purple yellow

Live in Zhan Zhao, hug her tightly.Feeling that the person in his arms was trembling uncontrollably, Bai Yutang simply buried his face in his shoulder.Because he couldn't control the expression on his face.What's cold, what's resentment, there's not even half of it left, some are just self-blame and sadness, and I can only slightly alleviate the sin in my heart by gently embracing my hands.

"Let... let go."

Zhan Zhao trembled again and again, his face pale.

"Why? Are you really that annoying? To save my life, you can have no scruples, but now, you can't accept it? Cat, you are contradicting yourself. Since you saved my body, why don't you dare How about showing kindness and redeeming my heart? Is it because of the evil intentions of the cat? Is it really so interesting to play with mice?"

"I believed your promise, but now you say I'm playing tricks?"

"What if I never made a promise to you? Could it be that you wouldn't have given me the medicine with your mouth?" Bai Yutang felt the tight body stiffen again, and Bai Yutang was so painful that he almost crushed his eyebrows, and then blurted out the words But it is the exact opposite, the sharp sword pierces the heart. "You, you lied to others and yourself. What a hero, good brother! In fact, you didn't save me because you valued my life. You asked me to bear this burden for yourself and to make yourself feel at ease. You played me around, tore my heart into pieces, but threw it on the ground and ignored it. Zhan Zhao, you are so cruel. If you refuse to clean up my heart, why bother to revive my torso? ? This useless torso is just for you to keep, what use is he?!"

"Bai Yutang, what nonsense are you talking about?!"

Unable to bear it any longer, he grabbed the skirt of his shirt and threw Bai Yutang to the ground, raising his fist to punch that handsome face.But the fist was less than three inches away from the tip of the nose, Zhan Zhao stopped his hand abruptly.

"Hit it! Why don't you hit it? Did you hit your sore spot? You're welcome, but with your stinky fists and legs, it's okay to hit cockroaches, but fifth master me? It's not enough to watch." (Zero: Cough cough , A certain zero’s dictionary quirk is at work again, in fact, the so-called cockroaches are vegetarian...haha Xiaoqiang.)

Zhan Zhao's eyes were obviously full of strange anger, but his fist seemed to have grown to the top of the statue, and he remained motionless.When Bai Yutang realized that something was wrong, it was the moment when the anger in his eyes turned into emptiness.Zhan Zhao fell down, with blood streaking from the corner of his mouth.

With a loud roar, he hugged the person.Not to mention his heart, even his hands and voice trembled. "Cat, what's going on?" Bai Yutang quickly looked for his pulse, his expression changed, and he looked at Zhan Zhao in disbelief. "You...not only got poisoned, but also suffered internal injuries?" Roared almost heart-wrenchingly, "Then you still use swallows to fly all the way back to deliver me medicine? What if the internal injury occurs or the poison develops early? You idiot , you damn stupid cat, you are simply... How can you not love yourself so much? Your own life and death are so unimportant?"

After a moment of dizziness, Zhan Zhao looked at the anxious face in front of him, "I want to cherish myself, but there is a bastard who always makes me restless." Just when the other party was slightly dazed, pushed him away and sat up, he said coldly: "Bai Yutang, listen, next time you want to die, you can. Step on my dead body."

Bai Yutang never expected that Zhan Zhao would say such words, and he was completely dumbfounded.

"Do you hate me for saving you, or do you hate yourself? Is it because I am contradicting myself, or is the person who is contradicting you? You always say that you know me too well, but what about me? Don't you know enough about you? Are you Do you regret swallowing the antidote? Do you feel that you are incompetent and have nowhere to vent? Do you want to hurt me and irritate me, and want to give yourself a good beating with my hand?"

Zhan Zhao sighed softly, a color finally flashed across the sky in his eyes.

"So I will never hit you. Otherwise, wouldn't it be as good as you want?" Suddenly pointing to the entrance of the cave, he roared angrily and burst out of the embankment, rushing out a thousand miles: "You go down the mountain now, I don't want to see you again. Get out of here !"

"Cat...cat...you, what are you talking about?!" Bai Yutang almost rushed to grab Zhan Zhao.

"What did I say? You're happy after you vented, what about me? You said I never cared about your feelings, so why have you ever thought about me? Yes, I'm angry. You Bai Yutang is doing well. You have done what you want." I'm irritated. But I'm angry with you, not because you sting me and blame me. It's because you, a bastard who doesn't know what to do, actually abuses yourself! Your behavior makes me, the one who saved you, look like a fool. You don't care Myself, but I have to cherish for you. Since you don't take yourself seriously, since you are determined to lose this life sooner or later, it is better for us to sever the relationship now!"

