i have always liked you

After hanging up the phone, I felt like I was in a dream.

I didn't expect that my father, who never smiled in front of me and was not gentle to me, would confess on the phone.

Regret his paranoia for the past 19 years, regret that he woke up too late, regret that he did not do his duty as a father well, regret that he...

They are still asking me whether it will be too late to make up for it in the future, and asking me if I can come to pick me up next week.

It feels like he said more today than I've heard in ten years.

All I could do was nod my head in a daze, and reply him with "hmm" one after another.

I wiped my tears, not sure if my eyes were swollen from crying.

"You're crying too." Xu Ci stood in front of me, leaned over to wipe my tears slightly, "Is everything... all right?"

I put my arms around her and rubbed my face against her stomach.

"Should...well." I said.

At least it won't be the same as before, right?It might be embarrassing to go home, but it won't be like being in the North Pole...

In fact, I have no idea in my heart, I am afraid that this is actually an illusion.

I asked: "Cibao, do your parents love you?"

Xu Ci put my hand on the back of my head, and she smiled when she heard this, "When they first divorced, although I didn't understand the reason, they all said that they loved me very much. I followed my father, and my father tried his best to be a good person. Father, he did it later. As for my mother, she disappeared for a long time before, so I said she always felt owed me and tried to be nice to me. So in general, they still love me, but I I don't know why, I always felt that I didn't care about feelings, whether it was family or friendship, and I kept a light attitude until I met you."

I raised my face and looked at her, her eyes were tender and tender at the moment.

She pinched my face, with a smile on her lips, "So what can you say? I still don't want to see you holding back your sadness alone. I hope you can tell me. After all, we will all be together in the future. Let's go together."

I nodded, took her hand, and let her sit down beside me.

I thought about how to speak, and tried to speak in the most relaxed language.

I said, "Basically... I lost three people in my family when I was born, so they couldn't face my story."

It's very short, like I used to do Chinese reading comprehension to summarize the whole text in one sentence.

I looked at her sideways: "I used to think about other reasons, why I was a child who was not loved by my family, I thought about whether I was not my own, but in fact I knew that I grew up with them There are many similarities."

"Later I thought, maybe it's because they went to a fortune teller just like the ones on TV, and the fortune teller said that Ke Xiaoyu must let her grow up alone, otherwise her life will be catastrophe, so my father My mother was determined not to give me any warmth from my family, and on the surface she was indifferent to me like a stranger, but secretly she was sad."

I smiled, "Hahahahahahaha I seem to be a bit big-brained, but it was true in the past. I excuse them and myself. I don't want to admit that they don't love me, and I don't want to admit that no one loves me. My grades Well, the teachers in the parents’ association wanted to praise me, but they were not there, and they had a normal attitude when they called, so after one or two times, I told the teacher that I don’t need to do this again, and they I don't care. Other students will have their family members by their side whether they are improving or regressing, either cheering or getting angry, but I don't, this is one of my seemingly small but actually big wishes."

"My sister is very strict with me, but she is the best one for me. She would look for me nervously when I fell asleep and was locked in the classroom, although she ended up facing the wall after being taught by her when I went home."

"Everyone's emotional needs and requirements are different. For example, Lin Xi, her parents dote on her very much, so if her uncles and aunts say something that is too much, Lin Xi will be very unhappy. When she was adolescence, she even had a hard time with her parents. .But I haven't had that experience, because they don't say bad things about me."

My eye sockets became hot again, and I sniffed, "I haven't met many people since I was a child. I have never been to other cities except that my university is in City C. There are always advertisements about cars on TV. The whole family enjoys themselves happily." I drove to travel, talking and laughing along the way, maybe there was a dog barking in the car, it was very ordinary and ordinary, but that was the life I envied so much that I dreamed of it.”

Xu Ci simply sat over and squeezed a chair with me. Fortunately, the chair was wide enough. She hugged me in her arms like coaxing a child: "Good boy, don't cry. I'm going to take the driver's license test after I graduated from high school. I'll take you to play in the car, do you like dogs? Or cats, we can raise and take both of them."

With my face on her shoulder, I couldn't help laughing, and I said, "I haven't finished yet."

Xu Ci chuckled twice, "Then you continue talking, but I want to hug you."

I put my arm around her waist, "Later, when I got older..."

Xu Ci was surprised: "Wow, you are still a month and twelve days away from being 19 years old, and you are saying that you are older?"

She is so cute, I raised my head and kissed her face, "How do you remember so clearly."

"Good memory." She hugged my arm tightly.

The sun is shining softly on us, I feel much better now, I can't help squinting my eyes to feel the warmth.

