took that as an act of "kindness".

Both are people who have lost something precious, they are the same kind.

It's just that those poor orphans lost their family, relatives and childhood, but he lost himself while losing these.

He really deserved to rot.

When I left the orphanage, the rain had stopped for a long time, the road was wet, and the air still had the smell of damp rain lingering on the tip of my nose.

Li Tian looked down at the puddles formed on the road due to the unevenness of the road.

Some puddles reflected his shadow, and after being stepped on by him, they suddenly turned into various fragments, and then pieced together other things.

Before long, the weather will cool down, and these puddles will be frozen.

It is difficult to spell out any shape.

It just makes the unwary slip and bruise.

The author has something to say: About Li Tiantian’s father, in Chapter 13, I changed the details to make it clearer. You can read it again.