Speaking of excitement, Zhan Zhao twitched, bent down, and immediately curled up, with a painful expression on his face.The bright red at the corner of the mouth has not yet dried up into blood stains, and new ones have gushed out to moisten it again.

Bai Yutang was confused, confused, confused and at a loss what to do.Going forward to grab Zhan Zhao again, he was so panicked that he was almost incoherent: "No cat, I... It's not that I don't love myself, absolutely not. You see, after drinking the antidote, I didn't lose my nerve and cut off my heart, did I? I... I... Actually, I am..."

Zhan Zhao was right, he was venting, almost unaware that he had vented in another way.

In fact... he couldn't control himself.

He actually understood that Zhan Zhao gave him the antidote by mouth, just to save him, and never had any other thoughts, maybe it was a sudden decision to do it suddenly, and he didn't even think about taking advantage of his feelings.But as he said, he couldn't help thinking about it.Because, how I hope, that person also cares about him a little bit in his heart.

However, the strong fist quickly shattered his fantasy and confirmed the expected result.

He... is somewhat unwilling.Because the taste of waiting was too painful, and it was too hard to endure... He finally couldn't take it anymore.Then there was a catharsis, and he unconsciously threw all the thorns that tortured him to the person he had sworn to protect to the death, hurting him deeply.

He is a bastard, Zhan Zhao scolded him well, he is a big bastard!

Hurt that person with yourself.She clearly knew how much Zhan Zhao thought of herself, but she hurt him in the cruelest way.

He stretched out his hand, trying to hug the man tightly.Ke Zhanzhao avoided it with a light effort.He stood up shaking his body, with a face of... fear.

fear?

Could it be that that person is already afraid of being touched by him?

His hands were completely frozen in the air, and he could only stare blankly at the man who had been retreating, watching him keep his back against the wall of the cave.Suddenly, his body slipped, and he knelt down. Zhan Zhao held his head in pain, inserted his hands into his black hair, and pressed hard, as if trying to scratch his scalp. "Let me go, Yutang... let me go."

Bai Yutang had never seen Zhan Zhao's expression like this before, and Bai Yutang felt heartbroken and unbelievable.He threw himself in front of him and shook him gently, "What's wrong with you, cat? Look up."

"I don't know what is right, how to convince you. Or, convince myself..."

"Cat?"

"I don't understand why you have that kind of feeling for me, it's so weird, I... I can't figure it out."

Finally, he forced the man to raise his head, only to see that there was only helplessness, boundless helplessness, in those eyes that had been shining with the most resolute determination.

"You said that I don't accept Longyang's love. Indeed, that's against ethics, but it doesn't mean that I completely reject it. It's just that you and I are not from Longyang. We all loved Yuehua, didn't we? It's only been two years, why did you suddenly become..." Staring at his hands in a daze, "Because of Zi Jin's medicine?..."

"No, absolutely not!" Bai Yutang held Zhan Zhao's face and forced him to look up at himself, "Listen, cat, my feelings are decided by myself. It has nothing to do with anyone or anything. Yes, I I loved Yuehua, but all I think about now is you. I just want to accompany you for the rest of my life."

"I remember Yuehua once secretly told me that you also said that you would love her forever."

"that is……."

"Sweet talk to girls? But now, you put Yuehua in the bottom of your heart and don't love her anymore. After only two years, you let go, so how can you be sure that your feelings for me are not impulsive? What you said Aren't words sweet? How do I know what will happen in two or three years?" Zhan Zhao looked at him seriously, "I don't doubt you. It's just that the world is unpredictable, and no one knows what the future will become. How about it? Yutang, choosing to fall in love is easy, but once the passion is gone, it will be extremely difficult to return to the past. I... can't take this risk..."

"So you deny it completely and don't give me a chance?"

Zhan Zhao shook his head weakly: "Have you considered more realistic issues?"

"for example?"

"There are three ways to be unfilial, and having no offspring is the greatest. Your elder brother passed away early, leaving no sons and a half daughters, and all the incense of the Bai family must be continued by you. How do you explain to the elders and ancestors in your family?"

"What about you? You are the only child in the family."

"So... always get married."

"You're talking nonsense again. You obviously can't forget Yuehua, how can you marry another woman?"

"I'm different. Both my parents are dead, and without Yuehua, I have nothing to worry about. What's more, the officialdom is even more dangerous than the rivers and lakes. I have made up my mind not to marry for the rest of my life."

"You don't want to marry for life, so can I. Cut off my family's incense, and his family. I don't care what others say."

"You don't have to care about other people. What about your brothers in the empty island? What will they think and say? They say that the fifth brother is normal, how could he like a man? It must be the fault of that stinky cat."

Bai Yutang roared: "I was the one who relied on you first, if someone dares to slander you, even my brother will turn against him."