I continued: "Later, I had to think about driving if I didn't want to. When the university reported, it was basically accompanied by family members. The most exaggerated thing I saw along the way was that seven people came from the family. There are uncles and others, and they all seem to be here. The girl was just holding a doll and carrying a small schoolbag. I was very shocked at the time, but I was a little envious because I was alone with my luggage and schoolbag. I used to sign up for school, and I didn’t I live in the school dormitory, so I don’t need to move things. The teacher asked my parents why they didn’t come with me. I just need to say that they are busy. When I was in college and I came to report alone, I felt that I was exposed to the sun and there was nothing to hide."

Xu Ci said: "That's when I first saw you, I thought you were super cool."

I laughed: "Cool what ah cool."

"Whatever, you're just cool." Her hand rubbed my chin.

"Okay." I said, "My sister asked me to contact them at least once a week. I called and sent WeChat, but every time they responded the same as before. She also said they missed me, but I always feel like she's lying to me."

I blinked my sour eyes, "But I just found out, she didn't lie to me."

"When I knew the reason last night, I seemed to have fallen into the Pacific Ocean, and I couldn't swim, I couldn't find my way, I was struggling and shouting, but in the end I was sinking."

"I used to keep thinking, or actually telling me, that I was the child they didn't expect, and I wondered if it was because I was a girl and they liked a boy? But no, because they didn't like My sister is very good, and I treat her very well in my eyes."

"However, this is not the case. My father said that they have been looking forward to my birth, but they just couldn't face me." I had a sore nose, "Ci Bao, do you know? They, maybe without me. I have never seen my grandparents, and they don’t let me go with them every year to visit the grave. Also, I have a little aunt. If they are still alive, the little aunt should be 35 now He is about [-] years old, maybe he is happily married and has a happy family."

"Could it be that there were other possibilities at that time, they could all survive..."

"Smile." Xu Ci turned her head to the side, and called me distressedly, gently stroking my face, her eyes were also watery.

I said a nasal "huh?"

"So you are very lucky to exist, you should live better."

I nodded and whimpered, "I know..."

She hugged me again, and I slowed down for a while, "So, my dad and they can't face me. Whenever they see me, they will think of grandpa and them, so they rarely see me and rarely communicate with me. But just now he called Said he was wrong, they were wrong..."

"I'm not that..."

Lin Xi said that she hoped that I could untie the knot in my heart. Now facing Xu Ci, I finally untied the knot that had been in my heart for so many years, and I burst into tears again in her arms.

If a person’s life is calculated by the age of 80, then maybe [-] to [-]% of the torment and pain in the first quarter of my life are in it, not in the body, but in the heart.

Confusion, restlessness, loneliness, silence, entanglement, all kinds of factors and emotions have become the me, the me that even I feel bad about myself.

When I knew the reason, I was flustered, panicked, and at a loss.

I was still panicked when I got the call.

But I feel relieved.

Everything cleared away.

Dad said on the phone that when my mother was pregnant with my sister, the little aunt said that although she didn't know if it was a boy or a girl, she could call it a cheer, and if there was a second one in the future, she could also call it a joke, and she hoped that we could live happily in this world.

He said that we forget all those things, and they only understand to cherish the truth in front of them when they are over half a century old. Let me give them a chance, I don't know if it will be too late.

It's never too late, I replied, crying.

During the late roll call, the big classroom was noisy because Mr. Xiao hadn't come yet.

Xu Ci still sat in front of me, the two of us sat next to each other, and the seats around us were empty.

From time to time, people around looked at the two of us, and then whispered.

Xu Ci tilted his head back a little, and turned his head slightly, "I know everything."

Playing with her hair, I replied, "Yeah."

"I feel a little embarrassed." Xu Ci said.

I asked: "What?"

"I feel like I'm being watched..." She blushed under the incandescent light.

I pursed my lips and smiled, "You are too thin-skinned."

she:"……"

She: "I don't see how much better you are than me."

I smiled and nodded: "Well, kissing you on the street has already challenged me."

Xu Ci: "..."

After it was over, we walked outside, and when we were about to reach the sports field, someone called my name.

I turned my head and saw that it was Chen Xing, with some classmates passing us scatteredly.

Xu Ci frowned slightly, and Chen Xing walked quickly to stop us.

He hesitated: "You two..."

Me: "What's wrong?"

He shook his head: "No, I just said a word of blessing myself..."

Xu Ci's eyebrows stretched: "Thank you."

Chen Xing looked at me and wanted to say something.

I also said: "Thank you, you work hard." I don't know what to say.

A few seconds passed.

"Ke Xiaoyu, I will forget you soon!" Chen Xing finally said it, as if it took a lot of effort.

Xu Ci smiled: "I hope you won't remember her in the next second."

Then she pulled me away.

I'm jealous again.

The author has something to say:

:-( I'm a bit confused

The next chapter is over

There are many shortcomings in this article...

Thank you for seeing now~

As for Che...

Emmmmm......

write only twice

For the first time, there is also the bathroom mentioned in the previous episode...

See you on Weibo

(what am I talking about!)