deep crush

In the morning, Xia Han hadn't gotten up when Yuan Shuo went downstairs to buy food.

The scallion pancakes made by Lao Litou in the market used to be Xia Han’s favorite, and he has been clamoring to eat his scallion pancakes every morning since he moved here. Oh my god, it’s the best in China.

On the way back, I ran into Aunt Lin again, and when she asked about Xia Han again, Yuan Shuo smiled slightly, "He's leaving, maybe, he won't come back."

When I got home, Xia Han had already woken up and was washing in the bathroom.

Yuan Shuo brought the breakfast to the table, smelling the long-lost aroma, Xia Han felt a little sour.

"Eat quickly, it will be cold later."

After breakfast they went to Yuan Shuo's parents' house.

Yuan Shuo's mother resigned to her fate and sighed: "There is no way, whoever asked Yuan Shuo to recognize you, Xiao Xia, we can't casually mention breaking up again in the future, how good we Yuan Shuo are to you!"

We ate lunch at Yuan's house, and Yuan Shuo cooked two light dishes himself.

On the way back, Yuan Shuo suddenly said, "Xia Han, I apologize to you on behalf of my mother, for everything I did to her, I'm sorry, can you forgive her?"

Xia Han looked at him and said seriously: "I never blamed her."

In those years, the only person he really cared about was Yuan Shuo.

After returning home, Xia Han took a lunch break, Yuan Shuo walked into the guest room and took out a bag from the bookcase.

It contained Xia Han's ID card, mobile phone, and wallet.

The ID card was reissued after the accident, and Xia Han in the photo was once so strange.

There is no longer a photo of them together in the wallet, and all happiness has been abandoned by that person.

When the phone was turned on, dozens of missed calls and dozens of WeChat and text messages popped up.

In the five years of living together, Xia Han has almost no friends, and no one will call him except himself and Xia Juan.

At that time, I never thought of asking him if he would be lonely?

From the looks of it now, he should have made a lot of friends. In this world, there are still many people who care about him and care about him.

Putting the ID card back into the wallet, Yuan Shuo got up and went outside the bedroom, raising his hand to knock on the door but he didn't want to disturb his sleep.

He knew that Xia Han wouldn't lock the door, and their relationship hadn't broken enough to be on guard.

Gently unscrewing the door, he walked lightly to the bed.

Xia Han fell asleep, letting go of her deliberate alienation and indifference.

Yuan Shuo sat by the bed, put his mobile phone and wallet next to his pillow, wanted to take a look at him before leaving, but now he couldn't look away.

An ordinary face, he had seen it for five years.

I thought I was numb, but I still stretched out my hand reluctantly.

The uneven skin tone and the obvious hypertrophic scar on the right cheek ruined a handsome and extraordinary face.

He lowered his head and approached slowly.

Xia Han has almost changed after the operation, and it is difficult to find the shadow of that year.But those thin lips, and the charming charm in the eyes when he smiled, seemed to be...

Close to his face, listening to the sound of even breathing and feeling the most familiar smell, he couldn't help closing his eyes.

It seemed that his Xia Han, at this moment, really came back.

The four lips touch each other, and the soft touch evokes the memory deep in the soul, the throbbing of youth, the most beautiful years.

I love you, Xia Han.

The tip of his tongue pressed against his teeth, and he broke into the warm space. The rising desire made him gradually lose his mind. He pulled back the quilt and reached out to untie Xia Han's clothes.

Xia Han opened her eyes suddenly, looking at the person in front of her in panic.

He tried his best to push Yuan Shuo away, gasping for breath, his face flushed with shame and anger, and he angrily said, "What are you doing, wake up!"

Yuan Shuo held his face in both hands, with a painful expression, "Xia Han, Xia Han, I'm sorry, I can't let it go, I really can't let it go, we love each other so much, and it's obvious that life would be better than death without each other, Xia Han, I can't do it , give me another chance, Xia Han..."

He wanted to kiss him again, but Xia Han turned his head and shouted loudly, "Enough, Yuan Shuo, calm down, let me get up first, let's have a good talk."

Yuan Shuo kissed his neck excitedly, "I know, I know that you are angry with me and hate me. In the past few years, I have not cared enough for you. I'm sorry, it's my fault, Xia Han. From now on, I will definitely be good For you, just like back then, I will love you wholeheartedly. Walk with you, eat with you, buy everything you like...Xia Han, please, give me another chance."

"Yuan Shuo!!!"

He tore off Xia Han's clothes with brute force, and the shocking scar made him hesitate for a second, but he quickly posted it, "You blame me for not touching you for a long time, sorry, I might, might really be obsessed , I'm sorry, Xia Han, I won't run away from now on. Let's do it, Xia Han, it's been two years, I really miss you so much, Xia Han..."

Yuan Shuo's hands moved over his body, and finally covered his lower body.