"Are you fighting with one, or two, are you still planning to fall out with all my brothers because of me? The gain outweighs the loss. In this way, if you are a man in front of me, how can I be a man in front of your four brothers? Or are you really Planning to break up with your four elder brothers? This is not what I hope. Yutang, I owe you too much. I have made you go through hardships and dangers countless times, and I have asked you to live and die. I cannot let you lose even the most important things. Gone."

"Cat, my four older brothers all like you, have you ever thought that maybe they will agree with us..."

"Then if you oppose it, the five justices will break the love and justice, and there will be such an uproar in the Jianghu. Once the truth is known, you will suddenly be able to truly experience the horror of the four words 'people's words are terrible' " Zhan Zhao let out a long breath, "You can say you don't care, but I do. At least I can't imagine what the consequences would be if Mr. Bao and Mr. Gongsun knew about this kind of thing."

Bai Yutang rolled his eyes disapprovingly, but Zhan Zhao already knew what he was thinking, "You must want to say, fear in the front, fear in the back, because you are afraid that people will find out that it will be disgraceful. It's not that simple. Now everyone respects you." You and I, not only because you and I have the reputation of being a hero, but also because of our good conduct, we give convenience to others and leave a little bit of a thin face. Once you can't see it, ridicule and ridicule are trivial things, and pointing behind your back is inevitable. The most feared thing is They also make things difficult for others, making it difficult for them to take a single step."

"Actually, it's okay to keep this kind of private matter from others?"

"Sneaky? There is no impenetrable wall in the world. Who can guarantee that such things will not be seen through?"

"Excuse! It's all an excuse! Cat, why don't you just say that you still love Yuehua and you can't accept me at all? You assume this and that, and you evade this and that. The reason for the crooked thinking. Since you want to refuse, please give me a good time! Tell me what is in your heart, not vague words, let me listen to your truth!"

"True... words?"

"Yes. Just tell me that you love Yuehua, and then you want me to give up."

"You want me to say that?"

"What I want to hear is your sincerity. Directness is not cruelty. To me, your way of beating around the bush is the real cruelty."

In the constant shaking, Zhan Zhao was stunned, and looked up at Bai Yutang in front of him in a daze.

"Speak! Speak freely!"

His head drooped again, as if he was hesitating about something.

"Tell me! Even if you say that you will only love Yuehua until you die, I... can accept this reason."

His face was pulled up, and he was forced to look at Bai Yutang who was enduring the pain and was ready to bear the blow, his eyes were once again shrouded in dazed helplessness.

"Cat..."

"It has nothing to do with... Yuehua."

"What did you say?"

"I understand. Yuehua is dead, and that feeling can only be deeply hidden in my heart."

"That's...why...what?" It was as if he had found an unimaginable ray of light from the absolute despair, and Bai Yutang could hardly hold back the excitement mixed with urgency. "Then what is your reason? The reason why you keep rejecting is not because of Yuehua, so what is it?"

Bai Yutang shook his exhausted body vigorously again and again, and suddenly he developed strength, like a dying struggle.Zhan Zhao hugged himself and growled helplessly, "Why do you have to push me to this point, why do you have to force me to speak out?"

"Because I want to know the truth! I don't want to be rejected by you in a daze, and I don't want to fail without knowing the reason for the failure. Take it as... sympathize with me, pity me, whatever, tell me!"

I have never seen Zhan Zhao like this before, the Zhan Zhao who is always the strongest, the calmest, and the best at playing tricks in front of anyone, is trembling like a baby bird at this moment.Lost the outer shell, lost all self-righteous protection, leaving only a thin layer of membrane in the pure white heart, which can be pierced with a light finger.

"I...don't know...how...to love..."

The answer flowed out from between the thin lips.

Finally, I heard the real answer.

The answer is—I don't know...how...to love someone?

How can there be such an answer?

Are you kidding me?

Bai Yutang was angry, he thought Zhan Zhao was playing tricks on him again.She was about to scold that person viciously, but when she touched his eyes, she was completely shocked.

not kidding……?

Zhan Zhao, is he serious?

His mind was stuck at this moment, and he suddenly felt that he couldn't think.

Why did Zhan Zhao give such an answer?Does he really think so?Obviously, she was desperate to save him before, so angry because of his self-defeating?How could such a sentimental person say that he didn't know how to love?

wait... wait...

Think about it!

Cat, still love Yuehua?

Yes, Mao'er is a deeply affectionate person, unlike him, Bai Yutang, who can afford it and let it go, it's only been two years, and it's impossible to forget it so easily.But Yuehua is not the reason.The past, after all, has passed.Cat is not someone who will be bound by the past, he knows he will always let go.

So what was the reason for rejecting him?

Knowing his feelings for him, he still used the method of word of mouth, he said: "As long as I can save you, I will do whatever it takes."——This is such a sentimental sentence, and now I feel warm when I think about it.

He said: "Bai Yutang, listen, next time you want to die, you can. Step on my dead body." He said, "I'm angry with you, not because you hurt me and blamed me. It's because you don't know No matter what kind of guy actually humiliates himself! Your behavior makes me look like an idiot who saved you. You don’t cherish yourself, but I have to cherish for you.” ——So, compared with his own life and death, he valued his life more life and death? !

He said: "I don't know what is right, how to convince you. Or, to convince myself..."—does that mean that the cat also... accept him?

That's right, otherwise how could he think about those practical problems that he hadn't even thought about.He clearly wanted to accept it, clearly tried to get rid of the shackles of his feelings for Yuehua sensibly, and clearly could love someone...but why...he said "I don't know how to love" again?

The Zhan Zhao in front of him was still trembling slightly, as if he was still getting used to a gesture that was equivalent to showing himself in front of others.Look, trembling so helplessly, people can't believe that this person is Zhan Zhao, can't believe that Zhan Zhao will be so vulnerable?

Vulnerable... Vulnerable...?

That's right, different from the impenetrable exterior of the building, it is actually fragile and helpless inside.

The extremely hollow expression when he lost Yuehua made him almost think that he would be depressed.But he still stood up, always thinking that it was his strength, but in fact... maybe it was just because he was with him at that time, Zhan Zhao always reacted to others before reacting to himself.In order not to worry him, he stood up, but the scar in his heart did not heal...

Suddenly, Bai Yutang couldn't help but smile and hug the person in front of him, with a bit of bitterness, powerlessness and pity. "Silly cat, what are you afraid of?"

Are you afraid, cat?

Because you are afraid of losing after you have it, you are afraid to love, afraid to love, or even don't know how to love?

Silly cat, what a silly cat!

On weekdays, he seems to be shrewd enough to dissect the human skin to the bone, but hides the most muddled part in the cat's belly, putting on airs.

Is this the result of what you want, "Share the blessings and share the troubles"?Always bear it alone, always solve it alone, always swallow it all alone.

Been cheated, almost cheated to nothing.

I just thought that I would never be as good as Yuehua.Yes, maybe it’s not as good as it is now, maybe now you still have the obsession with me as a friend, but you finally let me enter the depths of your heart, no matter it’s because of love or friendship, you can’t drive me away up.

Cat, from the moment you start to fear losing me, you can never drive me away.

Afraid?Not only are you afraid of my life and death, but you may also wonder how long this relationship will last, afraid that I may be just a temporary delusion caused by passion, and that once it dissipates, you will lose even the most fundamental friends.

You, always hesitating and hesitating, cautiously.

You are too careful, and I am too careless.

I'm too impatient, aren't I?How long does it take to understand my own mind, and I want to force you to do what I want.Sure enough, it is the demeanor of the willful and impetuous Chinchilla.Don't give you time, don't give you respite.I thought I had been in pain for too long, but in fact, I didn't worry at all that you, Mao Er, were also in pain, and even more so.Because you not only have to deal with the present, but also to heal the wounds of the past.I'm still too impatient, right?

Embracing the person in his arms tightly, Bai Yutang felt an unprecedented satisfaction from the bottom of his heart: "I won't force you anymore, just let everything go as it should. But there is a promise, cat, remember it clearly, I will definitely keep it. I will live well, and I will definitely not die before you, so you have to live a hundred years, because in this way I can live longer than you. Remember, as long as there is a royal cat, there will be a golden cat. Rat."

Surprisingly, the shaking stopped.It was the first time that Zhan Zhao didn't push Bai Yutang away, and it was also the first time that he felt so at ease in that person's arms.

When Bai Yutang embraced Zhan Zhao, Zhan Zhao no longer resisted and struggled as before, and let him embrace him tenderly.Zhao Zhen's heart beat suddenly, faster and faster, but at the same time felt that the rhythm was different from this kind of heartbeat, and a certain part of his heart seemed to be constantly rising and falling.

He had already read the determination in Bai Yutang's eyes clearly, it was Xu Shi's lifelong protection.Although he still didn't understand why Bai Yutang made such a decision, but when he saw Zhan Zhao's fragility and helplessness that he had never seen before, he suddenly understood Bai Yutang's determination.

With his heart pounding, he bent over to pick up the scattered bear meat, and felt that it was time for him to go in.Unexpectedly, when I picked up a piece and put it in my hand, I felt a sudden chill on my neck.Slowly turning his face sideways, the light refracted by the long sword immediately pierced his eyes.After avoiding the light, he clearly saw Han Mengfei's long-lost reunion face.

The ups and downs of the heart suddenly fell to the bottom.