Xia Han's brain exploded at this moment, and a flood of painful memories flooded him.

Qi Yun is an excellent psychotherapist with excellent ability in insight into people's hearts.She didn't have to say anything, she didn't have to do anything, she just used a small USB flash drive to completely defeat Xia Han's defense.

It contained Yuan Shuo's treatment records, and the audio files ruined Xia Han's five-year-old confidence.

After a terrible accident, he thought nothing could bring him down again.

But Yuan Shuo... the Yuan Shuo whom he loved with his life killed him again.

"Ah!!!" Heart-piercing roars made Yuan Shuo stop his hands in fright, and looked at the maddened Xia Han in horror.

"Xia Han! Xia Han!"

Xia Han waved his hands and feet desperately, and Yuan Shuo was knocked off the bed by his elbow.

Xia Han, who seemed to be possessed by a demon, jumped out of the bed, rode on him, opened his red eyes, his canthus were cracked, and waved his fists of resentment at him again and again.

Does he hate Yuan Shuo?

Hate, it should be hate, hate to the bone, hate to the depths of the blood, hate to the point of wanting to kill him for a moment.

Yuan Shuo covered his head to avoid his frantic attack, calling his name again and again in an attempt to regain his sanity.

One punch, two punches, three punches... until the bones hurt his hand, until the blood flowed from the man's nose and lips, until all his strength was exhausted.

He lowered his trembling hands stained with blood and stood up slowly.

He looked at the man lying on the ground in a state of embarrassment expressionlessly, a line of tears slipped from the corner of his eyes.

----"I have a lover, but I don't seem to know him anymore."----

"Didn't you say you don't know me?"

----"Every day, looking at that strange face, looking at the scars all over my body, I don't know, who is standing in front of me? I love, obviously, that talented and amazing The vulgar Xia Han, but——but why it has become like this. Do you understand? It seems, as if I am living with a strange person. With a person, I have no way to fall in love, walking in pain Go down."----

"Didn't it mean that I was a stranger who couldn't fall in love?"

Yuan Shuo lowered his hands holding his head, and Xia Han's sad words made his doubts gradually magnify.

----"I dare not take him to meet my friends and colleagues, dare not introduce him to anyone, even in the name of a friend; dare not go shopping or take a walk with him; even if I know my family doesn't like him, I dare not say a word for him."

----"Don't dare or don't want to?"----

----"……In no mood."----

----"Think he's ashamed?"----

----"...Yes. He is not the Xia Han I love, no."

"It's been five years, and you're the only one in my world. And you just feel that this kind of me makes you ashamed."

He never met Yuan Shuo's friends or colleagues, but he thought that he had a calm personality and didn't have many friends; he never went out with Yuan Shuo once, but he convinced himself that he should not force himself because of his hard work; His change, but he thinks that every couple and lover's relationship will fade after a long time, which is nothing.

----"I rarely have sex with him, every time I touch him is torture. Looking at those ugly, horrible scars on his body makes me feel, feel, sick."----

"Didn't I say that I already made you sick?!"

Yuan Shuo's eyes widened in horror and his body trembled. He remembered that Xia Han was repeating what he had said.

In the fourth year of living together, Yuan Shuo, who suffered from mental torture, received psychological treatment, and the attending doctor was Qi Yun.

During each diagnosis and treatment, he painfully recounted his feelings over the years.

He shook his head desperately, knelt down in front of Xia Han, hugged his leg, and cried bitterly, "No, no, Xia Han, it's not like this, Xia Han, listen to me, I... I Wrong, I shouldn't have said those words, Xia Han, I'm sorry, I didn't dislike you, Xia Han, no, Xia Han..."

Tears blurred his eyes, and Xia Han couldn't see clearly what was in front of him.

Yuan Shuo's words were like awls, piercing his internal organs, and he was so painful that he couldn't breathe.

----"Can you imagine the pain? Facing a stranger every day, you have to insist on imagining him as the Xia Han I love. Why is God so cruel, taking away the person I love, but giving made me a horrible monster. I'm really going crazy, I can't take it... I don't want to see him, hear his voice, breathe the same air as him, but I, I can't leave him. Because of that Damn morality, I must be tied to him. If I am not crazy, what can I do?" ----

"It's not that you don't want to see me, don't want to hear my voice, and don't want to breathe the same air as a monster like me. Because of me like this, I'm going to drive you crazy."

----"If, if I knew this was the case, how I wish, how much I wish, he would have died in that accident."----

Blood oozes from the bitten lip, and the bitter taste spreads in the mouth, "It's not that I hope, I died in that accident."

Xia Han, who listened to the entire recording, sat in the room for a long time with dull eyes.

As the sun sets, it shines into the house, and the room glows orange.

It's time to make dinner, Yuan Shuo will be off work soon, he has to prepare a big dinner, although he doesn't like it.

He lifted his feet and turned the corner before stepping into the kitchen.

He should wash his face first, his face is sticky, it looks disgusting.

Opening the bathroom door, he stood in front of the mirror, slowly unbuttoned his clothes and zippered his trousers.

He saw a strange guy in the mirror. He was really ugly. His chest, back, arms, and thighs were covered with hideous and ugly scars. There were burns, scratches, and dozens of large and small surgical scars. Everywhere in the body, the bumps and bumps are shocking.

Ugly, so ugly, so ugly.

It was so ugly that he really didn't want to look at it anymore, tears kept falling, as if a place in his heart was about to explode, the pain made him stretch out his hand to scratch the ugly face one by one.

"Every time I touch him it's torture... makes me feel, sick."

For five years, he thought that Yuan Shuo had gotten used to and accepted his flaws, and that Yuan Shuo, who loved him deeply, would not care about these changes at all.

His fingernails dug into the scars all over his body, scratching out streaks of blood.

"Ah! Ah! Ah!!!" The heart-piercing pain made him bite the tip of his tongue, the pain made him roar, and the pain made him burst into tears.

Yuan Shuo!Yuan Shuo!Yuan Shuo!

When he needed it most, Yuan Shuo stood by his hospital bed, gave him confidence, and let him persist in surviving Yuan Shuo.

Yuan Shuo who gave him the most beautiful oath and brought him back to life.

He digs his heart out and loves Yuan Shuo for nine years!

How could this be----

"I wish he had died in that accident."

Those words were even scarier than the explosion five years ago. Xia Han, unable to support herself, fell to the ground, enduring the pain of life worse than death from the person she loved the most.

The warmth of the past is vivid in my memory, but the person who hugged him yesterday and said he would never break up gave him the most ruthless fatal injury.

He didn't know that Yuan Shuo had lived in such pain for the past five years. During these five years, Yuan Shuo lived with the belief that he would die.

He, why did he want to become like this.

He put on the old clothes, flipped through the old books, learned to speak in Xia Han's voice, and learned to live in Xia Han's way.He didn't want to be a scorned piece of trash, but--

However, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't change back to the Xia Han who was outstanding in appearance, talented and full of confidence.

Why did he not want to die in the past.

It was Xia Juan's slap that woke him up. His father had chosen his life. If he chose to commit suicide, would he be worthy of protecting his father with all his might?

He cannot die, he is not qualified to die.

No matter how badly injured, even if born in hell, even if every breath is like a knife cutting——

He also has no right to die.

Yuan Shuo tightly closed his eyes, his fingernails dug into his palm, Xia Han's accusations pushed him to the brink of despair.

He finally understood the reason why Xia Han was determined to leave, and the reason why that person would never fall in love with him again in his life.

It was him who, with extremely cruel words, pushed away the person who once loved him the most with his own hands.

It was him, it was him who ruined the person he loved the most.

"Xia Han..." He still has no right to redeem, "Xia Han..." He was like an executioner, pushing that person to death again, "Xia Han...I'm sorry..."

He didn't know if he would have the chance to say these three words again, he didn't even have the courage to look up at that person again.

For more than two years, Xia Han didn't dare to recall this past, it was too painful.He has been trying to seal it up and started a life of self-loathing.

Regardless of spring, summer, autumn and winter, he uses thick clothes and a long hat to cover those invisible scars.

They're ugly, they're disgusting, they're driving people crazy.

The self-confidence built up in five years collapsed once, and he retracted into a hard shell, seeking protection.

Now, bringing it up again, the wound that was thought to have healed oozes dirty, foul-smelling pus.

They are each other's poison, they shouldn't see each other again!

"Yuan Shuo, your love ended seven years ago, Xia Han, the Xia Han you loved so much is dead, dead. I can't replace him, and I don't want to. Yuan Shuo, I will Please let me go, please let me go, let's stop hurting each other, okay?"

Xia Han left.

Taking all his belongings, he left this sad and desolate home without looking back.

Yuan Shuo huddled in the corner, with big tears falling on the floor.

An unusual sound suddenly sounded in the quiet room, he raised his head little by little, and seemed to see two people in a daze.

They pushed open the door and pointed at the empty room.

The bed is here.

How big?

One meter, eight?enough?

To be honest, one meter is enough, and it is comfortable to hug tightly.

Just don't buy it, it's not more comfortable to sleep standing up.

If you don't mind then, I'm fine with it.I unconditionally obey my husband's arrangement, how about it, I'll be good, and I'll give you a reward.

They embraced, lingering kisses covering the declaration of happiness.

From now on, this is our home.

The two of us, forever, home.

The tears became more turbulent, and all the pain accumulated in his chest poured out, and he laughed out loud.

Xia Han, Xia Han, Xia Han...

He stretched out his hand, but he couldn't catch the person who had turned into air.

He called his name in a hoarse voice, but there was no response.

The only love in his life, Xia Han, walked out of his life forever.